That was absolutely stunning. It flowed so mellifluously, I could almost feel Rose's heart breaking.
Another incredible one-shot!
Shelby.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love this piece still, surprisingly. Report Review
It was so well written and poignant, and I love the inspiration though =)
great descrptive language!Author's Response: Thank you! I am so glad you liked it - I'm a little bit proud of this story so it's really nice to hear such kind words! Report Review
This was so sad! But realistic, in that not all relationships work out, and even though you feel like it's destroying you, you know that ending it is for the best. In that sense I really liked this story, because it wasn't all fairy-tale happy ending. :)
I love how varied your stories are! They're simply amazing. Perfect amount of dialogue, narration and description. :)
p.s you must be tired of reviews from me by now! But I'm really enjoying myself going through your stories! :DAuthor's Response: Sick of you?! Perish the thought! I absolutely adore them, and I am terribly sorry for taking so long to reply!
I'm really glad you liked this - this was my first ever break-up story, so I always worry about it. Normally, I write sunshine and dasies, "everything is going to be awesome!", so this was a challenge for me.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review! Report Review
Oh wow. Really good emotion-portrayal. All hail Jellyman.
It was sad. Rose and Scorp can't always work out, though.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. Scorose breaking up is terrible, right? I can't ever seem to make them or Dramione stay together :( Haha, thanks again! Report Review
That was beautiful. I think it's so much nicer to read a story about break-ups between major ships because it 's something people don't dare to do- probably because it's more difficult than putting together a ball of fluff. I really enjoyed this! And I love how full your author's page is; if I had the time, I would read it all. I love your style!Author's Response: Thanks so much! The reason I actually chose a break up instead of the alternative is because I began to wonder why fanfiction is so different from real life - like, no one seems to break-up because they're drifting apart or because the relationship is strained. It always seems to be one cataclysmic event that triggers it, and then they can either get back together or find someone else who they're "meant to be with". I don't know about anyone else, but my life doesn't work like that. Anyway, enough of my rambling :) Thank you so much for such an awesome review! It really brightened my day! Report Review
This was wonderful! I really liked it. Even though they broke up, it was a great romance story. The flow was extraordinary, and I think it had a high potential. Your characterization of Scorpius was great, and I liked how you got into his head. On a side note, the song I was listening to (What Are You Waiting For, My Favorite Highway) fit perfectly with the story. It helped with the emotions a lot! Great fic!
--ron.weasleyxo from the forumsAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! I hardly ever write from a guys POV so I'm glad you think it worked out; haha, it's encouraging ;) I've just downloaded that song - you're so right! It really does suit it ^_^ I might consider changing the lyrics...but I do love James Morrison, lol. We'll see ;) Again, thank you so much for the review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Wow. Just...wow. I don't have good enough words to describe this, but I'll do my best. This was amazing and the best thing I've read in months. NO contest. All I can say is that this is marvelous, outstanding and just plain wonderful. This is the first time ever that a piece of fanfiction has brought me so close to tears. My favorite parts:
"The fading sun cast a dying crimson glow across the Scottish landscape, turning the rolling green hills into ominous, morphing shapes in the distance."
-Yeah. I'm a sucker for things like this. I love it when an author manages to pull off a scenery description like this and make it fit. You just owned that ability.
"Some love stories aren't epic novels. Some are short stories."
If you don't win the challenge it's a crime. Thats all I have to say. :D
So, at the risk of sounding like a complete and total fangirl, I'm going to end this here. Keep writing and do come back to my thread!
10/10Author's Response: Erm, so you pretty much got my head inflated to bursting point and a grin on my face that just wont go away. Thank you so much! This has pretty much made my week. I'm so glad it had such a strong reaction out of you, that was exactly what I was going for. And as for those lines, I always like to start my more meaningful one-shots with a description, so I'm glad you liked it!
Again, thank you for the amazing review and rating! I'm going to go find a pin for my head now :3 Report Review
This was real sweet. and Scorpius looses out in the end so it's a happy ending as far as I'm concerned. :)
For that matter it's a pain I remember well too.
I must admit to one slight disapointment. With that quote that RonsGirlFriday gave you I was hoping for a doorstopper :DAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :) You have a real hatred for Scorpius, don't you? ;) Haha, as for the quote being a doorstopper, I don't quite know what you mean...did you want them not to break up or that line to finish the story? Or neither? Haha, oh well, thank you away :) Report Review
Hey there, I'm finally here to fill your request. Life got away from me.
This was a good story. The emotion you portrayed was very real, and I could feel both Rose and Scorpius's hearts breaking throughout the entire story. It had very plausible reasons for them not being able to love, such as Ron hating Scorpius. There were no grammar mistakes or anything. Overall, it was very, very good. The pain was evident, and it was crushing to see how Scorpius wanted Rose but didn't love her.
~lllbAuthor's Response: No problem dear, I understand completely :) Thank you so much for compliments - I'm really glad you like it! Really though, it was a multitude of reasons why they broke up - no one clear defining point and nothing either of them could have pin pointed. I really tried to convey that. Sometimes love just fade, you know? And adolescent love in particular :) They didn't want it to happen, it just did. I'm so glad you grabbed those points, I really wanted them to be evident! Thanks again for the amazing review! Report Review
This was an amazing story!! Loved it :)Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it! Report Review
Hello, dear! Sorry it took me awhile to get around to this! School is pretty hectic with exams and all. :p
But this was amazing! You know, Scorose stories are getting a little cliche these days, but you somehow managed to capture the essence of this story and create your own characters out of them. They really weren't cliche or Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu at all! Well done!
I really only have compliments. Because this was fantastic. Not only the plot, but your writing style too. It was beautiful! The Broken Strings song went excellently! :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means so much that you like it! And your compliments are so lovely - I'm really glad you liked my characterizations! I tried really hard to make them a little different - have the story with them already in a relationship and all - and to have someone notice means the world :D Again thank you for the review and the compliments, I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh my. That was so beautifully written! :)
Sorry it's taken me a few days to review; I just recently had surgery and I've been taking a few days to recover! ;)
Anyway, your descriptions on how Rose feels for Scorpius is utterly amazing. Although her family doesn't like him, she is willing to try anything to keep him in her life.
I didn't seem to find anything wrong! :) So wonderful job; you portrayed Rose and Scorpius' relationship well! ^_^Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you liked Rose and Scorpius - I really enjoyed writing them! They're so easy to stir trouble with :P And I did really tried to pull across Rose's feelings even though it was from Scorpius' POV - it's so lovely to hear I achieved that!
Again, thanks so much for the amazing compliments, I'm really glad you enjoyed it! And I hope you have a speedy recovery! Surgery is never very pleasant :( Report Review
Hi, I'm Rachel from the forums here to review.
Let me just get over with a couple nitpicky things before I go on.
"She shook her hard softly"
and I'm thinking you probably meant: She shook her head softly. Not hard, because that doesn't really make any sense. :)
Another thing I caught:
Right here- You wrote: "It hurt more than I would have imagined to here her say that out loud"
You have used the wrong 'here' there. You should have used hear. Here means like Right Here. Hear- is when you are listening to something.
There were a couple other sentences and phrases that were worded a bit oddly such as the sentence you wrote about malice. I would reccommend reading them out loud and doing a read over once more just to catch everything. They were a bit awkward to read and reading them out loud will help you catch it and smooth it out.
I really thought this was a good oneshot, I loved the emotions you captured between both Scorpius and Rose. you seem to write this very well, and it seemed to come easy to you. I enjoyed your characterizations, even though Scorpius did seem different than I personally pictured him- that is perfectly fine because everyone else has different opinions. I really liked your descriptions opening this. They were really pretty and caught the readers attention giving them a visual to picture as they read.
I think this is a good opening, although there is some improvement to be made with wordy sentences. Other than that it was well written. One thing I think you could concentrate on if you are looking for a specific area of improvement is trying not to write so much specifics about hair and hands. You seemed to add a lot of detail about Rose's hair and hands and I think if you broadened it out and described other things it might make the story blend better. But that is just something i caught. I think it's a phenomonal start. It's very good, you clearly can write and I apologise with the tardiness of this review.
Nice job-. Good luck with your challenge.
and also one last thing I caught in your a/n it says: It captures what I tired. You wrote tired. Tried is spelled as Tried.
Other than that. Wonderful!Author's Response: Thank you for the review, first off :) And for pointing out all those grammar/spelling mistakes - I don't have a beta so it's really helpful when people point stuff like that out! I'll definitely fix those right after I finish writing this :3 And thanks for the suggestion to read out loud, that's one I have never actually thought of (stupid, I know :P).
I'll definitely take aboard the comment about my descriptions. I find it easier to describe hair and things like that, so that's probably why it comes across that way. But I will definitely try to broaden that :)
Thank you for all the compliments as well! They're really flattering :) So, thanks for the review and all the CC, it has been really very helpful! Report Review
oh, you made a oneshot with this pairing too? did my one-shot have a little bit to do with you writing this? *nudge nudge* i liked how this fic showed them breaking up, it got right down to the point and showed them kind of destroying themselves. good job. but i'd like to make a small correction, one of the lyrics is "you can't play OUR broken strings" - i dunno if this confused you, but in my one-shot i changed 'our' to 'on' because i thought it would blend well. i wasn't trying to necessary cite that specific lyric with my chapter image, lol. i was just speaking about broken strings in general. so i just wanted to mention that, so sorry if my fic confused that part =X
carrie! i loved that SATC movie. the scary part is that i can kind of see myself as every character, especially samantha...this scares me.Author's Response: Haha, it did :) I should credit you...I'll put that in now ^_^ I'm glad you like it, I tried really hard to make this different from yours! I hope it worked :) I thought, whereas yours shows a relationship changing and a new one forming, I tried to show a relationship just breaking down completely (as that is what the quote kind of suggested to me). About the lyrics, not your fault - I actually got them from a website so I blame them :) I'll fix that up now. Thanks for letting me know! Also, Samantha? I LOVE HER! Don't be scared - I think she is the strongest character on the show :) Report Review
Wow. That was a great start! I can't wait to read what's next!
Oh, and I LOVE Broken Strings by James Morrison. Well, actually, I love anything so long as James Morrison sings it.Author's Response: Thanks! Actually, it's only a one-shot, so I'm afraid this is it :( Glad you liked it though! Report Review
This story was really sad. When I think of Ron and Scorpius having a relationship, I think of Ron beating Scorpius wtit a broom, since I know Ron hates the Malfoys.This was so sad, I felt like crying after reading it, but I didn't. The quote was beautiful, and it captured the meaning of the story. I love it. It was sad though for me when I realized they weren't going to get together. I though they would at the end. But, that's what made it a wonderful story. The song at the end is beautiful. I love it, Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means a lot to see the feelings I was trying to evoke...well, evoked :) I was going to try and get them to kind of resolve everything in the end, but I decided that it was more effective this way. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
I meant to do this yesterday but I couldn't be bothered to log in!
I loved it. I don't think there are enough stories written to this piece of music. I tried (It may also have been Rose/Scorpius but I can't remember). It failed.
I think you captured the emotion of the two characters perfectly, and you made it link with the song very well. I'm not a huge Rose/Scorpius fan, but I really enjoyed this.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Oh my God, yes, this song is one of my favorites - I had to write something for it...and it just screamed break up for me ;) Also, that means a lot that you could disregard the ship :) I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks again for the review! Report Review
This story is excellent on so many levels. You worked in the quote seamlessly, so that it was just a natural part of the story. I like how you chose to tell the story from Scorpius' point of view, especially since I got the impression that he's very much like Draco - kind of a tough guy who feels he needs to be stoic and not betray his emotions. So I was able to get an idea of how both characters were feeling - Scorpius, because he's telling the story; and Rose, because her emotions are told through her actions and appearance. And I like how Scorpius' fear and panic are contrasted with him trying to appear tough and hard and indifferent.
What I like best is that this story illustrates the complex and messy nature of relationships and breakups. The fact that Rose and Scorpius are both, in some way, upset by the fact that the relationship is over, and they each try to hang onto it, despite the fact that they know it was over a long time ago and neither of them loves the other anymore - that's a fact of human nature - just because you don't love someone anymore, doesn't mean it's easy to end it.
And as they talked, there was a lot of missing information as to what exactly went wrong, and it sounded like they were talking about several different issues all at once - but that made the story amazingly realistic, since so many relationships end that way, with neither person being able to put their finger on one thing that went wrong. It's never as easy as, "He did x, y, and z; it upset me; I stopped loving him, and we broke up." It sounded like a real argument between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
I think you did a great job of capturing the confusion, frustration, and pain that result when two people hold onto a relationship because of the way they wish it was, not the way it actually is. Thanks for the great story! And keep an eye on the challenge thread in early or mid-August for when I announce the winners!Author's Response: Oh my God, thank you for the insanely fantastic review! I'll answer it in parts, so I can comment on all your points :)
Scorpius and Rose: This was actually the first time I have written from Scorpius' POV so it was an interesting experience. I had a lot of fun :) Rose, however I have written before, but this was a different take on her. I'm really glad you liked both of them, thanks so much for the wonderful comments!
Relationship dynamics: Oh my God, you got EXACTLY what I was trying to convey and that has simply made my day :D I love you :3 Enough said.
Dialogue: I actually tried to be as vague as possible with the dialogue just to show that there was no real reason for why their relationship had collapsed - that it just happened slowly and neither of them really realized it. I'm really excited you noticed!
Thanks for the great challenge that inspired this! And by the way, your third last line about how 'two people hold onto a relationship because of the way they wish it was, not the way it actually is'? That's exactly what I was getting at, and you worded it so wonderfully! Thanks so much for the amazing review! I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
Aww, that was so sweet and so sad! Rose/Scorpius is one of my favourite pairings so it's heartbreaking to see them split up, but I loved it all the same.
Some love stories aren't epic novels. Some are short stories.
This was the end of our story.
- I love how you fitted that in. Just brilliant. I also liked the song lyrics - aside from the fact I completely adore that song, they set the mood of the story perfectly.
My only slight criticism is that some parts felt they could do with a bit of... fleshing out, if you know what I mean, but overall I thought it was just brilliant. Wonderful job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Rose/Scorpius is a favorite ship of mine too, it killed me a little to sink it myself (haha, I made a pun :3). But I chose them as the ship because of the inherit struggles they are bound to come up with :)
I love that song too! It's so heartbreaking and I thought it really suited where my story was headed :)
Also, thanks for the critique, I actually like this story so any way to make it better is welcomed :) And finally, thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Awh, that was so sweet/sad/beautiful
I really enjoyed it
You're an awesome writer :]
xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it - I actually like how this turned out, so it's nice to hear that echoed :) Again, thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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