Great work! Love the construction and the way your ideas are intertwined, but just one problem. Maisy's too depressing! Could you bring out a lighter and cheerful side of her? That would be great. Report Review
I spent last night and today reading this and it's absolutely incredible. I have enjoyed it so much. I loved the lyrics at the start of all the chapters-- they really added more to the story.
Maisy Heart has to be one of the most original and captivating characters I've ever come across. (Especially when she's drunk. I was literally in hysterics during the chapters where she was.) The way she manages to be so strong and inspiring and human (you 'fuscia wearing slag bag!' - literally the best line of all time) is amazing. I was overjoyed when she got her voice back and got engaged to Sirius (though I kinda always knew she would) and I would LOVE to read a sequel if there's going to be one.
Your portrayal of Sirius was perfect and exactly how I thought he would be: I love how close he is to James and Remus and how they say if they die, they die together.
He obviously adores Maisy and he changed her so much- he made her the person she is now. I'm so happy they're engaged. I love Sirius Black too!
James, Remus and Lily were all perfect as well. I've read many fanfics where Lily is very shouty and bossy which I don't really like, but you mixed it perfectly with her maternal-ness (whatever, I can't think of the right word!) towards Maisy. Also, her cravings for granola bars and frozen peas? Hilarious.
James had me in stitches. ("If we were gay, you'd fancy me, right? RIGHT?) The ending, where he hadn't prepared a speech reminded me of Harry and his reluctance and shyness towards speaking in front of a large group, even though he's very confident. Anyway, he was amazing.
Remus was great even though he had quite a small part. I really admired how he got over his little crush on Maisy for Sirius.
Peter... Urgh. He's so disgusting I'm not going to say too much on him, but you wrote him really well.
I think you might want to go over the Death Eater scenes a bit though. They were undoubtedly very good, but in some cases a bit rushed and over-dramatic. Ruby's thoughts might need to be a bit more serious. She was a bit jokey in them.
Ah yes, Ruby. Weirdo. She went to such lengths to try and get Sirius! Was she mental? Still, I'm glad Maisy was able to stand up to her.
Just one tiny fault- Lucius and Narcissa were five years older than the Marauders so wouldn't have been at Hogwarts with them- unless they were sneaked in for their meetings? Have I got that wrong?
Anyway, if you were intending on having them attending Hogwarts at the same time, you should probably make a quick A/N saying it's artistic license.
I did notice quite a few typos- e.g.,"wont" instead of "won't" and some unnecessary commas, so you might want to go back through and edit those. They weren't enough to detract from the overall brilliance of the story, but your writing would be more polished withouth them. I know what it's like though, I'm always making typos!
This story, though, was amazing. I love the ending, which was nice and light-hearted considering the times they lived in. James's last line was incredible.
I have so enjoyed it and I give it 10/10.
Miss Moneypenny x :-) Report Review
I don't think I've ever cheered on any character finally getting the love of their life... But this story! Wow... Cheering, crying, cooing, every step of the way!! :-) It's an amazing story... Report Review
Ok, that last line was just so sweet!!!
Love the way the story's going, especially the closeness that they share. Report Review
Okay, I officially hate you for the prologue. I assumed it was all building up to that and I was ready for a heartbreak story! That said, it was lovely not to, I fell in love with Maisy and the Marauders all over again, even though I don't usually like Marauder stories! Congrats. It was an amazing story :) Report Review
I really really like this story. I just feel like Maisy isn't in the right house. I know we don't know exactly what's going on in her life right now, but with self-dialogue, it might be able to be shown to the readers. So basically like Maisy talking to herself. I do, however think that this is how Lily would react I always pictured her as frantic and very protective. I really like this though!Author's Response: Thank you, appreciated :) x Report Review
Awesome that all I can say cant wait to find out whats with Maisy!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I appreciate it! :) Report Review
A) I love this story
B) I LOVE SIRIUS!! oh, and James
Great job, good balance of good, bad and romance, I'm glad Maisy can talk again!
KEEP WRITING :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! WHO DOESN'T LOVE SIRIUS? I adore him too much... I intend to keep writing and finish this soon! ilj xo Report Review
THANK GOD! Ive been waiting for that to happen ;)Author's Response: Haven't we all! Love a little bit of fluff! :) ilj xo Report Review
Im sorry but i couldn't stop laughing at the end part :D still has me going :D Bellatrixtonks Author's Response: I'm glad, thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Making me cry?thanks :PAuthor's Response: Aww, I didn't mean to. Funnily enough it was easy to write the feelings for losing a parent, because it's something that I fear. To anyone who has lost a parent, I apologise if everything is wrong. Report Review
Supercool!!:) I really like this story, and I've read it in two days...:O Hope you have written a sequel, but this is the best ending to this story!! You've written a really good story, all the plot lines are good, the characters too, and I love how you've set the first characters!:)
Really great, keep on writing!!Author's Response: Aw, Faith177 you've made my year! I haven't written since April and reading this is inspiring me to keep going. Thank you x Report Review
hey, do u like have a thing for Greek Mythology, cuz uve made a lot of references to it throughout the story :) i LOVE greek mythology, which is why im asking :) I LOVED LOVED LOVED this chapter by the way, along with the rest of the story so far!Author's Response: Thanks hon. Greek mythology is what my friend is into, so it rubs off on me! Report Review
i like it a lot u should rite mor storesAuthor's Response: thank you x Report Review
i like story it make me want to read more cuz it good and i like it write more stuff cuz it goodAuthor's Response: no problem, am writing as we speak x Report Review
Oh crap, dude.
Oh, and you do know that she's not supposed to be pregnant with Harry till she's 19, right? She has him when she's 20.
And he's supposed to be born in July.Author's Response: He is born in July... and also, the 20 thing freaked me out a bit and I wanted to show teenage pregnancy in a story and combine relationships and friendships. I know it's controversial but it's a different approach :) sorry if you've disliked the change x Report Review
I knew she was pregnant. Big boobs, eating all the time. Yepp. Anger. Mood swings.Author's Response: I did make it obvious with anvil size hints:) Report Review
It's all good. I'm in love with him too.Author's Response: I've never stopped! hehe Report Review
Aww. I love that last line.Author's Response: Thankyou! Report Review
I don't understand why she is blaming him in particular... especially when he doesn't even talk to his family and she knows that.. hopefully she snaps out of it!Author's Response: She needs someone to blame though, it's sad but she's grievingx Report Review
So I really like this story and it's sad about her mom and all.. but she seems to cry about every little thing.. and she kinda seems like a helpless baby. I just hope she'll snap out of it and grow from it. And be more happier! Still a good job though!Author's Response: She will! She has to grow. This story is all about everyone growing up one way or another Report Review
So far it seems good! Only thing I would say is it seems kind of choppy and kind of bounces around a lot. Good job though!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Okay, i totally LOVED this one, it's really great. AWESOME even. And the end sentence? Do i detect pirates of the carribean? It fits great, extraordinary, simply perfect Author's Response: Thankyou! :) Report Review
Wow, I wasn't gonna review till a bit later but i have to say, it takes me so long to read each chapter because i have to recover from laughing fits! The 'jokey' bits are really really funny! :DAuthor's Response: i'm glad you like my awful sense of humour ;) someone has to! x Report Review
exactly how ipictured it :)
maurauders, best friends, and brothers.
perfect.Author's Response: Aw I'm so glad you're impressed! Thankyou for reviewing x Report Review
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