Reading Reviews for Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by notreallyblonde44 Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

16th July 2009:
Hey babycakes93, it's notreallyblonde44 here for the reviewingness of reviews, hope this helps in future endeavors :) I really love your banner btw, very enticing to a story I must admit.

'She closed her eyes for, although longer than a blink, yet not long enough to imply drowsiness, but it was enough.' -she closed her eyes for a second? Minute? Seems like an actual increment of time should be given.

As for the opening of the one-shot I'm not too keen on starting with physical descriptions since those are sort of a commonplace description to have. Don't get me wrong I like to know what characters look like, but there is a way to integrate their looks into the story so it all doesnít come right at the reader in one line.

'However, my thoughts were as transparent to her as hers are to me and she knew the cold hatred I was, at that moment, harboring for her as I smiled faintly at her, leaning forward to brush my lips to the smooth skin on her forehead, even as my body screamed with protest.' -*takes breathe* This is a rather long sentence. Often you seem to connect your sentences with commas to create this flow that usually works with your narration style. However, sometimes it's too much and takes away from the story progression. I suggest reading your story out loud or look for times when multiple commas are good and necessary and when it isn't.

'An assorted group of Slytherin's most looked-up to' - Your narrative language is noble more so than not, so looked-up to doesn't flow to me. Most prestigious? Also the word assorted makes them sound like a bag of candy or something lol

'much like I,' -much like myself

'that aspect of her that so unnerved me, and make me, in turn, remember the things I lave about her;' -love? Hate? It's a mixture of the two on the page lol

Also, hate to point this out but Regulus didn't attend school at the same time Bellatrix and company did...

Overall, I understood and saw your scenery perfectly. There were no awkward transitions. And the plot was very realistic and enjoyable. But I didn't like that the entire one-shot revolved around seeing the same thing twice, but from two perspectives. Although I understood why you choose to write the one-shot this way: I definitely was able to see that they had a great relationship and were intuitive and similar (which are all positives). I felt that Regulus said exactly what Diana said, so there wasn't anything different going on in the second section.

Also, the narrative style didn't change although you were in the minds of two total distinct and different characters. You hit Regulus dead on, but I would have personally loved to have seen Diana come to life a bit more in her section. Oh and I liked the fact that all Diana and Sirius had was friendship. Everyone typically goes too far and makes their OCs date both Black brothers and that's sickening when it occurs time and time again. So thanks for a refreshing take and a good view at a couple that has a future together!

Best,
Lisa

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Review #2, by Wierdy Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

24th June 2009:
I enjoyed this. Regulus seems believable to me, as does your Oc, Diana. Great job! :]

10

Alex

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm gald! Thanks for the review!

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Review #3, by Phoenix_Flames Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

26th May 2009:
Awww, hello, Angela dear!

This was beautiful! Absolutely beautiful and amazing. Astounding. Well done! At the beginning, you had me so into the story. I was compelled and dying to read as fast as I could. Not only was the plot becoming more interesting, but you wrote it so beautifully! Absolutely beautiful!

It felt like poetry! :D

It was fantastic and I have nothing else to say other than that. Brilliant job!

9/10

Author's Response: Hey again Drue, hun!
Ahh! Thank you sooo much! Your reviews always make my day! Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed this so much as well! :)
Wow, I'm beyond flattered, thank you!!!
I cannot say thank you enough, this review was such a compliment. :) Thanks for all your time and effort too!


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Review #4, by blackhands Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

24th May 2009:
you asked me to review, so here i am ^.^

i liked it. the flow was...generally nice, if that word
is appropriate enough. i like how you didn't rush anything,
you took your time with getting to your main point,
just to build up the readers tension (whether that was
intentional or not, great job).

another thing i liked that i didn't think i would was how
you barely used their names and instead used words
not commonly used in stories nowadays. it made things
more mysterious, secretive, which was basically your
whole story. the way it was written, i cannot describe
really how it made me and others feel...

like there was something missing, perhaps? you left
a lot to the imagination, which i enjoy. you didn't hound
us with too many details or give away everything in the
first few sentences. you drew it out and in some cases
did not reveal anything at all; it makes me wish there
were more chapters.

your vocabulary was easy to understand, i love reading
stories where the author knows how to use words properly.
it was a nice change for me, considering the stories i
read are lacking applicable vocabulary, if any at all.

another thing i liked was the lack of dialogue. i feel more
is understood when it is the character who is thinking it
throughout. i liked the two sides of it; most would only
give us one. it was interesting to read what diana was
thinking while regulus was thinking. entertaining, to say
the very least.

i gave you a 9 / 10 just because it's a one shot; i would
have loved to keep going on with the chapters :]

amazing job.

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much, that review really made my day!
I'm glad you thought my flow was good, that it wasn't boringly drawn out and tedious. :)
I'm happy you liked that, it was something I really worked on in this story. I always get bored reading stories that are like: "Regulus said, Diana said, Regulus did, Diana did." you know? I think reading the names over and over gets boring, so I'm glad that you thought that added to the story.
Yeah, I kind of tried to keep it mysterious and such, it was a fun way to write. :) Wow, that's a huge compliment that you wanted more, I'm happy you like it that much.
Thanks, this was a story I couldn't really work much dialogue in, nor did I want to. I'm glad that worked out well. :)
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm sooo happy you liked this so much! This review really made my day. Thanks for all your time and effort in reviewing my story!


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Review #5, by Tinkerbell01 Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

17th May 2009:
Hello, Angela dear! ^_^

You have such an amazing story here! I love the way you describe Regulus' and Diana's (?) feelings for each other! Wonderfully done! :) Your OC seems far from Mary-Sue and that's hard to pull off; great job! I did notice one or two spelling mistakes, but nothing to take away from the story!

Feel free to request anything else of yours in my thread dearest! Looking forward to reading more of your work! :D

Hugs,
Alicia

Author's Response: Alicia!
Thank you sooo much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this, I was worried it secretly sucked.haha. Good, good. I'll look over it for those spelling mistakes as well. :)
Oh, I will! And I'll try to get going on mine as well...I have verrry limited internet access right now...:(
Thanks so much for all your time and effort! XD


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Review #6, by Stella Nightingale Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

9th May 2009:
Hi ... Laur here from the forums with your review.
I really enjoyed this I think I really enjoy reading Regulus as a character and it was really cool to seem them both portrayed. the descriptions and characters were great and I really thought you did an excellent job!



Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much! I love Regulus too, I don't think there's enough of him in fics. :) Thank you so much and thanks for the review and your time!

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Review #7, by emerald_moons Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

7th May 2009:
Hello there!

This is very well written, I love how you show both sides, how they are stuck in this love/hate that neither will speak of. Sometimes showing the same scene from different views can be annoying and boring, but how you did it was wonderful.

On your worries, I think you are perfectly fine. I like how you went into their heads; it was very intriguing. Diana was done nicely: she fit what the purebloods are supposed to be on the outside, feeling more deeply on the inside. Good job!

~Emmy

Author's Response: Hey Emmy! XD Thank you so much! I'm glad that it wasn't a tedious read and that my OC was believable in her role as a pureblood! Thanks a million for the wonderful review and for your time and effort in reading my story! :)

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Review #8, by elladora Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

6th May 2009:
I really like it. I loved the way you portrayed them and I would advise you a banner so that more people would read this awesome story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm actually in the process of getting a banner right now! :) Thanks for the awesome challenge, it was so much fun!

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