Reading Reviews for Portmanteau
55 Reviews Found

Review #1, by soccerchicka2421 Chapter Six: Restricted

10th June 2013:
I was so happy to come across this story of yours. I truly am loving this story thus far. I noticed on your page that you have abandoned this story. Is there an possibility that you might come back to it? Here's hoping you do!

Author's Response: Thank you, sc! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Sadly, I don't have any plans at the moment to return to it, but maybe one day. I have a couple of WIPs I'd like to complete first, but maybe after that. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #2, by Mags2421 Chapter Six: Restricted

10th June 2013:
This story is so intriguing. I'm so sad to see that I have blown through your last seven chapters and to realize that there are no more to read at the current time. I can't wait till the next installment comes out. Keep up the great work.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Mags. I'm so glad you liked it!

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Review #3, by sleepless_nights Chapter Six: Restricted

19th October 2011:
I think this story is amazinly good. It really stands out because of it's unique storyline and the built up of the charakters is very well.
You're writing is awesome. I would love to read new chapters! This is to good to give it up! :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much. I never even noticed anyone was reading/reviewing this anymore. I've moved on to a new story right now but I certainly appreciate the comments. It really means a lot as this was my first story. Maybe I'll find a way to pick it up again one day.

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Review #4, by Drecklin Prologue: Fire

12th August 2011:
Do you have any idea how excited I am to read a Charlie story? Well, if you don't, it is very, very excited. I love Charlie, and I can already tell I am going to love this story. So much of it is shrouded in mystery that I just want more and more [Which won't be too hard with the next chapters, will it? :P] and that mystery is very appropriate for a prologue. Everything about this chapter just screams at me that this is going to be a great story- the writing, the plot, the characters so far. You have done a brilliant job!

I really can't wait to read more, especially find out why the Death Eaters were visiting the village, and why they knew Romanian :P

Anyways, fabulous story, you've done an amazing job so far to draw me in as a reader!

Forum Name: Drecklin
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Aww, thanks Drecklin. I'm glad you liked it. I've always had a bit of a thing for Charlie myself. It's always good to know he has other fans out there!

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Review #5, by Alopex Chapter Six: Restricted

22nd August 2010:
So wait a sec? Did Charlie leave Kate in that room? Or was she able to leave? I'm a bit confused. If he took down her address and said he'd be in touch soon (I was assuming a day or two later), that sort of implies she's being sent off, right? Or is she supposed to sit there for a few hours while he scrounges up some information?

At any rate, it seemed like he knew a lot more than he was letting on. Unrelated, my foot. I wonder what's so suspicious about a budgetary review? Obviously, there's a lot more going on underfoot than it appears at first. I am very curious now! Why would her wand be suddenly restricted? Could it be related to the records she's been reading? Has she suddenly gotten too close to some information? Hm.

I was amused that she was told she could fill out a form and wait a few weeks. So true! And chances are, they'd lose the form, or she'd be required to supply additional information. It always seems to work that way. I had a feeling that Charlie would be the one to come interrogate her, but I also feel that may work to her advantage . . . maybe he's going to be motivated to help her? Then again, maybe it won't make a difference. Just seems like it could be advantageous for Kate.

Author's Response: Oh, no. Did I cut the end of this chapter too much? I did some major re-works a few months ago and may have deleted something important. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll make sure to clarify at the very least.

I'm glad all the odds and ends are at least helping to build up the plot. I feel stuck with this story even though there are supposed to be a lot of pushes and pulls. Maybe if I just stick with those I can get it going again.

Thank you another ten times over for all your reviews. I really appreciate them greatly.

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Review #6, by Alopex Chapter Five: Reluctance

22nd August 2010:
Perhaps I should go back and read the prologue. I did figure out, from Charlie's comments and Kate's thoughts, when the prologue was in relation to the rest of the story, but it's been so long I can't remember much from the prologue. Well, you've summarized it here to some extent, anyway.

I think you did an excellent job at capturing the awkwardness that occurs when you encounter someone you haven't seen in a long time--especially when the situation is more complicated than simply bumping into someone you know but never were close with.

Charlie as an auror? Interestingly enough, he and George are the two surviving Weasleys that I've never pictured as aurors. The rest, I can see it somehow. I guess I just mentally peg Charlie as the dragon guy and leave it at that. However, given how involved his family was in the fight against Voldemort, and the family connections in the Ministry . . . I do think it's plausible that he'd experience a certain pull or pressure.

Author's Response: I never really liked this chapter very much, but I'm glad at least the discomfort of their encounter read well. You're right in a lot of ways about the Auror bit. It still feels a bit cliche to me, even knowing where the plot is supposed to go and that there is a better explanation for it...but I never felt I introduced it right. I'll add it to the "re-work needed" list.

Thank you again for reviewing!!

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Review #7, by Alopex Chapter Four: Books

22nd August 2010:
I had a moment of confusion when I read that the man talking to Bernard (Arty) had long, white wishers, but I assume you meant whiskers?

So, Kate's London adventure begins. I enjoyed the little exchange she overheard in the line between Arty and Bernard. Also, the fact that she had to wait in line seemed very realistic as well. You don't shirk the bureaucratic details, do you?

Her distaste for the Ministry did come through (I particularly liked the description of the entire building as a lie, due to the enchanted windows falsely indicating that you can see out) in the beginning. Then she became distracted by the grand archive room and her task.

I loved the description of the Archives! I'd love to see that room. I've come across something similar in other fanfics, but I don't think I've ever read such a detailed description. You even included little railings and everything! *sigh* I bet I could spend hours in a place like that.

Charlie Weasley has appeared on the scene, hm? Interesting. I am taking a leap and assuming that he and Kate used to be involved? At any rate, they know each other.

Author's Response: Oh boy, wishers? I'm a terrible, terrible proofreader. I'll add that to the list of very necessary changes.

Thank you for another wonderful review.

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Review #8, by Alopex Chapter Three: Portkey

22nd August 2010:
A couple of typos again. I spotted three but can only find two. The one I couldn't find again was "the" instead of they somewhere in the top half. You also mentioned "course" grains instead of coarse grains. And when Amun was reading the pamphlet, I'm pretty sure you meant to say fire-breathing plants and doxy eggs are prohibited, rather than not prohibited. Finally, you referred to Nocturne Alley in London, but I think JKR spelled it something like Knockturn Alley.

I'm done being picky, but I'm starting to feel like a broken record, because once again, I find myself wanting to comment on setting and characterization. Amun was great; I derived some measure of amusement from his presence . . . or, more specifically, from his bureaucratic tasks.

Kate is fleshing out nicely. Of course, we already knew she wasn't thrilled about going to London, but the little scene near the top when she fantasized about hiding out in the sphinx reinforced it.

And again, I enjoyed the pains you took to describe the setting--through the observant Kate. It is so nice to read so many details about a place. That really makes it come alive, and I feel more connected to the story. On the other hand, sometimes description is too overwhelming or not worked in very deftly, and I don't find that very enjoyable (and that's when I tell people they don't have to describe every tiny thing).

Another nice chapter! Let's see what happens to Kate next.

Author's Response: Your reviews are far too kind, but thank you nonetheless. I'll make sure to fix the typos soon, but every time I open a chapter to make the corrections, I start editing it all over again. Ooops. I am glad you liked Amun. He's a bit of a characature, I know, but he's easily the one I can picture best in my head.

Thank you again for another review!

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Review #9, by Alopex Chapter Two: Holdovers

22nd August 2010:
You really do have a knack for creating and describing characters. It's amazing how they spring to life in a single chapter. I think that I know more about Augustus Bainbridge and William Beckett than I ever would have if you'd simply listed their hometowns and siblings and hair color, blah blah blah. I already have a feel for them because you have shown who they are rather than merely telling ABOUT them.

Kate is a very appealing narrator as well. I truly feel that I am experiencing things through her. All the information the readers are getting is filtered through her, and I'm very much feeling a connection to her that is often easier to feel in stories written in the first-person.

Well, off to London for Kate, then. I'm a bit suspicious by this talk of holdovers, for example. I doubt things are going to go as smoothly as Henry hopes. Then again, what about bureaucracy is smooth? By the way, I do like the bureaucratic details you've included, like Bainbridge's title.

Author's Response: I can't fathom where my hang-up with bureaucracy stems from, but I can't seem to stuff enough of it into the story. Hopefully it's not all terribly boring. Thank you for your kind words about the characters. Sometimes I feel my narration tries too hard to tell the reader how to feel about a character, but at least you don't seem to feel too beaten over the head about it.

Thank you again and again. It's so nice to think and talk about this story again.

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Review #10, by Alopex Chapter One: Money

22nd August 2010:
Typos aren't really my favorite thing to comment on, but in an otherwise beautiful story, I do like to point them out when I remember. I noticed three here: soon after Kate read the note from Henry, she "signed" instead of sighed. Henry worries that they'll "loose" the upper hand with investors instead of lose it. And shortly after that, he says he needs someone to be in for the long "hall" rather than long haul.

Ok, picky stuff out of the way. It's been, oh, ten months since I read chapter one. I remember Charlie was in it, in Romania, and he was in a pub of some sort, wasn't he? And Death Eaters attacked and set the place on fire? Something like that. Obviously, this chapter takes place someplace else (Egypt) entirely and focuses on a different character.

I liked your characterizations of Kate and Henry. Both came across as real--types of people I could easily picture in my head. In particular, I enjoyed your descriptions of Henry. I suppose since Kate was observing him, we got a little more detail about him.

I recall from chapter one that you took great pains with describing the setting, and you did the same in this chapter as well. I'm quite impressed by your way of describing the setting. You include a lot of detail, so that I can construct a very detailed image in my mind, but I don't feel overwhelmed by a list of nouns and adjectives. What I mean is, you work the information about the setting into the narrative, so that it doesn't stick out, and it's spread out enough that I don't forget the list of "stuff" as soon as I've finished reading it.

What an intriguing story so far. I'm really enjoying it.

Author's Response: Oh, boy. That's a lot of typos. Eek! Thank you for pointing them out. It seems the more I edit for content, the more typos I seem to acquire. I shall fix them straight away. Aside from that, I'm glad you liked the chapter. I haven't been writing much on this one, thinking the characters were falling flat, but I'm glad they seemed to work well in this chapter at least. And I'm really glad you liked the description. If nothing else, I think I may have learned something about that while writing this. Thank you for the review, and for the corrections in particular.

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Review #11, by AndrinaBlack Prologue: Fire

19th August 2010:
I really liked this chapter. It gave me a real feel of the place you were describing and the fear and danger surrounding it. You create the atmosphere in the story very well. The first glimpse of your characters was also promising. You wrote the scary action also very well. Action is something I struggle with myself as well as scaryness (or danger or whatever you could call this here).

I'm glad you're writing about Charlie. He's the Weasley I would pick myself any day. By the way, he seems to go through his wands fast as I think Ron had an old wand of his and now he needs a new one again. This chapter has a kind of suspense feeling over it that really makes me want to continue reading this story to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks AB. I actually haven't added anything new on this story for a while - aside from deleting a chapter and another random 2000+ words - but you're making me want to take a second look. I'm glad you're a Charlie fan too. I love him to bits. And I didn't even think about his issue with wands but you're totally right! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

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Review #12, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter Six: Restricted

23rd December 2009:
Writing is amazing, yet again! As usual, you make me believe that I'm actually in the story witnessing it all. Great job!:D

Author's Response: Thanks. It was fun to pull in a new area of the Ministry. Who doesn't like a good interrogation room :P

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Review #13, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter Five: Reluctance

23rd December 2009:
Again, your writing is brilliant. Even though you said that the dates and such are off, it's really not that noticeable with your writing. It's great. You're an amazing writer:)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I really appreciate the read and review.

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Review #14, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter Four: Books

23rd December 2009:
Absolutely love it! Even though it was a shorter chapter, it still matched the others with its quality. Amazing job:)

Author's Response: Thank you.

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Review #15, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter Three: Portkey

22nd December 2009:
Writing was brilliant! Amazing job with details and thouroughness!

Author's Response: I may have gotten a little too carried away with the details here, but thank you!

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Review #16, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter Two: Holdovers

20th December 2009:
Genius, as usual. Your plot is as great as your writing. Amazing job!:D

Author's Response: Your reviews are kind of great for my ego. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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Review #17, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Chapter One: Money

20th December 2009:
Again, you have made the chapter believable. I feel as if I were in the place and time, watching the scenes close by. You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work:)

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad it was easy to envision.

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Review #18, by x3CherryWatermelonx3 Prologue: Fire

20th December 2009:
Your prologue was amazing! I absolutely loved the detail and the work that you've put in here so far! It's amazing, and you're an amazing writer! Never think otherwise:)

Author's Response: I think otherwise often, but thank you so much regardless. I very much appreciate the R&R.

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Review #19, by alyosha Chapter One: Money

26th November 2009:
Blunders? you? never.

I have never read a story with so much beauracracy in it before. And i am not the least of all annoyed for it.

Author's Response: If only. Blunders are always near at hand, but I'm certainly glad to hear nothing was too annoying :) Thanks for the R&R.

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Review #20, by alyosha Prologue: Fire

25th November 2009:
No wonder this won accolades. The story is so compelling, and well-versed, and captivating. I cannot even begin to convey how good it is.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the review. I wish I was confident enough to not think this was written sarcastically.

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Review #21, by FannyPrice Chapter One: Money

17th November 2009:
Wow! Wow. This was such a detailed, realistic chapter. I mean, I unfortunately can't vow for your depictions of Egypt--but I study science (biology), and this whole part about grants and privatization, you really nailed that. Great job! Do you study a science, as well --or work in research?

Anyway, awesome read. There were a few small grammatical errors I saw, but nothing that detracted from the reading!

Author's Response: I KNOW I already responded to this review, but it seems to have disappeared. Anyway, thank you again for the review. I've been editing a bit (actually, a lot), so hopefully I've fixed some of the mistakes, though chances are I just added in some new ones.

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Review #22, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Chapter One: Money

31st October 2009:

Woohoo! Now we are going somewhere! I’m excited to see that Kate is a strong heroine, and I’m particularly fond of Henry. You can tell you put a lot of thinking into your plot, because EVERYTHING is laid out perfectly. The reason why I like Kate is because she’s not too harsh but she’s not too nice. She’s very mellow about things, and she’s certainly likeable. With three years passing by, I can see a significant difference between her. She’s calmed down a bit, and I really want to know what happened to cause this. The C-Man, perhaps?

Henry was a great foil! The whole time, I was imagining him as a bearded little Santa Clause, so it made me laugh. I dunno. And I could really relate to it when he was talking about spending getting cut.

There are so many changes! Are the Death Eaters still out and about? I can’t wait to find out! And now that Voldemort is gone, surely nothing will happen to him.

I love the ending of that. I am sooo curious to see what happened between Kate and Charlie. A thousand theories swivel in my mind, yet I do not know for sure. I can’t wait to see how their romance plays out and I really can’t wait to find out (I’m a romance sort of girl =]])

My only CC for this chapter is that you had a typo:

Kate signed, her curiosity and concern outweighing

I think you mean sighed?

Great story =]] You are an awesome writer.

Author's Response: You're absolutely right. I did mean sighed. If Kate speaks sign language, it's news to me. Your comment about Santa Clause was great. That didn't occur to me while writing but it does fit really well. Henry is a character I really like and would love to know so it's great to hear that he's enjoyable to read. Thank you for this review and your participation in SAD. It's so very sweet.

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Review #23, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Prologue: Fire

31st October 2009:
Wow. What else do I say? This is a great start to a Dobby-Award-Winning Story…and I totally see why it is one of the Dobbys. You lay out a complex plot in a little under than 3000 words. The fact that you chose Charlie to write about intrigued me too, because not many people write about him.

The POV that was chosen was a really good choice…it adds to the suspense of it all, and I like that. You also make the characters extremely believable. The elderly woman was quite terrifying- actually…I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not, but she reminds me of that crazy lady on “Drag Me To Hell”. Of course, this lady seemed more terrified than anything else =]]. When she was all like, “Devil,” I gasped. But I do that a lot.

Another thing I like about this chapter is the scene in the beginning. You have a very distinct writing style, and you laid out the imagery perfectly. I could picture the dirt on the road as the Death Eaters made their way to the Drunken Lion. That, along with excellent dialogue, made me want to read more. You write action pretty well =]]

Even though this is AU, the Dark Art was a nice touch. It made me more familiar with your story, and because of this relation, I’m reading more.

My only CC is that you didn’t italicize your spells and had a few sentences that caused me trouble. Hence;

It was after midnight when the three hooded men appeared suddenly on the small plateau overlooking the village.
It was a little overwhelming for me to read, but besides this, I’m in love with this story! On to the second chapter!


Author's Response: Thanks, brain. I really appreciate this great review, particularly the CC. I'll have to look into the matter with the spells and at some of my wordier sentences. I can be a bit long-winded at times. I've never seen the movie you referenced but I'm glad that character stood out. I wanted to make sure the villagers weren't all faceless masses. Thank you again for the R&R.

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Review #24, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Prologue: Fire

31st October 2009:
Happy HPFFSAD! I'm a day late, but it's better than nothing.

This was an extremely interesting start to a story. Your description was amazing, your characters highly interesting and your plot... just wow. It was a huge start to a story and I really want to get to know the characters more. The way you left the reader hanging with all these questions... My head is spinning. And Charlie, so far, is great.

Author's Response: I do love Charlie :)

Thank you for the review, a day late or not. I'm still in shock at how this whole surprise was planned. Thank you for taking the time to participate. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter.

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Review #25, by Alopex Prologue: Fire

30th October 2009:

I've never read a Charlie-in-Romania story that was anything like this first scene implies! I've never been to Romania either, so I can't speak for the accuracy, but the details you included really made the scene seem alive and realistic. I could picture it easily, it felt real, and there was a definite atmosphere that's different than most HP fanfiction (in which Hogwarts, obviously, is the major "atmosphere").

I liked the occasional Romanian phrases you included. Obviously, I don't speak Romanian, but the phrases definitely contributed to the story's overall atmosphere.

I like the way you started out focusing on the Death Eaters (or so I assume based on the Dark Mark) and then transitioned into more general observations as they watched the village, and finally slipped into Charlie's point of view. Well, I suppose it would be more accurate to say that the narrator's attention gradually moved from one thing to another.

The entire chapter flowed well, actually. The sequence of events was logical and fluid, not to mention engaging. What a good beginning to a story. :-)

Author's Response: You all have outdone yourselves with SAD. This is truly a great gift. Thank you for taking the time to leave a review, and in particular commenting on the POV. I wasn't at all confident about that choice. Thank you again for your SAD participation. I'm really touched.

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