Gave me the CHILLS. From the very beginning to the very end. And... Draco is going to look for Astoria for the rest of his life, while she's dead. NOOO. Even he doesn't deserve that. As for Daphne... He should have sent her to St. Mungo's when he still had the chance. She's as mad as her mother.
I'm going to look up the poem 'The Lady Of Shalott' now, which I haven't done yet.
This is like... a fairytale gone wrong. The knight in shining armor wasn't there in time to rescue the damsel in distress, to take her out of her tower, to save her from the evil witch.
Bone chillingly beautiful. Report Review
I LOVE THE LADY OF SHALOTT!!! IT WAS MY FAVOURITE POEM!!! I love your style of writing as well. It has a poetic finesse to it. Its almost as if I'm reading a fairytale. Report Review
OMG LAST CHAPTER
please, please, please let downtrodden!Draco rescue Astoria and let him run off with her to somewhere safe and then let him come back to finish Daphne off and - no, that'll never happen. This close that you're swiftly drawing to will not be a happy one.
Astoria just stumbles so blindly towards her fate. I don't care if she's fictional, I don't care at all, my heart goes out to her.
This chapter actually scared me in places. Maybe it just how inevitable it is. eek eek eek.
oh. oh my god. oh, daphne, no. NO. NOOO.
I feel so bleak now.
'He would find the little Greengrass girl if it was the last thing he ever did.' - this line may just have restored my sanity. Poor Draco. Poor Astoria. Daphne...Daphne just needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Once again - 'He would find the little Greengrass girl if it was the last thing he ever did.'.
That just breaks my heart. I love you. That is all. Report Review
oh. oh. OH. THE TIME CHANGES. Some serious supernatural gubbins are occuring. I love the horrorish fairytaleish atmosphere here. It's got good...ambience. No, that didn't make sense but...oh well. You know me and the crack I bring to the HPFF table.
Draco is so resigned. I love it. He seems almost...willing to die. Willing to be taken away from everything. His character here...it gives me the impression that he wouldn't necessarily choose to do things, so to speak, but if they happened he wouldn't fight them. There's probably a word for that. Pushover? Nah. I don't know. I can't really express my thoughts about him clearly enough, but, Gubby, I love this characterisation of him so much. As a 'Draco writer', I know how difficult it is to nail his personality. You're epic.
'The rest of the city was still lit mechanically, which threw upon the empty streets a strange sort of glow: unsettled, unpleasant, like a camera flash going off too close to the subject. The bones of the city were visible under the harsh joyous light.' This is perfect. So perfect.
Prague has fallen...but to the good? I really, really don't like Daphne now, eek.
'They collected on her surface as if she were a windowpane, and fell one after another until she could not see clearly through her own eyes.' dude. epic.
I'm sorry I can't be coherent at all. I'm far too absorbed in this story. As a Draco/Astoria shipper, I so, so want this to end well, but I've read the poem (and, er, I've read ahead...) and I know it can't, it just can't. And I'm so full of dread for the next chapter...
'There was a sweet, bitter, rancorous desire bubbling at the tip of her tongue, at her nerve endings, her quick-moving blood. It was hardly an articulated feeling, resting deep within her person, but it was enough.' - Gubby, you genius. Report Review
'Death could not hold a candle to Daphne, or her mother, or her sister. Death was simple. One minute alive, the next not. Daphne was not.' EEK. EEK. I KNEW DAPHNE WAS SHIFTY.
once again, more perfect Draco. Gubby...*worships* ' Daphne pitied him for a moment, for he did not know that he did not have to live the way he did.' - yup, Draco the martyr. I see this. I can so see this.
There something very shady indeed about Daphne. Pleasepleasplease perfectlycharacterised!Draco, GET OUT OF THERE. PLEAASE. Something terrible is going to happen, I can feeel it...
'When his arm snaked around her waist in not a show of seduction but of restraint, she gave a knowing grimace. ' - IDK BUT I LOVE THIS.
'More fascinating–and perhaps deadly so–was the fact that Daphne’s tainted blood was brighter than his own.' - THIS. THIIIS.
'He was not beyond the tower window, and he was not cloaked in the flame seal. He was somewhere else.' - this line, I feel, is very significant. Draco's...well. This reminds me of the rime of the ancient mariner, strangely. There's a big contrast between the real and the unreal in that poem, and it's here too. Draco's the real and Astoria & Daphne are the unreal, if you get me. It's sort of like...Astoria's in one realm, Draco's in another, and Daphne is bridging the two. THERE I SAID SOMETHING MILDLY INSIGHTFUL.
You know, I actually read the Lady of Shallott a while ago and, well, detested it. I found it hopelessly dreary (sorry Tennyson!). But after reading this I looked it up again and - well. It reads very differently now. I think you've opened my eyes to that poem, so to speak. Thank you ♥ Report Review
SUPERNATURAL THINGS ARE AFOOT EEK
Astoria seems like a perfectly normal being right now, but I've read ahead and I know better and now I'm scared, even though I know what happens.
Poppies are very symbolic. It's telling that they keep cropping up in this story.
'How ironic it was, then, that in the dim light, his pure blood looked like mud.' DUDE. DUUUDE. THIS LINE. I know I've already rabbited on about this being the perfect Draco and all, but...woah. Really. This characterisation is, like, mega.
Sorry for the shorter review, but I'm racing for four ♥ Report Review
I LOVE THIS ANGLE ON DRACO. He's so downtrodden, omg it's perfect. So many people try their best to pin Draco down (er, metaphorically speaking) and never quite manage it, but you've done an excellent job with his postwar character here.
'now he was politely tolerated at best, hostilely shunned at worse, and doomed to the peripherals of the dazed, newborn world.' THIS. OMG THIS. This is just the most perfect postwar Draco ever. I always thought this - some people have him reforming and being embraced after the war, some people have him turning bad, very bad (and I must admit I've written him as both) but I always find I disagree. Perhaps it's just my interpretation or my love of angst, but I always see Draco as becoming - how do I put it? - a bit reclusive or something after the war. Not wanting to fade away totally, but not wanting to draw attention to himself. He'd keep himself to himself, stick by the law - he wouldn't be happy, oh no, I can never see a character like Draco being truly happy post-war, but, well...I see him like this. You've truly fulfilled by vision of a post-war Draco, and eee eee eee Gubby I love it ♥
Daphne is troubling me. That is all. Report Review
GUBBY, I WILL BEGIN WITH A BANG BY TELLING YOU THROUGH THE MEDIUM OF CAPSLOCK THAT THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SHORT STORIES I'VE EVER READ EVER.
And now I will stop my rabid flailing and actually make some coherent comments.
The atmosphere - fairytale through and through! And I don't mean anaemic, fluffy modern disney fare - I mean, like, hardcore old stories that have been passed down through the centuries. It reminds me, in a way, of Angela Carter, and that can't hurt seeing as she's one of my favourite authors.
The backstory you give here is very succinct and dark, so dark! That opening paragraph is perfect. It draws you right in, and I can't even explain why. I'm just sitting here rereading and rereading, trying to think of something deep and mind-blowing to say but, no, nothing. It's just epic.
Something that just struck me was how flexible you are as an author. I'm reading this and thinking '...as if she wrote confec too!'. That's just, well, wow. ♥
'And when more and more houses were offered to the bloodthirsty gods of warfare, and more and more grinning serpent-skulls watched their prolonged and painful deaths, he brought his daughters back to the palace and waited for the sky to rain Camelot’s ashes.' oh. my. god. this line. THIS LINE.
dude, maurice is creepy. I wish I had something more insightful to say but...dude, he's creepy. And onwards to chapter two... Report Review
I had never read "The Lady of Shalott," so when you said that this story was based of the poem, I instantly thought that it would be a good thing to read the poem. I didn't read it until after I finished the story, though, which was probably a good thing because it may have spoiled the ending of Snow Red. Nevertheless, your story was inspiring! I love when I stumble upon very sophisticated writers. You have such talent, I can tell! And you have created a small obsession in me; I now love Tennyson and his "The Lady of Shalott." Thank you for taking the time to write a really magnificent piece of work, and thank you for opening my eyes to some amazing poetry! Report Review
Like I said, I printed these last two chapters out and read them off the computer in the middle of the night so I wouldn't get distracted and there was a line that totally grabbed my attention and felt really significant that i underlined it in the paper. It was the a death worth living for. Just...no words. Sad and horribly wonderful, that's what it evokes in me.
The transitions were once again surprising, but always effective. The Chapter was perfectly divided into sections that had me at the edge of the seat and whenever something ended with that little cliffie I thought I'd go crazy.
Draco's talk with Hannah once again brings the essence of a Potter novel, Hogwarts and everything else when the characters debate about mysteries and such. I liked that part a lot.
escorting her essence to an eternity of singing and screaming... Another bone-chilling line written in a way only you could write it.
The rest of the story just went by a whim. I couldn't stop reading it, it totally captivated me and the ending schocked me. Maybe I could've expected it to end that way, but I didn't. Still, even though it was sad and I felt my heart crack, that ending was just fantastic.
It's a great achievement what you've done with this short story. It could easily go without being a fanfiction but a wonderfully sinister and poetic tale. I wish I could describe how perfect this is a little more, but I simply don't know how. It was just...amazing. Once again an unforgettable reading experience. Report Review
It was so good to read this story again. Like I thought, printing it out and just reading it by the lamplight was a great idea. I could so easily drink in the entire atmosphere. This story is simply something amazingly unique and magical.
Astoria's fascination and observation of Draco was well-written and great to read. Then the transition from her to Draco came, and even if it was abrupt, it was effective and went rather smoothly. The descriptions of the nature went hand in hand with the scene, creating a wonderful scenery and completing the piece.
he could not bear to face the world without her, even if the world did not know of her and did not care. That line really stood out to me. Somehow while reading this, the Draco/Daphne interaction has grown on me so much. I love the element of them in this story, even more so because it doesn't focuses on romance at all. Daphne is simply such a vital character in this story. She totally fascinates me and each time she arrived into the story, I grew more alert. And sympathetic. Honoria made me feel uneasy with her sinister anguish and madness.
Stunning. All of it. Report Review
But... but... but... this is the end? :'-( I feel the need to put that in all caps, but won't so that your ears don't explode with my screams. Oh my gosh, how could you end it like that? Evil, evil Gubby, leaving the reader off on such a note.
You know that I loved every bit of it. The words, the phrases, the sections, the whole - all brilliant, making this chapter the best part of the story.
The madness of both sisters, so overwhelming and disturbingly real. I could feel their madness within me by the end (partially explaining my highly emotional reaction to this chapter :P), the strangest combination of fury and fancy. It was a shock hitting the parts with Draco and Hannah, who are both very down to earth and solid (I know that it could be argued otherwise for Draco, but I find him very easy to pin down and understand in this story). How you organized the sections was perfect in this way, moving the story along and pushing the reader along with it.
That ending! I'm could go on about it for a LONG TIME (uhoh, the caps have appeared) because it's just so shocking and unexpected. I did honestly believe you'd end it like a fairy tale, even when the boat appeared (and my stomach dropped, knowing what could happen and not wanting it to :P). But I love how you did this ending with Daphne tricking him - she wants to keep him near, perhaps because she's gotten her revenge and needs something else to live for? Or am I trying too hard to find happiness there?
I bow down to the master. Gubby, you're amazing. This story is too, but only because you wrote it. ^_^ Report Review
That...absolutely chilled me to the bone. I'm afraid this review is not going to hold any coherency or sophistication or constructiveness because I am lost for words.
You absolutely never cease to amaze me, Gubby. I cannot help but gape openly at how you manage to continuously improve and improve and improve past anything I thought possible. Your flexibility, range of writing, style, everything - you're one of the very few writers on this site who can actually take my breath away.
Daphne is a terrifyingly unstable character and her mental state throughout this is so unnerving. I never thought I'd like a Draco but you have equally proven me wrong with him here. Astoria's death - although I probably half expected it, I did not expect it to come as it did.
There were some stunning lines and descriptions within this, but this would have to be my favourite segment:
(...) looking up into the sky that she had forgotten to watch in her brief time of freedom. It did not see her, though; the heavens were more concerned with the dying of the sun than the dying of this, a prisoner of stone and charms.
It was haunting and so sad and absolutely divine.
I'm sure you've heard this a million times before but when I grow up - properly grow up - I want a milligram of your talent and I'll be happy.
I don't know what else to say other than I can't believe I haven't favourited this and that has been rectified now.
Amazing doesn't even cover it.
xx Report Review
Yes, yes, look at me all you want. :P It was very much worth it, Gubby, worth all the wait and more.
I think this is the best chapter yet, not in terms of "plot" so much as the language, imagery, and style of this chapter. "Beautiful" is the most appropriate way of terming it, though "clever" is definitely in there as well. I love your diction. It's so subtle, like how the hole on Daphne's cloak sits "smugly" on the hemline. It's not the way one would commonly describe a hole, yet it creates a perfect image of how it would look.
The structure is also perfect in how you've placed Astoria on either side of Draco and Daphne, bookending their segments and setting the tone for the entire chapter. I found that the rhythm of Astoria's narrative carried into the others, and that each section flows into the next so that, even though you're moving spatially and temporally, the narrative doesn't jolt or feel cut off at any moment.
The idea of Draco as Lancelot to Astoria's Lady is one that I don't think occurred to me until seeing how Astoria kept calling him a "knight" as she watched him from the tower. Lancelot did inspire the Lady to "escape" her tower, though I think that's as far as you mean the idea to go? Though I like how Astoria believes that she will die when she leaves the tower, just like the Lady did - how you're re-working Tennyson is amazing to see. :D
I really loved reading this, Gubby, and I hope that you are able to do the rest - whenever you can, so that it turns out just right. It's been a fascinating story to read so far, so thank you for continuing it! ^_^ Report Review
Draco is almost there. i hope he can save Astoria soon. look 4ward to read more from u.^_^
Harry and Ginny Report Review
Astoria has lost her mind. That's what I think. She succumbed to the isolation and accepted the clear, hopeless facts of dying locked up and forgotten, protected from the outside world. The way her mind goes is calm, almost feels collected and alright, but it's like the silence after a huge destructive thunderstorm or a hurricane. Therefore I feel she's gone through hell and back in her mind, she's mad, and this is only the silent numb resignation. It made me sad and hollow, but the ending made it up for me. Is there only one chapter left? Still not written, let me note, even though it's October and not August, heh?
All the parts with Astoria in the tower were brilliant, but this one was best. With the mirror and the cavity and seeing the bones of her father, and then Draco in the mirror...
The ending felt...ooh, I can't think of the bloody word, but the beginning of the end? Like at the end of a story when something small happens and you just know something big is going to happen onward, sealing the fates of everybody? That's what it felt like, AND it was the first time Astoria has spoken. Which is an achievement itself, bringing a character so close to the reader without having her speak for once before. And it also increased the power of the moment.
Daphne is...how do I put this? I think her parts were written extremely well. I wasn't as much scared as fascinated by the way you portrayed her madness. The way she danced and sang was terrible and gorgeous, but hauntingly so. I don't know why. It was such a strong moment, so epic, like when Cathy went mad in Wuthering Heights. And I swear I just waited for her to fall of a cliff while dancing and spinning, but then there was the blood, tainted and brighter as Draco noticed, so maybe I'm not completely off the track. I want to know what happened and how this will end, so...Gubby...update? Please? Because now that I've gotten so absorbed in this, it's like standing above an empty space with nothing more to read.
I love this. You're incredible and I'm happy I finally read this. Report Review
That last line stunned me completely. So genius and bitterly significant. I would never thought of this. So simple and meaning so damn much. You're a real inspiration.
This must be my favorite chapter so far. The beginning was great, finally bringing in Astoria, and a madness of her own. It's just horrible, being locked and isolated from the entire world, forgotten and buried in the minds of others. The way she lives in the tower is haunting and Astoria's character is fleshing out so vividly as I read. She wants to defy her mother's madness, but she's losing it, too. Who wouldn't, though? You can really see that when she starts digging into the walls with her own fingers, lost for what else to do. I would die, and I mean that I felt my insides swirl and clutch just by reading. You're so good at scaring people and making them feel the hopelessness, anger and terror the characters feel. I always need a moment to recover after I read your stories. There's the scent of her mother still in the tower, her cold diary entries, the mysterious cave...reading this is a real treat. I hope someone (Draco) finds her real soon before she starts banging her head against the wall or something.
The beginning was so good, bringing back the couple from the first chapter and bringing the whole issue of the mad woman and the tower through the eyes of an outsider. And the ending just left me wanting more. Report Review
What a smooth change of narrative. A nice transition, really. We're back in the real world. I felt all lovely, like reading Harry Potter again, because you just capture the magic and point of it. Some authors write fanfiction that it doesn't feel like HP fanfiction at all, which is a good thing, of course, but I love when there's a story that has the same air of intrigue and darkness and magic. Add your unique writing style to it, and I just want to print this out, bind it in a pretty cover, curl in my blanket and read it by the rainwashed window, sipping tea.
I love post-war Draco. He's so interesting, because there's so much to deal with, like his job, his attitude and the way the rest of the Wizarding society treats him. I really liked your version of him. There was a nice touch with Draco thinking about his father breathing down his neck, and then when you showed that he really is...not a Malfoy through and through anymore, declining the money.
Daphne's entrance was brilliant, stirring something up in Draco. She had this mysterious air, not revealing everything, and I don't trust her, but she felt like such a vital character in your version so I hope I see more of her.
Tsk, tsk, Draco doesn't know where Prague is? What a shame!
Great chapter, superb dialogue, Draco was so fantastic and the writing combined with the whole idea is so creative and original. Report Review
This is fantastic. Not that it shocks me or anything. I really admire that every new story of yours that I read has the same enchanting power to it, but it always brings and offers something new, something that totally fascinates you and pulls you in.
I'm a sucker for fairy-taleish narration, so of course I was enjoying the entire narrative all the way. It was also great how you maintained that magical tone even when you were describing modern events, i.e. the Second War. The plot you have here is so intriguing, combining Tennyson, Snow White and Gubbyness (which, I think, should be a new term in the world of writing) - who could possibly resist that? I liked how easily you explained the history of the family, interlacing the facts with poetic descriptions. Sometimes it's so hard to build up a proper background, it always takes me hundreds and hundreds of pointless words, but you've done well with this.
As this is an introduction chapter, we can't see much of the characters, but they all have a vibe and that special something that just makes you want to read on and connect with them. The madness of the mother is such a strong element, leaving deep traces on the girls, therefore there are so many ways to go. I can't help wondering about them all, what will happen and so on. Luckily I have the next chapters to read.
Oh and I really liked the last paragraph, especially the last line. A great way to finish the chapter, leaving behind something significant and pulling you headfirst into the story completely now. It sounded like a poem and I loved that. Report Review
It read like poetry. I'm so amazed by this piece, so filled with wonder that I found myself just staring at the screen for at least five minutes after having read the last line. The passages on Astoria are breath-takingly beautiful. They reminded me so much of several transalations of Welsh/Authurian myths I read months ago--from the vivid discriptive language that you used to the flow of it. This line in particular '...How ironic it was, then, that in the dim light, his pure blood looked like mud.' was my favourite. It stuck such a core with me. I am, quite literally in all out awe of you.
The lady of shallot is a wonderful story and you certainly did it justice in my mind. By any chance have you read Gwen Rowley's 'Lancelot'? this a little bit off topic, but when I was reading Astoria's 'I'm not mad' scene, I almost squeed. Though Rowley doesn't delve into the tower scene much, the scene you wrote was almost the exact one I had imagined happening to Elaine(the one in 'Lancelot'). Did that even make any sense? lols. in anycase, this you story is getting a special place in my list just for that.
only one question though: how is Astoria surviving without food and water? if nothing can get in, and nothing can get out.or is there an exception for house elves? haha, it was just one of those things I was wondering about.
I can't wait for the next chapter,
-melpomene. Report Review
GUBS! So I finally got around to reading this next chapter and I'm afraid it could be a while before I read the next one because I'm completely swamped with homework. BUT I can't just read it and not leave a review, can I? As you said, they're very tiring but so worth the effort, these mega-SAYS-fantastical-rambling-pinpoint-everything reviews. And if you scroll down you can probably see that I'm trying to outdo myself with a new record long review. :D Okay, wow, I don't even know where to start.
This chapter, I think, was a bit different from the others. It went at a bit of a slower (and almost maddening!) pace. Don't get me wrong, I'm just excited to see where this story is going and this chapter almost seemed like torture! It's definitely not filler - far from it - because so much happens even though it's not really plot-related. But I'll get to that in a minute.
I LOVE the beginning how you start out with Brian and Tabitha Jenkins - a very fitting and believable aspect to the story that lent itself wonderfully. It's really nice to see an outside perspective, someone else's take on the happenings of this story that kind of tightens the plot line and sort of summarizes it at the same time. If that makes sense. :P And then you utterly outdid yourself with diction that flowed seamlessly and eerily. My favorite lines: "The same lyrics drenched in toxic treacle, burnt sugar, light and airy and disturbing. The voice of ten years ago was too twisted to be saccharine." It creates such a vivid picture with subtle imagery and truly admirable syntax. LOVE. Oh and for some reason I am ridiculously fond of this line: "Somehow, Astoria stumbled through the remainder of spring, the entirety of summer, and autumn." Stumbled. It's just so EFFORTLESS. Not only is your vocabulary and grammar impeccable, but you just make it sound so easy and perfect! :))
Another lovely line full of delicious anaphora: "A little touched in the head, granted, but how could she be anything less, having been conceived by a madwoman, suckled by a madwoman, raised by that very same madwoman?" I'm pretty much loving your portrayal of Astoria and I'm just squeeing to see this story through to then end!!! And what I meant about it not being solely plot-based was that this chapter focuses very much so on Astoria's character and her struggles and how her mind works. A very interesting insight into her character, which might I add is completely essence of Gubby seeping out because Astoria is basically an OC. :))
I'm a big fan of your tone and mood and feel and whatever else there is to call it, but I felt that something was just a touch off in a few places. I know that you're sort of going for a fairytale feel and that's great, but the mix between passive and present especially in Astoria's case isn't completely seamless. I just felt like it lacked a proper transition. In most cases I would harp on about overusing passive verbs, but for this story, as I said, I think it's part of the fairytale feel. At least I think that's what you were going for?
So then there's Draco. Love your portrayal, obviously. He's seems so like himself and I feel like your writing is really effortless - something that's no easy feat to come by. And although HE seemed effortless, a few places that are difficult to pinpoint seemed a little forced as if you were merely drudging along for the sake of the story. But that's only in a few places. For the most part I can tell that you're enjoying writing and that's all that really matters in the end, isn't it?
As always, my criticism is minimal. I was hard pressed to find anything constructive because your use of the English language is just so... flawless and seamless and... pure? that you can pretty much ignore everything else I said and know that you're a fantastic writer. :D And don't you forget it!
ANDDD one last note before I bid thee adieu: the last line is absolute LOVE. But of course you know that. "How ironic it was, then, that in the dim light, his pure blood looked like mud." It's just... so eloquent and perfect and I've long since run out of adjectives to praise you with.
Can't WAIT to see where this will end up!
LOVE YOU GUBSTERS,
Chelsea Report Review
What a captivating first chapter! I've got to hand it to you Gubby, you had me from the get go. I love the style of this piece, a fairy tale but a twisted one. Honoria's story reminds me of Rochester's mad wife's in Jane Eyre. Is she dead now or still institutionalized?
Daphne's "You have angered the daughter of a madwoman" is quite disturbing. The letter overall was great because we learn a lot about her in just a few sentences. The 'horrors' that you speak of, I can't wait to find out what they are.
I like the characterization of Maurice too. I'm thinking if his story could be summed up in one word it would be 'desperation'. The actions he takes seem to stem from a need to control that he just doesn't seem to have. Hence why they have negative effects.
"but in the long winter she spend under the wailing sky"
I think it should be 'spent'?
Great job, I'll definitely continue reading. :)Author's Response: Aww, thank you! It is indeed a twisted fairy tale (my favorite type, naturally). Oooh, I never thought of Honoria as a Bertha type character, but the parallel works wonderfully. Plus Eloise as the young ingenue... very interesting. Too bad we don't get much detail about their children. Honoria is institutionalized in Prague, very much alive.
Daphne is meant to be disturbing, and the letter was to communicate that. I'm glad that it worked! It was a difficult part to get right, whereas much of the chapter had worked quite well up to that point :P
Maurice is an interesting character, and I wish I could go more into his psyche. You seem to have got a lot out of this one chapter, though, and it always makes me glad to see people looking deeper into stories! He is quite desperate, and blinded by it to do foolish things.
Eek! Quite right. I shall fix that up now.
Thank you so much for the review, and I hope you do enjoy the rest! :) Report Review
For some reason I love the fact that Draco takes peoples' money and goes to look for their loved ones. It just seems like such a fitting career move for him, and it of course boosts the Malfoy name. And for some reason I find it funny, and I'm actually almost giggling at my computer screen. Not quite, but almost... =P
As soon as Draco realized that it was Daphne at the door, I was like "OMG he's gonna be the one to rescue Astoria! Perfect fairy tale!" But then there's this little voice in the back of my mind that tells me this story won't have a happy ending. Maybe something sadistic or ironic... But I want a happy ending!!! After all, canon has Draco and Astoria together. ;)
So I'm still pretty thrilled with your writing and the whole atmosphere that you've created. It's just so... perfect! I feel really stupid right now because I can't think of any other adjectives to describe your story, and I can't even think of anything constructive to say. It's almost maddening. Almost. LOL
OH, and I also liked the fact that the Greengrasses were a topic of discussion, at least among the Slytherins. Just a random side note. :)))
LOVE YOU GUBSTERS!
P.S. I'm like majorly procrastinating right now... I would love to keep reading but icky school work is getting in the way. Trust me though, this makes WAY better reading material. =)Author's Response: I don't see the "agency" of sorts as a concrete career, as its purpose will be made unnecessary once the Ministry has been reorganized and has reasserted itself. Part of it is, of course, getting the Malfoys back in the good books, but I think Draco finds the purpose fitting. I can't figure out why that's funny, though, so I shan't ask :P
Draco and Astoria are... I don't want to give too much away, but yes, that is his function. Do keep in mind that this is ME we're talking about. I don't do happy endings. Mostly. I like "sadistic or ironic." It shall probably be a little bit of both.
I wasn't happy with this chapter, entirely. It was so different from the previous one, and it didn't entirely flow the way I'd like it to. But I'm happy you liked it and how it worked with the story as a whole. If you think you're feeling stupid, how do you think I feel right now? After all this time, reading these reviews, as the story gathers dust, I blush all the time and feel both stupid (for not responding soon enough) and humble (for getting this sort of review in the first place.) PLUS, I'm glad that you picked up on that! The community is not going to falter, even now. So... yeah. :D
PS. I hate school work. With a passion I can't begin to describe. This is a great way to relieve cabin fever. LOVE YOUUU. Report Review
So. I have been meaning to read this for AGES. Like literally. I first saw it in recently added forever ago and the summary was really intriguing, and then I saw who the author was, so I was like "I have to read that!" But I didn't, obviously. Because I'm mega lazy. =D So now I'm finally getting around to it because you've reviewed a bunch of my stories and not only do I feel that I owe you for your support but you're just such a nice person that I can't stay away any longer! Plus the whole premise of the story is very very intriguing, as I said.
On to the story then. First of all your character choice is interesting. I don't know that I would have that to use the Greengrasses when adapting a combination of tales to fan fiction. That in itself is creative and original and I think makes it all the more interesting and fun to read. I LOVELOVELOVE your style of writing and - there's no denying it, dear - you've got talent. You are SUCH a good writer and this story wreaks with fairy tale allure, which is awesome. I love fairy tales. And I also love fan fiction. And when you mix the two it's like a double batch of goodness. Plus your choice of vocabulary is SUPERB and adds to the atmosphere that you've created here.
So everyone knows the story of Snow White, and I can see where that plays in, but I'm sorry to say that I've never even heard of the other one. I'm assuming that it has to do with the mother... But anyway, I'm loving your execution here. The whole idea of fairy tales with a feel such as this one and then incorporated into the Potterverse is just awesome. It seems so plausible and it's like this genre should have been here all along (I'm getting a distinct Beetle vibe, I won't lie) and it really opens up a whole new facet of fan fiction. I remember reading one story about Godric Gryffindor (in Fantastic Staff, written by PropMaster I think it was) that had a really alluring fairy tale-ish feel to it, and Snow Red is already reminding me of it. In a good way. =P
But OMG poor Daphne and Astoria. What an awful life they must have led. I can't WAIT to see where this is going (and hopefully I'll get around to reviewing the rest of the chapters sooner vs. later) and I just can't tell you enough how well this was written and the whole atmosphere you've created. I really feel like this sort of story should have been here all along; it fits so well into the Potterverse and it suddenly makes me curious about all Purebloods.
I'll tell you again so you don't forget: fantastic writing, fantastic person all together. I haven't forgotten your tremendously helpful and endearing reviews at a time in my writing when I really needed it, so I hope you keep writing forever and always follow your heart. Cheesy, I know, but I want you to hear it. =)
LOVE YOU GUBSTERS!
ChelseaAuthor's Response: You know how lazy I am with reading/reviewing/responding, so you don't even have to apologize or explain anything. I'm just going to attempt to respond suitably to this mega awesome review.
I don't remember why I chose Astoria and Daphne for the fic. WAIT, nm, I do. I had entered a challenge on the forums that involved giving a quote + a ship. The quote I don't remember anymore, but the ship was Draco/Astoria. Clearly this evolved much farther than the challenge, but I am happy that it happened anyway.
The style is something I'm so, so happy with, especially this chapter. It's short and fairytale-y and it set the precedent for the rest of the fic. Mostly I was capturing the feel of The Lady of Shallott (if you still haven't read it, please go do so, it's beautiful and explains so much) but Snow White also fits stylistically. As it happens, the poem has nothing to do with Honoria. The mother's madness is something of my own doing, which should hopefully come to fruition before the end.
Awful indeed! I feel bad about it. I can hardly imagine what it must have been like, but then again, my imagination is wild to begin with. The purebloods are a curious group of people. They aren't all evil or crazy or whatever, but they definitely deserve higher scrutiny in fanfic. And it's nice to examine the lesser families, instead of the Blacks and Malfoys and such. There's so much complexity and possibility that comes with this era, right in the midst of the final battle, and with these characters.
You are way too sweet to me. It makes me so happy to have had your support and friendship for all these years, and it's amazing that you can enjoy something so much. You're truly a wonderful person and I'm so grateful that you actually reviewed this. LOVE YOU CHELSEAAA! Report Review
Gubby, this was just. wow. Seriously, you just blow me away every time. Even though I always expect awesomeness, you still do :P
I've said it a zillion times before but I must say it again, because ti deserves to be said: you write so well. I can totally see you being published at some point in your life, because this is better than some published work I've read. I'm gushing, I know, I can't help it.
Daphne is so creepy, it's fantastic. You've really captured her descent into madness quite well. It was truly believable.
And - yay! - a ton of complex sentences helped Astoria in her descent. They definitely emphasized her craziness and long, rambling (but in the best way possible!), crazyinsane thoughts. I found it interesting that you used shorter sentences for the Daphne section and longer one's for Astoria. I don't know if it was intentional, but I thought it worked really well and fit each respective madness (for they were quite different, though both undeniably insane) really well. Daphne was a lot farther ahead in her insanity so the short, choppy sentences worked well with her craziness. Astoria, on the other hand, was not as far along so the longer complex sentences fit her better - though still mad, she possessed a greater degree of coherent thought than Daphne. Hence the length of sentences. (Wow, now I feel like I should be insane with my ramblings the way they are :P).
I loved how much you established and furthered with this chapter. It helped to answer a few questions and set the scene for answering some lingering questions in the final chapter.
10/10, as usual :)Author's Response: I shall ignore how much I suck for not getting to this sooner, and get straight to the response portion :)
I really can't say how much I appreciate that, Dani. I've always wanted to be published, but I can't latch onto an idea that I can stick with or even fully flesh out. The thing is, I find fanfic an easier platform to use for experimentation and adaption. I only hope that what, if anything, I publish could earn as much praise as this is.
Daphne creeps me out more now than she did six months ago. I think I needed that distance to see what I'd really done to her, and I'm actually quite pleased now with what happened.
I think the contrast in syntax was more subconscious than anything, but I like your analysis of it better than mine. I'm also glad that you recognize the difference in their forms of madness. Actually, you hit the nail right on the head, as usual, so I can't express how pleased I am about that.
There is a scary amount of stuff to be accomplished in the final chapter. I'm terrified to start it (it's mid February and I haven't touched the fic since December). There's so much invested in wrapping it up properly, and I'm so worried about getting it right. I just hope that, when the time comes, it's ready. Thank you so much for your encouragement through the months, ily. Report Review
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