This was another wonderful chapter! You wrapped it up very neatly. One criticism I have is that it was a bit short, but I might just feel that way because this story is amazing and I want to keep reading. I can't wait until the next chapter is posted! 10/10Author's Response: Ah, yes, short chapters are definitely my weakness! :) I'll try and stretch the next one out a bit, just for you. Speaking of which, it should be up in a couple days. Thank you so much for the feedback. I appreciate it. Report Review
Nice first chapter! I'm so excited about this story. Your descriptions are amazing and the entire chapter was well-written. I've never read a story about a wizard who wants to be a superhero. 10/10!Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you so much. That means a lot to me, especially because I didn't really know how this story was being received! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks again! Report Review
Hello Rinni, my dear! I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to review Chapter 2. It's been hectic around here.
This was a great filler chapter. Fillers are always much more drab than the other exciting, amazing chapters. Be that as it may, I think that you did an excellent job keeping the chapter interesting. Peter's references to his brother shows the reader that the pain is still fresh and real. You are doing a fantastic job humanizing him and his grief. The little insight to the murders was a great way to sneak in a clue here and there about Peter's future...excursions.
This chapter was awesome, but there was once piece of dialogue that I found really odd and I figured I would point it out. "I'm off to bed, right?" - That last word, 'right', sounded really, really weird in the sentence and with the scene. Call me crazy, Rin, but if you just left out that word, it would make that sentence flow much better ^_^
So, of course I loved it and I can't wait for the next chapter! 10/10
Lots of love,
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Twinsy! *hug* I'm so flattered that you dropped by!
Huh, I've never noticed that little piece of dialog, but if you think it should be removed, I'll remove it. Thanks for pointing that out, love.
I know this was a filler, but, as this is my very first novel, I was thinking I would take it a bit slower than any of my short stories. I'm really glad you didn't think it was totally drab. :D
Thanks so much for the wonderful review! You've made my morning.
- Rin Report Review
This chapter is just as well-written and clean as the first chapter. I am definitely intrigued with where you take this story now, and I also like the unique and original voice that you've given to Peter. He seems like a nicely solid character with a strong voice and I look forward to reading more of this story as you update. Keep up the great writing that you're doing, Rin! ;) 10/10Author's Response: I'm really glad you like Peter. He's really my first OC, so it was a bit of a struggle for me at first. But thanks so much! I'm glad he's coming off well. The story's moving slow, but should definitely pick up a bit in the next chapter. Thanks again, Leslie! Your reviews were wonderful. Report Review
Hey Rin! It's Leslie, here to review your story for the review exchange. Sorry it took me a week to get to it... I was just busy this past week with getting all my last assignments and studying for tests this past week was the last of the spring semester. But, anyway, on to the review ;)
I really enjoyed this first chapter. You didn't go too far into the Peter's life just yet at this point, but you left enough for any reader to be curious want to read the next chapter to find out more about this character. There really isn't anything that I can critique as I didn't spot any errors, and I very much liked it overall. I'm going to read the second chapter, and hopefully I'll have more to write in that review xD 10/10Author's Response: Leslie! So glad you stopped by!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it! I was really hesitant to post this fic, just because I didn't think it was as solid as some of my others. However, with the recent feedback I'm getting, I don't think that's the case! Wow, thanks again for the lovely review! Report Review
This is a good start, Rina... but I definitely think there are a few things that could be edited to make it a lot better...
The plot's excellent... It's just the little things, yah?
I'll email you some more specific stuff in a bit, ok?
Still looks great, though.
Cheers : )Author's Response: Thanks Soph. I appreciate it. Report Review
I liked this :) The further insight into Peter's life and mind, as well as the occurrences of the wizarding world, was nice. I like your writing style - your choice of words varies nicely, and you string sentences together rather well. Good job!Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The plot will really start to get going here in the next chapter, so I'm glad you've stuck with it so far. Thanks again for the lovely review! Report Review
Ooh, this was really good. I find myself really liking Peter's sister. I can't wait for more! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means a lot to me. Thanks again for the lovely review! Report Review
RINNN! I'm here to review :]
Okay, I just favorited this. You have no idea what...how...why...my word, you have no idea how utterly dazzled I was by this. This...you ASTOUND me. How is it that you have progressed to this stage in your writing? What I mean is that you literally went from writing just for a bit of fun [so it seems], to writing as if you've published a thousand books and all of them best seller's. In each word, I read the ease with which you wrote them. I can almost see the brilliant mind that wrote this, ticking and turning, scribbling down sentences like there's no tomorrow.
The dialogue of this piece, Lord help me, flowed beautifully! It was like reading the words of a river on paper. It was almost random, clearly perfect. And what description! "It struck me as odd that the solid, stony tombstone was chosen for my brother's grave. He would have laughed at it's solemness, being as lighthearted and carefree as he had been." - These two sentences made me want to weep and laugh in excitement. I have no idea why, but these descriptive sentences were so...real. I could literally see myself or someone else thinking those things, saying them.
"She had the most beautiful blue eyes. I didn't think I had ever noticed that before." - What absolute beauty! It's things like this make your writing come to life. Those are so real, so vivid. I notice the little things all the time, things that I've never noticed before. It's when you put them into words that I just want to shout with joy.
I have no idea if any of what I have said makes sense. You take things from the 'real' world, per se, and slap them on paper, well, on a screen. You take my thoughts, your thoughts, the world's thoughts and twist them and orchestrate them to fit your purpose: writing. Rin, I believe this is my favorite piece of yours. I tell you time and time again, but I can't help repeating myself: Your writing abilities grow with each chapter, each sentence. I find myself running out of things to say.
Pure brilliance, 10/10
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Oh good god, Shelby, I am honestly and whole-heartedly stunned. I mean... holy friggin'... wow. I can't express how happy and honored and flattered you've just made me! For three straight hours, not one single person had clicked on this story, and then, in a span of 30 minutes, I get lots of readers and even some reviews! It was unexpected, and your lovely, wonderful, superb, fantastic, and absolutely -magical- review just blew me away and swept me off my feet! I can't describe to you how happy you've just made me. :D
I was so doubtful about this, too. It amazes me that I've received such positive feedback. I mean... wow, Shelby! Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! Your review will go down in the books in my brain as the loveliest, most spectacular review I have ever received. Ever. And that's saying something. ;)
God, I love you to death, Shelbs. *glomp*
Rin Report Review
Dude, seriously!!! This is one of the best fan fictions I've read in like, FOREVER. (:
Your writing just as a whole is ... Stunning. Magnificent. Superb!
Please, please, please keep writing this. It's amazing, and so are you! ^.^Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you so, so much! I don't know how to respond to such a lovely, wonderful review! Thank you so much. It means a lot to me when I get feedback, especially positive! I was really worried about this, but I guess it's doing OK! Thanks so much, again. :)
- Rin Report Review
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