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11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by wolfsnake New Kid in Town

7th August 2011:
can you please contine this story as it is really good

Author's Response: I will, don't worry! thanks for the review :)
~EnnaBellaPotter


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Review #2, by harrylilyjames New Kid in Town

27th October 2009:
Hey!

On the second line, you wrote "which kind of secret I was"- I think you meant 'had' instead of 'was', because it sounds like that 'shes' a secret, and not that she had one. Hope that wasn't confusing.

The details got a bit too dragged out at parts, like the little humming bird didn't really have to be there. Just try and cut it down, because you're writing about stuff that can be said in one sentence- and don't get me wrong, it's good that you are, but for a reader it's a bit tedious as we only want to get to the juicy parts[when they were kissing] and even those were dragged out and lost their little flare very quickly. Make them snappy and use sexy, sweet wordings to keep the reader interested. :p

The very first paragraph needs to grab the reader right away, and yours was a bit on the long side. Slot in a little short sentence to get the reader saying 'oooh, what's this about?' :)

You could explain the reason why he thought Lily's name was Mimi. Other than 'you look like a mimi' because the name is very random, and a person wouldn't just say that.

You might not want to not have James and Lily's friend both say 'super nova' because it's a bit repetitive and I doubt they would both say it.

Also you said that Lily wasn't experienced in the field of having boyfriends, but then when she was taking her shoe off in the closet you said it was from 'experience' but you said that she didn't have experience.

I don't think you described Sebastian, like what he was wearing, what he smelt like or what style his hair is.

You might want to re-read it too, because there are a few typos in places.

I know this may seem like I hated it, but it was a good read. I like the different take on Lily. Just a bit over-described.

Keep writing!

Author's Response: First of all, I am so, so sorry for taking so long to respond!
Second of all, thank you for the in depth and exceptionally honest review. I've thought a lot about all you've said, and I have to agree with you on most of your complaints. They all are things I've been on the fence about - things that I believe will change in the future.
So a thank you goes to you for 'opening my eyes' so to speak :)
I do know now that it's over-described; after re-reading it, I see where you're coming from and agree that it MUST be changed - immediately! Haha I'm just so glad you pointed all of this out to me. Thanks again!
Oh, and I'm glad you liked Lily!
Yours,
~EnnaBellaPotter


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Review #3, by Paloma Patil New Kid in Town

31st August 2009:
I think you are someone who adores the written word. This is very well done and I hope that you continue.

Paloma

Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate you reviewing my story! I hope as well that I can continue :)
Thanks again,
EBP


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Review #4, by Maddy New Kid in Town

29th August 2009:
I love your story but I love you even more =) Twas amazin. Go die in a hole. Sounds oh-so familiar. Hm. Interesting. Very Interesting. But alas! It was a fanfreakintastic story

Author's Response: MADDY!
Oh my goodness thank you thank you thank you for reviewing! I love you!
Haha I know sorry I stole that line from you but its just such a great line, you know? Would you like me to pay a royalty? Cuz I will!
Thank you thank you thank you once more!
Eeek I love you you're the best!
Enna


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Review #5, by ScarlettBella New Kid in Town

28th June 2009:
oh. this is amazing. are you going to write more? i hope so!

Author's Response: Oh my goodness thank you! I almost NEVER get reviewed thank you so much. Yes I do plan on continuing this story but for now I\\\'m focusing on my other story- which you should check out, by the way (wink, wink) but anyways thanks for taking the time. It\\\'s truly appreciated! :)
EBP


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Review #6, by New inter city kid New Kid in Town

27th May 2009:
tis amazing, however there are a few typos, but i dont judge. unlike some of the people at our skwl. i didnt laugh wen u brought this one into class p.s. bet u can figure out my name

Author's Response: haha i wonder who you are!!!
thanks for reviewing it means a LOT to me, becuase no one likes my stupid stories!!!
ah i'm having a mental breakdown, here.
ok, not really.
thanks again- EBP aka Enna


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Review #7, by qween "harrypotterfan" the 3rd New Kid in Town

28th April 2009:
hehehe i reviewed again just to make you smile. (unless it made you mad) :( sorry not my intention.
farscape!!!
ok i gave you a 2 out of 10 this time. but you still need to work on your writing skills.

Author's Response: You made me smile...and not mad.
:) ily again


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Review #8, by nobody of importance New Kid in Town

28th April 2009:
hey emma. no, this is not matthew.
i just wanted to say how awesome your story is. i haven't had time to "advertize" but i'm sure i will find a way to get this story more popular than it was before. i'm rating it 1 out if 10 hehehe.
i love you!

Author's Response: thanks for leaving a review...you made my day!
ily, 2


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Review #9, by Augie_Katherine4Ever New Kid in Town

26th April 2009:
OMG my dearest Enna! This story is still as good as always. Anywho, on the subject of A & J, I hope they are going out! That would be superly duperly awesome!!! Anyway, I love you Enna!

AK

Author's Response: Wow K you acutally read it! Thanks! ILY!
Anyways, it is totally awesome about A & J,
isn't it? I'm so happy for them. I think they're going out...I think. Anywho, my other story, (you know the Ginny one?) should be posted soon, so check it out when it is, okay? I think I'm going to call it Vindictive. And you going to get me a banner from you friend at DA?
Lots of love,
Enna


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Review #10, by GorillaSpaz_34 New Kid in Town

21st April 2009:
whoa this is like a really, really good story!
i liked the way you wrote it.
can't wait to see what happens next 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I really appreciate your review.
And I can't wait to see what happens next, too! Haha. Just kidding...
Thanks again.
EPB


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Review #11, by metamorphicNerdfighter New Kid in Town

17th April 2009:
Interesting, you've definitely done a great job. I really want to see how this story's going to develo[. I really like how detailed Lily's inner monologue is, you manage to do it without being redundant. Also liked the change in tone of the story, it wasn't all just swooning over Sebastian and Lily being mysterious; you can be all deep and pensive, AND still be able to be lighthearted with the James and Lily note. The chapter flows really well, and the flashbacks aren't out of place like they tend to be with some fanfics. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the truly insightful review. I'm particularly happy that you don't think the flashbacks are out of place; I was sort of worried about them. Well, I'm so happy you liked it! And thank you SO much for taking the time to review! It really means a lot me, being a first-time author and all.
EBP


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