Aww! That was the sweetest of endings, and I've always loved happy endings! I think it just fits in so well, and it was great the way you wrote it, it confused me thouroughly when I began reading the "18 years later" which means either I'm particularly stupid, or you've written particularly well, take your pick! Now there's one last thing i need to say: I really loved the plot it seems very realistic. Especialy since they met in a grocery shop, I don't know, but from my percpective and experience, it seems to me that we always meet the people we least expect to meet, at the moment we most needed to met them. In a grocery shop. I can't even count the times when that's happened to me. It's quite a strange thing, and I don't know if you picked the spot because you've made the same observations as i did, or simply out of a coincidence, but it's one of the plot details that made me like this story even more. Very well done, and frankly, the only bad thing I found about the fic, was that the two first chapters made me want to cry. But assuming that that was the desired effect then I really have nothing to say against it. therefore: 10/10
~LunarLuna of SlytherinAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you loved the happy ending. I know that it's a very different tone than the rest of the story (with the exceptions of some of the flashbacks from Lily's POV), but it is definitely what I was going for. Like you mentioned, the mood changes as Lily's feelings for Severus change from extreme dislike to appreciation and thankfulness.
That was actually how I got the grocery store idea. It seems like you always run into people while buying groceries! I had a couple comments earlier about how they thought it was weird, but I'm glad you liked it. Things don't always happen under dramatic circumstances, sometimes you both just need tomatoes at the same time haha.
Wow, 10/10!!! Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Your reviews really cheered me up after a rough day. =) Report Review
It always hurts me when I see Snape getting rejected, and hurt by Lily/James/anyone, and this seriously nearly made me cry for just that small last little flashback. All of them were very well written, I really enjoyed them, they add a lot to the story, and makes it all the more realistic. I also loved this ending. This one didn't stun me as the last one did, it was softer, and very sad, it just shows how fragile Severus really is.
~LunarLuna of SlytherinAuthor's Response: Even though Lily/James is my favourite ship of all time, it's still hard to write about it hurting someone else... especially now that we know all the good Snape did! This was harder for me to write than the one in Lily's POV, both because we know so much more about him and because he is a man so I'm glad you enjoyed this one too. Report Review
Wow. I have to admit I wasn't expeting the ending, it sort of caught me off guard, I suppose, which is always a plus when I read stories. I always thought the ending was the most important pat of a fic. I really liked Snape's characterisation, it sounds just like him, and It tears my heart away. Poor Severus lived for someone who didn't care about him... You gave that mood, those feelings away well, even if it was Lily's POV we could still feel his pain. Which isn't an easy thing to do! I thought Lily's character was interesting too, it wasn;t the perfect, sweet and understand person some people make her out to be. Everyone has flaws, and you showed that in here. Well done! 9/10
~LunarLuna of SlytherinAuthor's Response: I also have always thought that the ending is important. I was worried that it was a bit abrupt, but it seemed to fit better this way than the other ways I tried it. I'm glad you liked Snape's characterization, Jo did such an amazing job with his character that it is impossible to get him quite right. I'm also glad that you preferred flawed-Lily to perfect-Lily. =) Report Review
Woot! Woot! Finally I have been looking for stories that had an interaction between Lily and Snape after he died and there it was and I am SO happy she forgave him. It just makes me happy.Author's Response: Hehe. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The interactions between Snape and the other Marauder era characters have always interested me, so this seemed like the perfect fic for that. Thanks again! =) Report Review
Hey its musiclover from the fourms :)
So I really enjoyed this story! I think the flashbacks were written beautifully! I really loved the Lily/Severus interaction...It was so realistic!
In the summary when you mentioned grocery store I thought it was going to be an AU type story or something but it definatly wasn't. I think you got Severus spot on and it was exactly how I imagined it!
I also love how Lily changed from the first interaction to thelast interaction where she finally understood everything he was doing for her.
I honestly don't see any problems with the flashbacks or grammar. But then again Im no grammar wiz :)Author's Response: Aww, thank you for the nice review. =) It made me very happy to read your review. I'm glad that you liked the characterizations and the flashbacks. Thank you. Report Review
I think this is really brilliant. =] 10/10Author's Response: Aww, thank you. That comment made me very happy. =) I'm glad you enjoyed the story and gave it a 10/10!! Report Review
I love your first paragraph. There's something about the resentment in her voice that just really hits home right there.
During the first FB you say that a Muggleborn married a Squib and that the Squib has no magical heritage, but wouldn't she have magical heritage being a Squib? If she didn't she'd just be a Muggle right? Also I think that part might be a little more powerful if you changed the Muggleborn to a Pureblood.
I really like the foreshadowing when James says that he'll always protect Lily and that someone would have to kill him first before they'd be able to hurt her.
There were a couple more places where the wording went funny:
‘…had planned a vicious plan against Severus.’ I think that needs rewording. It sticks out in the paragraph and is kind of comical. It really takes away from the mood.
‘…James Potter was standing up to me against a boy who had, only minutes before, been the closest male friend that I ever had.’ 'up for' rather than 'up to'
The whole second FB I thought was really good. I love all the little scenes of Severus standing up for Lily, and minus that part where he calls her a Mudblood, it was very sweet.
I really liked their meeting in the afterlife. The whole ending had me crying. I do think you should elaborate on what Lily had to do for Harry though. I have a feeling this is something that correlates with the book, but I personally don't remember the end that clearly (which is why I'm rereading XD ) and that small part might make a little more sense if you give us a hint.
Excellent job!Author's Response: Oops, the Muggleborn/Squib thing must have slipped past me. I'll definitely have to go back and fix that. Thanks for pointing it out! I'm so glad that you enjoyed most of it, the last paragraph of your review especially was very touching to me. I was hinting at Lily needing to go help Harry when he had the rock that showed him the people who meant the most to him and had died. Thank you again! =) Report Review
Really good chapter! You've done a really great job of portraying Severus' feelings for Lily, and no matter how much I hate him, I still feel bad for him .
There were a few places where the wording was off, or something was mispelled:
‘…at first I thought I misheard her.’ I think thought I had misheard her might sound a little better. Just a suggestion.
‘They had always tried to get Lily and her sister to be friends again and, last thing I knew, been the only thing that was keeping the girls’ minimal contact with one another continue.’ This sentence reads funny to me. I think maybe it's a bit wordy. Try to rephrase it to make it a little more simple.
‘…she looked like she was trying to avoid crying in the produce section.’ I think the 'in the produce section' part doesn't fit. It's a nice way to remind us of setting, I just don't think it works with that sentence. It takes away from the flow a little bit.
‘…the purple-y bags…’ purple-y isn't a word.
‘…I then saw my mother, lying conscious on the sitting room floor…’ unconscious?
‘Now I knew that she needed somebody more so than I had relied on her then, yet I knew that I was not the person she wanted to be comforted by.’ Read funny. Try to rephrase this too.
‘The last thing she needed was for me to cause her more problems, with her parents death, being a Muggleborn, and having Potter’s spawn growing inside of her.’ Like the Potter’s spawn part, but the sentence read funny on a whole.
‘Somehow, I could not make myself to meet her gorgeous green eyes, out of fear of what she would see.’ Change it to just 'make myself meet' lose the 'to'.
‘I finally did look directly at her again.’ 'Just looked' would sound better.
“Severus, you should not be out of bed,” she said calmly. “Put your wand away before I have to report you for pulling your want out against the Head Girl and Head Boy. I want you to go straight back down to the dungeons.” I opened my mouth to retort, but her eyes narrowed. “No, be quiet. I will know if you go back. But if you are back there within five minutes, I won’t take any points off. So go, quickly, and I will be forced to take points off if you don’t.” I thought this section was too wordy as well. It needs either rephrasing or maybe just the wording itself tweaked a bit. Something was just off there.
I really like your attention to detail here. That was very well done.
Excellent job over all!Author's Response: Thanks for another great review. =) I'm glad that you enjoyed it for the most part, and thanks for taking the time to point out the things that didn't sound right to you. Report Review
a perfect ending, i must say. this chapter lived up to the rest of the amazing ones but on a whole new level. this was the end. and you did a wonderful job of making it a beautiful one.
your flow was easy to follow and made the entire chapter much easier to read, as the previous ones. thank you for hat. when a story has a nice and easy pace to it, the entire thing spills out like water and is collected so easily. because you wrote this so well, it hardly seemed like a form of work while reading it.
what else to add? your characterizations of Lily and Severus were amazing in every sense. their dialogue from the very beginning hit me as something so awkward yet so misjudged at the same time. i'm glad you made things work out in the end. Severus did do a lot for Lily and for James in keeping Harry safe as best as he could and there is no reason why they shouldn't be grateful for that. by adding that bit in at the end you completed their characters in a way i hadn't expected. you made them both forgiving and incredulous. great work.
overall, i thought this ending gave the story much justice and beauty. you didn't stop where you needed to with this. instead, you pushed on and created something of true beauty. it might sounds cheesy or unreal, but i honestly found this story attractive, in an odd, confusing sort of way. haha. you can use my review thread any time you wish. keep up the amazing writing and i hope to hear from you again soon.Author's Response: Wow. Once again, I need to thank you for such a positive review. All of the positive comments about my writing truly mean a lot to me and this review was an excellent way to start my morning on a very positive note. I'm so glad that you thought that the characterizations were done very well, it was one of the aspects I was worried about. The last paragraph made me extremely happy. Thank you for all of the positive words and encouragement! =) Report Review
this was another wonderful chapter and certainly an amazing addition to the first. this story just seems to be coming from you so effortlessly! it's really fun for me to read something when the writer seems to have no problem at all writing what they are so thank you so very much for that. this plot is engaging and exciting, original and incredible, and i can't complain one bit! i love what you are doing here and can't wait to see what takes place next. i never really thought that Lily and Snape could have such a long conversation in a grocery story but this has already spanned over two chapters! i guess the flashbacks and added thoughts make that a lot easy to happen, i'm liking how easily this is being done.
the flashbacks are, once again, wonderful. there is nothing at all wrong with them and i am amazed at how accurately you are able to portray them. flashbacks have always been interesting to me, i'm not quite sure why, but i think you are doing a fantatic job with.
grammar is stupendous as well. i haven't spotted any mistakes in this chapter either. again, it could just be me but i think it's a pretty good thing when i don't see any glaring mistakes. it mean that if there are any, they can easily be passed over.
overall, i thought this was a great chapter. i find this story very intriguing and would love to continue it. feel free to request again on my review thread anytime, especially with the next chapter. i know you wanted the third chapter reviewed but i only allow two chapters per request and it's always a lot easier for me to start at the beginning. so yeah, please do request again for the third chapter to be reviewed if you like these first two that i have left you. keep up the amazing work and i hope you have a fantastically fun week!Author's Response: Aww, you made me blush. =) The comment about it seeming to flow so effortly really made my day! It is extremely encouraging to get such good comments about the story. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this chapter as well. I'm definitely going to place a request for the final chapter, since you seem to be enjoying the story and giving such thorough reviews. =) Report Review
this was a very incredible first chapter with a perfect ending, at least in my opinion. i liked the way the dialogue between Lily and Severus was forced and awkward, yet easy to them at the same time. obviously, the situation would never be easy for anyone to handle but i think the way you portrayed it put them both in a better light. i liked how you added the flashbacks in. they really drew attention to the situation at hand and just how awkward things had to be for the both of them after spending so much of their life with the other to look to. i liked that a lot.
the flashbacks, as i mentioned, were a very nice touch. they added enough to the story when things needed to be cleared up but weren't overused where the story wasn't focused on the present. i thought you put them in the right places and wrote them well. great job on them.
your grammar is definitely something to be pleased about. your pace was perfect for a lengthy chapter like this. at no point did the story seem to drag out or anything and that is always nice, especially when a chapter had more than two-thousand words or so. i didn't notice any mistakes, and although that could just be me, i think it's a pretty good thing. if you keep your grammar up to par as much as you have it for this chapter in the next however many, you will be at a very good level of writing throughout all of this story.
overall, i thought this was a very well-written and well-portrayed first chapter. this story has a lot of potential and can go in several different directions. you are at a fantastic place for this chapter right now so be proud about that. you deserve to be.
onto the second chapter.Author's Response: Wow. Thank you for the long, lovely review. =) I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and the flashbacks. I wasn't sure if they were slightly confusing (or something to that effect) so I'm glad that you liked them. Thanks for the comment about their bantering back and forth, I thought that it was quite cute as well. Thank you for the wonderful review, it makes me quite happy about my writing and is very encouraging. =) Report Review
Aww, I think I actually feel bad for Severus. I mean, I hate him with a passion, but I kind of feel bad for him now.
I love your transition to and from the flashbacks. It was an obvious flashback but at the same time you didn't announce it and I thank you for that. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when authors put the big bold letters with the asteriks and all. We don't need a big flashing neon sign to tell us it's a flashback. If it's done right we'll figure it out, and you did this right! Good job. However, coming out of the flashbacks make sure there is a line between the end of the flashback and the start of the present day story because that was momentarily confusing.
I love the banter between Lily and Severus in the first FB. It's an excellent way of showing their easy friendship. You've shown that they feel comfortable around each other which is a nice contrast between how things are now.
I love Sirius in this. He had some of the best lines.
I also like how you've got very clear pacing here. There's a steady rythm to the words and you don't really waiver from it at all. It speeds up and slows down in just the right places, and adds a lot to the general effect of the story.
'While it was nice to think that we were finally done school,…’ I think it should be 'done with'
and here: ‘James game me a gentle kiss…’ 'gave' instead of
and here: ‘…very beginning, I a crush on you…’ 'had' instead of 'a'.
I've had to get very nit picky with crit because it was very well edited and well put together.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. The last sentence really made me happy, I'm so happy that you enjoyed reading the story. I'm glad you could only find little issues with it, it makes me quite pleased. I'll be sure to fix up those typos and resubmit the story. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. =) Report Review
I really enjoyed this. i think you are a very good writer. well done and keep up the good work. =]Author's Response: Thank you very much. =) I'm glad you enjoyed it. The final part is in the queue now. Thanks again for the compliments and for reading & reviewing. Report Review
Oh. that is incredibly bittersweet.
Beautiful banner, beautiful story.
I wish there could be a happy ending but I know there isn't.
I feel betrayed by Lily personally.. excellent characterisation.
Only thing is perhaps you gave Sevs pov too well - he was a slimy Death Eater pure blood freak, even if he did love Lily. Just a thought.
I wasn't going to review but I think you deserve some!
Really enjoyed!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. It's sad how there had to be such a depressing ending for them all... all three Potters, Snape, and even Voldy. Nobody really got what they wanted, huh? Thanks for the lovely review. =) Report Review
you wrote the same sentence twice at the end good storyAuthor's Response: Whoops! *blush* I'm glad you enjoyed the story though. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. =) Report Review
I think other people have mentioned this already, so I won't really go on about it, but there's just the issue with the formatting and italics, which I'm sure isn't your fault, and at a couple of places there seems to be random bits of the story missing.
Aside from that, though, I liked this chapter and I'm really liking this story and am eager to see where you take it in future chapters. I think you wrote Lily's perspective (in the first chapter) a little more smoothly than you did this one, but I can't wait to read more from both of their POV's.
The ending of this chapter was very sad, and you make a good point about how everyone always saw Lily as James' girl, even before they were dating. It makes it very clear that Severus was fighting an uphill battle from day one (or at least, in his mind, he was).
Can't wait for more chapters!!Author's Response: Thanks for understanding. I have tried editing it and sending it in again, hopefully it will make more sense this time! I'm glad that you put up with the crazy formatting and still read it and enjoyed it. =) I have to admit I was much more comfortable with Lily's characterization (she's a girl, we know less about her...) but I'm glad you still thought Severus's was okay. I'm glad you liked the part about her always being James's girl, I was rather proud of that part since I thought it summed it up nicely.
Thanks for reviewing again. I hope you like the other chapters too. =) Report Review
Well this chapter really confused me with the italics. I think you accidentally messed up with the flashbacks and kept on the italics in places that should be in the present. Definitely take a look at that and fix it up.. I only got the sense that it was the present again when Severus was wishing her a happy 20th birhday. There are also a lot of places where the end of the quote is on the next line, instead of at the end of the sentence. I'm sure you didn't mean to do it, so I'm not going to go over an explanation. Just read over this chapter again and try to fix it all up. It makes it difficult to read that way and shows a lack of caring if it's kept that way.
Again, I'm not too sure I like the flashbacks here and I think I found out why in this chapter. I really like the present because it's something that I don't read about too often. I've read it all before.. what you have in the flashbacks. There are so many stories about them at Hogwarts together, the present is just refreshing. So I'd suggest sticking more to the present than going back. Of course you can add in flashbacks every now and then, but keeping to the present keeps this story unique and fresh.
I do like that you've changed to Severus's point of view. Are you going to go back and forth between the two? It's nice to get both of their thoughts through. And I love that you make Lily kind of oblivious to Severus's love for her.. she just doesn't get it and it seems so likely that she wouldn't notice him loving her so much. I think you've definitely got a good plot here and you've gone off to a pretty good start. Just a few things to touch up on and this'll be very good!Author's Response: I just checked the chapter, and I see what you mean. o.O It wasn't like that when I sent it in. Weird. I completley understand why you'd be confused and slightly annoyed by this, I would be too. I most certainly am going to go fix that in the next couple of minutes! Thanks for putting up with the craziness!!
Yes, I will continue to go back and forth between the two points of view. And you should get your wish, the next chapter is definitely more focused on the present and I'm quite sure the others will end up being mostly or all present too.
I'm glad you liked the basis of it. =) Thanks again for reviewing and dealling with the bad formatting!! Report Review
This seems like a pretty good start! I love Lily/Severus (and James/Lily too, which is weird), so it's always nice to read stories about them interacting. From the beginning, I kind of got caught up on a few words that didn't seem too much of the Lily I imagine, but I really can't criticize that. There's not too much in the book on what Lily's character is like at that age, so she can be created any way that you'd want really. I hate when people criticize me for being out of character for a character that's just minorly mentioned, so I think it's great for you to create her however you want.
I didn't really notice any spelling or grammar issues here, but I was a bit more focused on the story line.. I'll try to look out for those in the next chapter. I like that they meet up simply at a grocery store and the reason why she's back is sad, but makes a lot of sense. I love the jealousy of Severus finding out about her pregnancy and the fact that she married James so quickly. Poor guy. I'm not quite sure I enjoyed the flashbacks too much (especially the second one).. they were just okay to me (just giving me honest opinion). They just seemed a bit long for a first chapter and I just wanted to see more of the present. But it was a very good start to the story.. I'm headed off to read the next one!Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you feel like Lily can be portrayed many different ways, since there isn't a lot of canon views of her. I understand that the flashbacks may not be some people's style, so I can understand why you didn't like them. Some of them were quite fluffly. *blush* I'm glad you thought it was quite good overall though. Thanks again for the nice review. =) Report Review
this is sad and i really feel sorry for Snape. really quite brilliant but you kind of need to tidy it up because it's confusing at the moment.
Dilys :)Author's Response: I'm glad you felt sorry for Snape. I'll try to make it less confusing when I review it. Thanks for reviewing again. =) Report Review
wow. this is really good. i sometimes find that going form normal to flashback and vice versa can be clunky and badly done, but so not in this case. really brilliant.
Dilys :)Author's Response: Thanks for the positive review. =) I'm glad that you thought that it flowed well. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Wow. This was a killer intro. I seriously was intrigued by this story from the get-go. Let me tell you, I'm not generally a fan of Snape/Lily (Snape will always seem greasy and nasty to me; it's an image I can't shake. My fault. Not yours.) but this one was lovely. I really loved the characterizations you had going here. Snape seemed really forward, and I liked him that way. I've had enough of that woe-is-me Severus that often times is portrayed in Snape/Lily fics. This Severus was awesome. I was kinda rooting for him, actually. And Lily was different, too. Again, while I always love a strong-minded Lily, I like that she was kind of taken aback by seeing Severus again. Both great portrayals of your characters. Different sides of them, but they worked well together.
I loved the flashbacks. They added so much depth to the story, and I could actually see it in my head like a film. Brilliantly done. The only thing I couldn't quite stomach was the fluffiness in the flashback where James proposes to Lily. "Lily Alice Juliet Evans..." I have never been addressed by my full name (I only have one middle name, though) unless I was being scolded. Fiercely. And to have him say it twice...? Kinda iffy over here. Another thing: since when is James so smooth? I can't exactly picture him as being so smooth and saying such magnificent things to Lily. It's just my opinion of course, but I just didn't feel James's characterization was as strong as those of Severus and Lily.
At first, I was a little turned off by the fact that they met again in the grocery store. No lie, I was kind of like, "Pf. a grocery store? Really?" At first, it kind of felt like you plopped in the first setting you could think of. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is the way people meet in real life. Everyday activities. And on top of that, as I read more, the setting didn't even really matter. The focus is more on the relationships than the tomatoes.
Great first chapter. I'm favoriting this. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Wow, thanks for such a lovely review. =) I'm glad that you liked the portrayals of the characters, I've gotten a couple reviews saying they felt Snape was "off". I feel that he would be nicer to Lily, since she was his best friend and he still loved her, and I'm glad you saw that. As for James, I figured that he could pull off a sweet moment when he was proposing since it's such a big thing. I added the full name thing because of the Muggle movies, but it may not have been such a great idea. Whoops!
I'm glad that you eventually liked that they met in a grocery store. That was my intention, to make it seem more believable and like what happens in real life. I didn't want it to be some big dramatic event, since the story is more about them and how far they've come.
Thank you again for the wonderful review and for favouriting this. =) I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you like the rest of it too! Report Review
Nice job! I enjoyed it!Author's Response: Aww, thank you for reviewing. =) I hope you like the rest too! Report Review
Here to review, as requested! ^_^
I must say, this was a nice little chapter for the start of this story. I really liked how you had them meet under every day circumstances. Too often people try to have their main characters meet in some amazing scenario, but this way makes it much more believable. I thought the flashbacks were really good and I think that you have set the tone for the story rather well.
As far as characterizations go, I think you have Lily (and the small part of James, so far) down pretty well. It really sounds like them and I have no criticism there. Where Severus is concerned, though, there were parts that made me feel like it just wasn't him. He seemed to nice overall, too polite and civil. He just found out Lily and James got married, I don't think he would be taking it so well. But that's just my opinion, to do what you wish with it. ^_^
Overall, you have a great start to a new story. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of it! It's sure to be a wonderful read. ^_^
-AlexAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing. =) I was more worried about Severus and how he was reacting than Lily, probably in part due to the fact that you can't see his thoughts and just generally how he is such a complicated character. I'm glad you enjoyed it so far. Thanks again! =) Report Review
Your writing is lovely. I have been having a hard time finding a storythat really catches my interet, butthis one did it!!! I'm looking forward to reading some more!Author's Response: Aww, thank you for the compliment in your review! =) I'm glad that you liked it and I hope that you continue to enjoy it. Thanks again! =) Report Review
wOW, I love the way you wrote this. Your descriptions were very good and I enjoyed the diaologue. Your flashbakc was well written and your characterizations were excellent. The only constructive critisim I can give you is that Severus may have been a little oocish. Other than that, fantastic startAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I must admit that I was a bit more concerned about Snape's characterization than Lily's... but I suppose he could be less bitter before she died? haha Thanks for reading and reviewing. =) Report Review
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