Reading Reviews for Piercing Innocence
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hedwidgeons Breaking Apart

20th May 2009:
Hello! Hedwigeon from the fourms with your desired review! I must applaued you on your grammatical skills, there are no grammar or spelling mistakes in this entire piece. Your sentence structure is wonderfully done, as well as everything else in this piece.

You have excluded a key element in most stories, and it has greatly aided your own piece. Dialouge is usually a very important componate when composing a fiction, but your fiction would be utterly ruined with the addition of dialouge. I applaud your intelligent, tactical, and beneficial decision-making skills.

I really love your variety of language in this piece. You used more creative words to express simple meanings; tuning this piece to perfection. It appears as though you have referred to a thesaurus, but you have done it well. Many people have a misconception of what a thesaurus is designed to do. A thesaurus is designed to help a writer express themselves in a proper manner; not to sound more intelligent. So very nicely done.

This piece was so well written, the way you have expressed everything gives the appearance it was done by a professional. I believe I am going to favorite your story because I enjoyed it so much. I apologize if you were seeking criticism in my review, but honestly, I have none. Except for one small, possible point of improvement.

You have chosen to have Harry, the main character, narrate this from first point of view. While this is perfectly acceptable, many may view it as Harry acting in a manner of self-loathing, self-pity, etc; Which may not appeal to a certain majority of your readers. Perhaps you could have it be narrated by his mother, Lily? Expressing her amazement at her son's strong-willed demenor, and his inability to 'break'. Or perhaps I stand alone on that point, and even so; please take my thoughts into consideration.

It was quite a pleasure reading your fiction. Feel free to come visit my thread once more and re-request another review.

- hedwigeon

Author's Response: thank you very much for the amazing review. such a long ramble and one piece of criticism? wow, i am speechless. thank you for taking the time to read and review this and i will definitely consider what you have requested. if i did end up doing it, i think that i would write a new story rather than edit this one with a new point of view but it certainly is a wonderful idea. thanks again!

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Review #2, by xXmalfoysgirl4everXx Breaking Apart

1st May 2009:
Hi there! So sorry it took so long to get to this...

Great story! I've never read anything like it, and this is my first one from Harry's point of view. You portrayed his emotions wonderfully, and I think that it could totally fit in with the books (it's during 6th year, right?) I like the emotion you put into it, you can really feel what Harry's trying to comprehend. The characterization that you give him is very well done, I like the fact that you can do it well. Not a lot of people can get Harry's point of view right. But you did, and I give you kudos! Job well done.

--ron.weasleyxo from the forums
10/10 :D

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i am really glad that you thought that my characterization of Harry was done very well. i was sort of worried about that. thanks again.

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Review #3, by SlytherinPrincess55 Breaking Apart

26th April 2009:
Hey there its Chanel form the forums with your review!! :]
First off I want to say amaizng job on your story. The descriptions were brillant and I loved getting inside Harry's head.
Not many people can write a first person Harry story and get across all of his emotions, but you did a wonderful job. Especially in such a short story!!! :D
It was rather short, but like I said you did a great job of making every word count. :] My only advice would be to watch your spacing, some of those large paragraphs are a little bit distracting. Other than that everything seemed wonderful honey! I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: thank you so much. i am so glad to see that you liked this. yeah, those long paragraphs are pretty easy to be lost in but when there is a cut off point, you have to do what you think is right. thank you for the wonderful review. i appreciate your thoughts.

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Review #4, by QuietDesperation Breaking Apart

20th April 2009:
First off, thanks for entering my challenge. I think you're actually the only person to submit a story, so just let me know what stories you want me to review of yours.

Now, on to this one: I think it's simply wonderful. The descriptions were beautiful and you portrayed Harry in a great light. I believed this was Harry Potter and not some guy parading around with a lightining bolt scar drawn onto his forehead. He fits the idea of the challenge to a T and I'm glad someone wrote about him.

Excellent job. 10/10


Author's Response: thank you so much for taking the time to review. oh, that is too bad that no one else could get their stories in. i will let you know which stories of mine i want you to read. i am really glad that you liked this. i was kind of worried about the challenge because Harry was such a major character and i had never really written that much about him before but i am glad to hear that you thought that this fit the challenge well. thank you for the lovely review.

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Review #5, by Phoenix_Flames Breaking Apart

13th April 2009:
Hello, hon! I'm here with your review!

Wow. So first off, excellent job. I really thought this was great from Harry's perspective. It was really great to get inside his head, and I think he was very in-character, so well done with him.

I thought it was a tad short, but that's fine. With all the events and emotions you have packed into this, it was perfect. It was short, but everything came across perfectly. Wonderful job. It was so gripping and truly amazing!


Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am glad to hear that you liked this. i loved getting inside of Harry's head. he is not a character that i have really spent that much time on before and i had a fun time with this. thanks again for the review.

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Review #6, by Groundswell Breaking Apart

13th April 2009:
I really think it's nice to have a look inside the head of Harry, and I think you hit spot on at some parts.
There was something in the beginning, mostly about how the guilt, seeing he's never really been able to hold it back and the view others have of him, which I don't think is very Harry like.
But I think the questions he has about himself and the suffering in his lift is very good and really something I often wonder if he hasnt been thinking a lot about.
I like this piece because it could be taken out of a lot of stories about Harry. It could have been a few minutes on any day, where he sits down, thinking about it. And that you only have thoughts but no action in this, makes this special.
I really think it was good, but still, there are parts where you don't really can make me believe it's Harry thinking.

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i appreciate your thoughts and feedback and cannot thank you enough for taking the time to review this. thanks again.

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Review #7, by redherring Breaking Apart

13th April 2009:
Hey, redherring here with your review :)

Wow, this was just amazing. I loved the emotion and the angst, and I also like that you wrote Harry in first person - I don't think I've seen that done before. The whole thing was just beautiful, and... quite powerful, actually. No criticism whatsoever. Wonderful job.

Author's Response: thank you so much. your positive feedback means the world to me.

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Review #8, by rachm34 Breaking Apart

11th April 2009:
Wow, the emotions within this were just so clear. i felt it so well! Oh my gosh, you're like amazing. Seriously. Write something and get it published! I hate to ask again, but have you made any progress with the vignettes? I think they could really fit your writing story!

Anyway, i loved how meanginful this was. It was so emotional and just so well written. It was origional in the fact that Harry was in first person.

Gosh. Just amazing. Plain amazing. And I have nothing more to say

Author's Response: thank you so much for the amazing review. no i have not made any more progress on the vignettes. i recently got a major leg surgery and have found it hard to get on the computer so i suppose that could be the main reason. i will start on them soon enough. just the fact that you noted on how i should get something published is surely amazing. i am still very young and working on figuring everything out and that compliment means that world to me. thanks again for such a wonderful review. all of them have been so helpful.

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Review #9, by babycakes93 Breaking Apart

11th April 2009:
Hey, it's honeybabycakes1013 from the HPFF forums here with your requested review!
I think that this peice here is an unconventional, yet original look into the mind of Harry. It makes sence though- why wouldn't his spirit be broken after everything he's been through? I really like the way you've written this too, the emotional way it's done taps into the reader's heart and connects the reader with the story-bringing a new level to the story, and that's amazing. Great job! Really, I can't think of much to say in the way of CC, all the things I look for were there!


Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i am glad to see that you enjoyed this story as much as you did. it means so much to me. thanks again.

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Review #10, by imagine_the_magic Breaking Apart

11th April 2009:
Hey, this is imagine_the_magic with your requested review! Wow, this was a very interesting fic! I liked how it was in first person; even though Harry is a familiar character, it gave him a new spin and let us actually get inside his head. You had some fantastic description in there, and the train-of-thought style you wrote this in was very effective. While I was reading, I could feel Harry's burden and yet exactly why he could not break. Well done on that!

Advice: one thing is that you have quite a few very long sentences. The reader (or perhaps I'm just stupid) sometimes gets lost in the length of it. But perhaps consider paring it down to boost effectiveness anyway. Also, in the beginning, you mentioned "hell of a worst form" and I think you might have meant "hell of a worse form." And when you said "no one prevented me from..." I think perhaps a better word there would have been "protected." But that's just nitpicky stuff. Overall, I thought this fic interesting and frankly rather enlightening!


Author's Response: thank you so much for the amazing review. i am glad to hear that you liked my take on this. as i write, i try to go between short and long sentences for a complete feel but i can see how the longer ones can get a bit well...long. switching between the two does not always work out. anyways, i am glad to see that you enjoyed this as much as you did. that is all that a writer could ever ask for. thanks again.

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Review #11, by Femme_Fatale Breaking Apart

11th April 2009:
This was a rather dramatic and emotional piece. I liked it very much. The descriptions were flawless and I could sympathize which how Harry is feeling. This was written beautifully. Good job. 10/10

Femme_Fatale ^_^

Author's Response: thank you so much. your positive feedback can do nothing but make me smile from ear to ear. thanks again.

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