Hello,

Sorry this has taken so long, my internet was down over the week :(

Firstly, I liked the beginning bit in first person, though I would advise if you're going to switch from first to third suddenly you put a line or it in italics, I got a bit confused. :)

I liked how wrote Snape, I thought I was a good idea to switch between Bella and Snape, I thought you did well with what we saw of him. Although I would like more development.

In fact that can be a main point, What I've seen of all the characters is good but i definitely want more development as you go on further, so emotions, connection with audience etc.

That is another point, I want you to try and make so what your characters feel the audience feel the same, It will get readers to come back to your story because they are connected to the characters. I know this is hard with such universally hated characters but I think you can do it :)

I like your style of writing, No mistakes I could see :) I thought you have good Cliff-hangers and a good plot so far. But speed It up a bit to keep readers interested. :)

Overall I liked it. Bella is a hard character to write, I think you can make her a bit more psychopathic though, also maybe develop on what made her like this and emotions about her time in Azkaban :)

Well done.

TheProphecy

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