Its good :)
I've never read a fan fic from mollys perspective before.
I think your descriptive writing is amazing but add a little more dialogue in in the more action filled bits :)
I definitely would read more :)Author's Response: thanks so much, there will definitely be much more dialogue in the next chapter Report Review
i kind of like this. i want to read more, anyway.Author's Response: thanks, I'm working on it..I keep rewriting the second chapter Report Review
I think this has potential - that horrible word!
You built up well to the end of the chapter - you gave us a sense of who your Molly is and how she fits in within the Weasley family, which was good. I love the relationship with her and Lucy - is there quite a big age gap between them? I can't work it out.
I think a Molly/Scorpius shipping is relatively unique - a good kind of risky in that you're taking him away from Rose for her less popular (in terms of fanfiction) cousin.
I'd perhaps run your eyes over it again - some minor spelling errors 'breathe' instead of 'breath' and that kind of thing.
Also, (and I'm the world's worst for this, so excuse the hypocrisy!) the paragraphs are quite chunky and difficult to read. I'd get rid of the indents in the first few paragraphs and for bigger paragraphs, maybe split them into two short ones. I know it goes against all the codes of school English lessons, but it's harder to read like this on the computer than on paper.
So, good job so far. I'll keep my eye on it. I want to see how much your Molly is different from mine!Author's Response: I really appreciate you giving me some advise, it helps a lot! And I agree on the chunky paragraphs, it is hard to read! To answer your question on the age difference, Lucy is in her fourth year ( I know it's not a huge age gap, but there's a three year difference, which means their relationship could have gone either way while growing up REALLY REALLY close or completely horrid like these two, this is taken sadly from personal experience.) And as to the spelling, my french classes for the past few years totally obliterated my spelling, making me add e's unconsciously to random words. I promise to fix future spelling errors.
Thanks! Report Review
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