For starters, I seriously cant believe taht you have no reviews for this chapter... I guess you just posted it or something, because its great! As you can see, Im here as I promised, to review your story.
I wouldnt worry much on Roxys characterization. She comes throught just fine, you have made her easy to connect to and very understandable, mostly because she has so many flaws and quirks, as we all do, she is very human. I like the fact that she is so easy going, but later regrets her decisions; (I do that all the time unfortunately). She is funny and provoking, and her attitude is amazing. Also, I liked that she is hesiatating and second guessing herself at first, it creates that aura of inner fragility around her, but she is also strong and determined at the same time, you can tell by the way she handels herself around people. Contadictions make characters interesting, and she definitely is. I feel like she has a lot to give, but you also have a lot of developing to do to take her to that point and this thought thrills me to no end. There is no other more interesting story than the one in which the characters change and develop, find themselves and do something with whatever they have discovered in them.
Also, your description the work enviromnt was very engaging. People bumping into her and groaning at her presence without the least bit of takt or politeness. Usually, thats the way it is, so it added a more real tone to the thing. Im of the opinion that fanfiction should have as much of reality as It can get to be believable, which is kind of ironic, but anyway... Good job with the speech-guy in the beginning of the second chapter too. He was so stern and curt, I found myself straitening my back as he spoke. It gave a taste of what is she going to go through - which made this exiting, like a passive cliffhanger.
I loved the action in the second chapter. You used clear words and I could follow throught with your narration without much difficulty. I figured it was a test, but I was eating myself the whole time to know how did Roxy do. Sure, she was quick to react, but she was also quick to go for the door, and I dont know how they will take it. Was that George with the missing ear! Oh, I cant wait to read about him training people, I couldnt get enough of him in the HP books. He is one of my favorites!
Oh man, this story is getting better and better, i swear. So this is next generation! It only really downed on me at the end of the chapter. Your first two chapters are amazing and so engaging. No worries at all about characterization, because I loved your OC and couldnt get enough of her. Im glad that I had the chance to read this, thank you for requesting. Report Review
I rather like Roxy so far. I don't know if that's what you intended, but I like her, and I do wish you would update this so I could read more about her. She's quite an interesting character from what I can tell. It's a short chapter, but it's not dull, which is great.Author's Response: It's up to the reader if they like her or not...I'm happy you do.
My first chapters tend to be short, no matter how much I try to make them longer, it just never works.
I will try and update asap.
thank you. Report Review
I'm so sorry for how late this review is! Before I give you my feedback, I just have to say how breathtaking your banner is! Gorgeous, and very appropriate for your story.
All in all, this was a very good prologue - you've introduced your main character with enough information to get me interested but you've not given too much away so that i know everything about her. Obviously, almost everyone can relate to the late thing and the early morning blues. Roxy does seem like a very relatable character. I take it this is your OC, because at first I didnt spot her. What I mean by that is that she fitted into the magical world really easily. So great work on that! That's impressive work for one chapter.
My only criticism is I spotted a couple of grammar errors, just the odd missing comma at the end of speach and her instead of he. Nothing another quick read-through wont sort out.
Please feel free to rerequest when you update :D
- Marina Report Review
Hi, redherring here with your review :)
I really know where you're coming from with OCs - I tend not to write them, either (well, not as main characters) - but I can confidently say that you've done a great job with Roxy. She seems very promising already, so no worries there. There weren't any huge spelling or grammar mistakes, either, and your writing style is just brilliant. I'm completely jealous.
Are you really giving up fanfiction, by the way? I have to say, it'll be a shame :( but if so, good luck with your original fiction!
Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I'd give it 9/10.Author's Response: awe, thank you! *blushes*...yea, I was, but I'm going to keep at it until i finish all my novel and novellas and then I'll hang up fanfics...sadly.
thanks! Report Review
Hey there, here to review! I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get around to it, things have just been crazy.
Interesting start to a story, hard to know too much as it is just a prologue, but still. Your OC looks good, I'll be interested to see where you take her. Oh... just saw you've given up on fanfiction :S Well... good luck with your original fic I guess. For what it's worth this looked promising to me :) Report Review
Hey, this is LonelyStar from the forums with your review :)
I really like your OC so far. She's quite interesting, and even though you're only one chapter into the story, she's well developed, and I'd like to see how you'll take her in the next few chapters. Your writing was really too. Not many grammar mistakes as far as I could tell, and no spelling mistakes. Description is good as well.
I'm sorry I haven't got much else to say except: good work on this chapter, and that I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter to see where you take this next.Author's Response: It's okay that you don't have much to say...should I take that as a compliment? lol.
I'm really delighted that you like her! Seriously, I was soo scared writing an OC and not making her seem real to the reader. Thanks! Report Review
Hey, Tink from the forums with your review! :) Sorry it's taken me a few days to get to your review; I had surgery a couple days ago and I've been taking some time off to recover! ;)
I think you've got an interesting story here so far! Your OC is intruiging and I applaud you on making her believeable. There was an incident though, that I thought one sentance may have been a run-on, also, I did notice a few spelling mistakes.
Other than that, you're chapter seems to be flowing pretty smoothly, along with dialogue, descriptions, etc.
10/10Author's Response: Hello Tink!
Thanks for dropping over. Hope you're feeling better after the surgery!
I'll go and re-check it.
A 10! Awe, you're too nice. Report Review
interesting...This seems like it might be really good. Wanna update soon?? Great chapter so far!
9/10 :)Author's Response: thank you, i'll update as soon as I can. =] Report Review
This looks likes it's going to be a really interesting story! I found myself cheering for Roxy already, so you've done well with her character. And the summary was superb. It's what made me read this in the first place!
Keep up the good work!Author's Response: lol...I'm surprise at your reaction to her- because I don't write oc's that often, and I thought she was going to turn out to be a plain, boring person. But I am sooo happy that I got you cheering for her =p
thank you soo much for the lovely review. xx Report Review
Firstly, I have to congratulate you on you're amazing summary. It certainly will drag readers in! And the first chapter is very nice as well; not too long and not too short, very descriptive and enticing. The minor cliffhanger at the end was perfect to drag readers into the next chapter. I applaud you on the great beginning to your story!
10/10Author's Response: wow! thank you very much. I didn't want the first chapter to be very long, because of the reason you've just said =]
thank you very much!! Report Review
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