This is a beautiful fic; very emotive and realistic. Yeats is one of my favourite poets, so it's nice to see someone else who enjoys his poetry, too!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
This story is... trascendental. It's. I can't even begin to explain how good it is. I feel a pang on my chest after finishing it. Epic. 10/10Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
This gave me goosebumps! Seriously I actually shivered! It's incredible that something so short can deliver so much in terms of emotion. I remember reading this a while ago, but I can't think why I didn't review! *looks guilty* So I'm making up for it by reviewing now!
This was so poignant and it was beautiful the way you delivered Frank's love for his wife and how he had to watch her go through that! I could ramble on for hours so I'll stop before I become a pain and start repeating myself!
I loved this. 10/10 +Author's Response: Thank you so much, TheDirigiblePlum! Your words mean a lot (: Report Review
This is amazingly intense, and I really like it, if one should say they like a story where someone gets tortured. I think you perfectly captured the emotions Frank would feel. I love your take on the Longbottoms!!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Means a lot (: Report Review
This is absolutely beautiful! At first the website wouldn't let me see who the pairing of the story was, so I read the one-shot blind sighted. And I absolutely loved it! You showed the love and care the man has for his wife, not wishing for her to go through any more pain. This was truly a masterpiece. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
This was definitely a beautiful oneshot, I've favorited it. The fact that you wrote in second person made it all the better, I think. It let me, as the reader, think about what I would do in the circumstances that were written. And, having thought about what course of action I would take while reading, I found that it was very realisticly written. The emotions were perfect, the description of the torture well done, but not overdone, and the way we got to see what went through Frank's mind before he was tortured was brilliantly written. And the last few lines, from-- "And the woman before you-" to the end are beautiful.
I'm absolutely in love with the last two--
"And then one second you’re there, and the next you’re not.
As simple as that."
Even the poem at the end fits perfectly. You managed to capture so much in a small amount of words (850!), I'm jealous. I absolutely loved it! :D
10/10Author's Response: Wow, I have no idea what to say, but this: this review left me speechless (and very, very happy).
I'm continuing this reply five minutes later, seriously. Well, onto the actual reply part: I didn't want to drag this moment out, because it's one of those where you think back and everything happened so quickly you have to wonder where the time went. So I wanted that feeling, but still include the torturing, only not to ramble about it on and on, because really, that would probably have been unnecessary. I'm glad you think the poem fits perfectly - I was worried that maybe some readers would think there wouldn't be a connection, but as always with poems, it's kind of individual. Anyways, I'm rambling. Thank you so, so much for this amazing review. Report Review
This was really really amazing. And I love the Yeats quote at the bottom. He truly was a master. Great one-shot. I wish I had time to leave a longer review, but you know what I'm getting at! :)Author's Response: Yep, I do ^-^ And thank you so much! This one-shot is one close to heart, so it always means a lot to see that readers have liked it. Again, thanks! Report Review
Reading this gave me chills! I thought your choice of second-person narration was a good one. It's not used very often, but in this case forcing the reader into the shoes of Frank Longbottom makes it all the more powerful and horrific. I liked the simplicity of the writing, because that's exactly how a person in this situation would be thinking.
The most wonderful and awful part of this whole thing was exactly what you point out in the title - that it was so terrible he wished his wife would just die. It's terrifyingly true.Author's Response: Thank you very much - can't tell you how much yor words were of a relief to me. I wanted this to be as simple as possible, not drag out the scene, because it would never matter when writing from Frank's or Alice's perspective. Also, I'm glad you liked the choice of second-person - I don't know what it is with this particular POV, but I always find that it works best when writing these short pieces (for me, of course). And I'm very glad you thought the title was fitting - I read the poem first and when I saw the title I thought directly of Frank and Alice. They just popped up. Anyways, enough of me rambling. Thank you again so much for this amazing review. Report Review
There's something so beautiful about it, even though it's so horrible, and the fact it's so short makes it even more powerful. It's really original, in both the style and theme, I like the fact that it's not concentrating on Bellatrix or anyone else, just Frank and his last thoughts. Even though you barely even touch on the literal subject of Alice - I don't think you even mention her name? - you can really feel how much Frank loves her and their relationship. Amazingly well-written (: I think I might just have to go and read all of your other fics!Author's Response: I don't know what to say, except your review totally made my day! Scratch that, it made my entire week. Thank you so much for reviewing (: Report Review
Wow...this is an amazing story, and so well-written. I feel like we don't get much of a sense of who Frank is from the story, except for the part where he says, "But you’re not really worried about yourself. You stopped worrying about yourself the day you became a husband; the day you became a father. There wasn’t any space for worry. Not for you," but it doesn't matter - you give such a compelling sense of what it was like at that moment in that place. I think it's completely believable.
The only criticism I have is that there are a few areas where the language is a bit clunky or repetitive - you might want to go over it more for word choice and such, or maybe consider having it beta'ed. (I won't be nitpicky!)
But overall it's just a beautiful, sad story. I think it's amazingly well-written, especially dealing with such a difficult subject. You captured the experience really well. Thank you for letting me read it!
envinyata.Author's Response: I promise I'll go back as soon as there's time and look this over once again - seeing as english isn't my native language, it wouldn't surprise me at all that it's off here and there ^_^ thanks for letting me know, in any case, and for reviewing - means a lot! Report Review
Stephanie, you've done it again. Much like 'How a Heart Behaves' and 'The Tide that left', you've crafted an incredibly haunting piece with emotion that's so tangible, it's scary. I really like the style of writing you used here, using a stream of consciousness method that perfectly captures the powerful atmosphere of such a powerful scene in the HP Universe. For such a scene, too much words would just weigh down the intensity of the story which is why second-person pov and present tense is utilized wonderfully here. The one paragraph that used a fair amount of description, Frank's observation of Alice's torture, was the best-written part of this fic. The descriptions of her beauty contrasting with her disturbing reactions to the torture was just... wow. The physical pain she must have felt and then taking into account Frank's emotional agony at watching his wife endure such sadistic suffering was heart-wrenching. And then to end with such a beautiful poem... I love it when poems are included in HP fanfics, they add a certain touch of poignancy that song lyrics don't. But to me, the poem was a fitting inclusion simply because it would be pointless to continue a Frank narration since he's lost his sanity and coherency. Therefore, the poem is a symbol of the aftermath of the torture, which was that Alice and Frank's lights have each extinguished, leaving them not dead but not there. The brief glimpses of Bella and Crouch were a good inclusion, reminding the reader who was responsible for such a heinous act. Personally though, I would have liked to see a little bit of why the Death Eaters were there, namely to interrogate the Longbottoms on the whereabouts of Voldemort. No long-winded explanation or anything, maybe something along the lines of "Where is he?" "I don't know" "Liar". Brief, straight to the point. But that's just me being nitpicky, your story is already amazing as it is ;). 10/10!!
MistyAuthor's Response: Misty! I don't know how to begin to thank you for this amazing review. Seriously. But I'll try; firstly, sorry for leaving off replying. I just haven't had the slightest idea what to say. Secondly, you rock. And thirdly: wow. I'm so happy you liked this - it was another one of those spur-of-the-moment-fics that I hadn't planned or given much thought, but that just came out of nowhere, written in less than two hours. So yeah, I'm very happy you liked this. And the poem - I just had to include it. When I first read the title, I immediately thought of Frank&Alice, and then I read it, and something about it spoke of this imaginary place. And when I had finished writing the first part of the story, I just had to inlclude the poem, because as you say, it's the aftermath of that horrifying moment and something about it gives you hope (at least I felt so personally...). And you're right, I could've included some dialogue between Bella/Death Eaters and Frank and/or Alice. I never thought of that. Still though, I wanted to leave out as much as possible. And most of us already know what they were doing there *blush* Still, thanks for letting me know, and again, for leaving such an awesome review. I don't think I did it justice, but I tried *hugs* Report Review
Hey it's honeybabycakes1013 from the HPFF forums!
I like this little story, it's not often I read a good story that's in second person!
You bring a really cute quality to the story, the way he loves her so much he'd rather her die than be in pain and mentally gone. Good job, you did well with this. :)
~HoneyAuthor's Response: aw, thanks! I'm happy you liked this (: Report Review
Fantastic! This was so sweet and so sad, but lovely writing. I think you've got Frank right on... I really love how you've included the poem... very fitting. I think Bella was written just right as well, the little of her there was.
I thought it was also really interesting how you put Crouch in there, but it was a nice touch... I love how you put the Death Eater's voices in as well... their dialogue was a good insert into his thoughts.
I really can't criticize much about this... and the grammar wasn't too bad, these are the sentences that stuck out while I was reading:
"She could either be inches apart or miles away." - I feel like apart doesn't really match the idea of inches... I would suggest either getting rid of it and just leaving the sentence as 'inches or miles away' or maybe 'inches from him or miles away'.
"as you look at her and wishes she were dead," wishes is the wrong tense, wish would work best.
Wonderful job! I really enjoyed this! :]
-JillAuthor's Response: Thanks for pointing out those two sentences - I went back to the story and changed them ^_^ Overall, I'm glad you liked this, particularly the part about Bella and Crouch and the Death Eaters. I wanted to show more of what was going through Frank's mind and it felt important to mention them, like a reminder of the ones there, even though it wasn't much at all. Anyways, thanks very much for reviewing, Jill! Report Review
i thought that you did an amazing job on this one-shot. this was very creative and even though it tackles a familiar scene, i found that you wrote this in a way that can do nothing but amount to some form of originality. your style was beautiful and i found it particularly interesting that you wrote this in second person. i have never read a story written in second person but it just added to the overall effect. nice work. happy writing.Author's Response: wow, thank you so much, confusedlover! I'm so happy you liked this and sorry for this late (and lame) reply. *blush* Report Review
Before I begin, let me just say that I am completely and utterly in love with your title. Honestly, it's one of the strongest, if not THE strongest title I've ever seen. Good job.
An equally powerful piece of writing. If I were to write something like this and post it on the archive, I would be scared that no one would get it. I think it's very brave of you to publish something as robust as this. It's a wise choice, though. It sounded to me more like poetry, so I read it as such. It worked well that way, and I'm sure you knew that. =P Really a good idea.
I'm the worst person in the world to ask about canon in fanfiction, so I can't help you there. But all we know is that Frank and Alice were tortured by Bellatrix, right? And that's what you wrote here so I think you're safe with that. I love the characterizations, everything was wonderful. I'm mostly mesmerized by the way you wrote this.
Let me be the first to tell you that I HATE second person stories. I always feel like the author is trying to boss me around and I don't like that. But this one was different. I think it was the poetic nature of the story that made the second person okay with me. I can't imagine a story like this being written any other way, so that's another wise choice on your part.
You are truly a magnificent writer and I am impressed. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: I've known that you dislike second person stories for quite some time, and yet I forgot about it until after I had replied in your review thread! Definitely a slam-forehead-in-frustration-moment. Anyways, can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that this wasn't too horrible to read =p I felt that second person worked best, because there's a certain detachment to the character and yet there isn't, which works best for me. I'm also glad that you read this as poetry - there are always different ways to read and interpret a certain text, especially a short one as this. And I was scared to post this at first! Not only was this not edited by someone who knows what they're looking for, but also because it was a spur-of-the-moment fic and wasn't well thought out at all (canon-wise). But I just needed to get it out of my system and I'm actually happy with the outcome, if I may say so myself. Anyways, enough of me rambling. Thank you so, so much for this amazing review and I'm sorry for this late reply. Report Review
My dear Steph,
It's my honour to be the first reviewer of yet another painfully beautiful story of yours.
There's something in your writing that leaves me mesmerized every time I read your stories. This one is no different. I'm completely broken by the immense pain Frank Longbottom feels as his beloved wife is being tortured to insanity. I'm at a loss for words.
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Aww, Zoltan! You can't believe how relieved I am to hear that you liked this. I wrote this piece in less than two hours, so it's not really well-thought out or anything. Anyways, thank you so much! Report Review
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