Reading Reviews for Friends Stand United
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by miss_aurora The Best Part

9th November 2009:
Oh, it's nice to have the son of Harry-saviour-of-magical-world-Potter as a jerk, or druggies, or something along the line, instead of the usual good boy or manwhore one, or something along the line. And I find it hilarious that George's son is that...well, kind? Haha.. Love this. :)

Author's Response: ahah! thanks! i wanted to do something different! james always seemed to be on the arrogant side to me at least. thanks for your review!

 Report Review

Review #2, by padme_alejandra The Best Part

8th November 2009:
I'm SO glad you updated this! You have no idea how much I squeed when I saw that you'd added a chapter! XD

And what an excellent one it was! I seriously love your writing style. It just spells out action, which is obviously really important in a fic like this.

And your dialogue is lovely. It's so realistic, it brings a smile to my face!!

Lovely work, can't wait for more!! 10/10

Author's Response: yaaayy! thanks very much! i, like you appreciate reviews so, yeah! i'm so glad you like this story and came back to check the update!

 Report Review

Review #3, by not telling That's What It's All About

11th October 2009:
wow, nice chapter, nicey nicey

Author's Response: thanks! i appreciate it!

 Report Review

Review #4, by Unwritten Curse Not Much of A Fighter

8th October 2009:
Hello there! Unwritten Curse from TGS with the review you requested!

Okay, so you asked for me to share my first impressions of the four boys. Honestly, they're all pretty hilarious and obnoxious... exactly how I picture teenage boys. However, you introduce them all at once, and it gets a little chaotic. I felt like I was a pinball in a machine getting smacked around. Although, being around a group of guys in the real world is like this. They're all competing for the spotlight and it's difficult to concentrate on just one of them. So I'm torn.

Poor Freddie. It looks like nothing is going right for him. :( I do feel sorry for him, because he's so likeable. He seems almost meek, as though his friends are the ones who get him to go out and do things. It's clear he knew how much trouble he'd get in for sneaking out, and wanted to avoid it altogether. Very Remus-like. He knows he'll get in trouble, but he caves for his friends.

The only advice I could give is to try to slow this chapter down a bit. It's kind of like a whirlwind and I was overwhelmed. Like I said, this does reflect the teenage boy's personalities, but you don't want to confuse your readers. Other than that, I don't really have anything else to offer you. It's just the intro chapter, so I don't have too much plot to work with. It was comical and well-written, so kudos for that! :D

Overall, an 8/10. Great work! Feel free to come back and request again.

Keep writing,
Gina

Author's Response: Wow, sorry you interpreted the story that way! I haven't really re-read this story much so I guess I should look into the whole jumping around thing. Thanks for the review! I appreciate this!

 Report Review

Review #5, by celticbard Not Much of A Fighter

12th August 2009:
Hi Alice!
It's celticbard from TGS, here to review as requested. ^_^

First off, I have to say that I haven't seen the film "Green Street Hooligans", although the first chapter of your fic has certainly given me an idea of the plot. I'm assuming it's about "hooligans" or English rugby (in this case, Quidditch) fans. Being an American, I don't know much about them, but I think I have heard that they can turn violent and fight with rival fans. Am I right?

Gah! Sorry for rambling there. ^_^ As far as the fic goes, I think you have an excellent beginning here. This is such an amazingly unique take on next-gen. I love how the characters (Teddy, Fred, Victoire) are so very different from the typical cliched next-gen kids. They're obviously not goody-two-shoes, but cursing, back-stabbing, volatile teens. You've really stripped them down and made them realistic, which is such a breath of fresh air.

Also, I thought the dialogue was fabulous. It was completely true to the characters and the setting. You must have spent a good deal of time studying British slang. I must say, it certainly paid off! ^_^

Otherwise, I only noticed a few minor issues in this first chapter--a spelling error or two, some grammatical problems. Your beta should be able to help you clean those up though. ;)

Thanks so much for requesting from my thread, Alice. I really enjoyed reading this. And of course, feel free to drop by anytime and request again. I hope you have a great week!

Best,
Lee Anne

Author's Response: Haha! Lee An! I was spending quite sometime on British slang/cockney rhyme sites to get some authentic British dialogue! But it was totally worth it!

I'm also glad that you approve of my characters! I really don't know so much about the next-gen so I did what I thought they would be like based on what they were coming from.

Thank you so much Lee Ann! This review makes me feel sooo much better coming from someone as legit as you!

xoxo


 Report Review

Review #6, by xXmalfoysgirl4everXx That's What It's All About

9th July 2009:
Hey girl! Here's your long awaited review--sorry it took so long!! Great story here :)

I love the context. Your explanations and detail are exquisite. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, well...just this one "you just fell it, mate" should actually be "you just feel it, mate." I don't know if you saw that, but that was all that I saw! I was kind of confused when Aiden and Fred were talking, but maybe that's just me lol. Anyway I really like your flow too. It makes sense and it doesn't go too fast. Great job with the story so far! I'm enjoying it :)

10/10 :D
--ron.weasleyxo from the forums

Author's Response: thanks ronnie! *hugs*

those little grammar mistakes like that are tre embarrassing!


 Report Review

Review #7, by nana_banana_xx3 That's What It's All About

7th July 2009:
Another impressive chapter. :) It seems a smidge shorter than the others, but that could just be me being weird, ha.

I really enjoyed the family dynamic in this chapter. I really liked the contrast between the parents -- the worry vs. the chill. I also liked seeing what really sets George (?) off. I got a great sense of the great struggle the family as a whole has been through with Fred getting expelled, etc. Nice job there!

Also, I liked Roxanne and Fred's relationship. They aren't overly affectionate as siblings, but you can tell that they really do care about each other, which is refreshing. :)

I'll definitely be keeping my eye on this story! You have a really lovely beginning to what I'm sure will be a great journey.

Hannah

Author's Response: eep! i hate short chapters! means only then later on, i have more to like, tell! but yeah, i was like tre worried about george and angelina would handle this situation as parents.

but yay! you also like fred and roxanne\\\'s relationship! yaaay!

thanks again!!!


 Report Review

Review #8, by nana_banana_xx3 Think of Someone You Hate

7th July 2009:
Hey there :) I'm back for round two! I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I honestly feel like you have a great handle on your characters; you're really good at conveying their emotions to the reader. I love the change I'm already able to sense in Fred. ^.^

You've also done a really lovely job of explaining the reasons behind Fred's grounding and expulsion without making the entire story too melodramatic. Fred gives the guys facts about what happened and that's about it. I do like the bit of emotion he showed at the very end, though, when he's asked "who did you fight?" That fit in very nicely.

My only bit of critique has to do with word choice and it's ridiculously minor. I feel like, during the fight especially, you use the word scream and its variations quite a bit. Maybe replace that word with something else? That's really my only advice to you. Great work thus far!

Hannah

Author's Response: haha, yeah, i guess i was focusing too much on the action that i really didn\\\'t care about my word choice! but thanks so much for this review!

 Report Review

Review #9, by RonsGirlFriday That's What It's All About

30th June 2009:
Aidan's a teacher! That was a surprise!

Hmm...Aidan doesn't approve of the Cardinal's decision...If the Cardinal turns out to be Teddy, I will die. Because that would be awesome!

I was a little surprised by the dynamic in Fred's family. I get that Angelina must be really upset about Fred getting expelled and everything. But it makes me so sad that Fred couldn't even tell his parents the truth about what happened with James. I guess what Fred said in the previous chapter is right though -- that would have created a ton of family drama, especially between his parents and James' parents, and Fred would have been smart enough to anticipate that. And even if he told someone now, they probably wouldn't believe him because he hadn't said a word about it when it actually happened. Poor Fred.

Author's Response: haha, i love your reviews! they\\\'re just so refreshing! thanks so much for the support!

 Report Review

Review #10, by RonsGirlFriday Think of Someone You Hate

30th June 2009:
So I lost track of this story for awhile, but I'm back! Loved this chapter -- it really got things moving, and answered a lot of questions from the first chapter (I'm actually glad the first chapter was a little vague -- it worked out nicely that way).

Your writing is really engaging, and I thought you wrote the fight scenes well. There was a good mix and magic and fist-fighting, although I probably would have liked to see a little more wand work -- but as I said, I enjoyed the physical brawling, too!

I also really like the way you're incorporating the movie lines into your story in your own way. It's a nice touch. This is actually making me really want to go see the movie now...but I'm torn about it, because I don't want the end of your fic ruined!! So maybe I'll hold off on seeing the movie. Bbut then the end of the movie will be ruined. LOL. Dilemma.

Wait, seriously? Fred was fighting James? There's irony for you. :-)

11/10

Author's Response: Haha, no the guy Fred was fighting was someone Fred hated so he could have an easier time taking him down.

But thanks so much for this review! I\'m glad you liked the action! BAM! POW!

ca♥


 Report Review

Review #11, by Indigo Seas Not Much of A Fighter

30th June 2009:
Here as requested! Sorry it took me so long. :(

I think you've got a great start here. Your beginning especially seems very strong to me, because your first lines really draw the reader in. As soon as I started reading, I didn't want to stop. That's a wonderful thing to achieve, so kudos to you!

I really love the dynamic between your characters. Even though the reader has just met them, they seem like they have this certain chemistry. They're relationship seems very natural, so it's easy for the reader to jump right in to your story. Good job on that.

I'd also like to comment on your dialog. A lot of writers have some trouble with dialog, but I think you did a great job. Some authors on this site write their dialog too forced, but yours flowed very nicely. So really well done!

Speaking of dialog, the only -major- grammar mistakes I found were actually concerning the dialog. All others could be easily ignored, but I would suggest a beta, just so you could smooth some punctuation problems out. Anyway, I noticed that your dialog went like this:

I looked at Aiden and whispered. "If the Falcons are playing, I don't want to run into any reserve members."

The problem here is that after 'whispered' there should be a comma instead of a period.

Besides that, though, I thought it was a great start. So keep up the good work! I look forward to reading further chapters, though I can only do so if you re-request for the next chapter. Thanks so much for requesting! I really enjoyed it.

- Rin

Author's Response: Aw! Rin! Thanks so much for this review! Dialogue makes me nervous because I don\\\'t want it to sound like all cheesy and what not with things like, \\\"said Fred\\\" or \\\"Fred said\\\", you know what I mean? And for characterization, I just kinda wanted to be real with them and kinda raw too. And because of the situation going on within the story, I just wanted things to be extra gritty.

Thanks so much for this review! I really appreciate this!


 Report Review

Review #12, by onestop_hpfan18 That's What It's All About

26th June 2009:
I quite enjoyed the intensity in this chapter between Teddy and Aiden, Fred and his parents, and the way you wrote it really flowed nicely along. I have a suspicion that the Cardinal was Teddy before he put the Quidditch Firm behind him because of Victoire. The whole fight between Aiden and Teddy would just make a lot more sense if that was Teddy had been the Cardinal. And I'm curious as to whether George may of put two and two together and realized that Fred had been framed and instead it was James that should have been expelled for possession of drugs... I don't know though, I suppose the reason for his anger could go whichever direction that is a mystery to us readers until you decide to reveal it. Anyway, great job on this chapter, and happy writing! 10/10

Author's Response: hahah, oh i do love those theories that readers come up with! they are so entertaining! but yaay! intensity and drama was what i was going for! thank you so much for this fantastic review!

 Report Review

Review #13, by nana_banana_xx3 Not Much of A Fighter

25th June 2009:
Well, I can honestly say that I have never come a cross a fanfic quite like this one. :) I can also tell you that I have never seen Greet Street Hooligans, but since reading this chapter I've poked around IMDB and am very interested in checking it out, ha. That said, you have a really nice beginning here. :)

The first thing that I notice is that your dialogue is really great. I got a wonderful sense of each of your characters and the relationships they share based on the way they interact and speak to one another. Too many times in fanfic you'll find that you're not really sure where characters stand with one another until the author comes and says "so-and-so is great friends with what's-her-face." It's wonderfully refreshing to come across a story like this where I don't have to wonder too much how one character currently feels about another. :)

A small bit of critique to throw in -- it seems like you've changed tenses a couple of times from past to present. I know that's really easy to do, and I'm awful about it myself, but just be super aware of that in the future. ;) The place I noticed it especially here -- "I didn't know what to think at the moment. Each day I hope that I'll just wake up and it'll be a bad dream. But it's been two months, and this isn't a dream; it's reality." You go from 'I didn't know' to 'I hope,' thus switching tenses. Also, at the very end it happens again here -- "What do I have left to lose? Nothing; I don't have a future. I don't have a girl. I don't have a best friend. I don't have anything left to lose but my life. I picked up the pint and joined in the toast as the guys cheered." The internal dialogue is in the present, whereas the action is in the past.

Teddy is wonderfully written, as is Fred. Having read the basic plotline of Hooligans, I'm very interested to see how you'll take the idea and form Fred's character. He'll be great to watch as he evolves :) Lovely beginning!

Hannah

Author's Response: Baha! I know, my grammar will like, never improve! But I'll be more careful when I proofread!

Thanks so much on the compliments on my dialogue! I was seriously like re-reading this story like, fifty times just so I can like, perfect the conversations going on between the characters. I like wanted the readers to like feel what Fred was feeling when he was speaking with James.

Thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #14, by alanapotter That's What It's All About

20th June 2009:
Awesome! I just love Fred in this story... he's taking a stand and becoming who he wants to be, one of my favorite things to read :]

I can't even think of the proper words to describe this chapter. Everything is flowing so well, and your characters are all so wonderful. The interaction between George and Angelina was so parallel to what I imagine of their relationship... it just can't be that happy kind of thing I would want for him, and you've portrayed that splendidly. And I really just like Aiden's laid back way of life... it's refreshing and yet, I would worry for Fred too... that isn't always a good thing in a person. Ahh, I'm interested to see where this leads.

There weren't many grammar things, a few easily missed spelling things that you may want to proofread.

"You just fell it, mate." -- This should be feel, I believe. I was confused because the next part was talking about feelings. heh. :]

Another great chapter! Keep up the good work!
-Jill

Author's Response: w00t! thank alana! I was so worried about George/Angelina's little argument there that I almost felt like Fred would be. You know when you're all scared and ish when you're parents are fighting. Like, this argument scared me. Hah!

Thanks so much!


 Report Review

Review #15, by Groundswell Think of Someone You Hate

18th June 2009:
Just as great as the first chapter.

I absolutely love Fred. Even though he may feel he does not belong among those people in the beginning, because he may seem a little different, he's ideal for this group. He's got some anger in him and he needs to become someone else. Plus, they really seem like such a friendly bunch, I understand why he feel at home around them later on.

Oh, and just a thing I recently found out. Victorie, is actually spelled Victoire. I thought it vas like victory, but it's different. Thought you might want to know.

Oh, and I have to get this out. I hate that Fred has let this happen, taking the blame. It really gets me mad. It's his whole future! Thrown away. The the worst is, James gets everything Fred fought for. Arrgh! But a nice thing, which gets every reader to feel sorry for Fred and just love him more. And his explanation "I just did!" I think it says it all. It's not possible to explain, it's one of those situations one can overthink so many times afterwards, and still find no logic in.

Anyway... You got Fred to tell this in a nice way. It wasn't too sappy, but not too "manly" either. It was the truth and nothing more. And this is where the readers really get to see the good side of these men.

Bird and Chain? Haha, I don't remember, is that from the movie or someone you thought up? I like Bird, but Chain? I guess it's because I need the story behind them.

I love his little revelation before he really starts fighting. Of course it does not help to keep blaming James. Better use the anger for something else than cleaning. I find it well placed and short to the point. And he's right back up and fighting back in a second. Well done.

I wonder what charm-thingy the man used on Fred. It's not nice. The fight between the two parts was a perfect mix of magic and fists, I think. It would have gotten a bit boring if it was purely magic, but you used the "muggle way" nicely and it couldn't have been done much better.

And I have to ask you. Why did you create a new Quidditch team when JKR has given us so many in that little book, Quidditch Through the Ages? I mean, you could easily have found a team which people would have recognised, and kept it canon.

And wow. It really seems like that fight changed Fred. He doesn't care anymore, and good for that (I'm a little rebellious, so I'm all for sneaking out :P).

Love it. Really great!

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much for catching how to spell Victoire's name! HA! I don't think I'll go in to make those changes anytime soon! I'll try and remember that victory trick to remember the spelling.

Fred's situation is something he brought upon himself and is one of the reasons why he's like hanging out with Aiden and the boys. But I'm sooo happy that you like Fred II!!! I really wanted him to be like, well liked and what not and just accepted!

Ha, okay the Bird and Chain, the Lochridge Albatrosses and one more team and firm were an alusion/reference to a very old poem called The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. (It's one of those poems you wouldn't read outside of school, unless you're like a hardcore English nerd.) But don't worry, there is a reason as to why it's called the Bird and Chain. :P

A lot of the stuff within this chapter is like fannon. I was too lazy to look it up, so I just did one of the easiest solutions! Make it up! I also wanted to be creative and like help me become a better writer by creating things on my own and not having to depend on Rowling. And another thing is, is that this is Next Gen. I mean, I have a whole clean slate to work with, so I thought, "why the hell not?"

thanks so much for theses amazing reviewss! I really appreciate this!!!


 Report Review

Review #16, by Groundswell Not Much of A Fighter

17th June 2009:
Hey! From TGS, I'm here with your review!

I really like this. I think it's an interesting idea, which is very different to anything I've read before.

Fred. I'm not sure what Fred did to deserve this horrible punishment, but I feel sorry for him. What can he possibly have done to ever to get kicked out of Hogwarts (I assume that's what expelled means)?

Also, he seems oddly quiet (which does not fit too much with getting kicked out). I'd always thought with that family he'd happily call himself the brother of Teddy, or fight back a little better. But if you plan to make him a little different, I think you've hit spot on. He obviously doesn't feel too comfortable in this new crowd, or for sneaking out - he's turned out differently than I'd have thought and I actually like that. How it happened with those parents, I have no idea, but I think it's a nice way to make him.

You have me a little confused here though. This is how I read what's happening. Aiden say they're not going see Quidditch, after Fred says he used to be captain. But later when they talk about, Fred realises he can run into reserve members, yes? I'm merely confused here. I don't know much about football, but I know about Quidditch and there is a team called Falcons something, but not anyone called Albatrosses. This is of course it is beside the point if they're talking football. Just thought I'd le tyou know.

And one thing I stumbled across. How on earth do you make fifty galleons fit in an envelope?

Absolutely love Aiden. I probably shouldn't, but there's something about him that makes me smile. Even though he was not nice towards Fred, there's just something... haha, probably sounds pretty strange.

And the new guys. Love those too. Can't come up with all of their names now, but I like them. They have that spirit, you know? I think you've hit the nail with them here. Great!

I love the accents you've given your characters. "Ted's * ace!" (I can't swear in reviews, I've read :P). But the reason I love this so much is because when our class traveled to England and Scotland one and a half year ago, this exact sentence was spoken not a metre away from us. We've laughed about it ever since because it sounds so... English. You're not overdoing the accent (you could use it a little more in fact, haha), but you're using English words and I get a real feel of it - especially around these new guys. It's something most forget, and some overuses, but you have it in, without doing any of them. Well done.

Also, before I forget, I'll drop a little note on James. Wow. In those few lines he had I got an impression of an arrogant idiot. Is he that or is it just me? But I love if he is, why does next-gens always have to be perfect?

I haven't actually seen this Green Street Hooligans (called just Hooligans outside of the US, correct?), but I think I've seen the end... Hmm, I really should pull myself together and see it sometime. Haha. Anyways, I think it's an interesting idea, as I have said, and you've done a good just so far.

Feel free to come back for another request!

- Vicki

Author's Response: Hey, hey, hey!!

Ok, so let me clear up the confusion. When Aiden tells Fred that he's going to learn something, Aiden's talking about learning something about fighting. Not Quidditch. But they do go to a Quiddicth game where the Falmouth Falcons are at the Lochridge Albatrosses. The Albatrosses are a fictional team that I made up.

Thank you soo much! I also love Aiden's gang!!! I loved the characters they were based off in GSH and I love the new ones I created!

d00d, accents I think are so hard, because I'm not British. Haha, I can watch like 59518 British TV shows, and still get some accents wrong or dialects wrong.

James I always pictured him as the cocky and sometimes arrogant kid. I just looked at it from the perspective of like, what family he was born into and what the Potters are known for. Its kinda like Paris Hilton almost.

Thanks so much for this amazing review. I'll be back for more.


 Report Review

Review #17, by padme_alejandra That's What It's All About

16th June 2009:
Another excellent chapter; I'm quite addicted :D Can't wait for more already.

And happy graduation! ^_^

Author's Response: hee hee! thank you soo much!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Wierdy Not Much of A Fighter

16th June 2009:
I love the way your characters interact. Its perfect. Like, that is exactly how I would be acting with my friends. So great job on that. :]

This has real nice flow as well, its also a good plot so far.

10

Author's Response: cool cool cool! characterization is something that i'm always worried about!!! but thanks so much for the review!!

 Report Review

Review #19, by Eridanus Think of Someone You Hate

28th May 2009:
If it's possible I think that I enjoyed this chapter even more than I did the last! I loved the dynamics between the boys-they seem like such a tight knit group and even thought Fred is a bit of an outsider for now, he really fits in well. The characters progressed well and once Fred loosened up a little I began to like him more.

It was great to find out exactly why Fred had been kicked out of Hogwarts, I thought that it would take something quite major and goodness, was I right. Since I've never seen this movie, I was completely shocked, but it's such an interesting twist to the story and I think that you can do so much with it.

You wrote the action scenes extremely well and I'm incredibly jealous of them! You really are a wonderful writer. I don't think I got to tell you how much I enjoyed your actual writing in my first review, but you are very talented. I think that you're progressing well with the story.
Jane

Author's Response: w00t w00t! I'm glad you liked this one better! Ha! I noticed that I love writing new chapters as the story progresses!

I was so nervous about the action scenes, because this is my first time doing action and I was just like, "Oh god, is this good?" But yay! I'm glad you like it!!

Thanks for this amazing review!!!


 Report Review

Review #20, by Eridanus Not Much of A Fighter

28th May 2009:
Hey, it's Jane from TGS here with your review! ^_^

You mainly wanted me to focus on characterisation, so that's what I'll do. In general, I think that you've got a very original take on each of the characters, which is fantastic, but at times I felt that they were a little bit too Americanised. It's not necessarily a bad thing, although at points I almost forgot that this was set in Britain.

Fred seems like a very interesting character that I would like to know more about, especially the reason why he was kicked out of Hogwarts and how exactly James has screwed him over. This may seem a bit random, but I liked how you told the readers about Fred's insecurities about his teeth and what you showed us of his character here. He seems quite nervous and a bit of a pushover and I think that it's a very interesting portrayal.

I particularly like James' characterisation. You have worked well with the information we were given about him in the epilogue and built upon it well. I like that he isn't perfect and charismatic, but out for himself and thinking about what's best for him.

Victoire seems to be a bit of a melter and not at all likable, but as it's the way you want her to be, I think you've brought her personality across well and I doubt that many readers would like her.

I like what we've seen of Teddy so far too! He seems to be a caring member of the family who is also a lot of fun and I like that he is sticking up for Fred. Although, I'm not quite sure what he sees in Victoire =P.

Finally, I had a bit of a turn around on what I thought of Aiden. At the start if the chapter I really didn't like him, but as I started to think of him more and more like Channing Tatum my opinion of him really became better, Lol. I think he's a nice guy, but he just doesn't necessarily show it all the time and some of the language he uses makes him seem harsh. I have the feeling that as the story progresses the reader will grow to like him more. I also thought that Aiden's group of friends seemed like fun guys, but just a little rougher than some interpretations of the next-gen.

I think that you've got an original plot here and this first chapter has definitely left me intrigued about what is going to happen!
Jane

Author's Response: Heh heh, what can I say, I'm not British so getting this Britishisms and such was kinda hard. But dang, I didn't know it was that bad. Ha!

That's what I love about Next Gen is that we get to call the shots and for some reason, I never really saw Fred II like his father in anyway. Just like some really chill guy or maybe someone who's just really playful. And personally, I love what I did with James. This is what I think of what he'd be like.

Victoire, I was going for that blond bimbo no one likes except for her boyfriend. And Teddy is that guy you know who like won best smile or best personality! :] But I hope to add a little mystery to his character later on...

YES! That is something I was exactly going for with Aiden! I love him! He's just so fun to write! I love him and his friends! I'm surprised you liked him here, because others stated that they didn't like him as much in this chapter, but I'm glad you think otherwise!

Thanks for this like, amazing review!!! You rock my socks!


 Report Review

Review #21, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Think of Someone You Hate

26th May 2009:
First things first, I must apologise profusely for not reviewing this chapter to start. I have read it but I can't remember for the life of me why I didn't review :O

So, I've watched this movie since my last review, and I think because of that, I find it difficult to see these characters in these positions: I see Elijah Wood in Fred's position and Charlie Hunnam in Aiden's shoes. I also know where things are going, which wrecks it for me :(

HOWEVER...(yeah, it needs the caps :P )

I think you have a really good interpretation of the movie, and have adapted it well to suit the wizarding world. I like the way that your characters do differ somewhat from those in the film, whilst still having certain qualities like Matt and Pete. I can't wait to see how you tackle the later issues of the story.

Aiden and his friends are great. People like this do exist. The language used does get used like this (unfortunately), and they act like this. It's a sad truth.

I think the fight was great and the relationship between the guys in the firm is awesome. You really show a great comradeship between them.

I just love it. I'm sorry this review isn't especially extensive, but your Britishisms are good, your language is great (both in terms of writing and in terms of bringing across the language used in these firms), and I just love it!

Rachel
xx

Author's Response: Haha, well what's important is that you left me a review here.

Hm, I don't quite get what you mean when you say you don't understand the characters being in that situation, but if it's really bothering me, I'll ask you about it later.

Hee hee! I'm glad I'm able to nail the interpretation/adaptation. I'm hoping to adapt books into film later in life. :] What makes me even more happier is that I'm getting my Britishisms correct!!! :D That totally makes my day and makes me feel like someday I can fit in when I live in the U.K.

Thanks again Ms. Rachhh!!!


 Report Review

Review #22, by onestop_hpfan18 Think of Someone You Hate

10th May 2009:
This was just as great as the first chapter, plus it's clear now how Fred is angry with James and why he was also expelled from Hogwarts. I also like how you're writing Fred and everything that he's going through, great job. Keep it up! xD 10/10

Author's Response: Whee! Thanks a lot for all your help! And thanks so much for the rating on both stories!!!

 Report Review

Review #23, by onestop_hpfan18 Not Much of A Fighter

10th May 2009:
Hey! Leslie from TGS here to review as requested. I really did enjoy this chapter, though I'm quite curious why Fred was expelled... something to do with Quidditch, maybe? Why else would his mum took his broom away from him and forbid him from playing Quidditch ever again?

Also, I like the characterizations of all the characters that have been introduced into the story so far... Aiden seems like such a jerk, but I still couldn't help but find it amusing when Victoire and Aiden were arguing. Anyway, great first chapter and now I'm going to read the next chapter ;) 10/10

Author's Response: Yaaay! Thanks sooo much! You touched on everything that was making me anixous!!! Haha, I really didn't have the intentions of making Aiden a jerk, but its cool! I don't mind!!!

Thanks so much!!!


 Report Review

Review #24, by WeasleyTwins Not Much of A Fighter

3rd May 2009:
Hello, WeasleyTwins here to review. Sorry for the extensive delay :]

Okay, I have to be honest, Lovey. I had no friggin' clue what was going on, at first. But, after that, you cleared the air a bit. Still, I think that you should give some very small, vague hints here and there to clarify. Other than that, I think that was right spiffy! It's interesting to see what you've done with Fred II and how he's a bit of a loser and he's in a really bad place in his life. The characters all have weird, in a good way, characterizations. Overall, I think that this does have the potential to be something great. But, that is going to depend on you and your dedication to the story.

Also, I did notice some grammatical errors and I suggest getting this beta'd. I'm not British, but I think I would have someone British to look over the dialogue and see if it's true to British-ish-ness...I just suggest this because the dialogue seemed kind of crazy, not necessarily bad, just a bit crazy :]

Awesome, awesome.

Shelby

Author's Response: Hello Twinsy! I'm glad to see you're doing well!!!

hahah, don't fell special because you don't have any idea what's going on. others feel that way too. ;] Things start clearing up around chapter two. But yeah, I'm making my English teacher proud and using all kinds a of figurative language here. Foreshadowing, irony, stuff like that. :D

Thanks again for your help!

♥y


 Report Review

Review #25, by xXmalfoysgirl4everXx Think of Someone You Hate

1st May 2009:
Wow, this really does remind me of the movie Blow. Have you seen it? It's about the biggest drug lord of all history. But anywho...another great chapter. I like the characterization of Fred II, and the situation between him and James II. Also, I like the situational irony at the end where he ended up fighting James. You seem to be doing well with this story! And I like the first person point of view. It's going well for you.

Great job! Update on the forums when you have the next chapter done.

--Ronny from the forums
9/10 :D

Author's Response: w00t w00t! I wanted to show give the overrated characters a dark side and show their imperfections and the possibility that they could be a total meanie.

thanks!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>