Reading Reviews for Seventeen Days
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jazzeh Turnip Behind Those Eyes

20th August 2009:
The first thing that got me was that first sentence. You use past tense ("was") but then mix it with present tense ("tonight"). Then in the next paragraph you used "we've" (we have) where it should be "we'd" (we had). I'm guessing that this IS in past tense (the majority of it is so... xD)... Later on (after James wakes up from going to Lupins) you use "this morning" when it should really be "that". Then at the beginning of Lily's part again you use "this morning" again... I think that's it with the random tense changes.

AND... In the late 70's/80's they didn't have cellphones... people who did were INCREDIBLY rich.

"sludge hammer"... I guess you mean sledge hammer but it did make me laugh xD

I really like how you've written this. It's been a long time since I've read a fic where the characters talk to another character within the narrative. It's Lily speaking TO Sirius, rather than just telling us about what happened.

As for the love scene between Sirius and Lily... It's probably one of the best I've read in a while. It had actual feeling and meaning to it... usually people overstep and make it a tad too indepth to be a very meaningful scene... but that one was very good :D

My favourite line is that last one; "Your best friend and me... never were and never will be." I love the rhyme in it :)

I dont think the song was as well integrated as it was in that last one... but it is still very very good. 9/10 :)

Author's Response: You are so right. I mussed this one shot up quite a bit didn’t I? I will get around to finishing it, until then it will remember a freaked up wonder, that can confuse people. I’m glad that you were able to see through the fog though and found something that you really liked. It seemed to fit for me, that the characters should take straight to each other, I didn’t want to have much to do with the story so let the characters carry it, it was an interesting exercise, and I think that’s how I messed so much of it up, confusion. I’m glad you liked the love scene too, I tried to make it different from anything I ever wrote before, full of emotion, honesty, need, and respect most of all. Not full of lust, infatuation, hunger, etc. like most people quickly turn too. I see that there’s a difference between making love and just having sex and I tried to get that across. Thanks again for the review and for telling me the goods and bads about it, that’s the best kind of critique.

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Review #2, by Jazzeh Turnip Let Me GO

29th July 2009:
The details you write about are wonderful. Just reading this you can picture these people and places jumping out of the words. It helped even more that the song was just perfect.

This part really did make me laugh: Dont be silly, Hermione, if I didnt try to feed you, I wouldnt be Mollys son.

And there is one little error "It wasnt look before...". I'm guessing "look" is meant to be "long" :). I couldn't see any other mistakes.

I like how you wrote that she would just have sex with Ron, but make love with Fred. That was a lovely little touch.

I'm also loving the contrast between all these one shots. This and the first are most definitely my favourites, though this one might just beat the other to the top spot.

The characters don't seem OoC to me. You've kept them consistant all the way through the one shot. I only notice if a character is OoC if they have some parts that are in character and others where they're completely different, like another person has momentarily taken over them. And as you pointed out; we don't really know what the characters were like after the war and when they'd grown up. To me you wrote this amazingly, and you've got yourself a fan. I'd say this deserves far more reviews than it's recieved and I hope you get more soon xD.

I'll be favouriting this so I can keep tabs on it and check out any other chapters you'll post. 10/10 again :D

Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought the song was perfect! :D And I thought I was pretty clever when I made Fred say that I'm glad it made you laugh! And I will be sure to change look to long, I hate when I'm reading and find words that are wrong, that's how you know I was typing fast at that part and spelled the word either totally wrong and spellcheck decided what I was writing or I was just whizzing and that's the word that my fingers spelled whether my brain intended it to happen or not. I love that you love how they are so different, I write them seperately, never all at the same time. I wrote one probably 4 months ago, another one 2 months ago, another one a month ago, and should write some more lol. I didn't even notice that I wrote sex with Ron and make love with Fred, I wonder if I did it intentionally at the time or not. Thanks for noticing that whether I meant it or not, sometimes my fingers work smarter than my brain, sigh, at least they are sort of working together. [snickers at self]. Thank you so much for favoriting this! It means a lot to me, tear, lol. Really though, thank you for all of your amazingly kind and thoughtful reviews, they mean so much because you were such an angel to me. I appreciate it the world over. Until I post another one here, I would like to suggest to you my other songfic called Butterfly Kisses and Daddy's Little Girl, I wonder what you'd think of it, I've been through something like it and I haven't gotten many reviews on it either. I would love to hear what you especially have to say. Thank again for everything!

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Review #3, by Jazzeh Turnip Right Where I Belong

29th July 2009:
First of all, I really liked this: "failed flawlessly". The idea of the perfect failure has always seemed so amazing. Perfect things are usually positive, but failure hardly ever is, but a perfect/flawless failure doesn't seem impossible at all.

One mistake I noticed (just a missing comma):

She was worth more than this she had to be.

There should be a comma after "this". :)

You manage to make people feel for your characters so well, almost as if we're in the same situation even if we're not. It was pretty heart wrenching reading this. But that being said it was still a very enjoyable read.

I'm not sure I quite liked you using the song lyrics as dialog, but that aside everything was perfect.

10/10 again. This is turning out to be a great series of one shots :) My guess is that there's going to be 17 xD

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the concept of something failing flawlessly. It just made sense to me when I was writing it. Thank you for pointing out the missing comma :D I'll get to it, I promise. And thank you for not going overboard with the constructive criticism, I've found that some reviewers actually know way to much about grammar and are all to willing to share how bad yours is. So thanks. I'm glad you can feel for the characters, I don't think I've been in of the situations I wrote about in these chapters but it's the way I imagined them and I had to think deep and feel it within. I'm glad you noticed. 17 fics you say? Too bad I couldn't write them in 17 days lol. Need that TA status! There will actually be only 14 but I may search through some of 3 Door's Down other work and just mention in the author's note that a special reviewer thought I should have 17 chapters to coinside with the title but those last three songs are on a different cd from the band. Brilliant idea :D I'll do it lol. But again thanks so much for you lovely reviews they mean the world to me :)

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Review #4, by Jazzeh Turnip Father's Son

28th July 2009:
Wow, that's quite a scene setter at the beginning, eh?

I'm so glad you've written Pansy as a character with actual emotions it makes a very nice change from the norm and I actually felt for her as she was telling her story and even more so when Draco makes plans to avenge his lost friend.

The integration of the song into the story isn't the best I've seen, but it's pretty close to it. The song seems perfect for this chapter.

I didn't see any mistakes (I'm in heaven today, no one's had any mistakes that I've noticed :D), and I love your writing style. I did get a little confused whenever it did the scene change thing, because I'm more used to people just saying that they've swapped characters in bold, but it was a unique little touch.

I don't know if you intended to go from 1st person in Pansy's part, to second in Arthurs, and then midway through Draco's to swap back to 1st but that threw me a little. Not so much when you did it as you changed characters, I barely noticed then because it flowed so nicely, but when it changes midway through Draco's part I noticed it. A lot.

I also like the idea of having a series of oneshots, all different from each other. So I have a good feeling about reading all of these. I'm especially anticipating it if they're all as good as this.

A well deserved 10/10 for you :D

Author's Response: Awww thank you that's one of the best reviews I've received in a long time. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it and I really appreciate that :D

The song drilled me for a long time, I just loved it, and then one day I got home from one of my college lectures, seriously needed to wind down, so I sat down and it came to me. The first part anyways, the rest had other inspirations. I'm not sure why I chose Pansy for the part I chose her for now but it worked I think.

It was my second songfic, my first one was "Butterfly Kisses and Daddy's Little Girl" not a part of this series though, you may enjoy it if you ever have time to check it out.

I do my best with grammar and what not and generally think I'm alright with it. I've tried to achieve a beta status on a beta website but can't seem to pass the test :( but I'm okay with that.

That you love my writing style hits me hard in the heart, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that :D it touches my soul and makes me very happy.

I know what you mean about the scene change thing, I know that people generally do the scene change thing with obvious warning but I didn't want to give away who was talking and doing what. I'm glad you thought that was unique. I did intend to start 1st person, go to second, and then come back around to 1st. I thought it made it more personal, more real. Did you think it was a bad thing that you noticed it? Should it have flowed more?

I'm glad you liked my idea about a series of one shots from songs off the same album. It's an idea I never saw used before and decided it was a method I was going to create and see if anyone else picked up on. I think it's rather clever myself and at times a challenge but that's always fun :D

I hope you enjoy the others, they aren't as dark as this one and I wrote them much later than this one within the last couple of months.

Anyways, thanks so much for the review!!! I loved it :D You've lit up my life lol.


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Review #5, by ParadoxTremors Father's Son

4th April 2009:
This is the Draco I always wanted to come out in the end; maybe not a killer, but one who wasn't afraid to stand up for justice and all that's good. A great and sad story. It touched me.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading it. This is the kind of Draco I've always longed for too. I really appreciate your review, it means a lot to me :D

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