136 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alopex Clash on the Big Bridge

16th April 2010:
*lets out big whoosh of air* That was about enough excitement for my lifetime, I think. This story is so action-packed! Honestly, though, I found myself starting to glaze over a little . . . that always happens to me when I watch some exciting action movie or something, so not surprising the same would happen while reading, I suppose. I get to the point where it's so much I have trouble comprehending it in my own mind, you know?

Brilliant move bringing Crouch back! I now remember the scene where it happened, but when I started reading, I had totally forgotten. He was the last person I expected to be behind the mask, but it worked brilliantly!

I was expecting Verreti to make an appearance as soon as I read about the dark cloud forming, but he sure came just in the knick of time, didn't he? It was very suspenseful. Of course, I knew Harry & Co. couldn't be obliterated now, so I knew something was going to have to happen, but you played out the tension just right, making it seem like they were out of time, like everything was moving in slow motion . . . does that make sense? (It's supposed to be a compliment.)

Nice chapter! Let me know when the next one is up, if you don't hear from me within a week or so of it being up.

Author's Response: I think I glazed over a few times while writing it too! I don't know when the next chapter will be up, the Sorting Hat is kicking my butt, but I'll let you know. Thanks for reading!

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Review #2, by Alopex Desperate Situations

23rd January 2010:
Well, that's one way to make things difficult for your characters. This certainly seems like a hopeless situation, and there's no doubt going to be a fierce, bloody, and horrible battle. Cue the dramatic music.

Somehow, they're going to survive, though. Or at least, Harry will. There is no way this story is at its end, and there would be no point in killing Harry off now. There's nothing wrong with subjecting him to extreme stress tests, though.

Neville's Patronus is a tortoise! I really like that. Is it canon? Either way, it fits him. I love the symbolism too. Anyway, Neville is one of my favorite characters, and I think you're doing him justice. He always pulls through when he needs to.

Also, that was a pretty interesting way to escape from Voldemort at the beginning. How handy that Fred and George had brought some super-duper explosives. No wonder they wanted those under the radar of a safety inspection. I also liked that you wrote that Hermione had to help Phil transfigure the appearance of the copy. That makes him seem a little less like Superhero Gary-Stu and more like a regular (ok, not regular, but more realistic) guy.

I might be wrong, but I thought previously you had called Phil a Multimorphmagus. Here you called him a Multiformagus.

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!


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Review #3, by Alassie Desperate Situations

19th December 2009:
Aww, I can't really be left off here, can I? What are the odds, that's so weird! Maybe you will drop by my forums and let me know when this is updated, queue or not, so I can review the next chapter? That would be lovely. But I am so very, very proud of Neville for creating his own Patronus. And I am betting that Vincent comes and saves the day. He is guarenteed to notice when his most important pupil(s) go missing. At least I hope so. If he didn't notice, that would be rather unobservant of him, and I think better of him than that. Excellent work!
10/10
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!


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Review #4, by Alassie Dark Rebirth

19th December 2009:
Oh, I have always hated that Snape! Even more than Voldemort, which is a bit peculiar, I know! But Voldemort managed to bring Barty Crouch Jr. back? This cannot end well. And TONKS! I love Remus and I love Tonks! Poor thing, in Voldemort's clutches. It makes me think that he better be happy he is dead, because if he wasn't I would come through this computer screen and kill him. Excellent work!
10/10
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!

PS: Please don't murder me with your evil computer screen skills.


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Review #5, by Alassie Decerto Tripudio

19th December 2009:
Poor Harry. That wasn't very nice of Phil, though I guess I understand why he did it. Still. I like how no one even thought to argue with Hagrid over Madame Maxime. He probably could have stepped on them and squished them to a pulp. I also adored the line where Fred and George glared so hard at someone that they backed away instantly. It made me laugh. Wizarding weddings seem to be very, very different from the Muggle ones, huh?
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!

I've actually been to crazier weddings than this.


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Review #6, by Alassie And Now For Something Completely Different

19th December 2009:
Very, very good question Phil. I thought it was really neat the way that you created your own new thing like a Metamorphmagus. Phil needs to be more careful about creating those Dupes though. Silly boy, you can't split yourself that much! I am starting to really like him. He's rather likeable honestly.
Oh, and I would TOTALLY believe that Snape would make that poison. I kind of hate him more than if probably healthy.
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!

Snape hate is good for the soul if you ask me.


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Review #7, by Alassie Ch. 7: Interlude

19th December 2009:
Oh Ginny. How I love your temper! And poor Philander, (haha, I had to type that at LEAST once, it seemed so fun) I really want to know more about this girl. I'm guessing keeping it vague was intentional. But I felt so bad for Phil about having to leave Jack. I really want to know more about his past and everything going on that makes him feel like he needs to go to England, and who he needs to remember. Intriguing.
10/10
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!

Try typing the whole name. It's even better. PHILANDER WEYLAND! HA!


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Review #8, by Alassie Knight Rider

18th December 2009:
Well, those are some excellent last lines before passing out. Not quite the calliber as "Balls" though. I cannot understand why he would ever wish that he could express anything more eloquently than that. To me, it seems about as eloquent as it can get. Oh, and things certainly didn't go well at the Order huh? It takes a powerful wizard to incapacitate Mad Eye Moody. Though, honestly, even though he is a semi bad guy, I am developing a bit of a crush on Vincent. Isn't that horrid? I never have gone for the bad boys, so its a bit surprising.
Good work!
Alassie

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Review #9, by Alassie Villains of a Sort

18th December 2009:
Well, I like how quickly you turned that character around. At first, I thought Vincent was maybe even a horcruz, or an apparition coming from one, because of how evilly he was behaving. However, even by just the end of this chapter, I quite like him. He gets straight to the point, something that is highly underrated these days. People like to go on and on and on.
I can't imagine that him arriving at Order headquarters went very well...
Alassie

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!



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Review #10, by Alassie In the Corners of the Mind

18th December 2009:
Hm...the Dark Queen you say? I like the sound of that. Though I must say, I was very pleased with the section where Petunia refuses to send Harry to an orphanage. I always hated the thought of Lily Potter's sister as spineless, which Lily so obviously wasn't. They were sisters, and even if they had their share of disagreements, nothing could shatter that bond. But then again, Vernon stayed right in character, just looking for anywhere to stick Harry, poor thing! Good work!
Alassie
P.S. Hope you don't mind...since you were the first non one shot in my queue, I made you a project read!

Author's Response: Here's a reply to this three month old review.


THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!

Family are family, no matter how much you want them not to be sometimes. And thanks for making me the project read.


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Review #11, by dracos_hotter The Stakeout

9th December 2009:
Here from the forums!

Firstly, I have no idea what a 'Gary Stu' worry is, but thanks anyway.

The beginning... not particularly eye catching or interesting, I won't kid you. It's the sort of slow build I'd expect people to use after several years accumulating dedicated readers, but not from a first time writer! Very brave, and I'm not quite sure if it was clever or not.

""...they've never put anyway in the hospital before."" No, it's pretty impossible to put anyway in a hospital. Anyone, though...

Now that is what I call a pretty brilliant ending, though. Very enticing.

This is full of very, very brilliant imagery, and the boy's characters are extremely vivid.

Well done!

xE

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Review #12, by Alassie Memory Lane

27th November 2009:
Awwwe, how sad! I hope Harry's all right (I imagine he would be though, it is only the beginning of the story) but I feel badly for him for having to relive the night that his parents died! How sad that must have been for him!
I really like this story, it is quite good. Normally I would just continue on and review, but I have quite a long queue (my hiatus was a touch longer than expected). Please do re request though, and I would be happy to take a deeper look at this. :)
Alassie

Author's Response: Nope, its the end for Harry. I went ahead and killed the main character in his first chapter.OR DID I!

Thanks for your reviews! I'll be sure to request again.


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Review #13, by Alassie Rooftop Rumble

27th November 2009:
All right, now I am starting to understand how the story is related to Harry, but it does make me sad to see that it is leaving Plymouth. I love that silly town.
All in all, this was a good chapter. The battle with the Death Eaters was good, and Bella behaved as she would in canon, so good job!
Alassie

Author's Response: In later chapters Plymouth may make an appearance again, assuming I ever get that far. Thanks again for reviewing.

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Review #14, by Alassie The Stakeout

27th November 2009:
Hello! You probably don't remember (yes, it was THAT long ago) but you requested reviews for me on my review forum. So here I am, ready to perform the three requested reviews!
I must start off by saying I squealed a little when I saw the setting of the first chapter of your story. I grew up in Plymouth and love only a few towns away now! Its someplace I visit regularly and I was so ridiculously excited when I saw that it was Plymouth that was the basis of this chapter.
On a different note, I really liked the detail, description, and background information in this chapter.
Keep up the good work!
Alassie

Author's Response: I'm glad I made someone happy with the setting! Hopefully I didn't mess up the description of our home town.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #15, by melian Rooftop Rumble

15th November 2009:
Back again!

Okay, inner critic stuff first. I noticed that you have rectified the extra space between paragraphs problem, which makes it much easier to read. Thank you!

As for typos, well there was one that I noticed: "Slightly disoriented from the three story drop" - when referring to a level of a building, the word is spelled "storey".
And here, you forgot the final inverted commas: "I'm not going to leave The Keep.

Right, enough of that. Back to your story.

I was surprised at the identity of your Death Eaters, I had assumed they were American rather than some of the characters we know and love taking a trip across the pond. Though I must say that I liked the Headmaster's response to it all, with the "Spooks" not wanting to admit that international terrorists had arrived in the country undetected. (And as an aside, that thing where the Spooks took people away to undisclosed locations and they weren't heard from again ... that wasn't a bit of political commentary on your part, was it?) I also liked the way you're moving the action to Hogwarts - very surreptitious, and it took me by surprise, so you did it well. :)

Finally, nice touch with the spells in the fight with Bella. I didn't recognise them all so I assume you made some up, and I have the utmost respect for people who can make up spells like that because I find it incredibly difficult. But the AKs hurled at a couple of rubbish bins did make me smile - I could really see her frustration when she realised she'd been had. I didn't really think you'd kill off your main OCs in the second chapter so I wasn't hugely surprised by the twist, but it was a good one.

Oh, and I'm very curious as to who Professor Piper's friend in London turns out to be.

All in all, an excellent start to a story. Feel free to re-request.

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: There will be some American Dark Wizards later on, but they won't be Death Eaters. The Death Eaters will remain a strictly European club.

And yes, that was me making some comments about the US government. I can hear the black helicopters closing in.

I like making new spells! Its half the fun of writing an action/adventure fic.

Thanks for your reviews! I'll try to get another request in sometime soon.


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Review #16, by melian The Stakeout

15th November 2009:
Hi there! Here with your review! And SO sorry that it took me so long to get to this story, things have been super busy for me lately so reviews have had to take a back seat. But I'm rectifying that now.

Now, the way I do reviews is that I allow my inner critic to dictate the first bit, and point out any typos, grammatical errors or anything else I may have spotted. Then, I talk about your story.

The first thing I noticed with this was the excessive spacing between paragraphs. This isn't a huge problem but it is distracting to the reader and some people may find it distracting enough not to go on with the story. The way around it is to paste your text as plain text if you are copying it from Word or another word processing program - you have to go through and re-do your formatting but it does stop the extra spaces problem. However, if it doesn't bother you then ignore this.

I also spotted two typos: "Phil wasn't to worried about being seen from the air either." Here you misspelled "too" - it should have the double O in this instance.
And this one: Whoever did it somehow made it so that the effects are amplified when used by Muggle borns/ - here you missed the punctuation at the end, both the full stop (period, if you're American) and the inverted commas.

Okay, enough of that. I thought this was a very good start to a story. The start threw me, mainly because I wasn't expecting it to be taking place in the US, but then again why shouldn't it? It was just a little unexpected from my perspective. However you have introduced your OCs and the situation they're in very well so we have a good background to the story, and we've got a very good feel for the relationships.

The appearance of Death Eaters also threw me a little, as I hadn't really thought of the war crossing the Atlantic, thinking of it as more of a European (and mainly British) thing. However, there's no reason it shouldn't have, so again not a criticism, more an observation. I liked the touch of having crystal meth tampered with so it affects Muggle-borns more than anyone else - good idea - and also the fact that potion-making is fine when you're under age, as this was something that I hadn't thought of but makes perfect sense. Well done there.

And I did love Phil's extended name. I'm not sure if it's an indicator of his behaviour (one extreme or the other) or just you having a bit of fun but it made me smile.

Finally, a great ending. There aren't a lot of novels that start off with a cliffhanger, especially when you're also introducing your OCs as well, but you've done it very well so I commend you for that. I can't imagine that there would be many people who would read this chapter and not go on to the next one.

So, on to chapter 2 ...

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

I wanted this chapter to start off differently from other fics, so I figured I'd make the first chapter about my OCs. And I did the cliffhanger just to make sure people kept reading :)

ANyway, thanks again!


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Review #17, by Alopex Dark Rebirth

4th November 2009:
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this chapter. :-( But I won't bore you with the details regarding my tardiness. I am here now to relieve this chapter of its unreviewed lonliness, lol.

What a fascinating chapter. I loved the description at the beginning, of the man moving through the wood. Also, your description of the Death Eaters' headquarters was good. The concealed entrance and "password" were exactly what I would have expected from Voldemort, and of course it would be a creepy underground place.

I felt a bit sorry for Draco, actually. I suppose I do anyway, because he is rather pathetic, but I really felt a "poor kid" thought coming on. The way you wrote the interaction between him and Snape worked well . . . they both seemed in-character, although I do wonder if Snape really would have told Draco that Voldemort expected him to die. However, since you worked in that bit along with Snape reinforcing Draco's belief that he has to look after his mother, it worked well.

This chapter was kind of disgusting. I normally don't like to read stuff that's so . . . gross. The flesh sliding off of Voldemort was a bit too much for me. However, that startling description certainly conveyed the magnitude of the problem. So, is Snape doing to be expected to sacrifice a limb now? And what is the real reason behind Voldemort's decay? Hm. Snape has to be up to something.

What fascinated me most about this chapter was the scene with the Dementor. You can be so inventive in your writing! That scene held my attention avidly. The Dementor sucking in energy from the very air in the room--affecting even Voldemort--then expelling everything it had taken in--again, affecting even Voldemort--only to finally expel its most precious burden (not the right word, but pretend it is, ok?) . . . wow. And Crouch is back! Wow again! I loved the ending of this chapter.

Author's Response: No worries about tardiness, I haven't been on in awhile either.

I worried that the scene between Snape and Draco was a little awkward, but I'm glad you thought they were in character.

I'll admit, I'm rather proud of the Dementor scene at the end of the chapter. Dementor's play pretty heavily into my story, and I always enjoy writing scenes involving them.

Anyway, thanks again for reviewing. I hope you'll keep reading, even though it may be awhile until I get a new chapter up.


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Review #18, by lilausty Rooftop Rumble

23rd October 2009:
I thought the action sequence was very well written and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I thought you had a perfect blend of tension and humor. One second I was on the edge of my seat, the next I was giggling away at the light comments being thrown around by the two boys.

I am quite unusual in my likes in the fact that I enjoy a good action story where the main character is a bit 'superheroish' (I don't care about the whole Gary Stu and Mary Sue stuff) so I am enjoying your characterisation of Phil quite a lot!

The banter between him and Piper was very enjoyable, particularly the last bit. I was a bit sad though that he'd have to leave Jack behind :(

great chapter! really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #19, by lilausty The Stakeout

23rd October 2009:
lilausty here with your review! I just thought I'd let you know that I actually have been reading your story for quite some time now and am enjoying it a lot! So if I mention something in a review which relates to something in a later chapter, you'll know why!!

Ok, onto the review. I liked the start and I always find stories which start with an exciting chapter always grab my attention. And there is nothing more exciting than an ambush gone bad.

I loved the line where you said 'You would think wizards would have the sense to look up every once in a while' I thought it described most of the magical community in general regarding their daily lives. So caught up in tradition that they don't even notice what is going on around them.

Anyway, great chapter, I'll review the next one now!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviews!

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Review #20, by Cedrics_gurl Rooftop Rumble

6th October 2009:
Ooh! The stories are linked now! :) Can't wait to read more! The action in this was great, I'm really, really sorry, but I have to go out now :( Hopefully you'll request again for the next chapters so I can give a more in depth review for chapter 3! Loved it!

Author's Response: Hopefully you'll get a chance to continue reading.

Thanks for the reviews!


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Review #21, by Cedrics_gurl The Stakeout

6th October 2009:
Ooh! Good ending! :)

I have to say, at first I was very confused as to how all of this connected even slightly with Harry Potter - then I remembered you said it was AU, so I was more open-minded.

I really liked the whole mysterious aspect to the story, I never really read things like this so it was a good change. :)

You asked for me to comment on your "Gary Stu" character, and I have to say, none of your characters seemed Gary Stu-like, which is always a good thing.

But yeah, as I said, I really liked the ending, and I'm pretty sure that the whole crystal meth + potions is incredibly unique. Can't wait to read chapter two!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #22, by Alopex Decerto Tripudio

6th October 2009:
One question first. You mention Harry (or somebody) noticing that one of the Egyptian witches has no tongue while she is talking. How can she speak if she has no tongue?

Fantastic chapter! I really enjoyed it. The action in this story is always so much fun, so exciting and unusual and inventive. To be honest, I was expecting some dire emergency, as is basically the case in DH, but I liked that you had a friendlier duel going on. Phil and Harry's duel was fantastic. That Phil sure is a tricky one, isn't he?

I rather think you may have dwelled on the duelling longer than necessary. I know this is supposed to support the image the readers already have of Phil and to show how far Harry has to develop (after all, we've got to measure his progress against something, don't we?). On second thought, maybe it wasn't too much. I don't know. I have to admit I have a difficult time predicting where this story is headed, so it's hard for me to decide what's a distraction and what isn't.

One last thing. My favorite part was the fireworks moment, when everyone is waiting (and waiting) . . . and waiting for something to happen! I was tensed up waiting as well! My second favorite part was Ron and Phil competing to tell the biggest lies. Oh, and I also liked how that third-year won the duel with Ron and Viktor Krum. That was funny.

I think this is possibly my favorite chapter so far (but my favorite scene is still the Great Garbage Can Escape).

Author's Response: Umm...huh. I probably should have thought of that. Give me a second to think of some excuse.

Hell, lets just say it works the same way that Han Solo understands what Chewbacca is saying.

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I was worried that I didn't focus enough on the wedding itself, but I figured that it had been done over and over in other fics, so I'd just move along with the dueling section. You're exactly right about the purpose of the duel, and its sets things up for the inevitable rematch that will happen later on in the story.

I'm glad you enjoyed the little humor moments. I worry that they won't be funny.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by Burke The Stakeout

4th October 2009:
Great work on this first chapter.

You set the scene well and jumped straight into the action and intrigue!

Interesting combining muggle drugs with the wizarding world, and mentioning crumbling infrastructure and so forth, creates a very genuine and powerful vibe around your story.

No negative or constructive critisim, your story flows well, the characters are realistic and well created, the dialogue is realistic as well and the story really captures the readers attention.

Sorry it has taken me so long to review, if you check my review thread you'll see what I have decided to do, and don't worry in time I will review more chapters of this story for you.

Great work.

Author's Response: Hey, it took me even longer to respond, so no worries. Thanks for reading.

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Review #24, by theRandomSlytherin Rooftop Rumble

3rd October 2009:
Hehe. Funny quote.

"Are you screwing with me?"Jack asked with a slight quiver of fear in his voice.

"It's a piece of cake. Just jump!" Phil replied hastily.

"I'm not Bruce Willis over here!"Jack shouted, the fear now
seeping through

Oh my Merlin! Phil's going to Hogwarts! Eep! (Nice twist there btw)

Well.this wasn't much of a review...but I'm off to read the next chapter...again.

Peace, love, and gummy bears,
Michelle

Author's Response: Everybody loves Bruce Willis, even the terrorists he's always beating up.

Thanks for reading!


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Review #25, by theRandomSlytherin The Stakeout

3rd October 2009:
Hey there!
Here to review again!

Anyways...
I loved the dialogue and the way their banter was written, it seems like one of your strong points.
The plot seems very unique, and the new characters seem interesting. I don't think they'll end up being Gary-Stus, though. The usage of muggle drugs was an interesting twist, one that I've never seen before.

The ending was pretty darn awesome, too!

Peace, love, and chocolate,
Michelle

Author's Response: Oh, just you wait, I'll make Gary Stu's out of them yet.

Thanks for the review!


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