Reading Reviews for In Tune
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyMaria Sunshine

7th July 2009:
Firstly, the description in this chapter was impeccable, and truly beautiful in a figurative language way. I thought that the entire story flowed with such ease and it was truly something that stayed on my mind (I had to leave and come back to review) so, bravo!

Secondly, I'm terribly sorry that this took forever for me to review!! I sincerely apologize for the time it took for me to review your story, but it was worth the wait for me! Your story is beautiful and something of a treasure!
10/10!
-love-
LM

Author's Response: thank you so much for the amazing review. i am so pleased that you liked this. it was a different style for me to write but i really had fun with it. thanks again.

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Review #2, by miss_ravenclaw09 Sunshine

21st June 2009:
First off, I'm sorry this took me FOREVER to get to... but I have good news!

I've already read this story! Why I didn't review it before is beyond me.. ? I think the first time I read it though, I didn't quite understand it, but now I (think I) do! :)

This work really strikes a chord with me, because everything you mention in it is true. There are parts where you can see certain characters shining through, and to me, I think this would be something that would be easily read to a montage of the characters or the events in the books. Once you get past the fact that, indeed, there are really no set characters, ships, or genres, or even eras, it's easy to read deeply into and realize that everything said here is pretty much the way the world is.

Reading this story for a second time, I like the way it fits together, and overall, I like it. There will be some that will come by and say, "oh, there's no characters and no plot, so I don't like this." but you have to be in the right mindset to get it, I think. It's a kind of story that can go either way and you interpret it how you want.

Great job on such an unconventional story. :) It's great reading something that's so outside of the box, it's technically inside. :D

Miss_Ravenclaw09

Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am really glad that this made more sense the second time through. it really is the way that you interpret things and that was my goal: to make readers think about their life and the lives around them in the simplest way possible, writing. thanks again for the lovely review.

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Review #3, by WriterPlatinum Sunshine

16th May 2009:
All right. Now, this chapter interested me. There's the usual terrific spelling and grammar, but then there are some flaws - not just with the chapter, but with the whole story!

I had noted, when I finished reading the chapter, that although detail was great, the description was over-the-top. The action was minimum, if not non-existent. Stories without action are stories wasted. I could see the problem, however, so don't be so ashamed.

The next flaw I came into was the title of the story and chapter. In Tune doesn't seem to have much to do with the story. Sunshine doesn't match with the darkness of this chapter.

Then there's the genres. I don't think this story should fit into the fluff and romance genres. Maybe into the drama, if there was more dramatic action.

Finally, the summary doesn't actually tell the reader anything. It doesn't tell you what happens - which is precisely what a summary does! 4 short sentences - 3 of them 2-worded - don't provide that much information.

So keep working on it with the advice I've provided. It's a good chapter, but because of the lack of action, I'll rate it 9/10.

Author's Response: thank you very much. what you noted on makes perfect sense. i will definitely look into those few things in the future. thank you so much for the wonderful review. it is very helpful.

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Review #4, by WeasleyTwins Sunshine

3rd May 2009:
Hello, WeasleyTwins here to review as requested. Sorry for the extensive delay :]

It takes true talent to write something of this magnitude and you possess such talent. Your diction adds greatly to this piece, making it vastly different from most other fanfictions. The exemplary description was absolutely astounding. It delights me, as both a reviewer and a reader, to read something of this depth. I devoured each sentence as if I was taking my last breath of air.

Clearly, you have an eye for writing pieces that question the reader's intellect and whether or not they are able to handle, to comprehend the sagacity of such a piece. Writing is subjective, as is an analysis. I have my own view of what this means, as others do, I'm sure. But one thing is for certain, this is one of the best pieces of fanfiction on this site. It is in a category of it's own and I am proud to have read this. I applaud you.

Do excuse me if I haven't made any sense :]

10/10

Shelby

Author's Response: oh wow. thank you so much for the amazing review! seriously, this honestly just made my day. thank you so much. i appreciate your time.

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Review #5, by painfullygone Sunshine

26th April 2009:
short, but it got to the point.
great style of writing for this piece of work

Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am glad that you thought that the writing style complimented the piece. thanks again.

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Review #6, by babycakes93 Sunshine

25th April 2009:
Beautifully written. The way you wrote this flowed and the flowery language worked with the feel of the story.
There was definatly some grammar errors, but, honestly, nothing too terrible. I wasn't distracted by that enough for it to really leave an impression upon the story itself.
Good job! Another great story, I always lov reading your stuff. :)
9/10

~Honey

Author's Response: thank you so much. i will be sure to look this over for the errors that you mentioned. sometimes you just happen to skip over mistakes. thanks again for the wonderful review. i am glad that you liked this.

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Review #7, by Tinkerbell01 Sunshine

24th April 2009:
Even though this wasn't about any specific character/ship, your descriptions were amazing! There are things out there that we always wonder about and what you wrote, is one of them.

Well done! :)

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i am so pleased to hear that you enjoyed this as much as you did. thanks again.

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Review #8, by Inti Sunshine

24th April 2009:
Sorry, my login won't work for some reason. Anyway, here I am to review as requested.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this really. I just can't quite work out what the effect is supposed to be. You say the genres are Drama, Fluff and Romance. I didn't really get any of that out of it. Likewise with the chapter title, Sunshine. It suggests happiness and light, but then, I didn't really see that in this either.

The tone is hard to get a handle on as well. Stylistically this is almost train of thought. It gives a strange feeling. A lot of the sentences almost change form half-way through. This one here: "You cannot fight to get those moments back into what the current times call an average day" demonstrates as well as any other what I mean.

The whole strangeness is compounded by the fact that there's a definitely feeling to this. I think the long, flowing sentences compounded it. And I don't even know what 'it' is.

Sorry for an utterly pointless review. I was just writing my thoughts down as they came to me =]

Author's Response: thank you so much. this review is most definitely not pointless. i like what you are saying. i will keep everything in mind for the future. thank you.

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Review #9, by WriterPlatinum Sunshine

23rd April 2009:
If I've seen one story, then this certainly isn't the last. A vocabulary that beats even mine, flawless grammar and spelling (I should stop mentioning this, since it appears in all stories I have reviewed thus far).

First problem, is that even though the complication shines through, the actual characters are in no way described, or even mentioned. Instead, I have read a story that is nothing but a mere description of a complication which only needs one paragraph to be describe.

Second, the genres are not very well picked. There's only one dramatic event in the whole chapter, and that is the transition of the good times into the bad. Fluff is supposed to mean 'good feelings', and there is only a few paragraphs of that. The romance in it is non-existent.

Third, it's the second in a row I've seen with an irrevelant title. When this is supposed to be dark, instead you call it Sunshine, which often refers to happiness?

All in all, an excellent story that I will give a 9/10 rating. Had there been action, and a mention of the characters, you would have scored a 10/10 rating.

Author's Response: thank you for the lovely review. i get what you mean but the issue with the characters and the genres are, in a way, meant to be there. i am not going to make up some excuse as to why i did what i did but i think that the fact that this story is complicated yet nothing is exactly taken from it was how it was supposed to be written. i wanted to try a different style and therefore that is where this came from. anyways, thank you so much for the wonderful review. i really appreciate you taking the time to review this. i am glad that with everything you still enjoyed this. thanks again. =D

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Review #10, by JohnnyPickAlot Sunshine

22nd April 2009:
Hello. Sarah here by request :]
All I have to say is that this piece was beautifully written. I loved the descriptions and details that you went into and it definitely made me think. I know that this wasn't about a certain ship or pairing but if you're a fan [like myself :P] it makes your mind wonder and try to put things together.
Thank for that brilliant read.
10/10
-Sarah

Author's Response: thank you for the wonderful review. i am really pleased to hear that you liked this story so much. i am glad that i left you with something to think about. that was my intention. thanks again.

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Review #11, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Sunshine

19th April 2009:
Wow. That was very, very eloquent. You really have a way with words! It was really good writing, a very interesting little summary. I especially liked the last line.

My only suggestion would be to shorten a sentence or two; not all of them, but just a couple so that it's a little easier to follow and you're not getting lost along the way. Otherwise, amazing!!!

~lllb

Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. some of my sentences are a bit long and i can understand how easily it can be to get lost in what they say. thanks again for everything. i appreciate it.

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Review #12, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl Sunshine

17th April 2009:
Wow... that was really something. I don't know quite what to say.

Do I sound stupid when I say I don't know who this was about? Was it about someone specific? Maybe not... it was incredibly well-written and definitely makes you think.

But what were you trying to get across? I don't know what I mean by that; it's just that deep writing confuses me because I always try to give it meanings that aren't there. *sigh*

Well, if it counts for anything, I think this was brilliantly written and it certainly got my head working =]

Once again, I enjoyed reading and reviewing - my thread is always open to requests and I'd be happy to help you out again whenever!

~CBG

Author's Response: thank you again for another wonderful review. no, you do not sound stupid in the least. this was not about any specific character and it was written in a style that was supposed to make you think. i am glad that i achieved that. thanks again for a lovely review. your feedback is very inspirational.

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Review #13, by slytherinchica08 Sunshine

14th April 2009:
the beginning of your story kinda reminds me of the lord of the rings. its a very interesting and capturing beginning. your wording flows beautifully. i really enjoyed reading it.

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i am glad to hear that you liked this story.

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Review #14, by inkscribble Sunshine

14th April 2009:
Hi! It's inkscribble from the forums. (:

This was beautiful. The theme was very good and it takes a lot to be able to write it nicely, but you did it. Your words captured me and made it impossible to look away, I just had to keep reading. That sounds corny, doesn't it? But it's true - your writing is magical. The idea behind this piece of writing is fantastic too, and you did it justice.

Sometimes, it was a little confusing but that was actually good. It kept me wondering, trying to guess, who you were talking about throughout the whole thing and I really liked that you didn't mention any names at all. It just made the whole thing more exciting, somehow. Great job!

Author's Response: thank you so much. i am glad that you liked this piece. the idea just came to me out of nowhere and i am excited that it was able to offer enjoyment.

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Review #15, by Blibbering Humdinger Sunshine

12th April 2009:
That was a great introduction that was beautifully written.
Firstly well done, there is suspense, and I can see that there is a complex story about to unfold.
Now to some things that could be improved.
In my opinion there was a few useless retorical questions.
REterical questions are okay when they explain more of the meaning, but I feel the that some of the retorical questions used here took away.
Also alot of the very intelligent and long sentences were sometimes lost in translation.
Otherwise I can see this story going well in the next few chapters. Are you a fan of Sci-Fi?
Tasht&Loz

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. i liked your thoughts on rhetorical questions and found that the longer sentences do take away. just so you know, this is a completed story and therefore there will be no more chapters in the future. Sci-Fi is alright, but really not my thing. thanks again.

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Review #16, by PadfootStripQuidditch Sunshine

9th April 2009:
sorry, like TwilightPrincess the login isn't agreeing with me for some reason.

short, but nice! you've got a wonderful way with words, that's apparent. i agree with CrazyForYou, when it comes to your tenses and also "castles fanning colorful buttons..."
buttons?

Anyway, your writing certainly is amazing and holds a rather powerful message. Really great work! sorry this is so short but i'm glad to say that i don't have anything else to give a critique on! XD

Author's Response: thank you so much. yes, i do tend to mix up my tenses a few times throughout this piece. i am glad to hear that the writing was nice though. you really cannot ask for anything better than that. thanks.

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Review #17, by CrazyForYou Sunshine

8th April 2009:
Hey! It's CrazyForYou from the forums, and here is your review!

You've got a couple of phrasing errors and places where your phrasing/word choice is awkward:
longer is it willed to cross. - longer can you will to cross.
few desire the - few possess the desire for the
Surely devastating to realize, but it can only be expected that rules will become stricter as time moves on. Some may openly disagree but when one is forbid to marry because of differences that no one possesses the power to control, outlooks become tighter and reins are being pulled too close. No one is willing to let their guard down when they need it most and there lies the issue of finding true happiness. - wordy sentence. I think you're trying to make it sound scholarly, but here it gets a tad excessive
You use the word 'you' occassionally, it should be removed.

Overall, I think you have a really interesting premise to work with. This definitely has strong power to show a character's attraction to the other side. Good job! Just remember to avoid really long wordy sentences, they only detract from the overall flow of the story. Great use of vocabulary though!

Author's Response: thank you so much. i appreciate the errors that you pointed out. it helps to see them revised. thank you so much for your positive thoughts and feedback. it is nice to hear that this appealed. thanks again for the wonderful review.

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Review #18, by TwilightPrincess (not logged in) Sunshine

5th April 2009:
Sorry, the login isn't agreeing with me right now.

I really like the theme of this piece. The resonating message is very powerful and I think you captured it very well. I don't know of any other voice that would do this idea justice, so you did a great job with choosing words carefully. Your writing has a presence. I can always tell when it's something you've written. Don't ever lose that, and don't ever think that what you have to say is less important than someone else.

The only thing that took away from some of the power of this piece was you had a few tense issues, especially in the beginning paragraph. Example: Some may openly disagree but when one is forbid to marry because of differences that no one possesses the power to control, outlooks are becoming tighter... Because you started the phrase with 'when', the rest of the sentence can't have the verb 'to be' in it. To make it sound smoother, it should read, "When one is forbid to marry... outlooks become tighter." To have the present progressive tense there doesn't make sense.

Overall, I really liked this. I think you did a smashing job and blew the idea out of the park. Great job.

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: thank you so much for your time. what you said makes perfect sense. tense is something that i tend to mix up and so i appreciate you pointing that out for me. thanks again.

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Review #19, by redherring Sunshine

2nd April 2009:
Hey, I'm here with your review :)

I really don't know what to say about that. It was just beautiful. Poetic and powerful, and wonderfully written. The whole thing flowed beautifully and was a genuine delight to read.

I know this is a criminally short review, but I just have no criticism whatsoever. Absolutely 10/10!

Author's Response: thank you so much! it never gets old to hear that my work deserves a 10/10. i appreciate your thoughts dearly.

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Review #20, by rachm34 Sunshine

30th March 2009:
Hola, (yeah, you're getting a bit of spanish from me, because I review for you so often I figured. Why not switch it up? Sorry if i seem so like, sassy in this review hahahaa. I'm in a wicked hyper mood and I told when i get hyper i seem sassy... but anyway.)
How are you?

Okay, so this was a short one from you, but nevertheless I completely loved it. Like, can you just keep writing amazing stuff? Pshhh. SO GOOD. You have this amazing thing, where you are able to draw the reader in and really really make them get addicted with the story no matter how long it is.

I loved your descriptions. Goodness, they are beautiful. WOW WOW WOW WOW. You are pulling the reader in with them. So i hope I am talking sense to you. hahaa. This was so good, wow.

P.S. Have you tried your hand at any vignettes yet? let me know if you did. And how did it go?

AMAMAZINGNGNGNGNGN AMAAMAZING AS ALWAYS! AMAZING

Author's Response: thank you so much for another great review. your positive thoughts help me so much. no i have not worked with vignettes yet, but i am looking into them. when i find the time to really focus, i plan on experimenting with them. thanks for the idea.

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Review #21, by Fragile Words Sunshine

29th March 2009:
Hai, I'm Malia - FragileWords - from the forums.

You immediately drove me in and nailed me to your story. Your use of emotions and metaphors and personfication was amazing. Your style of writing is mature and deep, hard to understand if you don't have the mind to.

I love the hinted presence that seems to be behind the words as you read. The last paragraph was wonderful. You have powerful paragraphs in this story. I simply love it.

This was very original and interesting. It was deep. I, once again, like your use of words and your powerful statements. To me, it's almost poetic and utterly cute.

I really can't say anything I haven't already. It was the perfect story - original, interesting, and powerful. The plot was simple, yet - once again - deep. I really do love this.

*10/10

Author's Response: thank you so much for the wonderful review. it makes me incredible happy to hear that you think that this really is beautiful. i cannot thank you enough for your time and your thoughts.

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Review #22, by LuckySeven Sunshine

29th March 2009:
Your writing is BEAUTIFUL. I love it. I want to hug it and invite it to a sleepover. hehe. Anyway, I have to say that this works wonderfully as a prologue and I wish that you would add more of a story to it. It seems like it will be original, but there really doesn't seem to be much a plot. Don't get me wrong-I love it-but it needs more to it. It's not really a story so much as an amazing memoir or a lament to passing time.Normally I would say that the chapter needs to be longer, but this particular writing style works best shorter. It is really amazing the way you can use your words. I'm in serious danger of blubbering like a star struck child, so I will end it with- WOW!!! 9/10

P.s-just to make it clear, my only criticism is that I want MORE!! :D

Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review! you have no idea how glad i am to hear that you thought so highly of what this piece of writing has to offer. i have to admit- i was originally going to use this as a prologue, but then, as the planned plot changed a bit, i decided that i would try to stand this on its own. it is an entirely different approach at writing and so it was quite risky, but i guess that that is where your negative thoughts come in. thank you so much!

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Review #23, by xXmalfoysgirl4everXx Sunshine

24th March 2009:
wow...that was amazing. pure bliss.

even though it was short, i think you got straight to the point of it all. i can totally see the metaphor hidden in the story, and your whole point for creating it. the title really fit. i really liked it!

great job
--ron.weasleyxo from the forums
10/10 :D

Author's Response: thank you so much. it means so much to me that you thought so highly of this. thank you.

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Review #24, by AnnaKay Sunshine

22nd March 2009:
Wow. A very good first chapter. It sounds really good, and I think you have a really good idea on what is going to happen, and how it's going to happen.

It's a good lenght for the first chapter, and I think you are going to figure something out, and keep going. A very great first chapter!

Author's Response: at the moment, this story is completed. i am debating on whether or not i will write and put up another chapter, but at the moment, that is not likely to happen. my main goal with writing this was to try my hand at a totally foreign style and i think that i actually accomplished that. thank you so much for your wonderful review.

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Review #25, by Erised Sunshine

21st March 2009:
Hey! This is Erised, with your requested review.

This is certainly an extremely good start! Your descriptions really are truly fantastic, and overall this small chapter reminded me of a prologue to a very extravagant play, for some reason.

It's very well structured, with good paragraphs and an excellent use of English.

"Sealed are the gates separating those deemed higher and those looked down upon and few desire the lust and passion to fumble with the aging locks." - LOVED this! Such a good sentence right there. :P

I can't really say much, this is stunning! Fantastic job.

Author's Response: thank you so much. i am so glad to hear that you enjoyed this story as much as you did.

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