This was great! I think this is my one of my favorite stories so far! I'm so sorry it took me forever to review but I got here! All I can say is: PERFECT!Author's Response: hello there! thanks so much! i didn't even realise you left this review so i'd like to apologise for being so delayed. thanks so much!! Report Review
Hello! It's Broomsticks from the forums with your review. I'm really sorry about the long time it took me to leave this :(
I thought the introduction was really good, it was a canon moment if you know what I mean, so it was easy for the reader to understand where he was and who he was. The excitement/action of him drowning was an attention grabbing start. I thought his panic and the way as he became weaker he struggled less (before the voice) was believable. Maybe the handsome eyebrow furrowing was a bit too far? I know he is supposed to be a charming man, it just seemed a little out of place.
I really loved your description of everything. You managed to keep the story exciting and full of life all the way through. You described Regulus' emotions and surroundings really well, it was very vivid ;)
I liked Feliciti's sweet/innocent/fury situation, it added a kind of comical tone :) One thing I would say about her speech is that she said "Regulus" a lot, in most sentances. I know she was supposed to be dead, so fair enough for being a bit formal and weird, but I find that when speaking to someone (especially if it's just you and the person) you don't actually say their name that often, not if you have their attention, so maybe watch out for that :)
The memory trip flowed really smoothly and wasn't confusing. I liked it when Regulus said “Mummy said we're not supposed to talk to muggles!” His relationship with Sirius, the kind of whiny-but-don't-want-to-leave-my-brother scenario (whew, mouthful) was really realistic.
I like how you mentioned in the beginning that Regulus had done a lot of wrong things, and then it tied in nicely with the end when we realize he is going to go back and revisit his wrongs (I think?).
So all in all a good introduction chapter to the story, and it the pace was really good, I didn't feel like it dragged at all.
I hope this feedback helped a little :) Sorry again for the lateness!
~Tallesttower/BroomsticksAuthor's Response: Hi there, I apologise most sincerely for not replying when I got this. I hadn't come back onto this site in 2 years and have only started getting things together on it now!
The reason why Feli says 'Regulus' a lot is (it was clear in my mind :P) because it keeps him there, it keeps him conscious and alert.
Thank you SO much for taking the time to leave this review and I'M sorry for the lateness!! Report Review
Oh I did not expect this. Maybe because I'm a sucker for happy endings :D. It was a really nice story. And now that I think about it this is a great ending. And a great story~
-Vi.Author's Response: Haha! Thank you so much! You actually stuck through until the end and i really appreciate that.. So thank you! Report Review
Hey, BellaFan202 here with your requested review! :)
There are a lot of things that I liked about this.
+I liked that Feliciti came 'back' to help him get through all the bad things he did in life, starting with the petty things.
+I liked how he was being a typical boy and just wanted to kiss her when he was on the brink of death.
All in all, this is so far a pretty great story and I definitely welcome to you come back to my review thread and request some more reviews! :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for taking so long to reply..
Hehe, yes I think Regulus needs to be portrayed as somewhat a typical boy :)
Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
I think you can do more work on this chapter. I think Feliciti needs some serious development throughout the flashbacks of this chapter and the following ones because it's difficult for me to see how this extremely naive, over-the-top girl becomes the very calm serene women we know in the present. Regulus also seems to fall in love with her extremely quickly, it would have been better if his feelings had developed through the previous chapters, rather than hatred-then-love.
And also, Regulus does quite a lot of magic, and wouldn't he get in trouble with the Ministry for that?
But otherwise, nice chapter! Feel free to re-request!Author's Response: Hello :) I've sort of had an idea for this story to be a bit selective of its flashbacks and so, her character isn't fully developed. But there is a twist at the end of the story that'll explain everything about her character! So yes :P
And about Regulus falling in love with her; I don't think i've hinted this in the story, but he's sort of fallen in love with her through his observations between her and Sirius.. :)
Yes he does :P but I think I read somewhere that the ministry can't actually pinpoint who's conducted the magic, so since he's in the proximity of his parents, I thought of him to be covered by that :)
Thank you for taking the time to review! I really appreicate it! Report Review
I like how you're developing this- especially the relationships between Regulus and Sirius and Sirius and Feliciti. Very good character development there.
Well done!Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
This is good again, it was nice explaining the emotions that Regulus felt, however a lot of the flashbacks appeared to be more about Sirius than Regulus or Feliciti. And also it would be good to sort of give the adult-Regulus more emotion in the present, where he is with Feliciti, because if he is in limbo with his dead lover surely he would not be as casual as he appears? Just a suggestion.
But good job!Author's Response: Well, I've sort of imagined that Regulus regarded Sirius as his everything, in a way. He was also just really curious about Sirius/Feliciti's relationship so he ended up observing the two a bit more than focusing on himself or anything :) Report Review
Hi! Sorry I'm taking too long to review!
This is a nice idea for a story, taking Regulus through his past to repent for his sins. I like the character of Feliciti, she's like another Luna.
I noticed a few mistakes- there were a few typos in places. Also, before the flashback Regulus and Feliciti were sitting together, and at the end she gets on her tiptoes to kiss him. I think a little more description would do this some good, too :)
But well written, good beginning, well done!Author's Response: Hello :)
Haha, I suppose I've sort of based her looks on Luna.
Thanks for telling me! I'll look through for them asap!
Thank you for reviewing! Now, onwards to your next :) Report Review
Oooh how could you? :). Poor Feli and poor Regulus. Another greta chapter.
-Vi.Author's Response: Hehe, just wait for the next chapter ;P
thanks for reviewing again! :) Report Review
I'm sorry it took so long for me to reveiw but this story is so amazing. I love it! I don't have anything to comment on other then you are so mean to leave us with that ending. :( Oh well, i hope to be seeing more chapters soon! Keep writing :D
~Danceinggirl109Author's Response: Hello :) that's no problem!
Haha! Well, I absolutely LOVE leaving cliffhangers :P the next chapter will be the last, so keep tuned for that one! I'm so excited to end this story.. :D
Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
Hey me again :)
Awww... Sirius you idiot. The ending of this chapter is amazing, you really conveyed the emotion of it clearly.
I also really like how you haven't really showed Regulus and Sirius as each other's Arch-nemesis. They dislike each other a considerable amount but it hasn't gone to far, yet. They were brothers, there is only so much you can hate a sibling unless they actually are pure evil.
I think Felitici's character is developing quite well, a little bit is given away each chapter and you start to see the plot line more and more with each chapter as well.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxxAuthor's Response: It broke my heart writing it! :P
Yeah I agree with you! I could never hate hate my siblings, ever!
I'm glad you think so! :) really, I am!
Thanks again for reviewing! I really appreciate it! Report Review
Hey me again. taking a break from NaNo.
I really like the idea of re-telling someone's life through memories it adds a personal tone to the story.
You great characterisation has continued which I adore because I hate when it changes between chapters. I end up saying, I know you can do it so what happened?
Aww Sirius and Feliciti are so cute, the Bertie Bott's every flavour bean was a nice touch. However so are Regulus and Feliciti. Hmm.. which one do I like more.
I think the Black's reaction to Sirius being in Gryffindor was accurate and also Regulus pointing out that he has always been the black sheep in the family. Obviously Sirius didn't just decide to be different on the Hogwart's Express.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxxAuthor's Response: Hehe, it's supposed to be a tough choice between Sirius/Feli/Regulus :) I'm glad you're tossed up in the middle!
I'm really glad you like it! :) Thank you for reviewing again :) Report Review
For some reasons... I can't submit reviews on my account... Strange, huh?
Anyways, here's Ramona from the forums! This review may be a little late, but it's here!
Well, what can I say?
I enjoyed this, though. The first part was a bit confusing and strange... Just thinking at this things:
- a voice called him from somewhere -- I understand it was his girlfriend who has died. Good.
-he followed the voice, trying to save himself -- He did saved himself , but he was not alive, though. Strange.The only conclusion I can take is that he did saved his soul if there wasn't any chance for the body.
I really loved the Sirius/Regulus/Feliciti kids part. I think that scenes like this may have really happened. Very sweet!
"Embrace it, he thought to himself, You deserved it." - You should emphasize that part - you deserved it-, so it could be clearly that that's a part of his thoughts.
That's quite all I wanted to say. Nice chapter!
9/10Author's Response: That is quite strange :P
Yeah i wanted the first chapter to be a bit more mysterious than the others :) but it'll all clear up in the last chapter :)
Thank you for reviewing my story! and I'm sorry it took quite a while to reply! been busy and stuff :( Hehe, thanks once again! Report Review
great story, i knew i said only the first 3 chapters but i had extra time so I just kept reading.
I've seen a lot of Sirius/OC stories, but i don't think I've read one like this one, so way to go on being original :)
Sirius and Regulus were really well written. For an OC, Feliciti was good. She seemed a little dependent on Sirius or Regulus, depending on whoever she was snogging at the time, but thats just my opinion.
The plot has a good flow to it, it wasn't all over the place and the details all made sense.
keep up the great work!Author's Response: Hello there :) Sorry for taking so long to reply.
I'm really glad you think it's Original! :D wot.
Yes Feli is supposed to be really dependent.. She's a bit of an outcast in the wizarding world and I've made her so that without Sirius/Regulus, she would be completely lost.
Thank you for reviewing! :) Report Review
Hello, there, dude. Stopping by for your review ;)
I'm really interested in Regulus' character, and will even say that I'm somewhat writing a story where he relives things, but not in the way you're doing. I like how you're doing it, though. He has to find redemption in order to be with this girl. Now, I said this before on another story, but I'm not one to read stories where Regulus is in a relationship. He's the one character where I never cared for to be in a romantic relationship with someone. It's a bit harsh, but it's how I always felt. Still, with my feelings aside, this is still interesting. I liked how you had them meet first when he was younger. It's the start of it all, and shows why this girl would be interested in the two brothers in the first place.
Good work with this. It's definitely interesting. I would have liked more description in the beginning about how he dealt with the Inferi grabbing him and forcing him down. Maybe even a bit more description on how it felt like to drown. Of course, none of us probably knows how it truly feels (I hope none of us don't), but trying to add more length to the beginning may help. Just random suggestions since I honestly don't have much critique to give out.
-Reyes91Author's Response: Hi hi :)
There were so many approaches that could've been made on Regulus' story.. I just happened to be feeling 'love' at the moment I began work on this! :P But I know what you mean, I like reading stories on Regulus with no other relationship but with Sirius and his family and Voldemort :)
I didn't actually think of that when I wrote the first chapter. But I do see how that would add to the story! Hehe, thank you for your suggestions!
And thank you lots for reviewing! :) I really appreciate it. It made me all happy and stuff :$ Report Review
RandomRed here from the forums. :)
My first Regulus fic. :) Of what I know which is taken directly from the books and snippets on info. Your characterisation of him is very well done. I love how you opened with him taking the locket. It allows people to connect with him as a character because it is the one thing we know about him.
The whole story is such a good idea. I don't know if it is a unique one as I haven't read any Regulus fics but I really like it.
You make Regulus likeable which is great, :) I want to like Regulus, I mean what he did wasn't exactly easy.
Your characterisaion of Sirius is also really well done and that is something I know about, I have read sooo many Marauders fics.
Anyway I will be back to read more and review more, I just have to dash and finish reading my book for english, It is awful but I have to do it. I'll probably do more tomorrow, so monday. :)
Ginny45/RandomRed xxxAuthor's Response: Hello there :)
Hehe yeah, it was that scene that Kreacher told us that inspired me to write this! :D
Hahaha, thank you! I'm really glad I did Sirius some justice. I've read so many Marauder fics too! I just can't get enough of them! :P
Thank you very much for taking the time to review! :) Report Review
Here's your first review as requested in my thread. I'll do this one and the next chapter. If you'd like me to review more, please submit a second request and I'll pick up where I left off. Here goes:
I felt you did a good job with suspense and keeping Regulus’ escape intense. His characterization was sound. You used a lot of showing rather than telling and it made the chapter flow pretty well. The one thing that confused me was the Inferi "abandoning" him. Since that seems to be the main reason that he survives- swimming to safety would mean nothing if he were under attack by the Inferi- a reason for their departure is necessary. Plus fighting off the Inferi would make for a great high-tension opening.
In your summary, it says he's confronted by his memories, which implies that the whole thing is in his head. Which, as Dumbledore tells us, doesn't make it any less real. But I feel it would read better, since Feliciti is clearly telepathic and can control certain aspects of Regulus' mind, if she only spoke inside his head, rather than vocalizing once he escapes the lake.
On that note, I like that you've introduced a Muggle-born OC in Regulus' past- and now his present. It gives him a depth and motivation for turning his back on Voldy. On the other hand, I feel its weird that they're kissing and acting like she's alive when she's not and he's apparently somewhere in between. I feel that she should be either completely autonomous as a spirit in her own right or be a hallucination completely controlled by Regulus' subconscious. I feel those options would give more punch to her role in the story than what she reads as now: a dead ex-girlfriend come back to temporary not-life.
I really enjoyed the section of memory. It was very real. You captured the natures of kids well and I liked that all three have distinct personalities. I think my favorite part of that was Sirius not bothering to brush the dirt off his clothes. It seemed very him. The only thing I would change about that would be giving the present Regulus an opinion on what was going on as the memory played. The memory read sort of like one of the flashbacks from A Christmas Carol. I think that's good and it would help to take a leaf out of Dickens' book and giving Regulus more of an in-the-moment reaction.
I like your style and the premise. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more!
siriusgirl1Author's Response: Hello there! :)
Well firstly, I never thought of the idea of making Regulus fight off the Inferi, to be honest :$ But now that you've mentioned it, I think that would've been great!
Well, in the further chapters I've made her form and being more significant, but I won't say here in case it ruins it all! :)
Yeah, I've always been wondering what exactly made him betray voldemort. I saw the power of love as something that could've been strong enough for him to do just that :) Hehe.
I've never actually seen that movie but that sounds like a very good idea :)
Thank you for taking the time to review my story! I really appreciate it and I really hope you enjoyed it! :D Report Review
Hello! Here with your review. So glad you came by because I absolutely love Regulus!
Okay, I normally review as I go, but I got pretty caught up in the chapter, so I didn't stop to comment. Canon business aside, I love your concept. The whole remorse/mind journey thing is a good idea. A few grammar problems here and there, but nothing too drastic as to put me off. I like the way you portrayed the young Regulus and Sirius, though I don't understand why Sirius wouldn't know what ice cream is. They are wizards, but wizards have ice cream. I mean, there's even Florean Fortescue's ice cream shop. Anyways, moving on from that. Altogether, I think the only real problem you have is the Author Note. To be completely honest, it kinda sounds snarky and even a little pompous. Not saying that you ARE, that is just how it comes off to me. Seeing as you have written more of the story, I would suggest removing it. Sorry such a short review, but there wasn't any real issues that I could pick out. If the rest is as good as this, then you're all set. :D --JennaAuthor's Response: Hello!
I saw the Blacks as people who didn't normally go to Diagon Alley since they thought they were above other wizards/witches. And because he was so young at the time, they didn't really have any reason to go. Saying that, he had no idea what sweets and stuff are. So I hope that cleared that up! :D
Are you talking about the early AN's? Haha, I posted them quite a while ago, and I've forgotten all about them :P
Thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate it! Report Review
i truly and deeply like this story. i love how you portray the black brothers and everything about it(: i cant wait for the next chapter, im sure its going to be even better!Author's Response: Aww thank you! the next chapter is up for validation, and then the chapter after that is the end! :D Haha! I'm excited :P Thank you for reviewing! i really appreciate it! Report Review
Not bad. I think it is very interesting and the characterization is very nice. Great job, and well done.Author's Response: Hello :) I'm really glad that you liked it and think that it's interesting! Report Review
I really love this story.Author's Response: Awww, thank you loads! :$ Report Review
WOW! Lordy! This is good! REALLY good! I think I've almost cried at every chapter. I had been looking for a good Regulus for the last month or so and I so glad I found yours! All I can say is WOW and I can't wait for more.Author's Response: Thank you!!! Regulus and Sirius are honestly my favourite characters.. :P
I'm really glad that you like this story! I'll be updating shortly! so check back in a week or something :D anyway thank you, once again! Report Review
It's good. Feliciti still grates on my skin, but now I know why you made her the way you did. =)
However, I've got a critique: Voldemort. I really don't think he would have looked like the way he did in the Black manor. In fact, I don't think he would have looked like that at all.
Voldemort's got seven horcruxes - if we go by chronological order, we know horcrux number seven was nagini (made in 1994 with the death of the muggle gardener at the beginning of the Goblet of Fire), and that number six was Harry (thanks to Lily's ~saving powers of love~ on Halloween 1981).
This means there were five horcruxes already made at the point that you have the Black family sans Sirius meet Voldemort. JKR/Dumbledore make it clear that making a horcrux is so violent, it takes a part of you away physically - as seen with the famous descriptions of Voldemort in the books.
This being said - I personally thing he would be far more frightening than you are making him. I don't see any issue with keeping the hair, but I do think that the infamous "nose that look like slits on his face" should be noted - or some observation that it barely looks like he has a nose. And perhaps his eyes should be an abnormal color to show the transition to red (does he have red eyes in his final form?). But definitely the nose. He should have a serious lack of a nose, save for something that looks like it's almost to the slits that are described in the books.Author's Response: Hehe! I'm glad she's been justified :P But I know how you'd feel; reading her being as she is.
I've noticed that too as I read through this chapter! Thank you for reminding me about Voldie! I agree with ya and I'll change it asap! I don't even remember if i mentioned his nose... :P
Again, thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate it and thanks for sticking by so far! :D Report Review
Once again, this chapter really pulled me in! I love the idea of this story and I can't wait to see what other memories Regulus will think about. I think him and Feli are so cute, though her and Sirius are cuter! :) I really want to see more develop with Feliciti/Sirius!
I liked the way you had Mr and Mrs Black erupt when they heard the news about where Sirius had been sorted. I really thought that that seemed liek a good scene. It made me feel bad for Regulus, though, since he was thinking about Gryffindor house, but is afraid to defay his parents. I really felt so bad!
Anyways, another great chapter! I really want to read the next 2, so drop by my thread and re-request, okay? I'd love it and I'm sure you'd love soem reviews! ;) lolAuthor's Response: Haha! Kids are always cute :P And you shall definitely see more of Sirius/Feliciti on later chapters!
Yeah, Regulus :( I've always seen him as the son who's just far too afraid of his parents.. :( sad.
And I will! I'm really really glad that you like it! :D Report Review
Hey! I'm here with your review! :) I just have to say that this chapter really pulled em into the story. I liked hwo you started it off with him dying. I can't wait to see where you take this story!
I find that Regulus doesn't seem to be written about a lot, so congratulations to you for writing about him! ;) This seems like a really original idea, having Regulus relive hsi life, seeing what he did wrong. Him and Feliciti seem really cute together and I can't wait to see more of their relationship.
I liekd the way your characterized Sirius in this chapter. Even form such a yougn age, he defied hsi parents and I like how you did that. He seems so adorable and friendly that I just can't help but love him! I wonder what his relationship with Feliciti was.
Anyways, really great start! I'm off ot read the next chapter. I can't wait to see what happens! :)Author's Response: Hello! Regulus has always been a character that's intrigued me... And I'm just in love with Sirius.. Thus; the makings of this story! Hehe.
I've always seen Sirius as that sort of character. Rebellious and cheeky :) hehe.
I'm really glad you liked it! and thank you for reviewing! :) Report Review
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