I mean literally. Friends slipping away, family scapegoat, trying to keep everyone from exploding, insults, isolation, wearing a mask, putting everyone else first, and curious loss of the ability to cry. To a tee.Author's Response: Aw, that makes me a little sad. :( I sincerely hope you have the same optimistic ending as Lily in some way, shape, or form. I used to have almost that situation, when I wrote this at least, but my life's better now. We got rid of the problem. Even though I have no idea who you are, if you read this, I hope you always remember that things will look up at some point. You'll find a "James" eventually. Thanks for the review and I feel for you. - Lemon Report Review
Whoa. Subtract the magic, the James, and the healing process and you have... me. My life. Whatever that is, anyway. Report Review
Why are you so great at writing very descriptive stories :) ? Another good one :P From my guess, I believe that was Lily talking through the story? I think this one was the hardest to guess out of your stories. Your writing is good and there was about 2 words I'd never heard of before (grabbed a dictionary at that point, haha). Grammer...lol. It's really good throughout the story there were just a few little things. "Even it is the death of me" should be even if it is the death of me". I'm sure you hate being told about little things like that, so sorry :)
When exactly was this set? While Lily was at Hogwarts, coz that is what i imagined. But then I thought, besides her broken friendship with severus and her sister, what else would cause her to sink to such a low? All in all a good story :) I need to know how you can use description so well! I am terrible at it :S Thanks for another great story!! x xAuthor's Response: You are on a roll! Thanks for so many awesome reviews! I actually had no idea what to write for a class, so I really had to hide the character this time so the teacher wouldn't notice. ;)
No, I love those details! There is no such thing as too much editing, so a typo here, a misspelled word there really help me work on my editing skills.
This was set in the middle of Lily's seventh year in the Hospital Wing, although, since I didn't specify, that needn't be where you think she is!
My explanation for her all time low is 1) general teenage angst, thinking she has to fix the world and all, 2) her sister hating her, 3) losing her best friend and seeing him slip into life-threatening habits, 4) the war, muggleborns are in a lot of danger you know!, 5) her parents health deteriorating and possibly dying (they died before she did according to JKR, so one feasibly died before school got out), and 6) everyone's lives around her (particularly James) are seemingly perfect, yet hers is definitely not.
Description is all about incorporating the details into the plot, rather than stating them as fact. Using varying vocabulary adds effect. The right word can make the difference between bad and amazing. Use synonyms a lot. If you want a certain word, but it's not fitting right, find a synonym that sounds better. It's all about flowing together. :)
- Lemon Report Review
It made me think about who was saying what, and who was being referenced. Many other stories (including my own) simply place the character in the scene which requires no thought or analyzing from the reader. Your piece above forces the reader to pick up clues and solve the story before he/she finishes it. Again, nice job!Author's Response: Thank you! I like to keep people guessing, it makes the story more entertaining. :) (besides, not too many books give full background checks right away do they? ;] )
I want to have that; that wholeness.
That was beautiful. So mournful.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you!! My first quotation! Yay! Thanks for reveiwing! (wow I used a lot of exclaimation points . . . ) Report Review
very well written! i loved it. and i love how you did this story, very good job :)Author's Response: Thank you!! I was hoping for a more emotional piece, and i hope thats what you got. Thanks for reading it!
~ Lemon Drop 616 =] Report Review
god i love your writing :) i thought this was really really good! i liked how you didn't just outright use names in stuff in the writing iself, it made you think about who lily was reffering to. on and the chapter summary note made me lol!
oh and, please stop by my sequel and review... i want to know what you think, because i know you'll eb honest with me. let me know if you like where you think i'm going with it, because it got a little off track already... :)
okay then, my insomnia and i are off to see if you have anything else new up!!!Author's Response: haha! thanks! I totally forgot what I wrote so I had to go back and reread my own story! Isn't that just sad? *sigh* Thats what you get when you pout. =[ haha, but you don't know what I'm talking about though, do you? And if you did I would be very worried that I had a stalker . . . lol =] I moved. boo-hoo. I went from sunny San Diego (and in my humble opinion, the best place on earth) to rainy, winter-like-weather-for-summer Portland, Oregon. Grrr . . . . in case you couldn't tell, I don't like it here . . . lol =]
Anywho, thank you for reviewing . . . I looked and at first I thought it was an internet error, he-he. XD When I write, I tend to not tell you who the characters are, I prefer to let you figure it out for yourselves . . . I think its more fun! haha, the summary note . . . *sigh* I was at the end of my rope . . . me and computers don't get along very well . . . . O_O Don't you just love that smilie face? Why are they called smilie faces if they aren't smiling?? idk . . .
he-he Since I've been on the move, I haven't had the time to review . . . I've been reading though!! So, I'll try to catch up on the reviews . . . hmmm . . . should take me awhile . . . I'm still busy as heck . . . *sigh*
I think I'll go review your second to last chapter of my brain and black now . . . I might get sidetracked though, so if it doesn't pop up, it will . . . eventually. mua-ha-ha! XD
~ Lemon Drop 616 =] Report Review
That was great! Good dosage of angstyness.Author's Response: Well, thank you! Even though that was short, you took the time to review and I appreciate that!
~ Lemon Drop 616 =] Report Review
It's really almost depressing. I think the ending could be a bit more optimistic and less cryptic. If he and Lily just end up together emotionally and in person, I think that would make it more satisfactory. She is mostly drowning in her own mind at the beginning, but maybe if you could mark the transition to where she leaves her mind and reenters the real world with James' ideals there would be more substance. But I really liked the speech of it and the desperation of that most Lily/James stories just don't contain. Hope for more stories soon!
ArnaAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing and for the insight. I wrote this on a whim, so your criticism is very much appreciated. I'll take this into account when I edit it, which probably won't be for while. I'm just lazy like that . . . Anywho, I did kind of think she was in her mind too much and I felt that the ending wasn't the best, so I'll (hopefully) remember this for later. =]Again, Thanks for the complements!!
~ Lemon Drop 616 =]
Your version of Lily is great, you describe emotions in an amazing way!
Jess XxAuthor's Response: Thank you! For the review AND the complements! :) This was just an idea that I had to write down, it actually was done within about 30 minutes, really. I kinda thought I overdid the emotions, but, I am overly critical of my own work (as I'm sure most of us authors are . . . :) )
Again, thanks for being my 1st review!!!
~ Lemon Drop =]
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