Lovely. Rollicking good fun :)
Looking forward to more and absolutely ADORE the banner
I'm slightly confused with the collaborations though - have either of you written a story about Rose's dare? I have this memory of reading such a tale, but can't find it. any clue? Report Review
I can't wait to see how they plan to steal the portrait. This is really good. My favourite line was: "Jude shook his head at Handsome. Drama queen." Haha, brilliant.Author's Response: Bwahaha! The plan is coming in the fourth chapter and you'll finally see the stupidity that will ensue :) Glad you like it so far! And yes, Handsome is a drama queen XD
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I love this whole idea. And you portray the Weasleys really well. I really like reading about Louis now and Inti recommended your story. I really really like it. How they all have to like do something legendary to leave Hogwarts. Its brilliant.
I had so many favourite lines in this but, a few really good ones were:
"At least there's a job to be had. Assistant to the Assistant to the Assistant Editor is a perfectly grand job. Besides, I don't have the wost, now do I? Right Bagel Bitch."
"The term is intern, I'll have you know," Fred said loftily.
Haha, 'cos "Bagel Bitch" is like the exact definition of an intern. I loved that. And:
"Mark the red hair and freckles. Mark them as you'd mark the 666 on the forehead of the Anti-Christ. Be very afraid."
This is great, everything that the Weasleys had to do from stealing and shaving Mrs. Norris to tying the Head Boy to a tree is hilarious. Well, off to read the next chapter. Report Review
Eep, sorry it's taken so long to get to your review! Believe me, I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. What a great story you've got here!
I love the voice you've given to your narrator. Even though this is third person, it's still sarcastic and witty and downright hilarious! I've seen this attempted before, but rarely is it achieved with such a great effect. Honestly, it's flawless. Incredibly enjoyable. I was giggling all the way through. :D
Also, you have quite a way with words! I'm in awe. You string sentences together that are so unique and effective. Just great.
And you managed to keep track of... how many characters? I can't even count. And I wasn't confused. They all felt so real to me. Your dialogue and characterization were wonderful. So great. Not a single line felt contrived. Like I said, I'm in awe.
I really don't know what else to say. It seems like you've got a great start here. A 9.5/10 for you, and a plea to come back and request again. I promise it won't take so long next time. I'd love to read on and get into the real meat of the plot. :)
Gina (Unwritten Curse) Report Review
This is one of the funniest stories I've read! Your writing technique is so refreshing, I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Why thank you! I'm glad you like the story! Thank you so much for the review and hope to see you in the next chapter! Report Review
Something about this reminds me of a Richard Attenborough documentry. I almost expect something like, "The boy Weasley just challenged the alpha male to a duel", haha! Love it, please continue :) Report Review
i love these characters. and you're writing. you must Must MUST update soon please!Author's Response: Hahaha, am working on the next chapter as I type. Hopefully it will be done soon-ish :) Thanks for the awesome reviews! Report Review
great story! 10+ times a billion more 10+sAuthor's Response: Thanks! Glad you like the story so far! Report Review
awesome awesome just awesome. i'm in love with the story already. like 10 plus a thousandAuthor's Response: Glad to get some love for the dribblers :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Great, added to my favourites!Author's Response: THANK YOU FOR THE ADD! Yay! And thank you for the review too :) Appreciate it a lot! Report Review
Is Ludlow the Head Boy, or just one the seventh year prefects? That wasn't quite clear to me. The ending section was a little more difficult to follow, as I couldn't always tell who was talking or who had the power to take points away from the boys (is one of them a Hufflepuff? now that's creative!). I did, however, love the paragraph about how useless the house points were - it was brilliant, reminding me of the peasant's rant in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".
Once again, the characters are wonderfully crafted. The three boys are such... boys, and I love how you gave Louis the Weasley appetite. Prim is hilarious too, though I think Louis and Co exaggerate her personality a bit. "Mephistopheles, incarnate" is quite something to live up to, and I'm kind of wishing that she causes a lot of trouble for Louis in coming chapters. :D Louis is not quite a prankster like the twins, but he's definitely not a goody-goody either, and I like him more with every chapter.
Okay, I'm not sure how much of this review makes sense (the sun is in my eyes, and I'm rushing to get this written), but I did really enjoy reading this, and am definitely looking forward to reading more. :D Report Review
I'm amazed at your skill, Rita. If I'd thought that the last chapter was brilliant, this one surpassed it, not only in the humour, but in the characters. Louis's friends are perfectly constructed. They suit him and I can understand why they're friends, and they're also really amazing OCs in their own light, way more than the usual "sons of other canon characters" that a lot of next-gen stories include. Again you've demonstrated a lot of careful work and planning behind the scenes of this story, and all that work definitely pays off.
While at first I wasn't sure about the strange chronology you have going on here, it does work in the long run. It's like seeing little trailers of later scenes, foreshadowing without being confusing or too vague. Makes me wonder if, in that first scene, he'd actually done the deed or not, and I love that sense of suspense you've created there.
Enough blabbering, I'm going on to read the next chapter. :D Report Review
Aww, poor Louis, picked on by all his older cousins. :P This is a hilarious story so far, Rita. I read Kali's part a few weeks ago, and have been meaning to read this one since. The idea of the Final Year Dare is brilliant, continuing the twins' legacy, and I think surpassing it as well.
The writing here is excellent. There's so many great lines, but not too many, making the humour free and preventing it from sounding overdone. I love the characters, too. The way you write them makes it seem like you know them all very well and have worked to develop their characters properly. I have a feeling that Headmaster Puffin will be just as hilarious, not only because of the name, but because of that letter. Wow, he left himself wide open for a whole bunch of Weasley pranks. XD
Anyways, I'm loving this so far. Couldn't have expected any less from your brilliant mind. ;) Report Review
Wonderful! Absolutely marvelous. Beautiful banner too, love, but I mean that's a given. Considering your talent. ;) This is fantastic! Quite a knee slapper too.
And are you kidding me! Room in my heart for you? ALWAYS AND FOREVER! Always come tell me when you have something new no matter what. ) Ee, I just lovey our work! *sigh*
Well done! This is new and exciting. It's so personal too, portrayed in a brilliant light. I can't wait for the next chapter!
10/10 Report Review
this was a wonderful addition to the previous chapter and a beautifully executed one at that. as i mentioned in my previous review, i thought that this story has a ton of potential and after reading this chapter i once again got the feeling that it is. you have a nice plot working out for you here and with a storyline working out in your favor it is sort of difficult to flop it into something useless and unappealing.
your characterization is working out as well. you introduced a few more characters in this chapter as well and you still managed to pull them in different directions. i liked that. it is hard to separate your characters when you have so many of them but you are doing a beautiful job at making them stand out individually.
i noticed a few more errors in this chapter just like in the first but once again, it is not a huge deal. just go through and edit the mistakes when you get a chance and this chapter will for sure be at its very best.
overall, i thought that you did an amazing job on this chapter just as the first. you have a beautiful plot working here and i can't wait to see what you come up with next. feel free to request for future reviews on future chapters. nice work. good luck with your writing, hun. Report Review
i thought that you did a wonderful job on this first chapter. what a unique and original idea that you have going here. never would i have ever thought of writing something like this but i can tell right now that this is going to be one splendid story. with what you have so far, i can only hope to read more.
your dialogue was one part of this that i felt was done in a superb manner. not only did you fight to make it realistic and complete but at the same time you made each and every character stand out in their own way. with a handful of characters such as this that can sometimes be hard to manage but i thought that you did a beautiful job. everything seemed to be well thought out and long planned and that never fails to help you out in the end. nice work.
i did notice one or two errors while reading this but, of course, they are nothing to be too worried about. if, though, you find it better to have your stories at their absolute best i would advise you to skim over this and fix the few things that i saw. they are pretty easy to notice.
overall, i thought that you did an amazing job on this first chapter and i honestly cannot wait to see what you come up with next. this is a wonderful story so far and i can easily tell that it has a lot of potential for what it will bring in the future. nice work on this one so far. keep on writing.
onto the next chapter. Report Review
it's madelgranger again. well, not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but there was some great forshasdowing! and it further set up how difficult and epic the final sneaking into the office will be. It's all so exciting! This chapter definitely catches the reader's attention even further than the last one did, so good job there. so a quite good chapter overall. please re-request for your new chapters, I want to know what happens! Report Review
hey it's madelgranger from the forums with your review~
so this is a great first chapter. it sets everything up really well and it's very intriguing. the plot looks to be great fun, and it's really original. Overall it was a really entertaining first chapter. thanks for writing! Report Review
Haha, your prologue things at the top are always hilarious! Death by bird crap? Offer of head trauma? And, again, I LOVE THE DOCUMENTRY STYLE OF THIS! I seriously couldn't stop laughing whenever 'the boy Weasley' was mentioned XD And Handsome Rob? LOVE IT. Just one question: Louis is in his first year, right? Or his seventh year? Now I'm thinking Seventh. Anyway, love this story and love this chapter :D Both are EXCELLENT! Well done, please request when the next chapter comes out! 10/10 Report Review
First off, I loved your little prologue - very clever, not to mention funny :) And I love how you start of with the nature doco-like observations at the beginning. I can really see, like, David Attenborough or someone on the side commentating, lol. And I love love love the rest of it! The past pranks were hilarious and Louis' reaction was comical, haha. No CC from me, unfortunately, just praise ;) 10/10 Report Review
Oh my goodness :)
This story has such potential! I'm so excited to see where it goes :)
~Greta Report Review
nick hoult + jamie bell + eddie redmayne = smexy.
just had to say that.
gosh, i love next gen.
"Close. But no, thank God--" he stopped himself from using the Lord's name in vain after getting a sharp glare from Handsome. "Thank Godric. I was going to say thank Godric."
"Keep telling yourself that mate. Sins are between you and the big guy."
^ bahah. that's adorable. keep him in line, he'll drown in sin! XD love it. Report Review
I can't believe I forgot to review this chapter when I read it. I'm here now - better late than never!
Okay, I love the bit in italics - you chose a great section to put in here, really draws the reader in.
I'm intrigued to know how 'Handsome Rob' came around. Do we get to find out how he got the name, or rather (since that's probably obvious), why/if EVERYONE calls him that.
I love the religious aspect of his character. We don't see that often enough really.
I love it. I like your characterisations a lot here. I like the relationship between the three.
My only criticism was that it was perhaps a little short, but that's it.
x Report Review
Christ, your writing style is amasing! This story really sparked my imagination. I'm finding I'm giving the characters little quirks and accents (Jude is hardcore Dirty Sanchez) all because of how innovative your approch to the characters are, amidst the multitude of cardboard-cutout Weasleys etc. you find in next gen ff.
I avidly await the development of the remarkable story you've created.
Sorry for the weird review :D Report Review
first review??? whooo :D
agree, the prank was awesome. I spent months eagerly awaiting it, and I wasn't disappointed in the least :D
lines I liked-
"Now in Hogwarts, immersed in scholarly pursuit. Or at least, the facade of it."
and I spent too much time just enjoying the chapter to bother copying the other lines I found amusing XD
Another lovely chapter, m'dear. I'm rather liking Louis dear friends ... and wondering how exactly you came up with the idea of calling a character Handsome. A stroke of literary genius, if you ask me. Thank you muchly for the fast update, and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Off to look up Flush ;)
9.5/10 Report Review
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