So after this, I’m going to have to move onto your chaptered stories! Yay! :)
I like how we’re starting in the middle of a scene, like something already is taking place. A must, in my opinion, for a one-shot.
The description of how his room is desolate and not lived in is a great way of just showing how long Draco has been trying to break away from his family; long enough that he hasn’t been doing anything to create living there.
I must say, you have a way with just looking and stating plainly the humble truth of a situation. I know in your MTA you stated that when you wrote romance you had some angst it in as a natural polar opposite and I think that that is actually a bit true. You make it seem that way.
“Fear. There that word was again. It had been the Dark Lord's ally. But it was also his downfall, his fear of death making him lay down the path that led to his final destruction.” Loved it. This just sums Voldemort up.
I totally and completely agree with you that directly following the war, Draco would start having some major changes within himself. He was still young enough to have an open mind, impressionable and still finding his feet in the world. This, so far, has been more realistic than other “redemption” type fics I’ve read starting close to or within Hogwarts time.
“Insufferable”! So English!
The switch to Lucius’ viewpoint was pretty smooth if a little unexpected but I see the necessity of allowing us his viewpoint. Adds depth. Okay, but after all that thought of disgust and hatred at his son, him crying about Draco leaving is a bit off.
Ah! I was wondering when Draco was going to cry! Now him, not so random to cry. He’s just stopped being a boy and become a man…
Such a great beginning to the story of Draco’s finding the courage to break away from the hundreds of years of tradition. More real, too, to whatever Dramione is being led up to…
Great! Loved it! Going to read the sequel!!
xCharAuthor's Response: Wow, what a lovely long review. Thanks so much. I wanted Draco's change to be believable and I tried to show how much life changed for him after the war and the motivations behind the changes in him.
I love the word insufferable :)
Lucius is a little confused, he wants to believe that he has been right all this time but in his current state he doesn't know what to believe. And now his son is walking away. I can't remember making Lucius cry though, but I agree that it's slightly OC. I'll have to revise that.
Thanks again :)
Jacqui xx Report Review
Hey there! Here for the review battle. :)
A friend of mine got me recently into Dramiones so I thought that this prologue was a good place to start for when I read the complete story. :)
I quite like your characterisation of Draco. I always like to think that all those horrors he had lived through had managed to change and soften his view of the world. I think your descriptions of the emotions he goes through are perfect! :) As for Lucius and Narcissa they are also well done - the loving mother and the stern father who cannot quite yet let go of the beliefs he had carried his whole life.
I particularly liked your idea how the Malfoys tried to distance themselves from the wizarding world. A lot of writers forget the consequences that being a former Death Eater would be and I am glad that you mentioned it. I think it's more realistic this way. Your writing is very good, too. It's engaging and definitely makes me want to read the whole story. And when I have more time, I certainly will. Well done! :)
HarleyAuthor's Response: Hi. Thanks so much for your review. I'm glad you like my characterisation of Draco. I wanted to believe that he was changing in the last book and that is what I tried to capture in this story. He had a hard life, growing up in Lucius' shadow and this is his journey to be someone other than Lucius' son, .
I'm really happy you enjoyed it and I hope the rest of the story doesn't disappoint. Report Review
Sorry its taken me so long to do this. Ive been crazy busy with parachute and everything. This is really really cool :). My homework can wait cause I'm going to go read the next part now:). Good job!! 10/10Author's Response: Hehe...I love how my story is taking precendence over homework. I'm glad that you have your priorities in the right order :D Report Review
Wow. I could actually see into Draco's mind. Very well written. I can't wait to read the sequel. 10/10! :)Author's Response: Hehe, thank you. I guess a lot of this story was in Draco's mind so I can understand that. It is really setting up the scene for the next story. I hope you enjoy the sequel just as much as this one. Report Review
Fellow ravenclaw here, reviewing for you! I looked through your stories and decided this one sounded the most intriguing to review.
I think its a really interesting topic in general--what happened to the Malfoy's after the fall of Voldemort. I like how you've approached the topic. It would seem appropriate that Draco might be a little annoyed with his parents. You have to admit that he was more than dragged into many of the things that happened and that he was not handing the pressure well by the end of the book.
I think Draco's characterization is pretty spot on. You've done an excellent job with him. I find Lucius good, but I had expected him maybe a BIT softer after the war. After all that happened and him not being punished for it (unless your story takes place before this was decided) I would think Lucius might have a slightly different "outlook" on life.
The general plot was good. The flow, for there being quite a bit of writing occurring only in thoughts, worked well for you. It seemed to move in a fluid motion and each logical thought moved to the next. Your dialogue exchanges between Draco and his father were realistic.
I especially liked the end where McGonagall welcomed him back with open arms. I thought it was a nice touch.
If I have any CC, it would be to take a second look at your punctuation. I found quite a few missing commas and some other punctuation mistakes.
Other than that, well done! Was a pleasure reading.
-schoenemaedchenAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for such a lovely review.
As for Lucius, I approached him for this story as being angry at the world. He had so much and now it has all been taken away from him. the once respected man is now a nobody that everybody hates. I wanted him in this story to not yet be able to acknowledge his mistakes.
I'll have another read through and work on the punctuation. Report Review
Absolutely going to continue reading. I'm curious as how this new Draco will mesh with everyone else. Sounds like a great start.Author's Response: Thanks. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. When I finished this one shot, it was just begging me to continue on with Draco's story, and there is no way I can say no when my mind is screaming a story at me. Report Review
YAY! so good! must...read...sequel. Excellent work!!!Author's Response: Thank you for leaving me a review. I hope you enjoy the sequel. Report Review
This is a very good start. I am going straight to read the rest of the story. I hope you won't make this too easy on Draco though!! Seriously, I really liked how you got into Draco's mind and understanding of the reality.
AkussaAuthor's Response: Thank you. This is definitely Draco's story and an understanding about his frame of mind and the difficulties he faces in changing peoples attitudes towards him. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Report Review
This prologue is just amazing. I share with you the same view regarding Draco´s character and I love the way you write.
I´ll be following the story (and waiting patiently for the "Dramione" unfold...)Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for you kind words. the Dramoine unfolds in "Defining My Independence". I hope you enjoy that story as much as you enjoyed the epilogue. Report Review
This was fantastic!!!
I normally don't like short-story fics, but this was awesome!!
You're really very good!
Keep it up! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I hope you go on to read the next story and enjoy it just as much as the prologue. Report Review
I guess the Draco/Hermione is in the next part.
I really like the story! I think the emotions are very well written and it is definitely belivable. Great job!Author's Response: Yes you would be right. Draco and Hermione are in the next part. I hope I didn't mislead you too much. Thanks very much for the review and I hope you go on to read 'Defining my Independence'. Report Review
that´s a good beginning. i would like to read more.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I have just posted the next chapter for validation so keep checking and you will be able to read more soon. Report Review
This was really good :) Now I can start on your next story!!! Yay!Author's Response: Thank you. I hope you enjoy the next story just as much :) Report Review
AWE! LOVELY! I WANNA READ TH SEQUEL!Author's Response: Thank you. I hope you like the sequel. Report Review
That was great! I feel sorry for Draco. That is why I make him a good guy in my stories, I just feel so bad for him I can't make him to bad like in the books.Author's Response: The more I read the books, the less bad he seems. I guess that is where this story comes from. He is trying so hard to live up to the expectation of his father, but deep inside, he doesn' like the ways and means of achieving that goal. He' still a slytherin though, so while he may not go around doing the unforgivable curses, he still tries to get what he wants through whatever means necessary Report Review
I like the start to yuor new story ~! Draco must be a bit messed up after all the stuff that happened :SAuthor's Response: Messed up might be a bit of an understatement. Report Review
wow keep ggoing!! i am enjoying this story!! God bless!
AnnaAuthor's Response: Thanks. I will definitely keep going, though it will probably be a while before I can update Report Review
i luv malfoy here and how he filally turned good and sttod up to his dad!!Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
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