Because of this I can now picture a four year old girl with black frizzy hair looking perfect in every way! Like an evil Mary Poppins. I wanted to go aw all the way through! It was adorable, it's like her life makes sense!
LpF123 xxAuthor's Response: That's great! That's what I'm going for! Now to write the next ten or so chapters that will enhance that understanding. . . Thanks for the review. :P
This is such a beautiful banner that I have been meaning to stalk you for the longest time! I'm sorry, I simply don't have time to give this the indepth review it deserves, this is just a quick line, but I've declared my own unofficial reviewer appreciation week and couldn't not take the chance ♥
I did feel the segments were a bit choppy, but I absolutely love your premise, and I can't wait to read more.It has potential to be epic and heartbreaking, and there are simply not enough well written Bella fics out there! Hope you continue with this, I am sure it will be magnificent!Author's Response: Thank you very much! The banner is pretty great, I know. Most of my stories are on hold as I'm trying to finish a certain one, but I definitely like this and agree it needs some editing. Thanks; I'm not sure how much reviewer appreciation I deserve, but I'm really pleased! Report Review
I had to read this after reading your fantastic Werewolf academy!
I love how you described Druella, just like Bellatrix! we all know now why Bellatrix is like she is!Author's Response: Thanks for all these nice reviews Report Review
I'm here for the Review Tag!
First off, this plot is so *cool*! You've gone for an original spin on things by formatting this as a short story collection, and this was a brilliant start. i think this shows how carefully you've thought this chapter out - everything that surrounds Bella in this chapter points towards where she'll be later on in her life - from her mother's comments, the way her aunt encourages her pureblood ideals. It's indoctrination, and it seems right that it started so early on in Bella's life. She's ony four here but already I can see her personality forming - especially at "Bellatrixís eyebrows arched in surprise and distaste." She's on her way to being the pureblood that we know so well from the books. Very clever.
Your descriptions were excellent - especially when you described Bella "swamped in a huge, red velvet couch". I get this image of this tiny little girl surrounded by wealth and grandeur that is so fitting for the Blacks. She could have turned out to be anything but all the factors surrounding her (her rather insistent mother, the wealth and family pride) turned her into something less than innocent. You really got under Bellatrix's skin here. Excellent job :)
- MarinaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! The reason I love Review Tag so much is that you get totally unexpected reviews (I always forget that I posted there. . .) and you have no clue what story will get a review.
I'm really, really pleased you mentioned the description, because this is an edited version of the first chapter that I submitted because literally every review I got suggested I add more description. Bellatrix is one of my all-time favorite characters as well, so I enjoy this story a lot. Thanks a bunch! :D Report Review
Hello, sorry it took so long. Side-tracked. You know how it is.
I liked this little sneak peak at Bellatrix's childhood. I never really grasped what she was like as a child. I imagined her a bit more rude and a little less cute. haha. I thought this Bellatrix was adorable. I would never thought that Bellatrix would smile soo much. haha.
I liked it. A very smooth chapter. I assume you've stopped it though. It doesn't look updated. I would urge you to continue. Not many people can pull off Bellatrix's character but I think you should give it a try.
~animicAuthor's Response: Yes, I do know how it is. I started this story and actually have a few more chapters written, but other things, newer stories, keep on getting in the way. I'll try. I'm glad you liked my interpretation of Bella. Thanks! Report Review
Hi, It's Aiwe Saito from the forums, and I'm so so terribly sorry it's taken me so long to review.
But here it is.
I really liked this. I agree with the way that she talked to Bella in the house, but I feel like her interaction with Sam was too blunt. She wouldn't want to be even seen near him, right, so making a scene and being loud and snappish in the middle of Diagon Alley would be the worst idea, in her mind, you know?
Also, just a quick note (and I honestly might be wrong about this), but isn't Walburga's name spelled like that, with a U? Just a note.
But I really did like it. I do love Bellatrix, for all of her oddities, and I think you're well on your way to showing how her character's developed-- bravo.
9.5 (They're rare. Congratulate yourself.)
♥-AiAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'll keep that in mind, I really need to keep editing and updating this story and your feedback is quite true. :) Report Review
Excellent! I think you captured the character of the Black perfectly. Great portrayal of how young Bellatrix was when her 'training' began. Awesome piece, very well done. Good grammar, and language. I would add a bit more description, um... detail. Remember, it's not necessarily the amount of details but which details. But yes, it would be nice to see more detail. Well done.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Thanks a bunch! I'm working on adding more detail right now. I'm glad everything seemed good besides that. :D Report Review
Hello my dear! I'm here with your review! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get around to this, but anyways. xD
Brilliant story! I think this was a wonderful start and I can't wait to see where this goes. I enjoyed your characterization of Bella. She was different. And I like how you ended the chapter - Bellatrix beamed. For some reason, I don't seem Bella beaming, but that was a new light for mer to look at her in.
And wow! Druella! Hahaha, that was so crazy for me, considering my name is Drue. ^_^
Great job! I really think this is going somewhere truly maginificent. Update soon!
9/10Author's Response: Hey, it wasn't that long! I've taken a lot longer. Don't worry about it. :)
I'm glad the characterization was good- it's something I try hard to get but don't always achieve. And the beam at the end- that was the beam of a three year old who had just been complimented and thought she was perfect. :P
All the names in this are accurrate (at least I try) I got them from the Black family tree on the lexicon. But it's funny that you have a similar name.
Thanks for the great review!!! Chapter 2 is in the queue... :) Report Review
Wow, this was just a brilliant first chapter. I loved it. Druella was perfectly characterised - you showed so well just how superior she feels to everyone else, and "tiny little Bella" (I loved that) was written really well too. Her naivety and her willingness to believe anything her mother says was all very realistic of a small child, but at the same time, I could still see the Bellatrix we all know (and love) from the books, if that makes any sense.
My only criticism is that in places it was lacking slightly in description, so maybe work on that a bit? Overall, wonderful job 9/10Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, I'm definitely adding more description... lots of people have said that. I'm really, really glad that I captured Bella right... I wanted her a lot like a typical 3 or 4 year old, but I also wanted a little bit of what she would become to shine through. I really want a balance of sweetness and evil in her. Thanks again! Report Review
This was a wonderful start! I love the idea behind the story. It's really creative. I've never read a Bellatrix fic before, so this was an awesome way for me to start off I think. :) You had no spelling mistakes whatsoever, yet there were a few parts where I found the punctuation to be off. Just unnecessary commas and such. Nothing that takes away from the story. What I really enjoyed was the dialogue. It seemed very in-character for Bella's mother and a little girl who was still new to the ways of her family. Children are so naive, they'll take anything their parents say to heart. You really captured that. All I can say for you to really work on is maybe working in a bit more description. The settings and such. You could have gone into a lot more detail with the Muggleborn man in Diagon Alley, or perhaps an introduction into Bella's home while they were sitting down for tea. It must be very lavish. Either way, you're off to a good start. Well done!
~SubroaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked your first Bella story! And I'm really glad it was mine!
Thanks for all the advice and such; I've gotten a lot of requests for more description, and I'll definitely put mroe in.
Thanks a bunch!!! Report Review
Hello! Here with your review, as requested!
First, you have a lovely banner! Iím a big fan of Bellatrix so I was really excited when I saw who this story was about!
You have a fantastic writing style. You held my attention through the entire thing (oh Ėand the length was perfect Ė not too much to cause my attention to wander but enough to keep me wanting more!) Everything flows so well! You diction is varied nicely and your characterization is perfect. Iím such a gushing fan girl right now, Iím sorry! Haha. I couldnít find anything really to criticize, except perhaps including more description of people and places. Other than that, this was flawless.
Oh, and the dialogue was superb. Really realistic. I can just imagine a Black saying all those things, and reacting the way Druella did.
I liked that you showed a young Bella. Iíve read a fair few Bellatrix fics, but Iíve never come across one that features her so young. So kudos on the creativity! Oh, and I liked the repeated reference to ďtiny Bella,Ē it was a really effective language device.
I'd love to know about future chapters!
Really, really excellent work!
DaniAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks for the incredible review!!! I really, really love Bella; she's such an interesting character. When I decided to write about her, I knew that writing a young Bella would be just as fun as writing an old one. They're both so unique! Thanks again! Report Review
Hey there! Here to give you a review =] I always start out with one thing to improve and end with one thing I loved so let's get started!
The only criticism I have is that I think you could have a bit more description than you do. It's not a huge problem, but for the reader, even the smallest bit of description improves the story immensely. Just something to take into consideration for the future ;)
Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter! I've always thought of you as a most talented writer and this beginning is no exception. Although it is only the first chapter, I feel that you'll continue to characterize Bellatrix and her family well, and that's a great skill to have as an author =]
Well, that's all for now, I suppose! It was a pleasure to read and review for you - if you ever need another, you know where to find me! I'd be more than happy to oblige =]
~CBGAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks! I smiled when I read this, and I'll try to add some description here and there. Thanks a bunch! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection