I love the story.
It's amazing, and their personalities are perfect.
I think you should write a sequel, starting with Sirius interupting the new couple.
Haha, I love it when Sirius screws up the moments.
Peace.Author's Response: I am so mortified that it has taken me this long to respond! Dear Lord, almost 2 years...
Please forgive me, I seem to have overlooked this and only just checked my reviews to see this had been unanswered!
Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm so pleased that you agreed with the characterisation of James and Lily, I think their relationship is almost one of the most difficult canon relationships to write about.
I don't know if I'll do a sequel, I don't usually write a lot of Marauders, mainly Next Gen but this plot bunny came to me when i had writers block and needed it most.
But I am so happy that you enjoyed it, and once again so sorry it's taken me forever to respond. Report Review
This was very good, i found that all the characters were in their proper characetr as would be expected in the book. You described their thoughts and emotions so clearly i could almost put myself in their position. I'll elaborate...
Lily: Lily was most definitley in character: You portaray her as the typical resposible and intelligent head girl who isn't afraid to stand up to James Potter. Usually in Lily/James Fanfictions they always have these soppy romantic scenes but you made this fanfiction realistic and i found Lily's character to be very beleivable.
James: I'd have expected you to have portrayed him more arrogant, more intoklerant, insufferable, egotistical, i didn't really get that feeling whilst reading this fanfiction, he just seemed a tad out of character.
Plot: i loved this plot, then again i love the lily/james ship as well. I think you did a good job with it, well done!
Mood: Humour,k fluuff, stuff like that!
Grammar: This was fine, though once or twice you jumbled your word classes up, you may want to look at editing those.
Spelling: Perfect, not one mi-spelled word in sight:)
Punctuation: This was fine. Could have been a bigger range!
Descriptive Language: This was very good, your description wasn't too heavy, but i had a very clear image of what was going on.
Paragraphing: Fine. Nothing bad i can see here!
Conclusion: Everything was brilliant, just remember what i said about the grammar and you'll be fine!
Rating:9/10(which is still very good)
Goodluck in the future
KatiexAuthor's Response: Wow, this is very thorough :)
Thanks so much for obviously spending a great deal of time thinking about this, i'm in shock! I
'm so sorry it's taken me this long to respond, but i've been swamped with school, and believe it or not, this has been the first opportunity in a long time for me to check my account.
I agree with you in a sense about James personality, I believe he probably was very arrogant and egotistical, however i always percieved him as maturing in seventh year, becoming more serious, but still bearing that carefree and cavalier attitude.
Thanks so much for the review, and for the constructive criticism - will bear in mind my word classes in the future! Report Review
I like Lily and James and you portrayed them adequately enough. I must say that I really like the premise. It's fun and I found myself giggling at James more than a couple times. He's real lovely.
"Just go back to your girlfriend James, I'll work out how to disassemble this by myself," Lily sighed bitterly.
James shook his head in confusion a small knowing smirk on his lips, "She's not my girlfriend Lils. She's my new Keeper, we were actually discussing different defensive manoeuvres-"
"Do you think I even care?" Lily said brushing him off with a wave of her hand. She surveyed the damage - minimal, and easy to repair and get rid of. When she turned back however James seemed to be closer than he had been before.
"I do actually" James murmured, his breath tickling her neck.
The arrogant presumptuous prat. I hate him. I adore him. I can't stand him. He's too great. It irks me something fierce that he has a knowing smirk. Gah. I really like how that bit was written. It was really nice and the actions were described all precise and believable like.
He was smiling at her, but his eyes betrayed a small nervous fear of her rejection. This line more than captured all that I've ever thought of James and I love it. I am so pleased with it. I really admire that you managed to articulate James' character simply and perfectly with one little detail. It's downright *squee* inducing, I dare say.
Cheers.Author's Response: Thankyou so much for the thoughtful and long review. I really appreciate reviewers who take the effort to comment on someones work. I myself am so forgetful to review and often dont - a bad habit that should be erradicated.
But thankyou for your time, kindness and thoughts on the story.
:) Report Review
Very well done. Good writting and Lily is truly a wonderful character, or at least you write her the way I'd imagine her. Wonderful wonderful wonderful. Fine work indeed. James is just... *deep sigh* I never have looked at the name James the same way since the Harry Potter books came out. Anyway, lovely. The relationship was lovely as well. All came out good. You really should make more Lily and James fic's because most people make Lily too... you know, slack and just awkward. It worked well. Okay, thats enough ranting for one night. Good work.Author's Response: Oh dear! I was just going through my account and realised I hadn't responded to this review!
Thank you so much for your review. I agree with you 100% on the name James, ever since HP I've been in love with it. (Or maybe just a tad in love with James himself?)
I'm so glad you enjoyed the relationship dynamic, I feel it is one that's actually quite difficult to capture, because it's much more involved than just fancying someone. There is obviously those changing emotions and feelings toward one another (mainly by Lily) so I wanted to capture that. I wanted that transition from disregard to well love to be obvious.
I'm also relieved that you found Lily's character to be Canon, I was worried she came across as a little bossy and uptight.
Thank you once again for your lovely review, and I'm so mortified it has taken me this long to respond. Report Review
hell no it is absolutely not awful!
I think it is pretty sweet *-*
they both are really different and that is it what it makes so... beautiful :D
how she had been distracted by his lips xD
BellBellAuthor's Response: Thankyou so much for the review. I thought she needed to be distracted by something, and eyes are a bit overdone.
Thanks so much! Report Review
That was well good! You did that very well. I think you should probably have had someone notice them, I mean, it's Lily and James Potter. I liked that. I really like James/Lily fics but I'm not very good at writing them. I'm doing an Albus Severus/OC fic right now, but I'm thinking of attempting to do a Lily/James fic. Yours was very good.Author's Response: Aw shucks, thanks so very much. Yeah, I've never written anything Lily/James related so I was fairly nervous about it, but after about 8 months of writing absolutely nothing and going out of my mind from writers block I forced this one out.
It was fun. Good luck with your Severus/OC fic. I love Severus Snape. A lot. Like unhealthily a lot. I'll have to read your fic.
:) Report Review
Awww! Super-cute! Don't worry, you didn't make Lily too bossy. Carry on writing! :)Author's Response: Whew! Thanks, I was actually heaps worried I'd overdone Lily and she was just way too dramatic. But thanks heaps for reviewing, I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
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