Once again, beautiful story! I love the sad edge that is ever present in many of your stories...I'm such a sucker for them. I did notice two small things:
"My need for her had not dwindled, my love had only intensified and a strange kind of longing had grown in me like me fear had grown towards the end." I believe it was my not me you wanted.
"Though she still sang to me, her voice sounded force." ~This should stay in past tense so force should be forced.
Other than those two spots, I didn't see any other errors. I did love that you did Sirius' point of view. For some reason, I have not read many stories in a guy's point of view, but you write them and they're mesmerizing . It makes the guy seems a lot more real, and easy to relate to. And your description that went with the characterization was amazing. You have a way with words that's just...it's great. Good job! Report Review
Oh. You've reduced my thinking capabilities to one word. I apologize, I will try to compose myself so I can write you a decent review but if it's terrible, you should just know you blew me away with this story. I can see now why you've been nominated for a Dobby for at least one of your stories - I can't quite remember if there were more nominations than just for Glass. You write beautifully - poetically without being too flowery. Everything just flows so well together like reading liquid thoughts.
Your characterization of Sirius here is wonderful. It's nice to see him so serious and mourning the love of his life. His thoughts on the Order were spectacular and something not a lot of writers will pick up on. That they are willing to fight but they're still children, really, and they don't fully understand what fighting in this war really means. I really like that you drove that home in this story.
I don't read many Marlene stories and therefore, not a lot of Sirius/Marlene fics and aside from the fact that my OTP is Remus/Sirius, I enjoyed reading this pairing and found it worked well. His descriptions of Marlene were gorgeous and really brought her to life for me. I felt heartbreak when Sirius commented on the fact that all of these people died for this cause and nothing was left of them except their names, and the memories left behind by those who loved them.
James trying to tell Sirius that she wasn't coming back - that broke my heart even more. I love their friendship and in only one short flashback, you showed it well...that Sirius was willing to cry in front of him. A man in mourning, indeed. Poor Sirius. :(
I liked the flashbacks, I think they broke up the rest of the narrative well without seeming to be too over-the-top.
Just, really wonderful story. Well-written and the characterization was fantastic. Adding this to my favorites' list, for sure! Report Review
A Very poetic, tragic, and beautiful one-shot. I thought the flashbacks broke it up nicely, so it wasn't too drawn out.
The characterization was amazing, as well - not the usual womanizing Sirius, your character of him was a nice change, and Marlene was also written very nicely.
Very good job!Author's Response: thank you so much - I really wanted to try a different take on Sirius, because, as you said, he is often portrayed as a womaniser when we have no proof of that. thank you so much, this made my day :D Report Review
This is really well written and very awsum :DAuthor's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Marina. Why must you make me cry? Well, not really. I did have tears to my eyes, though. This was so heart warming and sad. The emotions that Sirius feels for Marlene, are amazing. It must be so hard for him to face the reality that she's not coming back. That she did what she had to do in order to protect the order.
Wonderfully written, as always love!
xxAuthor's Response: thanks Alicia :) Report Review
Awww! Oh my gosh!
Marina, this was so sad! I'm crying. I really am.
I'm sorry it took me so long to read this; you know everything that's been going on, so yeah. But wow! This was incredible. I love Sirius/OC stories, but it's rare that you don't come across one that's not the most cliche story in the world. This was fantastic and moving and so sad.
You really know how to hit the spot in all of your writing. Absolutely beautiful.
10/10Author's Response: awww, thank you Drue!!! *hugs* Report Review
Sorry for the long delay on the review. Great story, I have no negative comments for you. Well written indeed.
Good workAuthor's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Wow, that was incredibly beautiful and incredibly sad!! It was written with a very nice flow, wasn't hard to understand and very...almost poetic in its own way. You did a graet job at letting us know that the narrator was Sirius before you actually stated his name, something that is always hard to do. I loved every second of this beautiful one-shot and think you're absolutely amazing!! 10/10 for sure.
Keep up your fantastic work!!Author's Response: thank you so so so much! Report Review
Hello Marina! Sorry for the massive delay! I've managed to get round to reviewing at last!
I'll start with the story title which is incredible. I love the different ways that it can be interpreted because it could be understood as though it's a challenge, or something as a significant flaw with something beautiful or it being a fact of the matter.
The banner is also very beautiful and fitting - stunning creation there by Colokiller ^_^ Your summary was also lovely. I think by adding a little more to it, you could definitely make it stand out more. Just a critique because it doesn't seem to do justice to your fantastic piece here.
Your characterisations were wonderful. In a one-shot, the way you managed to build up Marlene's and Sirius' personality was something stunning, and I'm so very honoured you asked me to review because I've learnt a fair amount from reading this story along ^_^ So thank you!
Plot building was also fantastic! I found the way that you wrote the sequence of events very impressive. One thing which irritates me slightly is when authors choose to write 'flashback' when they have a flashback scene. The way you put it in was amazing because I, as the reader, instantly knew what it was about. You really brought the angst genre in with such tremendous pace and I can honestly say I had goosebumps reading it :)
I also enjoyed reading a lot of the phrases you used such as "I would be the one to lay flowers on her grave and I would be the one to grieve for her." Absolutely stunning. I really have no words to describe this piece.
You grammar/spelling was perfect, the style of writing was incredible, the plot, the characters, the description - it was all so brilliant.
The beginning was enough to capture the reader and make them stick to the story, and you released them at the end without them feeling as though there would be more to it. A complete finish and it was so very incredible.
I thank you for the review request, because I probably would not have ever had the chance to read it, so thank you ^_^ Hope this helped - even if only a tiny bit! Keep up the incredible work!Author's Response: :O Sonny! thank you so so so so so so SO much! I really dont mind about the delay, I'm so over the moon!
I didnt come up with the title, I found it in the Titled Inspiration thread ^.^ and it half inspired the story... the banner, too, inspired me. It was quite a mixture of things :P But I think you're the first to mention the title. I love it :P I wish I'd thought of it myself, but unfortunately I can't take the credit.
I'll have another look at my summary, I'm not that great at summaries :P but thanks for pointing it out, I'll work on it.
just thank you so much :D I'm so honoured you reviewed for me, I'm so grateful! I can't think of the words... just thanks :D Report Review
I have to admit I've never read any of the stories that carry one of the banners I've made, but this one finally drew my attention. You weave the words so well that the world around me actually dropped out of sight and sound. It's rare for that to happen to me unless it's by one of the particular authors that I love. That last memory really gave my heart a squeeze.
To find your writing among fan-fiction is a bit hard for me to fathom because you've such a talent and wonderful grasp of the craft with this piece. To quote a story: you are a wonderful ink-weaver. And I do hope you've some original pieces that I may take into sight and read.
10/10Author's Response: :O
i am so so so honoured! your banner is so breathtakingly beautiful, and sort of inspired this fic. so thank you!
i'm grinning like the biggest idiot now :D i dont know what to say, except you've totally made my year... i love writing more than anything and i do hope one day to have something original on the shelves. Thank you so much :)
ps. i love your graphics. *is a secret stalker* ;)
- Marina Report Review
What a good chapter. I love this so much. You get to see a different side of Sirius, what would make his the way he was, besides everything else that happens. You also get to see how he acts and how much in love he was. A really good chapter.
There is extremely good emotions in this chapter, you can almost feel the pain that is rolling off of him, and how sad he is. It's always a good story if you can feel the emotions.
Great, great job.Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
That was probably one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. You have such a way with words. It moved me. I have no doubt that you're a writer at heart...a poet even. It's beautiful.Author's Response: oh thank you so so much! what lovely things to say! Report Review
Apologies for the delay, I took a weekend break from HPFF :)
I daresay this is your most mature one-shot so far and most probably the most poetic, most emotional one.
It was most certainly an interesting take to pair Marlene McKinnon up with Sirius. So far, we haven't known anything about her except her tragic fate; reading you story lets us imagine her through your lyrical metaphores, watching as certain events of her life unfold.
Sirius, the cliche womanizer is depicted here as Sirius, the man, capable of loving someone until the very end and even beyond. Kudos to you for breaking this stereotype :)
As always, highly enjoyable. But you can't ever write anything I'd not enjoy, sweetie :)
ZoltanAuthor's Response: thanks so much :) Report Review
This was amazing! Extremely well-written, I'm in awe. :D 10/10!!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Oh, wow. Very teary and emotional oneshot, amazed at how much you managed to convey in two thousand odd words. :D Keep writing!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
It's beautiful. You captured an entire epic in a couple of paragraphs. Beautiful.
:)Author's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
This was a really moving piece, expertly written. Well done and keep up the good work!Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
*sob* Oh my gosh. that was the best sirius/oc fanfic ever. i LOVED it! so sad...Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
I'm new to this whole fanfiction thing, so I'm not sure if one-shot means you will be writing more of this or not, but I would definitely enjoy reading it. You are an amazing writer, I'm pretty jealous. :) I'd never be able to put things into words that well. This is a beautiful piece.Author's Response: oh thank you ever so much! one-shots means it's a once only piece, that's the end I'm afraid!
thanks so much, this has pretty much made my day!! *blushes* Report Review
Wow! Oh Wow. For once i'm pretty much at a loss for words. That was so beautiful, and I'm truely honoured you wrote it for me. Thank you so much honey, its amazing!Author's Response: :D i really wanted to write something for you because you've done so much for me and I really admire you :) I'm sorry it's not the story-which-must-not-be-named (XD) but this shall do :P
thank you so much for being you! Report Review
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