This was a fun chapter :)
I got a little confused at the beginning who had their shoes off and why? lol It was silly, but slightly confusing.
I'm not sure why Molly would have a problem with him bringing her home since she had work and all the next day. Isn't it chivalrous and all that? Maybe she just wanted to interrogate him later, but I didn't think he'd have to return home either. Don't get me wrong, I liked the idea of her meeting them... oooh, maybe the reason Molly wouldn't like her too much right away is her cooking? since Fleur might be used to lighter things back in France? That'd be a real good reason for her not to like her.
Anyway, still really cute :)Author's Response: Oh sorry it was basically Bill took Fleur by surprise so when he took her to meet his parents she was ready to settle down for the night so wasn't wearing shoes when they left. It was kind of pointless in terms of moving the story on, i know. Molly would have most definitely have wanted to quiz Bill and she is an impatient woman so would want it over as soon as possible. I think the only reason Molly wouldn't like Fleur is because she might feel that if Bill is serious about his girlfriend and they end up married Fleur will end up replacing Molly in terms of being fed, emotional support and unconditional love. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
I loved this little story about her wand, it was sweet. The only thing is that when Bill arrived you didn't say how, did he knock on the door? did he floo? apparate? it would help to get some kind of flow into the story from, he wasn't there for a week or so, to he was there all of a sudden.
Like I said though, this was a nice moment of sharing about her own family :)Author's Response: I just read it back and i agree he just sort of appeared in the chapter, hmm i may need to go back and sort that out. Thank you for the review. Report Review
hmm... well I don't think he could realistically tell her everything unless he had permission. No one else in the order knows her that we know of either, so I'm not sure that would happen all that soon. But he could at least tell her there was an accident, and he had to be there for his father and everything else. I think you'd really have to introduce her to the family and friends for her to know anything about the order.
That last bit there with them sleeping next to each other was so cute though :) Makes me feel cozy just thinking about it :)
so the chapter could use some work, but it still has it's really good parts :)Author's Response: I know what you mean actually like he obviously couldn't tell her everything but could have said that his father was involved in an accident. Thank you apparently i write a lot of fluff! Report Review
The chapter itself seemed a little disjointed, maybe it's just me, and I feel bad for not being able to really explain it well. I almost feel like you could have just started the chapter with Bill bringing her home, not even from work, and when he had to leave since Monique was there, maybe they could have had a girl talk?
They are very cute together though :) I love their interactions with each other!Author's Response: It isn't just you, most of the chapters have become like filler chapters for the main plot of the Harry Potter books and fillers are quite boring to write for me so i think i rushed them all and the whole story could use a little editing but i was just so happy to finish it. Thanks for the honest review though i appreciate help. Report Review
ok did I miss something? when did they officially start dating? Don't get me wrong, it's a REALLY cute chapter, but I thought the last one was still just getting used to maybe liking each other, but not dating yet.
I liked the subtle hint he was on duty for the order, that was nicely done :)
Great job!Author's Response: At the stage in my life when i was writing this i had the same kind of situation where i became so close to someone we were kind of dating but no one had send anything and i think it would be the same with Fleur and Bill as they are so wrapped up in their feelings they don't notice the changes in their relationship. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
aw, they'll miss each other, but it's good she's gotten a promotion :) I liked the bit with the twins, was it when they ran away from Hogwarts? probably right? :)
Anyway, great job!Author's Response: I think when i wrote it, it was just before the twins left Hogwarts and were trying to arrange buying the shop. With Bill working at Gringotts i assumed they would go to him for help money wise. Thank you. Report Review
lol, as silly as that last part was, it was really unexpected that they just start drinking... Butterbeers maybe, but whiskey was different lol. I liked how honest she was about if he didn't like her there she'd want to go home, nothing else held her there. Very good :) I'm so missing my friend right now with all the broken English... :(Author's Response: I imagine that Fleur would hate England and that after spending a few months there Bill would be the only thing keeping her there and Jo always wrote her as being quite blunt when she speaks so i tried to bring that across. Thanks for reviewing and I'm sad that you are missing your friend but i hope the broken english brings back the good memories of your friendship. Report Review
I think I noticed that since you talk in the first person for fleur that she doesn't have her accent, and when she talks she does. It's something to think about, 'cause it does create a bit of change to the way it flows. I know it'd be hard to do all the time, but like I said, it's a thought :)
Her and Bill are so cute though :)Author's Response: I think i said this in a review you posted for another chapter but when i wrote this i kind of wrote it for me because there weren't any Fleur/Bill stories so when i posted it on HPFF i hadn't changed the writing like i should of so i totally know what you mean about it not flowing properly for an audience. Thank you for reviewing. Report Review
Hahahaha that would change a lot of her future :) I think you're doing pretty well for conveying Fleur struggling with english. I have a friend who mostly speaks french too, coincidentally I met her in England and she got a lot better as well... though she didn't meet any love interest there that I know of lol. Anyway, I love this story! Great job :)Author's Response: I think that is the worst thing when writing Fleur in a story, trying to get the accent right and what words she would struggle with so i am grateful that you have said that. Thank you. Report Review
lolol I loved that, "momentarily distracted"
Yay! I haven't read any stories about Bill and Fleur :) I love this idea!
Great job so far :DAuthor's Response: I remember looking for stories and there not being many and being really disappointed so i just ended up writing my own version haha. Thank you. Report Review
This chapter was short but sweet! I think it was a great introduction to Bill && Fleur's relationship. Very professional to start with! Haha. I liked the part where you said "I thought I recognised Bill first "Ees that one you?" I asked him pointing at the picture." I thought it was really sweet how Fleur instantly knew who he was and it was really nice to read. I also found it funny right at the end when Fleur was confused and didn't know what Monique meant. Really good chapter!
PantherAlexandra - SlytherinAuthor's Response: I always thought that the chapters could have been longer but at the time they covered what was necessary :) Report Review
I've been looking for a good Bill/Fleur story to read for ages now because I'm considering writing one. So far, I'm very impressed! I really like how you've nailed down Fleur's characterisation in the first chapter: impatient, grumpy but good natured all the same! Also, it's probably just because I know they end up together but I squeed a little when Bill introduced himself haha.
There were a couple typos etc I spotted which is good because usually mine have like a hundred! Anyway, I jotted the corrections down:
but seeing as..
in an apartment..
get lost or hit by a bus..
what I was going to wear
A really great start and I'm looking forward to reading the rest! :)
PantherAlexandra-SlytherinAuthor's Response: Hey, I'm glad you are enjoying it. I know what you mean about the typos and i wrote these chapters a year ago now but i can't even read them back because some are so bad! I hope you enjoy the rest. Report Review
great job on this story!
i actually liked the shortness of the chapters as it made the story easier to follow. loved it :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, I just thought they were a bit too short at times but i'm happy with the end product and i'm glad you are too :) x Report Review
OMG I LOVED THIS STORY! ok im only just reviewing but i freakin love this story (no shiz sherlock! lol) it was wonderful Author's Response: Thank You Im Glad You Liked It I Think Its Been My Favourite Story To Write :) x Report Review
Gin-Gin likes Fleur too now? :D YAYS!Author's Response: Yup she does in her own little way :) x Report Review
-claps- YAY FLEUR!! As my dad would say, 'She's got spunk!'.
A period of sadness in honor of Bill... :'(
MOLLY AND FLEUR ARE FRIENDS! :DAuthor's Response: She sure has :) and Yay! x Report Review
NO! He can't b- Bu- Th- HUH?!Author's Response: Ah yes im going to take that as a positive review? :P Report Review
Poor Fleur! I'd be just as worried if I were her.
Wait, was that thing about the family clock in the books or did you make it up?Author's Response: It was in the sixth book i think? x Report Review
Sad Tonks and Remus aren't together yet, happy that you threw them in, happy Remus is going to find Tonks, sad the story's ending.
X_X Your story makes me more emotional than PMS! X_XAuthor's Response: Aww Bless :) x Report Review
I half expected Mrs. Weasley to burst in at the end. But, the crack seems more. ominous. WHAT IS IT?!?!Author's Response: You'll see :) x Report Review
Hehe. I love Monique. Waaait... DOES MONIQUE LIKE CHARLIE?!?! :O
Nevermind... Oh, I didn't even notice they were short. Probably because I'm reading them all at once...Author's Response: I think i wanted them to get together at some point but i cant remember where it went with it. x Report Review
YAY! I was waiting for Shell Cottage! But, I like that you put it on the beach she dreamt about! :D 10/10Author's Response: Thank You :) x Report Review
:( Ginny don't like Fleur?
OH GOODY! I LIKES SURPRISES! (I had waaay to much soda today...)Author's Response: Again trying to stick with the actual series but you'll like the end i hope x Report Review
“Not used to falling asleep without you in my arms.”
-is trying not to laugh-
“Ron was hit by a curse which confused him and well he was attacked by brains.”
-is SIRIUSLY trying not to laugh-
“Sirius died Bill.”
-stops laughing- NO.O.OOO.OOO.OOO.OOO.OOO.OOO!!! -sob- -sob-Author's Response: Seriously Cheesy Line.
Oh Ron Has The Best Luck :')
Saddest Line Ive Ever Wrote :( x Report Review
Aw! I feel sad and happy at once. Hmmm... :() or :)(?
Oh well! 10/10Author's Response: I like :)(, :() looks like a sad face with a double chin. Thanks for the review :D x Report Review
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