Hey Jill, I've come to take a look at this story, too. I don't read many Cedric or Cho stories, so I can't really say I have much to compare on, but I thought getting into Cedric's thoughts was interesting. Also, I liked that Cho was portrayed like the intelligent Ravenclaw she's supposed to be before Cedric's death, not some off-her-rocker girl who's always surrounded by giggling friends.
I'd suggest running through this again, though, because there are a few confusing sentences like this one: "Another sound had joined Krumís breathing, but as he stepped in front of Cedric, turning towards him, he hit." There are three Hims in the scene: Krum, Ced, and Harry. Who are you talking about? I think it's Krum stepped in front of Cedric, Krum turned towards Cedric, and then Harry hit, but I'm not sure...haha, well, you get the point. It's confusing.
Well, great use of the lyrics. I have a soft spot for Amos Diggory - poor man was devastated to lose his son, the pride of his life. :( I enjoyed this, good job!
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing Gabby! I definitely have been planning to go over this again... it was the second piece I ever wrote and I kind of just posted it without a second thought, haha, so editing is definitely necessary. Finding the time, however, is the hard part ;]
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I was going for that different look at Cho; some people seem to forget that there's a reason she was sorted into Ravenclaw! And I agree about Amos... I felt so bad for him!
Ack! That sentence! Oi vey, WHAT was I thinking? haha thanks for pointing it out. Thanks again for the review! It's much appreciated :D
Wow, this is so cool... and sad! Maybe go into more description though...Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it. I definitely plan on editing it later on, I don't really have the time right now. Be sure to check back in... a year or so ;] Report Review
I just loved this! It was really interesting to get an insight into Cedric's mind, and I thought you characterised him really well, too. I also liked the bit of Cho/Cedric in there - it's one of my favourite ships, actually, but as so many people seem to hate Cho these days it's not a very common one... Anyway, I really thought this was a brilliant one-shot! Very poignant. 9/10.Author's Response: Aww! Thanks hun! I\\\'m glad you enjoyed it so :]
I wrote this one day when I was really stressed for exams, aka in about 3 hours, so I\\\'m really pleased that Ced came across so well :]
You know, I\\\'ve always liked this ship too... it\\\'s one that\\\'s just so sweet. I mean, I\\\'m sure they had their own squabbles and everything, but still! And I agree with everyone hating Cho... just cause her and Harry didn\\\'t work out! She\\\'s still awesome to me also :D
Thanks for the review!! :D Report Review
So sorry it's taken me so long to get to your review! I made it just in time, haha. :) I'll try to make up for it by leaving you a super long, super in-depth review. Sound good?
Okay, first off, a little nitpick. It has nothing to do with your writing, fortunately. Just your formatting. When you switch scenes, I would suggest putting a line break in, or at least a few asterisks. Whatever you decide. But you should put something in there in order to visually break it up for your readers. When you first switched scenes at the beginning, the only indication was an extra space between paragraphs, and it was so slight that I thought it might be a mistake until I realized what had been done. Bah, that was a lot of rambling. But I hope you get my point. :)
I really like the fast pace of this piece, actually. It fit quite well. Cedric is dreading the final task, and usually when we are dreading something, it comes entirely too quickly for our liking. You expressed that well with the quick pacing, and the short scenes.
I also like that you limited what we, as readers, saw. We saw through his eyes, and the insignificant background happenings were disregarded, which was really nicely done. His fear was all-consuming, and since this story is being expressed to us from his point of view, that is all we should be seeing as well. You didn't add the voices of the commentators before the final task, or what the other champions were doing, etc. You showed us what he saw, what he felt, what he said and what he did. What's amazing, though, is not only did you concentrate on only Cedric and leave the unnecessaries behind, but you also gave us a very wide picture of his circumstances. You showed us him with his friend, him with Cho, him with his parents, etc. I got to know him so well because of that, and this is a relatively short piece. You did a great job in that aspect (and more, obviously).
One thing I do wish you had expanded upon was his journey through the maze. The first half of this piece deals with the build up to the final task, and you sort of just list all the things he had to deal with. I would've liked to see a little bit more action. It would've made the ending a bit more effective. On that note, don't take for granted the fact that death in itself is a powerful additive to a story. Make it unique and original. I liked that he heard his father's words at the end. That made it a little more real to me. But it still feels like it needs more. A personal touch. :)
Overall, I'm going to give you an 8/10. With that, I would like to say that you certainly have control over your writing, and I would love to see you continue to pursue that talent. Truly, I mean it.
GinaAuthor's Response: You have definitely made up for lost time! :]
On the spacing thing, it\\\'s really funny that you\\\'ve commented on that. Normally I do use three asterisks to separate them, but didn\\\'t this time... I forget why. You\\\'ve just verified that they ARE helpful. Thank you :]
Wow. There\\\'s that much in there?! I mean... I knew it was there, but the effect has been overwhelmingly good... something I really didn\\\'t expect :] I\\\'m grinning like a fool. Thank you. Times a billion. I can\\\'t even pinpoint where any of this came from. I sat down to write one day after classes when I was nervous and this just spilled out of my fingers naturally... in about two hours. I edited a bit, and this is what we\\\'ve. All of this was merely a result of what I was going through mixed with a curiosity about Cedric\\\'s character... I had watched GoF the night before.
On the maze part, you\\\'re the second to comment about that... I guess I\\\'ll have to give it another look. I tried to breeze through it because I was trying to convey his desire to rush through everything and be done; I hadn\\\'t realised that the rest of the story did just that. And now that I think about it... Cedric is really focused, so he would be thinking about that a fair amount... yes, and edit is definitely down the road. Somewhere.
The words from his father were the lyrics to the song I had to incorporate, and earlier that day I had a conversation that just popped the idea for that use into my mind. I just felt like that he would think about his father at the end... backed by when he told Harry to bring his body back after. But you\\\'re right. And edit will lurk in my mind for a while.
Thank you so much for the very thorough, kind, and thoughtful review!!! I will definitely keep writing, I\\\'ve got two one-shots and a short story in the works, besides my WIPs already posted. Thanks again, I have such a fuzzy feeling inside because of you! :D Report Review
Hey there! This was good. I think it would have been nice if you added more description- it seemed a little short for my mind. But maybe that's just me.
It was neat seeing Cedric's thoughts. I'd never imagined them before, and your's seemed quite realistic! The lyrics were well-incorporated as well. It seemed like good advice from father to son.
It would have been nice too if you'd included some more stuff from the book. Like how he was almost getting cursed by Krum when Harry found him, and how he fought off the acromantula with Harry too. As long as you don't copy exact words from the books, youcan include any scenes you want. Nice work!!!
~lllbAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm not sure why, but he seems to be the character that is easiest for me to write, I'm glad that you thought he was realistic!!
I spent a fair amount of time agonizing how to put those lyrics to use when I signed up for the challenge, then it miraculously came to me... glad they worked well for someone else :]
Readers seem to want a lot more! Heh. Unfortunately I suffer from severe writer's block and this was all I could get up an idea for...
Thanks so much for the review!! I appreciate you taking the time to do it! Report Review
loved it, it really felt like you were in Cedric's head, so well done
excellent portrayal of him
- Narcissa48 -Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review! I'm thoroughly pleased that you enjoyed it!! I'm glad you thought it was a good portrayal... somehow he just rolled off of my fingertips and this was the result! :] Thanks again! Report Review
It was awesome! love it! great work (:
- CAuthor's Response: Aw! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I'm so pleased you took the time to review! Thanks!! :] Report Review
Hello, there! I'm here with your review.
I'm so very sorry it took me so long to get around to this. Life has just been hectic.
But this was a brilliant story. I've never read one like this! It was new and refreshing, exciting, and sad.
I love the title of this. It just had a brilliancy with drawing me in. If you only see the title, you wonder why would the crowd's cheers fade? And vice versa. It was wonderful.
I like being inside Cedric's head. This part made me laugh.
And Potter hexing somebody? Thatís new.
Hehe. I just thought it was funny.
Everything was wonderful, but of course, we all know how it ends. :( And I think you wrote the mood, the feelings, the general scene beautifully. A wonderful way to remember Cedric.
What an amazing story. It was beautiful. Loved it.
Thank you for requesting such a brilliant story.
9/10Author's Response: Thank you so much!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I personally liked that line as well ;]... I didn't put it in until the end... it replaced another that I thought was really awkward, so I'm glad this one had just a good effect on you! :]
Thanks again! Report Review
That was so sad! I loved it though. Great story, and great idea!!! =]Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :] Report Review
i love this.
It's amazing. Your details, characterizations, and dialogues are SO perfectly thoughtout and mapped so well. You are doing amazing. I'm sorry that this review is so pointless, butmy dear there was nothing i could find to critisize. Great jobAuthor's Response: Wow! Thank you so so so much!
I've always been more comfortable doing shorter stories ;]
I'm so pleased that you found it so great! That really makes my day! I'm speechless! Thanks again! :] Report Review
I think this is a sweet random thing (notice random is a good word in my world), which one can't help but like. I've always felt there wasn't enough about Cedric in the books. He wasn't a small character, nor a big one, and it annoyed me, thinking that he died.
I like this lok we get into him and his relationships to both Cho, but also one of his friends and his parents. I always got a feeling he had a good relationship with his parents, and in here it's jsut confirmed.
Which you'd have taken a bit more of the maze with. It felt to me like you skipped a few things - we know from the book that he ran into Hagrid's Blast-Ended Skrewt, plus he and Harry fought the giant spider. I'd have liked to see that, but again, that might just be because I'd have wanted to read a little more of him. But I truly think it'd have given it a better flow, making one feel like this was in fact what happened in the book.
Very well written, all over. A nice story and look into Cedric's head. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm glad that this went over so well for you. I was really pleased with the way it turned out, and I'm so happy that others are feeling the same way. I agree that there wasn't too much about him in the books, and I actually sped through that part intentionally... but it might not have come across in the way I meant it to. However, I made the maze really quick because I was trying to work it into his desire for it all to be over with, doing it quickly made it seem, to me, like he was rushing through the maze just to finish, and hopefully end up the winner.
Thank you again for your review!!! :] :] Report Review
Hi there! :)
Sorry it's taken me so long to come here and review this. Great job in incorporating the lyrics! :)
Very poignant, you did a great job with the challenge!
- JessicaAuthor's Response: Thanks!! It wasn't how I originally planned for the story to turn out... it was more of a romance at first, but I like this a lot more.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :] Report Review
what song are the lyrics from? i thought it was good! it didn't follow the original plot exactly, but i liked it:)Author's Response: thanks! the lyrics are from the song "chapter one" by lifehouse.
it was pretty much just a stream of consciousness writing of what I thought would go on... how he was thinking at the time mixed with a few events.
Thanks again! :] Report Review
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