Hello darling! Chelsea here with your review!
First thing that strikes me is Kendra's personality. A little over the board if you ask me! First shes "HOW DARE YOU BOY!" and then she's "pleasant smiles" yikes! I dont know how I'd like it if my mother was that moody. I like how you wrote her a lot. Its just the kind of childhood I would have pictured for the Dumbledore children.
That is so tragic if Arianna looks forward to seeing her mother, even though she abused her!
You said that you were worried about grammer, but I didnt see anything to glaring. A few missing commas here and there a 'so' with two o's instead of one. Maybe some awkward phrasing, but a quick beta read and those would be remedied lickity-split.
I really like where this is headed! The life of Arianna is so unknown this was probably really hard to write! But your doing a great job with it so far, and please feel free to re-request when another chapter gets updated!
~~ChelseaAuthor's Response: Thankyou for you response, it was extremely helpful (and encouraging!)
:) Report Review
I like the story line..but theres a couple flow problems. Like George's name, you used a lot of different ones that referred to him which kind of distracted from the story. Also in one part you put Arian instead of Aria. I think if you got a beta it would really help it flow better and also improve the grammar and structure. And I think it would be much better if you added some parts for better description. But I like the idea and I feel that this story has potential. Is it really abandoned?
I would love to help if you like!Author's Response: Wow, thankyou for the review! I am considering to continue it... in a while probably! Thankyou for the help :) I'll see if I need help! Report Review
I like your banner :). I found this chapter to be a bit confusing? What did Arianne mean when she said not to come after three months? And how did George know that she was locked in the cellar?Author's Response: thankyou!
sorry, i didnt realize it was confusing.
three months because: then Kendra and her son would return.
and he found about the cellar, because she tells him. Report Review
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