Reading Reviews for Chasing Pavements
  
69 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Shay_Gryff Lifetime Of Crushes And Broken Dreams

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I really don't understand your reasoning for the twins not liking each other. If they had just grown apart or if there had been some major falling out it would make more sense, but for six years of hatred they made up too quickly. It--again--feels forced and rushed. I feel like the entire story could be fleshed out and edited to be so much better than it already is.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #2, by Shay_Gryff A New Beginning

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I still don't really understand the root of their emotions. For anyone really. Lily and Frank didn't even know each other before they started dating, Adrianna and Remus spend little to no time together, and Sirius and Brianna don't seem to have an emotional reason to hate or love each other. I'm really confused as to where any of their relationships are coming from. Yeah, that's it for now!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #3, by Shay_Gryff The Games That Play Us

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, the one big thing that stood out to me was that you used pounds as their type of money, but they would be using galleons. That's it for this review!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #4, by Shay_Gryff Can't Stop This Thing We've Started

23rd December 2014:
Hey!

Same sentiments as my past reviews, it just need a big edit and update.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #5, by Shay_Gryff Life Time Piling Up

23rd December 2014:
Hey there!

This chapter has a much better flow than the last, but there are still a few of the same types of issues.

The interaction between Sirius and Brianna seems really fake and rushed. I don't understand where any of their emotions are coming from and I really don't see any real interpersonal relationships between anyone.

Sorry if you feel a bit offended by my reviews, I just want to help in any way that I can!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #6, by Shay_Gryff Hanging By A Moment

23rd December 2014:
Hello again!

Okay, this chapter especially feels choppy and forced. I feel like it needs more of Sirius' thoughts to show you what is going on instead of you telling us what's going on. For example, instead of saying "Dinner that night" you could have Sirius thinking about sitting down, or have the Marauders talking and getting food, or just something less abrupt and more thought and dialogue driven.

Other than that, this chapter wasn't bad! Not great, but not bad either.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #7, by Shay_Gryff The Place You Have Come To Fear

23rd December 2014:
Hello!

Okay, I don't really understand why their Muggle Studies professor is using his class time to try and fix his students' behavior. I don't know, I feel like that job would fall more to Dumbledore or McGonagall.

Sorry this review is so short, but I don't even know if you get on the site anymore to read these reviews so... yeah.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #8, by Shay_Gryff Tumbling Down

23rd December 2014:
Hi there!

A few words were missing and there were a few grammar mistakes, but other than that it was a relatively clean chapter!

I feel like Sirius is developing a little bit, but everyone else is really flat and unchanging. I hope that changes soon!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #9, by Shay_Gryff Nothing Was All I Found

23rd December 2014:
Hello again!

Even less typos! As you kept going your grammar and spelling improve drastically!

I'm still missing character development. All of their interactions feel forced and fake.

The story is great, otherwise I wouldn't be rereading it ;)

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #10, by Shay_Gryff Can't Fight For Much Longer

22nd December 2014:
Hello there!

The story is starting to flow better, but I don't feel like much is happening to the characters. The past two chapters have had some action, but almost no characterization has been built upon. I don't see Sirius' reasoning for 'falling' for Brianna.

That's it for this review. I still recommend revamping the story and getting a beta to help you.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #11, by Shay_Gryff Pefer Not To Be Rescued

22nd December 2014:
Hello!

Basically take all of my comments from the previous three chapters and apply them to this one as well.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #12, by Shay_Gryff I Love To Hate You

22nd December 2014:
Hi there!

There are a lot less typos in this chapter! Yay! However, the dialogue isn't flowing very naturally. It feels choppy and forced, as do Sirius' 'visions' of wedding rings. I understand that it's difficult to put all of OTH into one novel, but in general the pace of the story is rushed and choppy.

Also, and this is a very minor thing, why did you use choke as Sirius' description? I know that it's what was used by Peyton to describe Lucas, but Sirius hasn't done anything to be referred to as choked, and it seems like it's Hayley to Nathan.

This might be just because it's been a while since I've read the story but Alice is Peyton, Sirius is Nathan, Brianna is Hayley, and Lily is Brooke, but I can't figure out who everyone else is. I don't know if it's just me or if you don't have everyone as distinct characters.

Anyway, lovely story, lovely job!

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #13, by Shay_Gryff Getting In Each Others Business's

22nd December 2014:
Hello again!

I know that it's been a while since this story was published, but I really think that if you do a massive edit and update it would really improve the flow of the story. I personally get really distracted by grammar mistakes such as "there" instead of "their" and I know some people who stop reading stories when there are too many typos. I would be happy to beta the story for you if you'd let me!

Again, other than that it's a good story! One Tree Hill is awesome and I'm glad I decided to reread this story as a re-watch the series.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #14, by Shay_Gryff Nobody's Home

22nd December 2014:
I'm really glad that I'm rereading this story! One Tree Hill was a great show and I'm reading as I watch it (for like the third time)

I feel like you could use a massive edit with a beta. There are a lot of typos and grammatical mistakes that detract from the story. It's also very choppy and I feel like if you revamped now it could be improved drastically.

Lots of love!
Shay :D

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Review #15, by Neha Unopened Letters To The World

20th November 2013:
gtret story...plz write sequel..

Author's Response: Wow, a good few years later and someone still commented on this story that I wrote in high school. It's funny. I haven't been on this site in ages, and no doubt my writing is a million times better than this. Still, seeing a review a few years after this story was posted is super touching. Thanks so much for taking the time to write. It's really appreciated.

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Review #16, by Shay_Gryff Unopened Letters To The World

12th February 2012:
HELLO!!

I LOVE IT!! but i think that the last chapter went a little too fast.

Brianna and Sirius are adorable, they fight, but they still love each other.

KEEP WRITING :D

P.S. "walla" is actually spelled "voila"

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Review #17, by dannydeboy Unopened Letters To The World

29th April 2011:
okay well what to say
i really loved this story and would love to see a sequal
1 point thou if yu dnt want to write the sequal i will
much love dan

Author's Response: Hhaha,,, awww,,,
I'll definately think about!!
Thanks so much for the support


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Review #18, by lilyluna Unopened Letters To The World

4th February 2011:
I WANT AN AU SEQUEL!!! PLEASE!!! GREAT ENDING THOUGH!

Author's Response: Haha, aw!!!
Thanks!!!
I'm still thinking on it!!!
We shall SEE!


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Review #19, by HP_Luver21766 Unopened Letters To The World

21st January 2011:
you should totally make an alternate universe sequal! I think it would be amazing! GREAT GREAT chapter!

Author's Response: Hmm... That's interesting... I never thought of that. I'll consider! Thanks for the idea!!!


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Review #20, by Mrs Lutz Unopened Letters To The World

18th January 2011:
No! This can't be the end, I've loved this story from the very first chapter, no joke. But I love it. A lot. I think you should write another story or something, because you have very nice writing styles. Keep it up and I hope to see a new story from you very soon! I love it so much!!

-Mrs Lutz

Author's Response: Aww... that actually made me a little sad.
Thank you!!!
I was thinking about a continuation, or another story all together... I haven't decided yet. Thanks for the hump though!!
Means the world!


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Review #21, by HP_Luver21766 All That You Can't Leave Behind

12th October 2010:
NO!! Sirius is wrong! they do belong together! gr she is making me really mad! >:(
but amazing chapter! cant wait for more!

Author's Response: Hhahah... you're the first person to respond like that. Thank you!! I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #22, by fire witch All That You Can't Leave Behind

7th October 2010:
aww you cant let him... you just cant...

Author's Response: Hhahah... your passion inspires me!!!
Thanks for the update. it means so much!


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Review #23, by Mrs_Black215 All That You Can't Leave Behind

6th October 2010:
wow... I absolutely loved it! Plz update soon!! this is a great story! Absolutely fantastic! gr8 chappy!! :)

Author's Response: Your so sweet!!
Thanks a million!!


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Review #24, by naflower05 Completely, Utterly, and Entirely Alone

23rd September 2010:
=[ another sad chapter. well written though. update soon! =]

Author's Response: ha! thanks so much!!! you make me keep writing!!

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Review #25, by fire witch Completely, Utterly, and Entirely Alone

20th September 2010:
i absolutely love it :):):)

Author's Response: AH! Aw. Thanks so much! I have not been so excited to read a review in forever! YOUR THE BEST!!!

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