Reading Reviews for Little Surprises
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by :3 Pranksters, Dares and More Fruit Salad.

9th May 2013:
:) Muaaagagagaghahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahaa

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Review #2, by 65ashben Of pasts, presents and- no, just pasts really.

11th May 2010:
Wow. That's sad. The chapter was great. I can't wait for more!!!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing :D

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Review #3, by marypoppinscollar Of pasts, presents and- no, just pasts really.

10th May 2010:
I love this story! Please update soon! I don't know why, but I always love the Harry Potter vampire stories.

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that :D Yeah, vampire's are pretty epic, scary...but epic :) I'm not sure if I'll continue with the story..I mean, I have this amazing elaborate plan in my head on what will happen, but I'm not sure how to write it. I think I might just stick to reading from now on :) But your review still means the world to me :D xx

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Review #4, by Aura24579 Slytheirns, Tears and Confessions

13th November 2009:
do ade and remus get together???
ok.that is rather wierd to ask at first,but.

write more!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the awesome review :D

It's all gonna be a secret, truth be told, I haven't decided yet...

I'm working on the next chapter now :)

MarauderAddict ~!~

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Review #5, by FluffyBunny Slytheirns, Tears and Confessions

9th November 2009:
Uh-oh! No way?! :) I love Remus in this one! Leaving a piece of my mind; Did you know that there is a animal that has a penis as long as its body?? You asked for it! xD
4328947/ 10

Author's Response: Thanks a million :D I love Remus too and I was a little worried that I screwed him up, so I'm so relieved that you like him :) Are you serious...that is soo cool...can I use that? But seriously, it's that long? Wow. Yeah, that was a little random

4328947/10? *Does a victory dance* Yes!

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Review #6, by shelby .m Slytheirns, Tears and Confessions

7th October 2009:
I loved that chapter!, omg! lol i didnt know that you were this good a writer kiki!! lol, i hope the next chapter is in soon!!

Author's Response: It's really that good? Geez, I mean, it's great that you love it so much!
Funny, I'm still not in extension english :( I'll get there next year.
I'm getting some really helpfu;l reviwes, which I'm hoping will allow me to improve the story because currently it's my 13 year old bores dribbled on paper.

Thanks for the review, I'll start on the next chapter now :)


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Review #7, by Blissbug Fruit Salad, New Schools and Long Beards

6th October 2009:
Hi, Blissbug from the forums.

You asked me about whether or not I felt like this chapter was no needed, and I honestly have to say, a lot of it isn't. To be really honest, I skim-read the whole bit with her friend and the shopping. That whole portion can be cut out because it doesn't serve a real solid writing purpose. You may argue that it cements what kind of girl your main POV is, but I would counter that by reminding you that you've got so much characterization in the beginning, you don't need more. I mean, the bit about the laptop? That was great! It showed me exactly what kind of person I'm dealing with and I loved it.

Here's my recommendation, a technique that has always kept me in good standing when I'm debating about whether or not a specific scene is actually needed. I ask myself, 'How does this scene serve the rest of the story?' If the scene does not in some direct way, effect what happends -- say, three chapter from now, then the general rule is to cut it. If the scene does not characterize, develope plot, build tension, release tension, foreshadow, continue pace or add detail for depth and reader interest, take it out! As a writer you must be your own most severe editor, and that often means taking out the bits you like best. So, this chapter is good, but it needs cutting, and the whole bit with the friends is where you need to do it.

I also encounter a lot of 'talking-heads' here and that happens when you've got dialogue without any physical action, environmental description or mental/emotional tie-in. It is basically one character talking at the other character, and the other character talking back. Try to partner a particular portion of conversation with a physical action, i.e sitting down at a table, ordering chips. Or try playing the dialogue off the environment it's happening in: i.e., a mall food court, with lots of noisy people, so that characters have to raise their voices to be heard, or move in close to each other in order to speak.

This is an interesting idea, and while it is definitely a little to AU for my taste, I still enjoyed the concept and I'm glad I took a risk. Hope the review is helpful :) 6/10


Author's Response: I'm glad you did end up reading my story, I appreciate it alot :)

I really know I should get rid of the part with the shopping and you might think I'm an absolute dweb, but I think I'll keep it. I might try to tie it into the next few chapters though and I guess if I can't do that, I'll delete it. I think it's funny everyone is so keen on the laptop part, I really don't like it. Then again, it shows how confused and nervous Adelaide is.

With the 'talking-heads', I'll get to work. I'll go through and add some more detail. The mall food court idea is actually pretty good, I might do something similar.

Sorry it's too AU for your likings, but I guess you can't please everyone. A 6 sounds about right, so maybe I'll try to boost it up to a 7.

Thank you for the review, it's really going to help :)


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Review #8, by shelby .m Pranksters, Dares and More Fruit Salad.

6th October 2009:
lol, hey that was really funny ki-ki!! cant
wait to read the rest of the chapters!!!

Author's Response: Haha, Shelby! You read my story :D Thanks for the review :)


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Review #9, by Random Person Slytheirns, Tears and Confessions

3rd October 2009:
great chapter. Your an amazing writer keep up the good work!
When will the story continue? i cant wait to discover how her mum got murdered. some parts were abit confuzing but i guess it will be explained in later chapters. you should try to get others to read over it as some bits of the whole story are hard to understand. You find them understandable as you know alot more about the story and charters. you need to convey this to your audience. well keep working on it, and your plot is great!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the amazing review :D
I guess some parts are a bit confusing, but I promise that I'll explain them a little bit later. I kind of find it hard, because I'm new to writing, so I just feel like everybody already knows these things :
So you think I should get a Beta reader? Yeah, me too. I think I'll look into that...

I'm working on the next chapter now, it should be up within the next week.

Once again, thanks for the brilliant review :)

MarauderAdict ~!~

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Review #10, by fatality Fruit Salad, New Schools and Long Beards

30th September 2009:
Hi, itís fatality from the forums!

I really hope not to come off as rude. Just remember that this is constructive criticism and speaking of which, let me begin. One of the many things I learned about writing was that, if itís not important or essential to the story, donít write it. For instance, your first two paragraphs had nothing to do with the plot of the story. Taking a shower and turning on a fan and brushing your hair isnít needed to the reader. I think you should have started this chapter off with ďThere are a few things about meÖĒ

I thought it was pretty strange how Adelaide was so cool and comfortable with her being a vampire. Just think about it with Remus. Heís a werewolf and he didnít let anyone - Marauders not included - in his life for fear of hurting them. I do like how sheís seems so, normal, despite her condition. Like how she was confused as to what to pack for the big move. Her dadís pretty awesome too. What you had him say was very realistic like, ďI know youíre nervous honey, but itís going to be fine. Youíll love it in England.Ē

Author's Response: Okay, thanks :)
I'll go through and maybe get rid of the shower part. I wasn't quite sure how to start it off, and I thought 'Hey, I'll start it like most days start'.

Because I'm new to writing, I'm finding it difficult to get Adelaide to be all hyper and nervous about her condition. Although, I did add in a part where she freaked out about her friend saying it. When she starts Hogwarts, she'll be alot more worried.

Okay, I didn't really expect that, but thanks anyway :) I suppose her dad is pretty cool.

Thank you for the amazing review, it's really going to help with the story.

MarauderAddict ~!~

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Review #11, by FluffyBunny Questions, Agreements and Highly Developed Hearing

24th September 2009:
Ah gosh it's late and I'm exhausted, forgot was my homework was and where I put it. My history teacher is going to slaughter me. Fuck. But I love your story so I'm going to scribble down the link and tell him it's alle your fault! xD Muhahaha!

Author's Response: Crap, I just pressed the report review button, damn it!! Hopefully nothing happens, I clicked back : Anyways, I'm sure your teacher will really buy the 'I was reading some interessting stories on different cultures..' I'm glad you like my story...I actually think it sounds like crap, but it's reviews like this that make me go 'Heck, I'll chuck in a new chapter'

Thanks for the review..

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Review #12, by MaddieE Questions, Agreements and Highly Developed Hearing

14th August 2009:
YES! SHE HAS DONE IT! It's perfect :)
This is exactly how you should keep writing.
I hope you update son, I hate slow updaters :( and now I'm sad there are no more chaps up :(
You should go back and edit the other chaps so that they are similar and as descriptive and random as this'll get a lot more reviews.
Umm, why is the last bit in bold?
I'm actually really eagar to read the next chapter now. I checked the updat thingy and saw that there was a bit gap between your I'm guessing that you've improved by a mile since you first posted the story.
Please please please update soon

Author's Response: Yay :)
I did it!
I'm glad you liked it, I actually took your advice and edited it. Hope you do follow through with the story, I promise it gets better. I'm actually a little stuck as to what to do no. Well, I'm 3 chapters ahead really, but after those chaps I don't know what to write.
Thanks for the awesome review.

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Review #13, by MaddieE Cold water, Tickel Fights and a Trip to the Kitchen

14th August 2009:
Hahaha...that was really funny :p

I can tell you're getting better!
Still, I think you can go a little more in depth...but that was defintely the kind of thing that you should keep writing about.
I hope the next chapter is just as good.

Author's Response: Thanks for the awsome review. I'm actually editing chapter 3 now, it sounds o much better.

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Review #14, by MaddieE Hypercrites, dreams and pranks

14th August 2009:
The friendship between Addie and Remus is really adorable :) Do I sense a Remus/Addie in the furture?
The summary said all four of them, so I can't wait for that :)
This chapter was better. I still think the story is a bit meh, I really hope you do edit these ones :)

Good luck on the next chap

Author's Response: I'm honestly not sure who I should do for relationship. I know it won't be for a while because I want to get the whole werewolf/vampire thing out of the way, so I can safely say, partners won't be for a while.
Thanks for the review.

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Review #15, by MaddieE Pranksters, Dares and More Fruit Salad.

14th August 2009:
That was a little more funny.
Once again, just a few parts you should change. When doing the intros I suggest you explain their facial features and speech type more, it only takes a little bit for the story to become awsome.

I love reading about wizards truth or dare, it's really funny.


Author's Response: I enjoyed writing the truth or dare, too :) I've editted the introductions, so hopefully they sound better :)

Thanks for the review.

MarauderAddict ~!~

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Review #16, by MaddieE Cute guys, Talking Portraits and a Friendly Redhead

14th August 2009:
Okay, you shouold defintely go back and edit that one.
The introductions need a bit more explaining and the description should be more indepth.

Once again, a 6/10

Author's Response: Will do :) Thanks for the review.


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Review #17, by MaddieE Fruit Salad, New Schools and Long Beards

14th August 2009:
I think what you have so far is good.
It can be quite difficult to write an introduction, and even though your isn't the greatest I really hope you get a bit better, it is a good plot.
It's not an overly long chapter, you should try to make the next ones a little longer.

I think it's a little shallow, so you should work on adding more depth :)

Hope you don't get offended by anything I've said, just trying to help
I'd give it a 6/10

Author's Response: I know it's not great. And I don't take anythig you've said badly.
I really only posted the story to get advice on my story so Im glad I did actually get some

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Review #18, by em ex why Questions, Agreements and Highly Developed Hearing

9th August 2009:
its ok i think its a bit shallow hope u dont take it the wrong way but still pretty good

Author's Response: No, don't worry. I completely agree. It's really one of my first times writing and I'm still getting all the ropes.
Thanks for the review :)

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Review #19, by hannah Cold water, Tickel Fights and a Trip to the Kitchen

1st August 2009:
hey does frankie joe have anything to do with a certain band

Author's Response: Actually no. I just though of a random name...small world though, eh?

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Review #20, by Guess Who Pranksters, Dares and More Fruit Salad.

28th March 2009:
i really like this chp. its so cool like its got a bit of twilight in it as well as alot of harry potter!!! i am suprised you havnt guessed who i am as i go to your school and sometimes talk to you. oh well i shall just keep reading your great chps!!!

Author's Response: Okay, thanks.
Sorry, you've overestimated me, I've got no clue who you are, sorry.
See you at school?

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Review #21, by Guess who Cute guys, Talking Portraits and a Friendly Redhead

24th March 2009:
great!!! i lov your stories

Author's Response: thankyou!!
I officially love you.
but plz keep reviewin, the story does get better, and more into her that even a word?
the next chap is coming!

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Review #22, by Guess Who Fruit Salad, New Schools and Long Beards

20th March 2009:
Hey that is such a cool story i love fruit salad

Author's Response: Cool. Thanks for the review. And come on, who doesn't like fruit salad??? :)

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Review #23, by jpcgal95 Cute guys, Talking Portraits and a Friendly Redhead

5th March 2009:
that was an awsum chapter kiara

Author's Response: Thanks, i don't think it was too good. I had to add all the info so the story made sense so it was a bit go-go-go-go.

but, still, thankyou!

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Review #24, by TazzieMeg Fruit Salad, New Schools and Long Beards

24th February 2009:
I thoroughly enjoyed your chapter and cannot wait for more to be validated. Thank you, it made me laugh and cry, I know how hard it is for children to leave friends etc, my daughter has many friends across Australia and misses them terribly. Which made me feel the emotions as I read your chapter. Keep up the great writing.

Author's Response: Har de ha ha mum!

Thanx for the review, and mentioning me in it.hehe

EWrmm, well , I'll see you tonight


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