Hey again :) Another great piece of writing!
-I liked the pace of this, it wasn't to fast but it wasn't too slow either.
-I can imagine the characters doing this; Draco trying to be nice but still trying to be seen as the bad guy (I know it's just for his familys sake though) and Hermione always knowing exactly what to say/ do ( her last line is amazing!)
My heart does bleed a little for Ron but it was still a great piece :D 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing for me again! I'm so happy you liked this piece. I really loved this plot idea and couldn't wait to write it. I've always been really happy with how it turned out. :] Thank you so much for reviewing, even though you're a Romione fan. :] I really appreciate it!

--Emily

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I really liked this. :) It flowed very well and the readability was good. There weren't any grammar or spelling errors that I could see, at least none that were glaring.

I liked how it was short and sweet, not too much yet at the same time not too little. You gave just enough information and it was all balanced out quite well. Both Hermione and Draco were portrayed well, nothing of what they did was far out of the realm of possibility, at least not in my opinion.

One word of advice though--watch the commas! It's a comma thing for writers to do, using too many commas. Try eliminating unnecessary transition words such as "suddenly" and "however". Also, when writing a fast-paced action/dramatic scene (such as when the ceiling falls), try to keep some of the sentences short. That gives writing a real feel of drama and urgency. And in general throughout your writing you should alternate between long and short sentences, since it seems like you're favoring long and very descriptive sentences.

Overall I think this was a great piece. I enjoyed reading it. :)

Author's Response: Hey there, thank you SO much for reviewing! Your compliments made me smile. I really appreciate them.

That tip about sentence structure and commas was amazing! I had never thought of that. I'll definitely keep it in mind when I edit this and for any future writing. I think that's an incredible piece of advice. Thanks!

Again, I appreciate your opinions and that you took the time to read this. Have a wonderful day and thanks!

--Emily

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Hello again!

Thank you for the request for another review. I was glad I’d get the chance to see more of your amazing work, even if it is late. :C (If I was to do it for leisure, it would never be done). You’re welcome by the way, I’m glad you enjoyed my review. Anyway, here we go…

So I loved how this started. Straight in there with the battle. I think I pointed out more description might have been liked in the last fic I reviewed? Here I think it was perfect. You’re teasing me with Romione, my favourite couple! Dramione really is one of my top ones, now, though, but you have a way of hinting at Romione. xD Anyway, it starts of brilliantly, like I’d expect and it really drags the reader in. Pefect!

I do wish there was more Ron/’Mione. I think I had that problem last time and maybe it’s just me. It’s just… everyone knows the whole Romione, and of course you are changing that about to have (the wonderful) Dramione. Only, I’m thinking everything still happed and Romione is still on the cards, so like that would be bettere addressing. If that makes sense.

The sudden saviour bit, out of the blue! PERFECT! I can’t say I was actually expecting that, I was more expecting some other way, y’know? I like it, though, I really do. It’s helped a lot by the way you’ve done Draco. (Perfect again, I could marry him, just thanks to your fics!) The way he explains himself… I was worrying it might be insane, one of those ‘OMG, I’M JUST CHANGED. MARRY ME ‘MIONE!’ without much explanation. It’s in depth though, I really loved it if I’m honest. Though, it could be explained more, like a scene of him just prior too, where we see him change his mind after seeing someone die or something… just a suggestion. C:

No spelling/grammar issues noticed! C:

The idea on a whole was amazing. I’m glad you got the idea from your head onto a paper (or word document, at least!) and you did well, something I’m not surprised. There’s only the two things listed I’d add/change, really. Oh, and I didn’t like how short it was. I mean, it works well short, it’s just I love seeing more! C: Well written and such. Just amazing.

Much love, Jess/Jessiytots.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review! I really loved it, of course. It made my day. :]

I'm so happy that you liked the story. I'll see if I can add something in about Draco's past and why he's changed. But I don't want to emphasize Romione too much...I don't want it to take any attention off of the Dramione ship. Y'know?

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and thank you for reviewing! :] I'm sorry it's so short. It's the shortest thing I've ever written...I wish there was more to the plot, but I haven't thought of it yet.

--Emily

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It's Roots in Water here with your review!

First of all, I loved Hermione's last line. It (and this is my interpretation) shows that she's accepted/understood that he has changed sides and that they will meet again. She will help the others understand that he has truly switched sides.

You set the scene very well for the battle and had Draco save her (though I'm not sure I would use the phrase "save her life", as you did when she thanked him- I think "saving me" sounds better) in a realistic manner that didn't demean Hermione's skill with spells. He played the rescuer without playing the "knight in shining armour", which Hermione certainly doesn't need.

There were only two other little things that I noticed. Firstly, in the sentence "However, he had alerted his fellows", I'm not sure "fellows" is the best word to use. It sounds too friendly for Death Eaters... Perhaps you could say "he had already alerted others" instead. Secondly, in the sentence "'I’m sure that was Potter’s Mudblood friend, if we kill her, we’re sure to get some praise…'" I think that you could split it into two sentences (I'm-friend & If-praise). It would be less of a run on sentence.

The ending for this story was really great: short sentences and paragraphs really helped to build the impression that this was intense, this was fast-paced, this was taking place in the middle of a battle. The only thing I would suggest for the rest of the piece is that you write it in the same style. Especially in the beginning you were writing longer paragraphs to help describe the situation and the actions of everybody. I think it would help it sound more like a battle if you used shorter sentences or split larger sentences in two or shortened the paragraphs.

All in all, I think this was an interesting idea that was well executed. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you again for an absolutely wonderful review!

I'm definitely going to change the line about "saving her life." I agree with what you said about it.

And her last line was supposed to be exactly how you interpreted it. That line was actually the thing the entire story was built around.

I'll also change the thing about "fellows" and the other line you mentioned. You're terrific at catching things like that! :D

I'll look into the paragraph style as well. All of your suggestions are terrific. Thank you so much!

I'll probably be back to request again. You leave the most wonderful reviews! :]

Thank you so, so much!

--Emily

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I decided to do a trade-off since you left me such wonderful reviews! :D

Well, I have to say that generally I don't like Dramione taking place in Hogwarts, but, since this is sort of technically happening at the tail-end...I guess I'll let that slide :)

I love heat-of-the-moment type of passion. It's always more exciting and dreamy and romantic. I think you've captured that well here. He's already impassioned about not wanting to be in the war anymore and she's just been saved and is grateful. Gah! I eat those type of things up!!

charlottetrips [Ravenclaw]

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing this! :] I'm really glad that you liked it. I've always been quite fond of those heat-of-the-moment occurances. This is one of my favorite stories I've written, so your feedback is very appreciated. Thanks again!

--Emily

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That was a different story then i usually would read and i sort of enjoyed it
7/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm glad that you liked it. :] I really enjoy the story and I'm glad to hear your input. Thanks again!

--DracoFerret11

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I have such a big smile on my face right now. That was really cute.

You made it seem believable and I could really picture that happening. I don't think you should worry too much about it being short though. It was short and sweet. You definitely got your point across and honestly I couldn't picture it with more added. Although, I think this is a very nice candidate for a sequel lol.

I liked how you characterized Draco. It's like everything he was holding in just came pouring out, which is understandable because of the high stress situation. My favorite part was at the end, after they kissed. Hermione's last line there was so perfect.

The only thing that stuck out to me is when Hermione says "Good bye, Draco Malfoy". I don't know why but I don't really like the fact that she used his whole name in that situation. XD lol don't mind me..

I think you did a nice job on this one-shot. I'd love to read more from you. Its nice to come across good Dramione's =)

Author's Response: Hey there, thank you so much for your review! :D

I'm so glad you liked it! This idea was in my head forever before I actually wrote it. :] I'll go check how it sounds with just his first name there, but I can't guarantee anything. :] But if that's your only complaint? Awesome!

Thank you again! :] I really have been considering a sequel to this one...

--Emily

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Here is my review:

This was so great. I really love the paradoxical twist you put on this story; the quiet moments amidst a war, love within hate, forgiveness amongst conflict...it is really great. The settings were great, the descriptions were great, and the hope that you are left with for love that is lingering at the end of this story is especially wonderful!

LL

P.s. thank you so much for requesting reviews! If you get the chance please, check out my own stories here on HPFF (two dramiones) and tell me what you think! Thanks again!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing for me!

I'm so glad that you liked it and I totally appreciate your feedback. :D

You're awesome, thanks!

--DF11

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Hello Hello! =) I really enjoyed your characterization of Draco here- you brought out his practicality without making him callous. Simply put, being a Death Eater wasn't achieving what he thought it would. It was not bringing him glory, it was not protecting his family, and the stark contrast between the blood lust of the Death Eaters and the weariness of Draco made his character that much more appealing. I don't really understand why he kissed her at the end - it was a bit too sudden for me, but I understand that it's a one shot so I suppose that's just how it goes =) I think it might be stronger without it, but I LOVED HERMIONE'S LAST LINE! I really did. Your dialogue always flows so well without making this too cheesy! Amazing, amazing work =) x

Author's Response: :D!

Thanks for reviewing again! Ok, this is really the shortest thing that I've ever, ever written, so I know it moves fast. :/ But I'm glad to hear you liked it. Her last line was actually in my head for so long and this plot drifted in the forefront of my muse's ideas that I just HAD to write it. Admittedly it could use more development... but I'll have to find time to get around to that. :] Thanks again for reviewing; I appreciate it so, so much! :D

--Emily

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Ok, ok, this was my very first Draco/Hermione fanfic (I know I know, that's pitiful with me being SO obsessed with Hpff and not even have read one of the most popular ships), but I'm SUPER glad this was my first! Like, you have no idea! It seemed so believable. I have to be honest with you, before this, I sort of was against Draco/Hermione. The idea just seemed weird to me, but I swear, just by reading your summary when you requested I reviewed this (by the way thank you!) I was like ok, this sounds really good! I was REALLY looking forward to it!!! You've totally changed my mind about Draco and Hermione ships now and this one-shot actually helped me with a few things for my own story (though I promise I won't copy. Just some of Draco's traits that developed seem like a good idea to me :) )

Yes, I do really think this was too short. I really wanted to see more! more action more Draco/Hermione! More! More! More! See, once heavily against this ship, I'm now begging that you write more :) I'd really, really like it if you continued with this and made it much longer. Please, PLEASE consider it. I think you did a really good job with this! The flow (as I've said) was a bit too short but other than that I think it flowed pretty well, and, well, you got the picture of what I think of your characters.

Thanks so much for requesting! I'll be more, more, more than happy to read anything else you'd like to request. Please feel free to request!

Clair :D *now adding to favorites* :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! :D

This made me smile so much. I just went through a computer crisis and this was the first thing I read after the crisis abated and it totally made me feel better. :]

I'm so glad that I've opened your mind to Dramione! :D (YAY YAY YAY!) I'll be back at your thread to request more reviews so you can be exposed to more of the ship. :]

I really have been considering writing more on this, so don't give up yet!

Thanks again!

--Emily

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It was short, but that's okay. Take comfort in the fact that you made me want to read more, which is good! Any how, this was great. I love how, while some people don't make it seem realistic, Draco's little speech about how he's sick of the war in such was not OoC. Well done! This was quite good.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D

I really appreciate that you reviewed... and that you don't think Draco was OoC! I try so hard to make him believable...

Thanks again! I'm glad you liked it.

--DracoFerret11

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very lovely.

cute and realistic in a way that most Dramiones aren't. that definitely says something.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks a bunch for reviewing, I really appreciate it. :]

I'm glad that you liked it.

Thanks for your compliments; they made me blush. :o

--Emily :D

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Oh, it was dreadfully short lol. I wanted more x]
But it was lovely. I don't think it needed to be any longer actually. It was simple and to the point.
Very well done. I enjoyed that one.
-Sarah

Author's Response: Thanks again for reviewing! :D

I'm glad that you liked it!

It's the shortest thing I've ever written... :o

Again though, it was in my head for so long that I needed to write it. It came out much shorter than I thought it would though. :o

Thanks for the feedback though! :D

--Emily

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i would love for u to make 1 of after the battle!!! plz??? i would love for you to do it!!! plz???

Author's Response: :]

Thanks for reviewing!

I'm really glad that you liked the story, I've been considering a sequel...

Thanks again!

--DracoFerret11

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that was so sweet. short but sweet. i hate to nag *neigh!* (lame, i know) but, when will you update you other story? you know, rule-breaker? it really was rather good...

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad that you liked the story!

Oh, and I'm glad that you like Rule Breaker. :]

I'm hopefully going to have time to type the chapter this weekend and then it will be up, I've laid the entire thing out, I just have to type it. :]

Sorry for the wait!

Thanks again! :D

--DracoFerret11

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Aw, that's cute! Is there a sequel?

Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D

I'm thinking about a sequel but I can't promise anything...

I'm glad you liked it though!

Thanks again for reviewing!

--DF11

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I'm not usually one for the whole starting off with something happening between Hermione and Draco. It annoys me most times.
I'm simply a fan of the tension building, the chemistry growing and finally it all comes together in a big bang dozens of chapters in.

Having said that, I must say that without doubt, no matter that I'm a fan of 'the wait' I was simply sucked into this story. And in only one chapter.

I really hope you continue. It should be interesting to see how you go on from here now that its kind of all out in the open. I wonder how the story will progress...

Very good. Can't wait to read more.

xoxo
distinctlyME

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!

I'm exstatic that you enjoyed the story so much!

This made my night. :]

I'm considering a sequel since I've been getting a lot of positive feedback.

I'm so happy that you liked it and I really do appreciate the feedback. :D

--Emily

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That was great! I really liked it. I think you should write a sequal to this.

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I really appreciate your feedback. :]

I'm glad that you enjoyed the story.

I'm considering a sequel.

Thanks again! :D

--DracoFerret11

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I really like this a lot! Charming in it's own way and very well written (: Love it!! Keep up the good work!! 10/10!!

And for me, I'll go on and read the rest of your stories (:

Author's Response: :] Thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm so glad that you liked the story.

Thanks so much for your compliments. :D

Yay! Thanks again!

--Emily

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its really good and i think yu should defenatly make a sequel to tell everyone what happens to them.

Author's Response: I'm considering writing a sequel. Thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. :D

--DracoFerret11

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i absolutely loved it i cannot wait till you continue it!! very well written!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! :D

I'm really glad that you liked it.

--DF11

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now you've made me wish i was a witch like hermione... its so sweet and romantic, a little short , yes tis true, but that adds to the romantic quality of it, and it leaves some questions lingering... do they both survive, do they end up together? its brilliant, great job!!!

Author's Response: :D Thank you so much for reviewing!

I really appreciate your feedback.

I'm glad that you like the story. I'm sorry it's so short. :[

Thanks again though!

--DracoFerret11

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