25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Hermione_Harry_Ron333 Chapter 8

7th September 2009:
This is a really good story. I really like it. I hope to see another chapter soon. 1010

Author's Response: Thanks, I'll get back to it as soon as possible

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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 8

10th August 2009:
This was a short chapter...I felt like I only just started it and then it ended.

So you wanted to know if you are a good writer...these are my thoughts. I am enjoying your story, the plot is interesting and is flowing well. The characters who have created fit into the story well and are nicely characterised (esp Samuel in all his evilness)

To make it better, it needs to be proof read...not just spell checked. ie, you wrote beacon instead of bacon.

Also sometimes it seems a little like 'Harry did this and then Harry did that.' ie you wrote in this chapter "After Harry was done, he went to do some of his homework. Then Harry went to lunch and him and his friends talked about quiddtich and homework. After lunch Harry, Timothy, Ron, and Ginny went to practice quiddtich with the rest of the team and Katie came to watch."

Instead it could read something like this "Once Harry had finished his breakfast, he settled down in the common room to complete some homework. His rumbling stomach alerted him that is was lunch time, and he wandered down to the Great Hall where he met up with his friends. As they ate, they discussed homework and quidditch, and as lunch came to an end, the team members headed off to the quidditch pitch with Katie tagging along to watch."

In short, try and limit the use of 'then' and after and use other ways of showing the passage of time. It will make the sentences flow better.

I hope this helped. Let me add once more though, that I am loving this story and please don't take my comments as criticism but as some helpful tips to take on board.

Please update soon.

Author's Response: Hey this is my first story so I asked for criticism so you gave me exactly what I needed. I'll work on the writing, Plus I posted these chapters when I didn't do spell check so it will be much better as it goes along. But thanks for all the great reviews and I will update as soon as humanly possible.

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Review #3, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 7

10th August 2009:
Samuel is such a nasty piece of work. Harry has every right to act as he did. I hope Hermione starts to see his true colours soon.

Author's Response: Yeah it's just one of those things where the girl can see everything but the truth. It does get a bit more annoying and constant so watch out!

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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 6

10th August 2009:
I enjoyed this chapter. The dress shopping was nicely written. You also managed to insert Samuel into the story really well, although I can't say I am a big fan of him so far. What does Hermione see in him. I guess I better keep reading to find out.

Author's Response: Your not suppose to like Samuel. He's just one of those characters that acts one way around one person and a different way around another. As for what Hermione sees in him, it's just that she thinks he understands her more because he adores school and studies all night.

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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 5

10th August 2009:
this was sweet chapter. Harry's internal thoughts were quite amusing.

Author's Response: Yeah the were meet to be like the little devil and angle on your shoulder but they were arguing over weather to ask the girl or not and not weather to do the good thing or the bad one so yeah that's where they came from.

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Review #6, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 4

10th August 2009:
I liked this chapter. You described the Quidditch match quite well I enjoyed the dialogue and action happening in the race to the snitch.

Author's Response: Thanks I worked really hard on the Quidditch so I'm glad you liked it.

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Review #7, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 2

31st May 2009:
I'm liking where the story is heading, it's nice and light and happy. I would suggest a little more use of interior monologue, it would help to show the characters disposition and thoughts a little more. But over all...I like it.

Author's Response: Thanks for the advice! That will be really helpful. Thanks for R&R-ing

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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princess Chapter 1

31st May 2009:
Harry, Hermoine and dancing...this is has all the makings of a great story.

Author's Response: Thanks! But there are few twist and turns along the way.

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Review #9, by Rob Chapter 8

25th May 2009:
The flow is really good...and short is fine if meaningful and this chapter had meaning already. Come on Harry...get some nerve!

Author's Response: He's scared what do you expect. It's exactly like a teenage boy asking a girl t prom, it's hard and scary. Especially if you really really like the girl.

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Review #10, by Deni Chapter 1

24th May 2009:
I would love to make you a banner.

Just email me with the details; deni.h[at]live[dot]com[dot]au

Thanks :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much I'll email you as soon as possible.

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Review #11, by mrsharryjpotter Chapter 8

22nd May 2009:
Stupid, Stupid Granger. Poor sweet Harry. He should find a friend to go to the ball with and let Granger get an attack of the green eyed monster. The good thing about that would be that Harry would be with someone, it would only be as friends(unless they plan to make Granger jealous) and he might discover that he can like someone else which would help heal his heart. If anyone deserves to be happy it is Harry.Your a great writer. You really pull me in. Keep up the fabulous job. Just get to the Harry is happy part. Please update soon.

Author's Response: Thanks that means a lot. Don't worry it will all work out with Harry. But he will make a few bonehead mistakes because he is a teenage boy. But I will update very soon.

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Review #12, by Rob Chapter 7

8th May 2009:
Again, not work...and good set up for what is coming. Samuel is an interesting character for sure and I am looking forward to reading what comes next...keep writing!!!

Author's Response: Thanks for all the support.

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Review #13, by Rob Chapter 6

17th April 2009:
Great chapter Kendall. I am not that much into dress shopping but you really made the conversation some alive and the new person is very interesting. I really like how you keep adding to the plot but keeping it all tied together. Thanks for sharing.

Author's Response: The dress shopping was a small pain to write but I have written much more painful things.

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Review #14, by Susan Chapter 5

10th April 2009:
This is a really good chapter! You are doing a good job of building the tension. I love the argument that Harry has in his head - that's hard to write and you did it really well.

Author's Response: It was hard to write but it was very fun to write too.

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Review #15, by Susan Chapter 4

10th April 2009:
Great action in this chapter. Everything flowed nicely.

Author's Response: Thank you. That's good to know that things flow nicely in a story.

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Review #16, by Susan Chapter 3

10th April 2009:
I like how you made references to things that happened in the JK Rowling books. Nice connections!

Author's Response: Thank you. It can cause for lot's of research sometimes.

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Review #17, by Susan Chapter 3

10th April 2009:
Another good chapter but more mistakes - misspellings, etc. - in this one. Have someone proofread your writing before you post.

Author's Response: Don't worry I fixed it.

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Review #18, by Susan Chapter 2

10th April 2009:
Great dialog and voice!

Author's Response: Thanks everyone says my voice comes out in my writing.

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Review #19, by Rob Miller Chapter 5

10th April 2009:
Great chapter... I loved the dialogue and the comment about Chuck Taylor's...can't wait until chapter 6!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I wear Chuck Taylor's and if you watch the movies so does Harry.

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Review #20, by Maria Chapter 2

21st February 2009:
Write more! I cant wait!

Author's Response: More is coming soon!

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Review #21, by Rob Miller Chapter 2

20th February 2009:
Good job!! I like where it is going but wonder why Harry will not ask the question!! A few typo's but a GREAT job and I am very proud of you for doing this!! This is special.

Author's Response: Thanks for the support!

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Review #22, by Susan Chapter 1

8th February 2009:
Great job! I can't wait to see more of your story. Dialog is hard to do and yours sounds super!

Author's Response: Thanks. My dialog takes a long time to write that's why it took me at least three months to get this down on paper.

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Review #23, by Elisa Chapter 1

3rd February 2009:
hey neighbor that was awesome! the only thing i think you should change is that you should give a little more info on Timothy, but other than that it totaly rocked!

Author's Response: Don't worry I added more on Timothy and Katie.

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Review #24, by Malfoybabe1 Chapter 1

1st February 2009:
I liked it. Hope to see more soon!
10/10

Author's Response: Don't worrry there will be. I have the whole story on paper just not on the computer.

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Review #25, by dangel Chapter 1

31st January 2009:
Too short and a little rushed.

Author's Response: thanks. The next one is going to be longer.

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