24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mz_dracomalfoy All Nighter and the Wrath of Grandparents

16th August 2009:
i loved this chapter
i really like the part where draco is talkin to his parents and i love the fact that the malfoys have accepted hermione and there grand child
please add more soon

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to write such a kind review mz_dracomalfoy. I really appreciate it and love that you enjoyed it.

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Review #2, by Manderz More Than Just a Goody-Goody?

12th August 2009:
I'm very confused. The info on this story says it is Draco/Hermione?

Author's Response: It is, I actually get a similar message to this a lot of times. I was just introducing characters I guess. I originally started the story with no idea where it was going, but then once I figured out where it was going, I didn't want to eliminate what I had already written even if it didn't seem to have a load to do with the story as a whole. Just keep reading, Hermione doesn't take long to enter the story and the story picks up pace. Keep R&Ring I look forward to your reviews. Thanks again.

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Review #3, by Manderz To Party or Not to Party?

12th August 2009:
I don't know, she seems kinda Slytherin to me, stubborn, bosy, and a lot of pride. Sure she has some other qualities, but I like that she is Slytherin. Although, not so thrilled about Draco and the pot, makes him WAY less attractive.

Author's Response: I never wrote that Draco actually did pot, it was Addaneye's perception of him, what she saw happening if they had a party together. But he is Slytherin and I wouldn't put it past him. But don't worry there are no other references of him doing drugs in the story. I don't remember writing any anyways. Thanks for the review.

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Review #4, by rachm34 To Party or Not to Party?

7th August 2009:
Hi There! Sorry, It's taken to long for me to review. I hope you know that I was away for six days and did Just get back yesterday. And You're first on my list. THe only thing now I can apologise about is that I don't have much time and can only review this one chapter. If you are interested in getting another one of my reviews please wait: THREE DAYS before requesting again. That way other people can have turns too and it gives me more of a rest.

Well now, onto your story. I think that your plot is very interesting, already it's pretty well developed.

There were a couple grammar issues in this chapter. I'd recommend either a beta or doing a once through more carefully to check over your work.

I know this is very AU for Draco to have a sister. It just didn't seem like his characterization was very on to me. I think you could work on how harsh he was to his sister. Even Draco wouldn't do all this elder crap.

Other than that, pretty good start! :)

Author's Response: Thanks, I know Draco is generally, while in character, a complete jerk, but he's different in my story. And believe it or not he loves his sister but you know, the normal sibling rivalry stuff. Blood's thicker than water you know. I was the same way with my brother a few years ago but that's not where I got the inspiration from. But yes very AU. I'll wait a little while. I know I need to edit it. I'm getting around to it slowly. Thanks again for such a kind review and I did know that you were away, I hope you had a good time. Thanks for getting to my story though. :D

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Review #5, by elisalinguine_x More Than Just a Goody-Goody?

30th July 2009:
Hey here's your second review.

This chapter was good, I like the interaction between Draco and Skylar. You could have used a bit more description to many show what she looked like, where she lived, when she started to realise she liked Draco, etc. And just a quick question, how much younger is she than Draco?

I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors so well done :) The only thing to point out is...
I mean like what are your "boundaries"?” - instead of the " you could just put it in italics to emphasize the word.

Also you could go into more detail of why they can't be together and the problem they face with Addaneye.
Overall a good effort, 7/10!
Thanks for requesting.

Author's Response: I will definitely consider introducing more information about the history and the problem. Thanks again for the reviews, I appreciate your thoughts and constructive criticism.

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Review #6, by elisalinguine_x To Party or Not to Party?

30th July 2009:
Hey it's elisalinguine_x from the forums.

I'm in two mind about this fic. I like the plot, it seems very promising but the way in which it's told is a bit muddled. It's from the authors point of view and your directing it straight to the reader instead of using the characters to portray theirs feelings and thoughts. The description was probably a bit over the top because we didn't see any aspects of their personality but only their physical appearance and what they like or dislike.

There were some grammatical errors but not many:

"Who was Slytherin to the core, manipulative, cruel and unjust." - should be 'he' not 'who'

"He was a badass, hot, play with fire, create trouble and not get caught kind of guy and it was hot." you repeated 'hot'

"Lucius and Narcissa however, on their way out the door, after handing them money said, they both were having friends over, so they could get over it, or no one was having friends over." after 'said' you should add the word 'that'

I still quite like the plot and the story seems very promising. If you just tweak it here and there then I'm sure you'll get a great fic out of it.

Overall 6/10!

Author's Response: Thanks for the honesty I will definitely go back and tweak the first chapter. And thanks for the review.

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Review #7, by AntigoneBlack All Around Unfair

29th July 2009:
Again, do not use '?' more then once in formal writing. And you switched from the scene with Skylar leaving to Hogwarts so quick that I had no idea what had happened.

The character of Draco is starting to move a little to far away from what was written in the series. Lovey-Dovey Drakey right off the bat with no clear reason for a change makes your story a little hard to believe.

Once again a beta is a miracle worker, I'm telling you.

Author's Response: I like to express myself, blushes embarassed. I'm sorry about the exclamation marks and question marks, I guess I never really considered this 'formal' writing. I never thought about it or considered myself a professional. But you are right and though admitting that makes me feel like somewhat of an idiot, I thank you for bringing this to my attention. I generally write HPFF as a hobby, as entertainment, for something fun to do, I never really thought about it being something very serious. But I do want to have my best work out there for people to enjoy. Especially people like you ;) How do you know all this stuff about grammar anyways? It's wicked how skilled you are in this area. And I know that I write Draco out to be a very different Draco than the one we see in the series, but it is my fanfic and I get to choose whether he is in canon or out of it. That's the thrill of writing, you decide. Thanks again for the reviews and I will continue to consider getting a beta.

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Review #8, by AntigoneBlack Truth or Dare

29th July 2009:
I am going to review this is chunks, so these are my notes from the first three chapters.

Be careful with your dialouge. There were a lot of simple mistakes with it. The most obvious is that you are placing the dialouge and who said it in different paragraphs, which is a basic grammar mistake. An example from this chapter is:
“Maybe I was,”

She said as she looked away.
The correct way to format this sentence and all dialouge is to make it look like this:
"Maybe I was," she said as she looked away.
That was something that was just screaming at me as I was reading. The need for the change is that it is very hard for the reader to realize who was speaking. I think that this would fix a lot of the other issues in the story.

Avoid one sentence paragraphs. You often format your writing to have just one sentence before the next set of dialogue. To correct this, add that one sentence and attach it to the paragraph with the last bit of dialogue. My best english teacher in school said that no paragraph that doesn't contain dialogue should be under four sentences.

You sometimes switch POV without clear indication. How to fix this to write thoughts much like dialogue and italicize it to indicate that a character is thinking it. Stick with one POV throughout a entire chapter, or if you do switch mark it with a line break in the chapter.

Occasionally (especially with the girl characters) you over use the '!'. I know that girls, like myself, make everything sound more over the top then it is, but not every sentence should end with an exclamation point. Also in formal writing that is not a text message or IM, you should never use more then one '!'.

A couple of sentence structure things that could really help:
"she chose Draco she wanted him," is not a proper fragment. Adding a comma after Draco will add to this issue. But you also need to look at the sentence it is in, because it tends to run on a bit. Break it up into a couple different sentences.

“So Skylar since you don’t seem to want to play very bad you can go first, truth or dare?” Also needs to be rewritten. It's pretty choppy.

Always have punctuation at the end of a segment of dialogue.

I think that otherwise you are on the right track! I think that the use of a beta would be crucial in making this story the best it can be. Since if you had a beta to look these things over, I would have many more compliments. I know that this looks like all I did was criticize, and I don't want you to think that I'm an awful person, I just want to see this work get in the best shape it can structurally.

Author's Response: Thank you for your brutal honesty. I do appreciate it. I'm not used to reviews that help with grammar, not like this anyways. I will definitely take a look back and edit. Sometimes I just get so busy with writing I just write. Thank you for the time you put into this. After I swallow my pride I might search out a beta, I can't be the best at everything right? I didn't realize I did that thing with the dialogue, I actually thought I let the rest of the sentence stay with it. And then I've always wondered what to do with those single sentences whether I should just keep them with everything else or put them by themselves, I did the extra work of doing it work, and put them by themselves. I will try and fix the thought thing too. It sounds like a stellar idea to put their thoughts in italics. I will definitely start trying to do that. But yes a beta is a possibility, I might check into it one of these days. And I do wish you would have given more compliments but constructive criticism is very important once in a while, so it's okay that all you seemed to do was criticize ;) I don't think you are an awful person, you might just be an awfully helpful person though lol. Thanks again for the review and all the advice, I will be taking it to heart.

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Review #9, by mz_dracomalfoy Rumors & Baby Shower

27th July 2009:
i really love the chapter its really great please continue

Author's Response: Thank you for the review :D I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. The next one is in validation it should be up very soon!

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Review #10, by mentality To Party or Not to Party?

27th July 2009:
I'm not sure about Draco having a sister-- I listen to what JK Rowling says about the characters, and she said that Draco was the only child. However, as Dramione fics are slightly AU anyway, I really shouldn't fuss.

I love your take on Dramione in this chapter...it isn't one you normally see=]] I'll review more, soon!

Author's Response: I prefer to listen to what JK Rowling wrote to a point but then I like to stretch my wings and imagine things that wouldn't otherwise be imagined. And yes, that's what Dramione fics are because let's face it JK would never have let the two be together, and as a Dramione writer I get to do that and so much more. I get to explore alternate universes and well I like it :D lol. Hermione hasn't yet been introduced to the story, it takes a couple chapters but you'll see. This is Skylar he gets with a character I created. I'm glad you like it though and thank you so much for the review!!!

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Review #11, by Blue_Jean_Baby Rumors & Baby Shower

13th July 2009:
DAMMIT! Will you PLEASE STOP making me cry?! I'm SUPPOSED to be the COMPOSED, NON-EMOTIONAL one in my group of friends! I hate you, you're turning me into a SAP! A WHINY GIRLY-GIRL WHO READS ROMANCES STORIES, CRIES WHEN SHE GETS DUMPED & WATCHES CHICK FLICKS!
THIS IS LUDICROUS! Although Zavala say's it's normal. *yeah right!* And Aurelia said I just don't understand cause I've spent my life being a heartless cow, caring for no one but myself, my blood relatives & closest friends! *whatever that's supposed to mean*
But anyway, this is the ONLY time I'll EVER say it so listen carefully! I LOVE UR BLOODY SAPPY STORY, ALRIGHT! *There, I said it. . . Now leave me wallow in the shame and stupidity that comes with actually admitting that. . . I HAVE A HEART! . . . Yes, it's true, woe is me, I know I'm such an embarrasment!* I give you 8/10 (would have been 10/10 if you hadn't made me cry! Bully!)
Errr. . . seeya, please don't force me to cry next time!
. . .Haedi. . .

Author's Response: THAT was probably the best review ever! Lol :D You had me grinning and laughing the entire time! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I don\\\'t get many reviews on this story but when I do they are good. You\\\'ve made my day, I swear I\\\'m grinning from ear to ear!!!

Which part made you cry? I\\\'m sorry I made you cry, but I\\\'m impressed that my writing can actually have that affect on people. You really don\\\'t know how much this means to me, if you wouldn\\\'t have made me laugh so hard I\\\'d probably starting crying too :P

The next chapter isn\\\'t in validation YET, but it is written. As for the next chapter, expect a few laughs (definitely), you might shed a tear or two, a bit of fear perhaps, and relief probably. I would love it if you could tell me your favorite quotes and parts and stuff, particularly the parts that made you cry but you don\\\'t have to unless you want to. I\\\'ll update as soon as I can, until then check out my other stories, they might make you cry but you might like them too ;) Thanks again my dear.

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Review #12, by Enilas More Than Just a Goody-Goody?

10th July 2009:
Well, I like it so far, but where is Hermione? This is in the Dramione section after all...

Author's Response: Just keep reading, I was just setting the stage :D I guess you could have called that my prologue. Some background information I thought was necessary to explain certain things later on. I hope you keep reading and reviewing! And thank you so much for reviewing, you don\\\'t know how much it means to me!!!

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Review #13, by cathyyy Rumors & Baby Shower

10th July 2009:
Aaaaww! I noticed my name and I was like all... Giddy!
Now, on with the review :)

I think the part where she woke up and Draco was talking to Junior was really good, and cute and funny when she had to run off, haha (:
Then there was the... almost sex thing, which I was a little surprised about, why couldn't they have sex? I mean, if you're pregnant, you CAN have sex, but yeah, no matter, it was good anyways.

Oh, when Ginny said that something had happened to Draco, I was sooo worried, and I thought for sure that Hermione would faint or something, glad she didn't and I'm glad nothing happened to Draco, I sighed in relief when I got to the Baby shower part! Which was cute and well written.

Aw, and Dumbledore was cute as well! =D
Glad Addaneye was in the chapter a little bit, if just briefly and just mentioned, I've kinda missed her.
Still surprised over the lack of reviews, but you know you'll have my reviews, (:

I hope this review can make you smile, because after writing this chapter you freaking deserve a smile! It was rather long, which was good.
And oh, Hiding behind Books has been updated! =)


- Cathy

Author's Response: Cathyyy! Thanks for another wonderful, long review :D I guess I was kind of just teasing the reader with the almost sex part lol, and well, I wasn\\\'t honestly sure whether or not sex was okay at the stage she was in her pregnancy lol. I\\\'ve never actually had a baby so we\\\'ll just say I was teasing the reader or something lol :P I\\\'m glad you enjoyed reading the baby shower bit. As the story goes on you\\\'ll see a lot more of Addaneye so keeps your eyes open :) Thanks for everything I appreciate it so much!

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Review #14, by cathyyy The Truth Hurts... Or Does It?

6th June 2009:
I loved this chapter, okay? I LOVED it!
I laughed out loud at :

'I'm pregnant.'

Suddenly they weren’t cold anymore; they had stopped their shivering all together, standing there frozen in shock. '


'Forever, you, junior, and me, forever.'

I don't think it was supposed to be funny, though. But the image of Ron and Harry just freezing up was hilarious to me, and when Draco called the baby Junior, well it was so sweet, but the image of him doing it was also hilarious! But I loved it!

Aw. Keep it up! :)

- C

Author's Response: I'm glad I made you laugh. I loved writing that bit about the guys in the cold and her blurting out the truth. That was fun. And I'm glad you thought that whole serious scene was funny because frankly I think it's funny to. Kept the mood kind of light and airy because it could have been super serious and extraordinarily heavy. Thanks for the review. You don't know how much I appreciate your feedback, makes me smile everytime :D

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Review #15, by cathyyy Alternative Routes

1st June 2009:
I love this chapter, I would have wanted to know more about how Hermione felt when Draco told her that he had kissed Skylar. But ah, that was nothing compared to how much I like this story =)

Keep it up, hun!

- C

Author's Response: Thanks for the constructive criticism I need that sometimes. I will definitely go back and edit it sometime for sure :D Thanks again Cathyy for the review, you have no idea how much I appreciate them and you.

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Review #16, by cathyyy A Christmas From Hell

28th May 2009:
I really, really liked this chapter!
kinda loved it actually. It was well written and everything! =)

Keep it up, hun.

- C

Author's Response: thanks my dear :) i'll have the next one up asap

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Review #17, by cathyyy Christmas

21st May 2009:
Omg, here comes my review! Okay, so that was the best chapter as of yet, seriously. It was long and it was emotional.

Hermione's mother being a addict really touched me, because I know serveral people who has tragically lost their lives to drugs, and you wrote it really good, and I liked how it sort of brought Hermione closer to her Dad.

I really liked Ginny in this chapter, and she is usually a character that I don't like at all, so kudos to you for making me like her!

And Draco is so cute, even though he is OOC, I love him! (:
I still can't believe that this story doesn't get more reviews.
I like how the chapters just get better and better, and this chapter is great!

There you go! The longest review I've written as of yet on this site!
Keep it up and feel free to check my story out; only if you have time for it, that is.

- C

Author's Response: I'm glad you loved this chapter. I know Draco tends to grow into a man in my story and gets even more OOC than he probably should all because you know afterall he is a Malfoy but you know. Lol it's my story and if I want Draco to be a man I can make that happen lol. And I love Draco no idea why. Young teenage obsession I guess. I'm really thrilled that I made you like Ginny too. I'm sorry it took so long I didn't put in a drug warning the first time so it got rejected so I had to tweak a few things and repost it. Takes forever but you know that. Anyways I'm glad I wrote the drug scene well because I haven't known many people into drugs besides cigarrettes, alcohol, and marijuana. So I'm glad you say that I wrote it well. Thanks again so much for all the reviews and I am going to read your story as soon as I can. Promise :)

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Review #18, by cathyyy The Flu, Stress, and Extra Desert

2nd May 2009:
Ah, don't we all have that little problem with Draco and his emotions. (in my fic he can't really.. say the words.)
Loved the chapter, lovely written!
Love it!

- C

Author's Response: Next chapters up! Please check it out Cathyyy. I loved all your reviews so much.

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Review #19, by cathyyy All Around Unfair

2nd May 2009:
Ah... Awesome chapter.
From Draco's vulnerability, to his straightforwardness to the sex to the next day; and Draco freaking out.
It was great! =D
Keep it up.

- C

Author's Response: I do my best to keep it realistic and vibrant. Interesting and funny. I'm glad you are enjoying it.

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Review #20, by cathyyy Truth or Dare

2nd May 2009:
God chapter =D oh, something I've thought about, where did you get the name Addaneye?
Its quite beautiful.

Again, good chapter.
- C

Author's Response: I actually came up with it randomly on my own and when you wrote this I wondered if it was an actual name, apparently it means "Lives on the Nobles Land" which suits the Malfoy name. It comes from England and is actually a boy's name I guess. Who'd of known?

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Review #21, by cathyyy More Than Just a Goody-Goody?

2nd May 2009:
Oh, I actually laughed out loud when I read the part where he had dreamt about foreplay with her. Hilarious.
I like your discriptions and detail of clothes and such and I like how you develope the characters. Good chapter :)

- C

Author's Response: You are sweet. Thank you so much for all the reviews. It still brightens my days. Even a few weeks later. Obviously I still haven't gotten any after yours which bums me out. But you know people do read them so I guess that's nice to monitor.

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Review #22, by cathyyy To Party or Not to Party?

2nd May 2009:
So I went back to review every chapter, because I feel that this story deserves it.
I like the introduction of your original character and overall it was a good chapter! =)

- C

Author's Response: Right you are! I deserve reviews lol. Thanks again for everything :)

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Review #23, by cathyyy Oh, Dear Ginny

2nd May 2009:
I'm glad I found this story, and I am surprised that you haven't gotten more reviews! Its a good story, damnit!
Keep up the good work!

- C

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I know I wish I got more reviews because I feel really good about this story too lol. But I figure as long as I'm happy with it the few reviews I do get will be cherished so thank you so much for yours! I will continue to update until it's finished but it may take a while, it takes so long to get chapters validated! So, THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #24, by HogwartsGirl618 Truth or Dare

12th March 2009:
great start- KEEP writing =)

Author's Response: THANK YOU---THANK YOU---THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING! I am so happy you enjoyed it. I have every intention of posting this entire story. I have it all written I just have to wait for validation. To post it quicker I have decided to post really long chapters (like 2-3 normal sized chapters as one). You're review has made my day :) thank you so much!

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