18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Adeline Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

21st January 2013:
You did brilliantly, this was a very entertaining story to read! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! :D I'm so happy you liked the story. It was tough for me to write since I was attempting something humorous (not my forte), but I'm glad it came across well. :] I appreciate all your compliments and hope you'll read some of my other stories if they interest you. Have a great night! :D

--Emily


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Review #2, by Kitty Potter Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

3rd August 2012:
Ello!
Again amazing story!
If possible could you please tell me how to make a post on TDA cuz I am unsure how to do it and I would REALLY like a banner for my story,
Again, staying tuned
Kitty potter

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thank you so much for reviewing another of my stories! I'm really happy that you liked this one. Sirius was fun to write for, but I was never sure if I captured his character well. If you have an account on HPFF Forums, I can explain things in more detail over there, but if not, here's a quick rundown: Go over to thedarkarts website and make an account. It shouldn't take long at all. Once you have an account, there's a specific area on the forums on TDA for "HPFF Banner Requests." Within that forum, there's a form for you to fill out with what you would like your banner to look like. You fill out the form and post it in a new topic, and then you wait! :] Usually requests get picked up pretty quickly, and an artist there will make your banner within a few days. There are also a lot of helpful people on TDA itself that can assist you if you have other questions. :] I hope this helps!

Again, thanks for reviewing!

--Emily


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Review #3, by Claire Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

1st March 2012:
Very few grammar mistakes. Yay! I loved the part with Sirius following James and Lily, especially when his roll fails- I could really picture him doing that. I laughed out loud at the "I’m going to be the coolest godfather ever." because it is absolutely something Sirius would say. So basically, I would say you did a great job portraying Sirius.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm really glad that you liked the story. :D I love Sirius; he's such a goof-ball. I appreciate your feedback. Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #4, by myriad Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

5th January 2012:
“I simply loved the effect I had on her. It was a Friday afternoon and classes had only let out an hour ago.” I love the first sentence here but I would drop the second sentence because it reads a bit wordy and takes away from the natural flow of the chapter.

I really like how goofy Sirius is. It really fits in with the way you’ve written this story.

“…upset that she had jumped to the correct conclusion.” I love this. You have so many great lines like this.

I also love how James uses his headboyship as a reason that he is better this year.

OHMYGODFREEZETAG! I miss elementary school :(

“Okay, you’re “it” Amy,” here you just need single quotation marks around the word it. So, like this: ‘it’. You did the same thing a couple of lines above this one as well.

“He’s so much more responsible and serious than he’s been in previous years.” This sentence reads a bit funny to me. Maybe replace ‘in previous years’ with ‘before’?

This is a good fic; I like how you’ve written Sirius. I don’t know if you’ve read it but, he kind of reminds me of Sirius in The Shoebox Project. He’s just goofy and zany and fun.

I would consider going back through and re-reading while keeping the overall flow and voice of the story in mind. There are a few places where I think that could be improved.

You’ve kept Sirius pretty consistent throughout as well, which is good, but there is one part, where James is explaining the rules to freeze tag, that he seems to get a little uncharacteristically silly and over the top. To me, that is really your only weak point in the story. The whole part just seems a bit cheesy.

Overall good job. It’s hard to write comedy if not something you typically do.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I'm so happy that you liked the story, and I'll definitely check out your constructive criticism. I know there are a few parts where the voice slips or it gets cheesy. I'll try to fix those. I NEVER write for Sirius OR for humorous stories, so this was new to me. Maybe I'll improve on things like this if I try them again. I appreciate your review! Have a wonderful day!

--Emily


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Review #5, by CloakAuror9 Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

1st January 2012:
'I'm alphabetizing, if you must know.' That line made me laugh! Hilarious!

Sirius isn't my favourite character or Marauder. I just like him but every tie I read or watch his death I cry so I guess it makes me a bit happy if I read about him in fanfictions.

I like the fact that you wrote the whole story in first person. It gave it a more 'believable' effect. The 'Wizard Freeze Tag', which I thought, was very creative and imaginative of you. Turning a simple 'Freeze Tag' into something more complicated but as enjoyable.

The last paragraph/section was very cute. Describing how Harry was waving his arms randomly and everything else. And yes, Sirius will be the coolest godfather ever! :)

Ta-ta for now,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: My first review in 2012! :D Thanks so much!

I'm really glad that you think I've done a good job here and don't have anything to criticize. I had trouble writing something "funny," so I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reviewing for me. I appreciate it! :D

--Emily


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Review #6, by fauxthefox Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

14th August 2011:
This is fauxthefox from the forums with your requested review!

Ho ho ho! Sirius being one of my favorite characters, I really enjoyed it - never mind it being a teensy bit cliche.

You've done really well with Sirius' characterization (did I spell that right? -_-) - the restlessness and whatnot. One thing that bothered me a little bit was that the characters' speech sounds very modern/American. Names like Kayla and Amy don't ring with that English charm we all love, either.

I'm so jealous of your comedic skill...! Lines like "I'm alphabetizing chocolate frog cards, if you must know" make this story really charming and readable.

If you want to flesh this out a bit, I'd suggest that you add more description and more of Sirius's thought process. Description will make your story more real and intelligible, and thoughts are an opportunity to add more humor to the story.

8/10

Feel free to request again when you get your next chapter out!

Faux

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for this review. I really value an opinion like this and I'll definitely take it into account.

I've never been too great with the whole "English charm" thing, sadly...but I'll see if I can tweak a few things. :]

I'm glad you liked Sirius and the story, and I'll definitely take everything you said into account. Thank you so much!

--Emily


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Review #7, by Evil Sami Poo Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

2nd May 2010:
You honestly had nothing to fear. I love the characterization of the marauders and the comedy was brilliant. It wasn't the in your face comedy that can get tiresome so that was brilliant! I honestly can't find much to comment on, it was a great read!

Personality wise, I think you got everyone down tap. Maybe just the tiniest bit more detail, in the tag for instance where we could see more of Lily's personality etc.

Otherwise brilliant! I love it!

sorry I took so long to answer it

Author's Response: Thanks so much! :D

I'm glad that you liked this; that makes me smile. :]

Thanks again for reviewing; I'm glad you thought I did well.

--DracoFerret11


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Review #8, by confusedlover Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

17th August 2009:
very lovely.

i thought that you did a lovely job on this one-shot. a lot of the times your stories are a bit more serious and all but i really liked the fact that this one was a little more loose. it was still very enjoyable and all but i really liked the new side of you that we see in this. it shows that you can write variety and that is one thing that makes a fantastic author.

for not writing Marauders much this was a wonderful one-shot. you knew the characters, the situations- i don't see anything wrong at all with this. i definitely liked the fact that Sirius was the one who sort of got James and Lily together. i have seen it done before but it always seems so write, especially when considering the fact that out of Remus and Peter, Sirius was the one to earn the title of Harry's godfather.

your first shot at a comical story turned out well, i must admit. you really got into Sirius as a character and that is what you sort of have to do when attempting to write humor. you certainly knew that and got in tune with Sirius as much as possible. no wonder you loved writing Sirius for this piece!

overall, i thought that you did an amazing job on this. not your best one-shot but with multiple stories it is hard to nail a favorite. great job. and remember, my thread is always open. well, sort of...! keep up the lovely writing.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, again!

Your reviews always make my day!

I'm so, so, so glad that you liked my Sirius-characterization. I was really torn about writing him because I've always imagined him as more of a joker when he was younger and it's hard for me to write things that are funny, haha. But hearing that you thought I did well is awesome!

Thanks so much for all your compliments; they make me so happy!

--Emily


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Review #9, by AntigoneBlack Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

14th August 2009:
I thought it was a cute little humour piece. Humour is totally out of my realm, so I think that it's awesome. Especially when Sirius did the barrel roll and hit a wall.

What I think could really make this piece POP would be a little more description. You and I are alike that way, we let the characters tell us where to go with the story. That ends up leading to too much dialogue and not enough description. I think if you revamped this piece and gave us the 5 senses of some of the funny moments would make them even funnier.

Good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I really appreciate your constructive criticism, and I'll definitely reread to see what I can add in. :D

I'm glad that you liked it; it was so difficult to write something "funny."

Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #10, by Saree Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

13th August 2009:
"I tried a dive roll that I had seen in a Muggle movie once and collided with a wall."

That made me laugh outloud uncontrollably.
Brilliant story you have here, there aren't lots from Sirius's point of view and I loved this one!!

Author's Response: :D

Thanks so much for reviewing!

You made my evening!

I'm so glad that you liked it...

Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #11, by sirius_jamie Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

12th March 2009:
Aw, yay! Way to go with your Sirius. Hyper happy and full of contagious laughter - totally how he should be. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I'm so glad that you liked it!

Thanks for reviewing, this made me smile.

:D

--Emily


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Review #12, by FanofCards25 Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

3rd March 2009:
I am finally getting around to my backlog of reviews.

This was a great story. I loved the way you kept the playful tone throughout. The Wizard Freeze Tag was interesting with its twist in the game. I also loved the personality you carried out for Sirius. You did a great job in keeping writing the story, both grammatically and keeping it in the right point of view. Keep up the wonderful writings, and feel free to email me requests for any new stories :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

I really appreciate this, it brightened my day.

I'm glad you liked my Sirius-characterization, he's so much fun to write for.

Oh, and thank you for complimenting my grammar. :D I try really hard not to make mistakes.

Thank you again!

--Emily


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Review #13, by Indigo Seas Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

28th February 2009:
Oh, that was great stuff. I'm kind of sad it's over, actually...

One thing I loved about this was that you rarely wrote the word "said." You totally changed things up a bit! It was great.

AND, this line made me laugh out loud: "I shot Remus a look so he wouldn’t explain, for the thousandth time, that someone cannot actually die of boredom." That's Remus' character, alright! They were all acting in character the whole time.

So, yeah, I loved it. Thanks so much for entering the challenge (and sorry this review didn't come sooner)!
10/10

- Rin

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Rin!

This review really made my day. :D

This was actually a hard story for me to write, because I was trying humor which I haven't written before, so I'm glad I did well. :]

Thank you for all your compliments, I look forward to seeing the challenge results. :]

--Emily


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Review #14, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

27th January 2009:
Hey, sorry this took so long. Life got ahead of me.

This was really, really good. The plot was great and funny and all the characters were written extremely well. I loved it!

My only suggestion is to find some other way than an extra space to show how time passes. Especially right at the end, when it skipped years and years, it was a little confusing. Otherwise, spectacular!!

Nice work!

~long_live_luna_bellatrix

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm glad that you liked it. :D

I was really worried about the characterization so it's good to here that I didn't do too badly. :]

I'll definitely take into consideration how to show time passing better.

Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #15, by Angam Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

25th January 2009:
Nice! I really liked it. You did very well writing for Sirius. It's particularly good considering that you only had 20 days. I wrote a story for the same challenge, and it didn't come out nearly as good as this one. :) Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that I wrote about half of it after 11 on the night before... Anyways, I loved the story. Awesome job and keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story.

Haha, I know this challenge was difficult. I was down to the wire as well.

I wrote a lot of it the day before it was due...

I'm glad you think it turned out well and I'm so well you liked my portrayal of Sirius.

Thanks again.

--DracoFerret11


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Review #16, by luna__lovegood Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

19th January 2009:
I love it! I love the whole freeze tag thing too. Very creative I think. The comedy I can see how it ties in with everything. I thought it was very sweet too. Great Job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

I'm really glad that you liked the story.

I love creating wizard games.

In my story Despite Our Differences, there's a wizard snowball fight. :D

Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

--DracoFerret11


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Review #17, by MUSEx3MSI Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

18th January 2009:
that was a great one-shot !
i liked it a lot(:

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing, I'm glad that you liked the story! :D

I appreciate your feedback.

--DF11


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Review #18, by someone___1 Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire

18th January 2009:
this was pretty funny! i liked the freeze tag, that was an interesting spin on it! sirius is pretty clever... :) that was also a really sweet ending.
about your first attempt at comedy-i didn't think it was funny, as in LMAO, but as in a long smile.
i loved you writing for sirius, you were pretty good.

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I'm glad that you liked it.

I'm a bit challenged when it comes to comedy so at least I didn't completely botch it.

I loved writing for Sirius, it was so much fun. :]

Thanks again for reviewing!

--DracoFerret11


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