i read too many heart wrenching stories
this is beautiful.
but over too soon for me.
9.5/10Author's Response: I\\\'m glad you liked it! Sorry it was over too soon!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
The part with George was so gorgeous. Actually, the entire piece was gorgeous. Great job! (:Author's Response: Aha, I love the part with George - it\\\'s my favorite! Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I\\\'m glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
AlannaLestrange from TGS here with your review!
I haven't read many stories about funerals, but you seem to have it down - the sadness, the grieving, and the strength in numbers. I especially liked Harry's actions here; they were appropriate for him. And tying Mother Nature and the weather in made the ending of the piece very poetic - I have a soft spot for analogies, haha. =]
~GabbyAuthor's Response: Thanks for dropping by!
Thank you! I'm glad that the funeral seemed...appropriate. Harry was very hard to write, so I'm glad you didn't find him OOC or anything of the like.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
I've got to say, this is very good. I love the concept of it. However there were some things I think could be improved.
"Hundreds of people sat in hundred of chairs surrounding over fifty graves on a knoll downhill from the Shrieking Shack. The cemetery on the outskirts of Hogsmeade was to be the final resting place for over fifty victims of the Battle of Hogwarts. Two days hence, these fifty victims lost their lives and today they would be put to rest." This paragraph really doesn't flow well. I'm not entirely sure how you should fix it, but I would start by taking out some of the words that are repeated. It seems like you may have struggled with getting out the point of this.
"Harry coughed and the sound reverberated off of the distant trees causing Harry's coughing to linger in the air." Since reverberated basically refers to an echo you don't need to put in the second part of the sentence. It'd be better to leave it at trees.
"A drop of moisture fell from the dark, circling clouds above. Not a soul in on the knoll noticed that single drop." I think these two sentences would work better and have more meaning if they were combined. "A drop of moisture fell from the dark, circling clouds above, but not a soul noticed." (This is just an example).
I can see where you had wanted to go with this and the thought and meaning that goes into it. That part is excellent! I think you should try to expand your vocab a little though.
For example: You repeat hundreds a lot. Instead of saying hundreds you could mix it up with mass or the mass of people. Do you see where I'm going?
Other than that I think you did great! Perhaps you should look into getting a beta if you don't have one. I'd love to see more of your work so please drop by my thread again! I'll help you in anyway I can! Keep up the good work! :DAuthor's Response: Hello!
After looking at each and every one of your suggestions and taking them into consideration, once the queue is open, I will look at your suggestions.
I would like to highlight on one of your suggestions. You suggest that I get a beta, but I honestly don't see any reason for me to have one :]
Thank you for your review! :]
How cow, Shelby!
I'd heard you were a good author... but I had no idea.
That was brilliant, seriously, I'm in tears. I loved it... wow, I'm so jealous. That was so beautiful. I just don't get how people can say so much in so few words like that. It's a gift. It was amazing and I loved it.
xx LauraAuthor's Response: Laura! Hi -waves-
I'm no good author! Who has been telling you these lies?
I hate to know that I made you cry, but that's the reaction I was going for! :D Jealous, don't be silly!
I'm so very glad that you liked it! Thank you so much, m'dear!
Shelby Report Review
This was really sad, but brilliantly written. I've always wondered if there was one big funeral for those who died in the war or if there were individual ones - I like your idea of one big memorial. And I found the part where George went up to Fred's coffin heartbreaking (I still ain't forgiving JKR for that one!) well done! :)Author's Response: Thank you ^_^ I've always been fond of the idea of one massive burial and I really wanted to write it...so, here it is :D
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
here from tgs with your requested review :)
Brilliant. This is the first I've read of your stories, but it definitely won't be the last. It was short, but incredibly emotion. I started tearing up about George saying goodbye to Fred.
the repitition of 'fifty' in the first paragraph was a little distracting.
'Two days hence' would be 'two days into the future.
'Harry Potter found his way to stand' would be better 'Harry Potter made his way up to the front' or something like that.
Harry never seemed like someone who would be able to make particularly eloquent speeches, but it works in this story.
Somewhat distracting, but that's just the beta in me ;)
They're with me now. < simple, but very powerful.
Overall, I'm really really happy I got the chance to read this. 9/10Author's Response: Hello dear :]
Thank you very much for the compliment! ^_^
Ah yes, thank you for pointing those out. I never have someone beta my work, I just look it over and I always seem to miss something -sighs-
Thank you so very much for the amazing review! :] Report Review
First time in a long time I have cried over a story. Again, you took something that hasn't been written about, and you made it so heart wrenching and tear provoking.
Every once in a while, I felt like the writing changed a little bit. It fit into the story a bit, but sometimes I found it just a little bit distracting.
Overall though, a very great chapter.Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry I made you cry! But unfortunately, that's what I was going for :]
Yes, it seems that my writing style chances a bit here and there - I have so many different...techniques, you might call them, that they become intertwined sometimes.
Thank you for the review! ^_^ Report Review
Hello Twiny! Author's Response: I know the review cut off, my dear, so I saw it on your Review thread.
Ah, how did I not notice those? They will be fixed right away.
Thanks so, so much, Dreams! -hug- Report Review
Is there any way that rain could possibly be not symbolic? Here it's doing everything at once - washing away the war, completing the cycle of life and death, and most interestingly, being Harry's grief. Here he is poised to begin his journey to becoming the great man of his generation, and so he can continue to maintain his strength and resolve, Mother Nature herself weeps in his place. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, indeed.Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the awesome review! It's nice to see a reviewer who sees things on a deeper level, per se :] Thanks Derek! Report Review
Incredible. The power of the quill vs the power of the wand. I'm emotional and speechless. This is one truly poetic piece, and the best possible proof that sometimes, short pieces are more powerful than trilogies. I wish I could write like this...
And, I recognized the sentence you posted in my ex-thread "Three sentences you are the most proud of" :) You remember which one?
Fantastic writing, Shelby, my dear!
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Wow, Zoltan! I'm so, oh I just want to cry! This is amazing! Thank you!
And don't be silly, you write much better than I do!
Ah yes, I remember that thread! Excellent thread! Thanks so, so much for the amazing review! I'm truly delighted!
Shelby Report Review
Wow. Amazing. That was deeply evocative writing. Spell-binding in its intensity, your moment captured in this piece was so achingly real. You managed to capture the pain of loss. I loved how Harry called the departed the 'heros' rather than himself. I also liked that he stuttered over making the speech. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted to even do so. You've made his grief intensly private and amazingly strong.
GailAuthor's Response: Wow, I don't even know what to say! I'm so glad that you liked it. I'm especially glad that you liked how I portrayed Harry. He was quite hard to write, even if though he wasn't the main focus of the story.
Thanks so, so much for the awesome review! Report Review
Shelby, m'dear Shelby. Where do you get your inspriation to write like this!? You have such depth and discription it's just... ugh. I don't know how to describe it! You make me want to go re-write my one shot I sent Drue! :p
Have you ever had those times where you want to cry, you feel like there's tears coming, but you can't cry? That happened to me when I was reading. When you wrote: It whispered words of sorrow and comfort. They're with me now. OMG, that made me wanna cry so bad! :o
I only noticed one tinsy weansy spelling mistake, but it didn't take away from the story. Brilliant job dear. You totally diserved that Featured Artist award at TGS!!! Keep up the awesome work!
Keep the requests coming! ;)
You are my inspiration, girl!
AliciaAuthor's Response: Alicia! *hugs* Inspiration, it's everywhere :] No, my writing couldn't make you want to rewrite anything!
I've definitely had those times. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I hope I didn't upset you!
Only one mistake, I'll have to fix that! Thank you so, so much for the awesome review! ^_^ Report Review
Hey Shelby! I've come to review ^_^
First of all, I love the story title! The angst added to just the title is incredible, and a potential reader can immediately get a taste for what they are getting themself in to when choosing to read the story - which is very important because if I were looking for an angst story and came across a humourous title, I would be far from inclined to read despite how fantastically well it may be written.
Second of all, and just something to make your story stand out a little bit, a banner makes a big difference to a story - so if you can manage to get a hold of one; fantastic :P
What I particularly loved about this one-shot was how you managed to build the angst in by setting the scene with using the weather. Pathetic fallacy by an author is an incredible trait so you should be very pleased you've been gifted with it :) I thoroughly enjoyed it!
The emotions of the story were also very realistic, and the way that you managed to make Harry act was completely believable as was the reaction of all the Weasleys'.
One thing improvement wise I could say would be to reduce the number if times the word 'casket' appears and exchanging it for something else; purely so that there is a little bit more variety =)
Other than that, it's an excellent one shot and I would definitely love to read more of your angst :P Hope the review helps!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!
I am so glad that you liked the title! I had a lot of suggestions and such, but Bringing in the Rain really just makes the story pop.
Yes, Liam is making me a banner :D He's busy with the new site at the moment, so I haven't bothered him.
Wow, what a compliment! Thank you! ^_^ I'm really glad that you liked the angst in the story through the weather. I really wanted to incorporate something unique and I'm really ecstatic that you liked it!
Thank goodness you found Harry and the Weasleys to be in-character! Harry was quite hard to write!
Thank you for pointing that out! I never noticed it!
Thanks so, so much! This review is fantastic! ^_^ Report Review
Hey Shelby! i'm finally here with your review. I'll try and get the banner done soon aswell, but don't expect anything too wonderful :/
Anyway, on to the story.
That was really beautiful. I've actually wanted to write a story about the funerals of people after the war, but I don't think I'll bother after reading this, I'm sure coming back and reading this every now and then will be good enough ^_^
Everything about it was so wonderful, and the way George kissed Fred's coffin was so powerful and amazing, and it really made (don't laugh at me :P) my heart ache for him when I was reading it. It was so realistic and I could picture these people actually doing that, I didn't believe they were characters in a fanfiction for a moment, I believed that they were real, walking talking people with real emotions, and that shows how amazing you truly are as a writer.
Amazing ♥Author's Response: Aww, thanks Liam! You're the sweetest! :]
You liked it, really? Aww, I wouldn't laugh at you! That was the reaction that I was hoping for, actually :]
Wow, I don't know what to say, Liam. Thanks so much, love ^_^ Report Review
This is beautiful. Just, perfect. I can't find anything bad about it, really. I've never really thought of the next couple of days following the end of the battle, but you've portrayed this so perfectly, I could imagine it happening in my head. I loved the theme of Mother Nature offering her condolences to the mourning wizarding world, it was lovely. You've really captured the emotions of everyone fantastically too.
Stunning work here. Favourited.Author's Response: Wow, just wow! I'm so, so glad that you liked this! Perfect? You really think so? Wow, thanks!
I just don't know what to say other than thanks for the fantastic review! ^_^ Report Review
That was so lovely. So heartbreaking, but lovely. And so beautifully written :]Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! Report Review
wow, i feel like crying now.
hahha, really good! :]Author's Response: Aww, don't cry! But, I'm glad that that response came of this.
Thanks so much! :] Report Review
Really good imagery. I love that, when it's all stormy and then it breaks a little and the sun comes out, it's one of my favorite things : )
RosieAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, that's definitely one of my favorite parts.
Thanks for the review! :] Report Review
i thought that you did an absolutely amazing job on this story. the whole plot was so original and simplistic and it touched me beyond all that i could have presumed. this was beautifully written and courteously attended to. an incredible bundle of honor goes your way for taking the time to write about and honor all of those that were lost. this was very touching and i found it pleasant and enjoyable. wonderful job.Author's Response: Wow, just wow. I'm so ecstatic that you enjoyed this! Thank you so, so much. You've got me grinning like a fool :P Report Review
Hello! I'm sorry your request for a review took so long. I had some major internet issues.
Oh this was beautiful. I enjoyed it so much. It was truly flawless and you write beautifully. This story made me relax and your scenes were described brilliantly. You go in depth just the right amount. It's to the point where you don't leave the reader going but what does it feel like and you don't take them to a point where they want to yell and tell you to shut up. No, it was just right. Perfect. Excellent.
I like how you made Harry. He seemed different. Almost like a god, but it was a good sense of feeling that was added to the story. Excellent job.
It was beautiful. 9/10Author's Response: Oh, don't worry about it! I understand completely!
Wow, I'm so glad that you liked it! You've totally got me smiling right now.
*sighs* I'm glad that you liked Harry. For me, Harry's a hard character to write and I'm glad you liked him.
Thanks so, so, so much for your review! Report Review
Hey TWINS! *hugs* Iím here to review. .
I really liked the beginning, it drew the readers in, and you kept us interested by not telling us who was being buried. You had some amazing description that caused me to step back and go *wow this girl is fantastic* There was a rare sense of calmness when I was reading your story, and I wasnít able to find a single flaw with it. I liked how you wrote Harry; for once, he was the strong hero, who had no fears, but rather a man who had no idea about how to face people who had lost their loved ones. Mrs. Weasley always was one of my favorite characters, and I feel so bad that she lost Fred. I love the way that you described every move that George made, it made the story seem so real and lively. I loved the way that Harry went about goodbye, he would have been the strong one. Amazing story. 1000/10 Author's Response: CARA! *hugs*
I'm glad you liked the description! Me fantastic, never :P Not one flaw? Wow. I have no words, Thank you so, so much!
*hugs and more hugs* Thank you so much, Cara. This has totally made my day. Report Review
Here to review as requested!
This was a really lovely story, and even a bit sad. I loved Harry's short speech, that was brimming with love and kindness for all there that heard him, and for those who rested peacefully beside their graves. It was very well written, and a truly beautiful peice of work.
~Rachel~Author's Response: Hi!
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I love Harry's little speech too, it's too sweet :]
Thanks so much! Report Review
God, Twinsy, I stumbled upon this totally by accident, and only realized at the end that it was you who wrote it!
Yeah, anyway, great stuff, all of it. It was really, really sad. The kind of sad that reaches inside your gut and yanks, you know? The kind of sad that makes your throat get all thick, that make your eyes slightly fuzz. Wonderful, wonderful writing is the only thing that brings that out, and, well, I'd have to say that's all right here! You wrote it so fantastically, Twinsy, there are no real words to describe it.
And the concept! The whole idea that Mother Nature is watching, that the dead go to her. That was... great. Yeah, really, really great. It's a good thought, that your loved ones are welcomed into another... realm... by Mother Nature.
God, I don't even know what else to say. It was fantastically wonderful (I need more adjectives!!!), and I loved every second of it, every word of it. Great, great stuff. :P
Thousands and thousands/ten
- RinnaAuthor's Response: Haha, awesome! :P
I'm really glad that I captured you with this! I didn't know if the emotion was there or not, but you seemed to enjoy it!
Ahh, I'm so ecstatic that you liked the concept! Mother Nature is such a beautiful thing, so I felt it necessary to write about her!
Thanks so, so, so much Rin! *hugtackle*
Shelby Report Review
How very Perfect. That much sorrow, that much pain, within the Magical community, had to make a heavenly statement. God gives, and God takes back, he blessed these people with Magical abilities, so they could fight evil. Now Heaven welcomes them Home.Author's Response: Exactly what I was going for! Thanks so much! Report Review
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