146 Reviews Found

Review #1, by inevitable_bliss V: Herein, part 3

17th July 2011:
I am completely blown away by this story, truly. As far as fanfiction goes, I don't think I've ever witnessed an author branching out this far and truly making the Harry Potter world their own (not to discredit JKR).
At every turn, we readers are presented with new information, more questions and no answers, and I absolutely love it.
I do wonder about the Vampires in this latest chapter, though. Clara mentioned that if they killed her, the Cryllians would come, but Izak seemed to have no fear of that when it came to Torren. Then again, Izak would probably be praised by the new regime for getting rid of a leader of the Watch. Speaking of which, I wonder who will take Torren's place as the fifth leader?
The sheer ambiguity of your cast of characters is shocking and perplexing, and it definitely makes me want to read more. As for Albus and James, it seems to me that they both took up different things that their father stood for and it all just spiraled out of control from there; at least, that's my interpretation for now.
Anyway, I can't wait for more updates!

 Report Review

Review #2, by reader V: Herein, part 2

7th December 2009:
i just read all the 6 chaptrs and this is a really good story. off to read chappie 7 now

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I hope you like the next one too!

 Report Review

Review #3, by Whimsical Diva V: Herein, part 3

7th December 2009:
Aw man! And I thought Stephen was alive. :( That bastard, my own Uncle! He killed my father to prove a point. Wonder what point Albus wanted to make. I've said this before, and I say it again, all your characters are so mind-bogglingly ambiguous. Especially Albus - the murderer and the saviour. I still am wondering what could have driven such a huge wedge between the brothers. What do the two factions stand for and what are they fighting for? Surely, surely both Albus and James stood united to quell the Death Eater uprising? Just what went wrong, when and how is what we're left to ponder. Stephen Potter had died without anyone ever knowing what he fought for. What he stood for. And what Stephen fought for, would be the same as for what James fought, for what Toren fought, for what Clara and Goram and Fletch and Richter are fighting, for what the underground rebels Nora and Ciaran are fighting, yes?

I understand what you mean by these are only the introductory chapters. It's obvious - we're introduced to the characters, and there's as much forward progress of the plot as there are brief insights into the past, though something dramatic, defining is yet to happen. Though it'd be interesting to get a plebeian - by which I mean an objective - perspective on things; how does the common man interpret all this? I mean, the previous chapters have hinted that there was a general uproar upon hearing the rumours of the Watch's return, but why is the Watch so feared? A reader is still in the dark about what really happened or what went wrong, and getting a very coloured, subjective viewpoint results in the furtherance of the equivocality. There's the Grimmauld Incident perpetrated by the Watch where Rose was killed, and the the Hogwarts Battle where I presume James was killed, there's Scorpius who is the prodigy of Teddy Lupin, also that Lily and Dominique and probably the rest of the family side with the Chancery. At the moment I'm on the fence, and I haven't a bloody clue what to make of all this. Which is not to suggest that this is a criticism, because the story's an absolute stonker and it's all preposterously exciting and fascinating, ratcheting up the suspense progressively. :) Oh please do update soon. We've got, what, four more prefatory chapters, yes? And the little cliff on which chapter 5 is suspended; whatever happened to Goram? Questions, questions...

So yeah, update!

- Renee

Author's Response: Renee! I love you so much and I believe this is the first time I've been able to tell you. You're reviews are always so shiny and they always make my day! Believe me! I smile from ear to ear when I see your username up there.

Hahaha, well I guess just like Toren's story is far from over despite his being dead, Stephen's story is still pretty alive and active. Their stories are very very very very very intermingled and very important to the progress of the story. As for what the goals of each faction, they will be explained probably by the end of the introductory chapters. Or at least, explained enough so you can move throughout the story with some form of loyalty to one faction. Which one you chose, well that will be very subjective. Same goes for which brother you'd sympathize with. But fear not, the ambiguity will not lessen to any extent. You'll just probably like one more than the other. And to answer your question, yes. What Stephen fought for was what all the resistance is now fighting for, even if they use different means to achieve it.

It's actually funny that you say that. Very very very funny. So funny because you are spot on. The next chapter deals with someone out of government, out of politics though she is intimately connected. The next chapter deals with a neutral faction. One that's sworn not to take sides on the whole matter. But we can also see how they are slowly polluted with partisan sympathies and how they affect this faction.

Three more chapters and we'll be going into the thick of things. I can't be any more excited than I am right now!

Thank you so much for your reviews and thanks for following me despite my glacial speed. *hugs*

PS: As for what happened to Goram, it's in the chapter after the next :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by Bee V: Herein, part 3

6th December 2009:
Wow. I cannot believe you killed Toren. I thought for sure he would be the main character that would stick around long enough. Only enough he was the only member of the Watch that I liked. Your chapters that deal with the politics of the Chancery I find to be more interesting than with the chapters of the resistance.
However this chapter was interesting because it gave more detail into the past. When Harry died though why did everyone turn to Albus and not James? Is that why James founded the resistance because he was jealous? I have feeling everything isnt as black and white as 409 and Toren made it sound. However I love how your story is unfloding and I cannot wait for more chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this great review! I am glad you liked the story, despite my killing Toren! Bwahaha, it had to happen. He was begging for it. But rest assured that though Toren may be dead in the ditch, his story is far from over and will be told through the voices of others. His character still has a long way to go and hopefully, I will do him justice by not botching up his story.

As for the politics, I am glad you like it. It's an unexpected surprise actually as I thought that that would be the part to bore people to death. It's nice to know some people actually look forward to it. But the resistance must be discussed. Two sides of the coin and all that. But worry not, some time in the subsequent chapters, the two worlds will collide.

As for James' and Albus's motives, well right now it is up for your interpretation but it will be explained. I promise.

Once again, I am glad you like my work and I really appreciate this review!

 Report Review

Review #5, by manish V: Herein, part 3

4th December 2009:
so you killed Toren?
why...oh why??
he was by far the most interesting in the story...and i seriously am shoked, mostly because his death was so early.
well.we finally gained a little more knowledge about the watch.and Harry was mentioned...i think for the second time(?).
interesting how albus killed his own brother.but somehow how i think its not all black and white as it seems right now.
and although i'm not gonna totally spoil(?)...it for anyone, but how come i have the feeling that stephen isn't really dead?

this chapter was a little short...and i really think it could have been written in a better way, but that's just my opinion.
i think u shud have depicted the final scene in a little more detail...particularly the moment when izak kills toren.
i hope the review helped.
looking forward to the next chapter...any idea how long...coz i really can't bear to se no updates in my cellphone feeds..

Author's Response: Hey there!

Yes, Toren may be dead, but believe me when I say that his story is far from over. Just like all the other dead but mentioned people in Wasteland, his story will reveal itself even if it wasn't him exactly telling it. In a way, his story will unfold like Rose's, which makes me very excited to write about him. His death needed to happen early on. Remember what I said in one of my Author's Notes, you never know who's gonna die and when (dunno if I actually did say that, but there you go)

Yes, Harry is mentioned in the new chapter, and hopefully you are starting to see the small pieces of the past and what made everything the way it is. More on what happened in the past on the next chapter, I promise! After all, I only have 3 more chapters before the introduction arc ends.

As for Albus and killing his brother as well as the question of Stephen's life, it is all up for interpretation right now. I don't want to give anything straight away, but know that there is more than what meets the eye.

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, there really couldn't be anything more to this chapter than that, I believe. I went through a lot of versions of this chapter before this came, and I think this was, though not the best, but the most effective of the versions I'd written. I understand that it could have been better written. I agree with you on that, however on the question of detail, I would like to stand behind that by saying that I was trying to reflect Clara's state of shock. She couldn't see it behind the vampires that had encircled Toren, and I think part of her didn't want to see it. But I see your point, definitely. I guess that's just the risk of experimentation :)

Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! Expect the next chapter after a month at the worst, but no where longer than that. Now that I am back on track with my plan, I believe things will flow much faster. Again, thank you for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Gryffy Girl917 V: Herein, part 3

4th December 2009:
This story seems interesting. It's well written and I really enjoy it. I just have two questions:
1) Is there anywhere I can find the prequels to this story, if there are any and
2)Will Rose be coming in any time soon?

Author's Response: Hey there! I am glad you liked the story and I am really appreciative of the review. In response to your question:

1) The prequels are as of yet, unwritten (please refer to the Author's Note in the first chapter ^_^); and
2) Rose is playing a very vital role in the story despite the revelation in V: Herein, part 2 that she is dead. She will be mentioned often and is very, very, very, very important to the whole story and how things became the way they are

I hope that was alright :) If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to shoot me up a PM over at my author's page in the forums!

Again! Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #7, by merlinspants V: Herein, part 2

27th September 2009:
Rose was Mrs.Malfoy?

So she's dead? That sucks.I was hoping for a Rose/Scorpius fic.

And I have to say, this fanfiction is by far the best next generation fic I've ever read. The plot is deep, there is so much mystery, and we still don't know which group is the 'good' side and which is the 'bad'. This has quickly become one of my favourites. I love dystopian stories so I absolutely LOVE this. Please, please don't abandon this!

Also, the Roper guy said "was your aunt" or something along those lines, does that mean Hermione is dead too? If Albus is 44...then she would be 68 or so...isn't that a little too early to be dying? Unless she died in another war? Ooohhh...and the mystery deepens!

Can't wait for the next chapter
Update soon please!

 Report Review

Review #8, by Whimsical Diva V: Herein, part 2

11th September 2009:
It's horribly remiss of me not to have reviewed this chapter before today. I read it the day it was validated - indeed, this is, if not THE then certainly one of the most addictive stories on this site- but couldn't review it then. And anyway, it's not like I have anything much to say other than patter away the usual platitudes: This story is absolutely brilliant; you're insanely talented and other such not-so-creative and hackneyed comments. But since I think it's wrong to enjoy something so extravagantly and not take a minute or two to compose a review of thanks to the author, here I am with this terribly belated review.

One thing I've noticed right from the very first chapter is the register in which your characters converse. It's formal, yet it doesn't sound... pompous or phoney or rhetoric. Lines such as:

1) But man stands on more than his two legs. He stands on principle as well.

2) When will they learn that the only judge man's actions will ever have is History

3)Being a soldier means more than taking commands. It’s a matter of justice and consciousness.

You have the narrative framework wherein these words hit home, that's certain. But what's incredible is that it sounds so very realistic. The atmosphere of the story ensures that these lines don't end up sounding empty.

Had we gotten there sooner, mobilized quicker, we could have saved Mrs. Malfoy and all the other innocent lives they took

YOU KILLED ROSE! ILY for that! I abhor the Scorose ship from the bottom of my heart (I'm very sorry if you're a fan); it's the scourge of nextgen fanfiction, IMO. This ship monopolises all the attention for no fathomable reason, and almost ALL the other nextgen characters get the short-shrift or are treated as playthings. I mean really, how many good nextgen fics can one think of that's not a Scorose fic?

Anyhoo, getting off my personal soapbox, have I mentioned how utterly intriguing the multifarious characters and their dynamics is? For once I think I'm not going to dread the Scorose ship in this story. I could be wrong, but their marriage seems more like a token of political consolidation. That, and the fact that she was killed by the Watch further blurs the lines between right and wrong. I've already said in a previous review that I find both the factions - The Watch and the Chancery - equally fascinating. I take it James Potter founded the Watch, and it's ironic that Rose should be killed (by accident, I'd like to think) by them. And the 'mark' Tremain was talking about is the lightning bolt mark, isn't it? All these tantalising little details strewn throughout the chapters makes me want to know what really the root of the conflict is.

Lines such as Politics was a business of masks and rhymes. Chose the right one and the world was yours. Albus was the Pied Piper of their times. make it impossible not catapult Albus into a class of his own. I've never quite cared for the character of Albus Potter - not in canon and certainly not in fanfiction. I know has JKR said that Albus is the character who's the 'one she's most interested in', but to me he was a wishy-washy, whinging wimp in canon, and fanfiction writers hardly ever subvert this image of his. Except maybe in the Colossus novels, he's always only ever the sidekick in Scorose romances. But even in the Colossus series, I liked the plot and the ideas more than the character os Albus per se. I admit it unasamedly, I'm a James fangirl through and through, and can read even the silliest, most clichéd story about James.

This story, however, subverts my preconceived notions about Albus. He's got a certain cachet, a certain charisma that transcends my reservations about his character in general. There's a dearth of these larger-than-life male characters in fanfiction, which is a real pity because they are infinitely more interesting to read about than the self-proclaimed 'quirky and eccentric' female OC's. Not that I've got anything against female OC's, it's just that I'm a wee bit sceptical of them. There are just so many of them floating around that after a while it's next to impossible to stumble upon a story with a radically different female OC. But your Albus is indubitably one of the best male characterisations I've read. He's dubious yet arresting, dangerous, but compellingly so, magnetic yet somewhat ambiguous, enigmatic and... just all sorts amazing. And snarky! Got to love him. :D

In short, I have nothing new to say. I will most probably be rehashing myself even in the future reviews. And these are only the introductory chapters?!? If these are this good, then I can easily imagine how brilliant the other chapters are going to be, besides, of course, being a total deflator of the meagre self-confidence I have in myself as a writer.

 Report Review

Review #9, by SnitchSnatcher V: Herein, part 2

4th August 2009:
Bugger, now I'm torn. Before I had a pretty good idea of which side I was on, but now? Well, you've thrown me for a loop and the dizziness hasn't quite worn off just yet. I don't know who are the "good guys" and who are the "bad guys" and it's KILLING me. Every time I think I've got it figured out, something happens that throws me off. Once again, it's frustrating, but in an entirely good way!

This wouldn't be a Molly review if I didn't mention your choices for the cast last. Hello Ewan McGregor!!! And Liam Neeson? Oh hot dayum, this is spiffy. I really liked the conversation between Lily and Roper as well as Lily and Carlton. I guess our Mr. Finley isn't as dumb as I pegged him to be. Still, he's not a genius by any means, but he had a few interesting things to say. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about Albus; I haven't seen enough of him to get a good feel, but I know that'll probably be fixed within the next few chapters. Or I could hope for it.

I can't wait until the story actually beginnings, though this is one of the best 10 chaptered beginnings EVER.

 Report Review

Review #10, by SnitchSnatcher V: Herein, part 1

4th August 2009:
So I was obviously wrong about Nora, but in a way, I'm thankful that there's someone on the Fifth Council's side. Well, aside from themselves, of course. I find myself falling more and more in love with Goram as I continued to read him. And the funny thing is that I have no idea why. Not that I'm complaining or anything. XD

There are several interesting developments at hand right now. As far as these tunnel inhabitors go - did the Watch leave them behind because they chose to stay behind or where there other motives? I'm curious. Almost as curious as I am as to why Lalita grew a gun on Goram. Perhaps he wronged her in the past? Can't wait to find out the answers to all my questions. Onwards to the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #11, by SnitchSnatcher IV: Then

4th August 2009:
I'm not going to lie, when I saw that Christian Bale was the play-by of sorts for 409, I squealed like a little girl. I'm SUCH a fangirl for him, it's not even funny. But anyway! Moving onto an actual review!

Wow! Yet again you continue to impress me with this story. I certainly wasn't expecting Toren to react in such a way to Clara's needling. Though I must say that I feel rather stupid now for my previous statement in another review as to where James was. I'd forgotten that he was the one who started this whole thing, so 'duh' on my part. I was only a little disappointed when 409 wasn't actually James - I had been holding out, but now I'm curious as to whom he is! He must be someone close to James if he was willing to put his life on the line. Perhaps a family member?

As far as Goram's attacker goes, I almost want to say that she's a Weasley. Or somehow related to the Cryllians. That is what the central form of government is called, right? *scratches head* I'm still trying to piece it all together, but that's what's fabulous about this. You're not giving everything away immediately, rather revealing it little by little. I love it!

P.S. I don't know why, but when I saw that Summer Glau was Goram's attacker, my mind immediately went to River Tam from Firefly/Serenity. But perhaps that's just wistful thinking.

P. P. S. Great job!

 Report Review

Review #12, by SnitchSnatcher III: Beneath

4th August 2009:
I don't like Grasser. That had already been decided after I read the first chapter, but I didn't think to comment on it until now. Still, I'm curious as to what the hell is going on, but unlike most stories where I'm confused, I'm not frustrated by it. In fact, I'm grossly fascinated. For some reason, I like that I'm left in the dark about the Watch and, well, almost everything. It lets me try to figure things out for myself, though I'm more than likely to be wrong.

Regardless, I loved this chapter. I think it's my favourite one so far. I was a bit upset that the Watch was split up, but I suppose it's understandable, considering they took different portkeys. I do hope that Ritcher is okay! I would hate for Fletch to lose his brother. And also, Goram. . .Merlin, I have a crush on him already. It might be because his face is James McAvoy and I'm extremely partial to the Scot, but I also like his temper. And might I add a squeal of joy at the employment of Guy Pierce? Talk about a sexy man.

Great chapter, now onwards to the next!

 Report Review

Review #13, by SnitchSnatcher II: Within

4th August 2009:
Hmmm, now I'm very curious as to what the Watch stands for, especially since people are saying Toujours Pur. I love all of your OCs, by the way, though when Carlton entered the room all I could see in my head was poor Mr. Collins, the bumbling fool, lol. Insofar, I think that Lily and Scorpius are my favourite characters, and a part of me is secretly hoping that a little something-something happens between them, if you know what I mean. And last but not least, I'm beginning to wonder where in the hell James is in all of this? Has something happened to him? I dunno, but I guess I'll have to read the next chapter to find out.

P.S. Sorry that this review is a little random and not at all constructive. It's a bit late and I'm running on a sugar high. XD

 Report Review

Review #14, by SnitchSnatcher I: Beyond

4th August 2009:
Wow, talk about an intriguing chapter! Though my mind's a bit of a muddle mess of confusion, I'm delighted, not to mention excited, to move onto the next chapter. This is one of the most original stories that I've seen on the site and one of the fair few that has sparked my interest so early on. It's great!

 Report Review

Review #15, by scooterbug8515 V: Herein, part 2

21st July 2009:
Fantastic as always! I didn't seem any problems at all! Course I was wrapped up with the story and imagining Ewan McGreggor who is one of my all time favorite actors! You did splendidly and I'm dying in the good sense to think that the first ten chapters are merely introduction and the real story doesn't start until eleven. You already have quite a story as is! I can't wait to see more! The way you wrap things around itself blows my mind and I'm confused as ever dying to know what's next and have more answers to your wonderfully woven story and world here!

Author's Response: Ewan is one of my faves too! When I was conceptualizing Cordus, I originally had Casey Affleck lined up for him, but then Ewan slowly surfaced and I couldn't get him out. Even the accent seemed to seep through XD It certainly helps me in describing his manner.

Hahaha, personally I think I'm crazy. But yes, the first 10 chapters are all introductions to the world and the politics of Wasteland. Come Chapter 11, you will see the world in action! Hopefully each chapter brings some enlightenment to you, while still remaining open for the rest of the larger revelations when the story comes to a climax :)

Thanks so much for this review! Awesome!

 Report Review

Review #16, by Max V: Herein, part 2

20th July 2009:
Overall a good story. The only error I saw was M1897 shotgun it is generally referred to as the M1897 trench gun. However, it is understandable to have it as shotgun as trench gun is an odd firearm term.

I do like this story. The plot is interesting but with so few chapters it is hard to understand. I will continue to read this once you post chapter 10 so that the story will feel more complete and understandable. I do understand that this story is in medias res but it seems to assume to that the reader already knows certain things. I also understand that you are working to explain these with out giving to much away. If you look at Star Wars IV it may be in medias res but it is at the beginning of a new story. Still a great job.

More from the watch in the next chapters as they are much more interesting then the boring politicians. Hopefully you will also explain where Harry Potter himself sits in this soon as well. I am waiting to see how Dune (I have only read the first in that series) influences this.

Great job,

Author's Response: Hehe, I feel embarrassed for that mistake, but it seemed that you have defended the story for me, so thanks for that! Come to think of it, shotgun does seem more colloquial than trench gun.

I understand how you can find the story confusing. Unfortunately, waiting till chapter 10 won't really help. It is an introduction and all, but the greater revelation will come in chapters after. The first 10 chapters serve as an introduction to the world, the characters, the politics...but it will not be the info dump that you may expect. Part of the style I'm trying to experiment with is the indirect mystery. The mystery is not in the plot (aka the whodunnit) but more of the characters and the development itself. I guess you could compare it to a slow drip of medicine. It's not all in one big shabang, slowly it enters your system and it leaves you time to adjust to the effects. I didn't want to make the introduction simply one chapter and go on with it as it would seem like I just wanted to get things out of the way and get to the parts that were really exciting. I don't assume that the reader knows things. Rather, I challenge him/her to work it out, think on it, speculate. It makes the reading more interactive...a dialogue between the reader and the writer. Its not just me giving you information. Its you thinking about what this information means. It's a process. And an experiment. However, I really do, sincerely and utterly appreciate you pointing that out to me. The style is new to me, and so points for improvement are definitely inevitable and a godsend. I wouldn't want to be writing the whole thing badly now would I XD

I'm working on the new chapter right now and it is about the Watch...well about Toren and Clara in the Vampire encampment XD Hopefully it will excite! All will be revealed in time. But I promise you, there is a reason why this happened, it it has something to do with the philosophies in Dune!

Thanks again for the review! Great to know you liked it!

 Report Review

Review #17, by maplethebully V: Herein, part 2

18th July 2009:
I love this story, it has lots of twists and turns, and is exciting, which I like. It's a joy to read.
Even if Mrs. Malfoy is Rose and Rose is dead.
I hope not.but then again I do write Rose/Scorpius fanfiction...so I'd hope I wouldn't want her to be dead...

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading the story! I loved reading your review!

I can't really reveal much on the Rose/Scorp ship in the story right now, but I can say that Rose is pretty damn important, even though she is 6 feet under. It will feature some flashbacks or people talking about her, so you'll still see her name popping in and out of the story. Like I said, she played an important role on how the world ended up this way.

Thanks again for reading! Hope to see you next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #18, by uberwacky V: Herein, part 2

18th July 2009:
I seriously LOVE this story. I found this chapter interesting for a number of reasons.
1. We learned more about Scorpius and the Grimmauld Incident. Poor Rose. I have a feeling though that not all is as it seems. Also, commander Teddy? Interesting
2. We saw the New Regime from the prespective of a devout soldier. All of the Watch scenes were starting to annoy me. They're supposed to be 'good' but their motto is Tourjours Pur?
3. Seeing the politics from the newspaper perspective, and also seeing how Albus is able to twist anything.

I am looking forward to new chapters and unraveling this mystery and figuring out all my questions. This is definitely one of my new favorites, as far as very non- canon stories. Definitely looking forward to reading more in the future

Author's Response: You don't know how happy this review made me XD It was as if you read it the way I wanted the reader to! The questions are so interesting and your insight is astute!

I am glad you liked the story! I enjoyed reading your review! Hope to see you on the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #19, by WeasleyTwins V: Herein, part 1

14th July 2009:
Hi, hi, I'm here to review. Sorry about the delay!

You know, there isn't much that I can continue to say to you about this other than it is pure brilliance. I've just about run out of things to say and now is about the time that I'll start to repeat myself. Aside from that, I enjoyed how you continue to give the readers little tidbits about the Watch - just enough to keep us interested and coming back for more. I do hope that you divulge a little on wand situation. Don't know why, but the wand snapping and the discontinued use of the wands bothers me...I suppose this is because there is no explanation, so I hope you give us a little hint soon. Now, I understand that if they use their wands, they can be found by some kind of tracking, but would they not want to keep them to protect themselves?

The description and the dialogue mingle nicely together. You always seem to leave the chapter off with a cliffhanger and my, you do it with style!

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, of course.



Author's Response: Shelby my nutmeg (dunno why I just called you that XD) but hey! Thanks for the review. No worries. I seriously don't mind waiting. I love your reviews!

*I blush* Thanks so much Shelby! I am really glad you like the story! I mean it really means a lot to me coming from an awesome writer/reviewer like you!

Ah the infamous wand situation. Actually its no big secret, I can just explain now, but I'll wait until the other chapters instead, so it will be in text and not just me rambling on in a review response XD But it is really simple once I explain it. Probably will be in the second chapter after this.

Hehe, cliffies are what I live for! Hopefully I'll be able to post the new chapters with serious haste.

Thanks for reviewing Shelby! Great review!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Whimsical Diva V: Herein, part 1

12th July 2009:
First off, I'm so terribly sorry for having taken so long to get round to reviewing this. Was doing exams, didn't have time for anything else, and didn't want to leave a half-arsed review.

It's been sometime since I last read this story, and reading this chapter today, I remembered how much I'd enjoyed this; the intricacies of the plot and the OC's (who, incidentally, are few of the most well-rounded OC's I've ever seen in fanfiction). When I read stories - fanfiction especially - if I particularly like a story, I find myself thinking as to whether I could have done it? Whether I could have conceived or written the very same story. Quite often, the answer is yes; i.e. I could have written something like that. And with that feeling, every last bit of awe I feel for the story vanishes. I mean, I still like it, but I'm not in awe anymore.

With this story, however, when I ask myself the question: Could I have written anything like this?, the answer is a resounding no. No, I couldn't have EVER written anything even halfway this good. Goodness knows creating a couple of OC's has been hard enough, and here you have, what 17! OC's, with the list, I take it, only going to get longer? What's more, plot, OC's etc notwithstanding, this story continues to be so damn entertaining. If this were a published work, then it's be a real pageturner.

As often as not, fanfics - especially those set in the nextgen era - fail to pique my interest because there is no plausible conflict. But here, you've managed to establish wonderful conflict. I'm equally intrigued by both The Chancery/Synod and The Watch. I don't know which school of thought, which idealology I subscribe to because everything is so hazy at the moment, but I like it that way. It keeps me totaly wired up, and I can't wait to read the next chapter to find out more.

My only suggestion would be to strengthen the characters' voice a bit more. I have absolutely no trouble with the voices of the Chancellors, but I do feel that the Watch members' voices could be a little more distinctive. But that is only my personal opinion. :)

Meh, this review is just all over the place, but there's nothing much to say without getting embarrassingly fangirly. I want to read more. Please, PLEASE update soon.

- Renee

 Report Review

Review #21, by theroonilwazlib V: Herein, part 1

9th July 2009:
And now I'm speechless. Really, all I had to say I've said it before, and I can only tell you to keep it up. Now I can barely wait for the rest of the big picture, even if this didn't tell us much. Still, I love how your story progresses, so it's not that big a deal if you take your time to give the reader all the information. Do take that into account - the fact that the reader needs information, that is.
Like some other of your reviewers has said, I want more politics please, it's my favourite part.
Great job.

 Report Review

Review #22, by theroonilwazlib IV: Then

9th July 2009:
'Almost. It meant that there was. Small, flickering, fleeting. But there was a chance. While pragmatism had shaped most of her recent life, hope clung to the person she used to be. It was not a long time ago when she was an idealistic young woman, entering politics with the hope of changing the world for the better.' I think that this has to be my favourite quote of all times. I love adjectives, and the more an author uses them, the fonder I grow of their story - yes, it's kind of stupid. True, though.

This chapter had all one could wish for. I was just asking for a bit more of insight, and I open this chapter and become fully satisfied; I love this story more and more, but I will refrain from asking questions, I want to see what you have to show :p

I usually dread long chapters; I think they're full of nothing, so I must congratulate you on a very, very good chapter that is also long. Good on you! And also: people have that hatred towards cliffhangers, but I don't feel the same. This just added to my eagerness to know more. 10/10

 Report Review

Review #23, by theroonilwazlib III: Beneath

9th July 2009:
My view on this chapter: I am actually more interested in the Synod than I am in the rebels, which is odd. I find their politics absolutely gripping though. If there is something I'd like to see more of is the rest of the world. How are they coping, what has happened, etcetera, etcetera, but I suppose you're saving it to the next two Chronicles...? Either way, I would like that.

Like the last two chapters: great descriptions, great character development and the smoothest way of changing from one side to the other, keeping the reader glued to the chair. Honestly, no words could make this justice.

 Report Review

Review #24, by theroonilwazlib II: Within

9th July 2009:
This review will be significantly smaller, as I've praised you on the last review, and there's not much more I can say. There are no issues with your writing, as far as I can tell, and all I've read so far is utterly enthralling.

Have I mentioned you're brilliant at character development? You are. Without describing too much, I feel like I know the characters, and that is really how I like it.

Really, there is nothing bad to say about this, I'm just stunned at such brilliance - this shouldn't be free.

 Report Review

Review #25, by theroonilwazlib I: Beyond

9th July 2009:
This is (it took me ten minutes to find my brain, and ten more to find an appropriate word) gripping (yes, this was all I got after twenty minutes). The reader is dropped on a secret meeting, getting warmed up to the rebels, prying on their lifes a bit, and then is thrust to the other side, getting a load of philosophy dropped on him/her. Is that bad? No.

I feel that I couldn't like either side, but I couldn't dislike them either, so I'm stuck in the middle, knowing that I have to review this before I move forth.

Personally, I'm a sucker for description - throw me a detailed one and I'm putty in your hands, and this gives the impression that the reader is getting just the right amount of information; not so much that it would ruin the story, but not too little that would leave us mentally stumbling - no, this is a story to think about, and it's very rare a story that actually makes ME stop and think, so, kudos to you.

The description also allows the story to flow at a normal rate; not too slow which is what authors fear when describing something, but at a speed that one would deem normal.

I take OC's in fanfiction to be, very often, stereotypes and/or Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus, because it's troublesome to successfully add someone new to canon, but this characters, from what I can tell, are people, and that makes this story all the more (realistic, should I say? probable? Whichever - I can't say).

What I can say, though, is that this is going to my favorites. Congratulations!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>