This story is really good.
I enjoyed reading it so far.
I've noticed that all you're chapters are real long so that always a plus.
xoxo pure angel Report Review
not bad, not bad at all! pls update soon! i can't wait to see what is going to happen next!!! Report Review
Hey Sara! I'm here for my fifth and final review! Have to say, this was definitely your best chapter yet :D
What makes this your best chapter is definitely worth pointing out. For one, the way you wrote the emotions was simply incredible! You really brought them out to life. I think Tristan's reaction to his parents' death could have been in slight more detain, but regardless, it was very well written.
The twists and turns in the story were also superb. I loved how you wrote them, because the way that you made them so dramatic was very good and very effective. I think with a little more narrative, it would be even better.
The background information was also very well given - nothing too heavy, but with enough detail to give a sense of the emotion. I like seeing an angst ridden character (*cough* isn't that kind of a person to torture characters *cough*). Excellent work!
This story definitely has a lot of potential, and the plot and pace are going fantastically. I wish you all the best with the coming chapters! Good luck with it! Report Review
Hey Sara :) Another great chapter here! I'm loving the Nathalie and Tristan shipping. It's so very cute and sweet, and it's nice to see the evil little Nathalie has a soft side to her as well. It makes her human and it makes the story realistic - so well done on it!
I think one thing that is very good about your story is the way that you have managed to build your characters and give them a strong personality. What you should also include is some information where your character would have the ability to better interact with the other. How about writing their reactions more so that the other characters can react to them?
I love Tristan! He's adorable, although something looks somewhat suspicious about the wand collection incident. Not sure if it's meant to be there, but it's written in such a way that it adds that tinge of suspicion XD I also love how you have Sirius and Tristan somehow get slightly closer.
Well done! On to the next one! Report Review
Hello again! Sorry for the massive delay in reviewing - things got in the way and everything basically happened all at once - so I apologise.
Anyway, this was another very good chapter! I love the pace of progress that you're currently making with it. It isn't too fast so it doesn't appear rushed, and it isn't too slow so that it feels as though the story is dragging.
Nathalie and Tristan.. I'm like it very very much XD Keep up the fantastic work there as well!! Same tips for improvement which I'm sure you'll get around to eventually :)
I love the fact that you've included a sneak preview! That's a very good idea and I'm so pleased that it's there because it keeps the reader's attention to it. It also implies that you have a well planned plot and that the next chapter will be out soon! Well done on it!
What particularly stood out for me in this chapter was the way that you included the emotions. To show Nathalie's reactions and how she feels makes it so much more real, so well done on it!
On to another chapter! Hope this helped!
:D Report Review
Hi, my god I love this story!! Author's Response: Hi Alice ^^
Thanks for the review < 3
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hi Sara :D
Ph oh my god, this is really good. I'm stuck with you story! this chapter was really good, I didn't even notice the time while I was reading. I really like the characters, and that Nathalie has changed a bit and is friendly with sirius :) I just love the story! Really greate ;D I'm looking forward to read the next chapter! Thanks ;)Author's Response: Aw thanks Dasha! It means a lot to me! ily :)
hehe, the next chapter is pretty hectic ^^
Thanks for reviewing < 3 Report Review
Hi Sara, Shelby here to review. Sorry for the extensive delay!
Overall, I think you've got a great idea here! You do have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, but since you're getting a beta, I'll ignore them.
Nat's personality sure is interesting! As are the other characters'. I do suggest adding some more description here and there to balance out all the dialogue. Things like actions or scenery or just little things like that. I don't know what to tell you other than you've got a great idea here!
The title is awesome, as well. It's going to be interesting to see how you integrate it into the story.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Thanks Shelby! < 3
hehe, Nat is pretty funny according to me XD
thanks for the review ily! Report Review
Hey again! Review number two from me!
Another good chapter! I won't repeat the critique - I gave you that in my last review :) Anyway, good chapter again.
I'll say it once more though, your dialogue is really fantastic - but it becomes harder to follow without more narrative :P How about adding something like Nathalie's reaction to what it feels like when she transforms in to a cat, or when she changes back?
I really like Tristan - he's so sweet, and I can tell that through dialogue alone :P Well done on it; I feel really bad for him because Nathalie seems so intent upon not going to Hogsmeade with him =(
I know this isn't as long as my last review - I tend to put lots in to the first and then the others are mainly followed up with comments :P
I love the banner and the chapter image by the way! Somehow the horrific side seems to fit in to Nathalie's personality - I'm assuming something darker is going to happen because of the Gothic portrayal of the images (:
Anyway, great work! Off to the next chapter!Author's Response: Glad you liked it and thanks for the critque! Aw! I love Tristan too xD Yeah, in the newest chapter I believe it is more description. I think so anyway :) Yeah Nathalie do want to go with Tristan just that she aren't that sure and find messing with Sirius more fun XD
Love Sara Report Review
Hey! I'm here to review at long long last! Sorry-I've been so busy these past few days, but hopefully I'll have all five reviews for you within two to three day :P
First of all, I love the short story title. The five letter word gives enough depth while remaining completely shallow. It allows the reader to imagine what is to come and what may come that is unexpected - so well done on the name of your title!
Also, a lovely chapter image. They help the reader quite a lot because it gives them a visual aspect to picturing what the characters look like and the rile they have. Nice work by the artist on that =D
I like how you've wrote the story in first person. To me, I always find that it makes it much easier to feel a character's emotions and that, in turn, makes the emotions more realistic (: Well done on it!
There were quite a lot of spelling and grammar errors, but I know you've applied for a BETA, so I'm sure they will be able to iron it all out for you :P I also suggest trying to stick to the same tense when writing - just to make it flow better ;)
More description would also be a good idea :P You have a fantastic amount of dialogue, but adding a little more narrative always helps :D
The plot line, from what I've read of the first chapter, is very good :) It keeps the reader engaged, and once those grammatical errors are fixed up, the chapter will polish up lovely :P Also love the name 'Tristan' XD
Keep up the great work and hope this review helped! On to the next chapter now :PAuthor's Response: Thanks, it was very helpful! I am glad you liked the title since it wasn't named Trust from the start ;) And who doesn't love the name Tristan? ;) can't wait for the other reviews < 3
Love Sara Report Review
Hi! God you are so cute :D I'm only glad to be at help! Thanks again and if you want more help you know were you can find me ;) ( at my home xD)
//Liza Author's Response: Aw! I love your help!
Thanks for reviewing love yaa! Report Review
why havent i reviewd this yet?...
oh well better late than never ^_^
great chapter sara :D youre an AMAZING writer.
id really like to see more stories on your authors page :)
fantastic chapter!! 1000/10 for spiffyness lol
KrisAuthor's Response: Oh my god Kris! that makes me so bloody happy to hear! thank you so much for reviewing! I love your reviews! And I am writing a new story in fact that will be up soon I think ^^ < 3 Report Review
Hey, Sara, I'm here to review ^_^
That was a good opening chapter! I'm liking Natalie, she's very vindictive and bitchy, and you've characterised her pretty well. She's not going into the Mary-Sue region, so don't worry about that. She obviously has her faults, and I get the feeling that something's going to happen to her eventually. Hmm, what goes around comes around, you know?
I won't lie to you, there were alot of spelling and grammar mistakes, but I know that English isn't your first language, so don't worry about it. I'd advise getting a beta though, since some people are really picky.
The main mistake I noticed was this: she doesnt not talk much because she is always daydreaming
You don't have to say not after doesn't, since doesn't is a shortened, conjoined version of does not, so that statement kind of contradicts itself.
Overall, you have a very impressive start here, and I'm liking your characterisation :D
♥Author's Response: Thanks Lierrm! Yeah Nathalie is like that :P This may sound like an excuse but really that was a typo because I know that that isn't correct ^^ Yeah stuff is going to happen with Nathalie, A lot ^^
Thanks for the advice Lierrrm :) Nathalie is kind of like me or so would the people who don't know me think, but you know better, don't you? Report Review
Cool chapter. Update soon Chikadee.
xx TashAuthor's Response: The next chapter is in the queue Thank you so much for reading! Report Review
I thought since you reviewed my story, I'd return the favour.
Wow. English isn't your second language? You write it really really well. Like amazingly well. (a few little errors but who really cares??)
My second language is French and I couldn't be worse. Hahaha.
Love the story. It's off to a really good start.
xx TashAuthor's Response: Wow thanks :) well Yes English is my second language and then I have Spanish as my third but at that I really suck. Thank you so much for reviewing! And reading. I am glad you like it < 3
Sara Report Review
I really like similarities between sirius and Nathalie.
I find Ella really annoying not just because i like Nathalie as a character but because she seems so air headish.
Was tristan telling the truth, i do hope so, and i hope that her and sirius get to spend some more time together XD
excellent chapter cant wait for the nextAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing :D
If Tristan was telling the truth or not you will found out later in the story. And Ella is quiet annoying i have to agree
I'll update a.s.a.p
And just because you reviewed I am going to warn you about the coming chapters, well maybe not the next one but soon dark times will begin.
< 3 Report Review
I really like Nathalie i think that most girls go through a bit of a vindictive stage even though hers was deff more pronounced but i dont think Tristan is the reason for the change though he might be helping it... Regulus just needs to get over it people grow up.
AHHH you can not leave a sneak peak for the next chapter like that and expect us to wait patiently i wanna know why she doesnt say thank you and what it has to do with alice and how he got WHAT
ttfnAuthor's Response: I think so too about Regulus and Nathalie would change without Tristan but he makes the progress go faster.
I knew that would work, xD but the next chapter is in the queue already so you don't have to wait that long
Thanks for reviewing < 3
But I could tell you this: Nathalie and Sirius has a lot more in comment then that they both are an animagus. Report Review
Another amazing chapter!And what what what? She doesnt want to destroy Sirius anymore?She has to destroy Sirius! Its her frickin destiny xD Please dont let her change her mind!!and that part with her and tristan was really...sexy ;D lol update loveAuthor's Response: Thanks Kris! You'll have to wait and see but the next chapter is already in the queue. I liked writing that part xD
Thanks for reviewing as always < 3
< 3Author's Response: I'll try! Thanks for reviewing < 3 Report Review
wow. i think it's so strange that nobody, not even her boyfriend, can tell ella apart from nathalie... 10/10! good job! UPDATE SOON!
-xoxo, rowenaravenclaw94Author's Response: Haha xD yes I know. My Sister and I look alike (I don't think so but everyone else does) and it is really annoying when they mix us up and so. I hate it really, Thanks! Report Review
i like your banner and chapter pics. i luv skins, and nathalie kind of reminds me of effy... 10/10! good job!!!
-xoxo, rowenaravenclaw94Author's Response: I love Skins too :) Thanks for reviewing Report Review
This is your best chapter by far!
It is long, descriptive, and most importantly, addicting :)
This story has a lot of potential . Update soon babeAuthor's Response: I really loved writing this chapter! The next chapter is already in the queue so it won't be long. You have reviewed every chapter! Thanks Kris Report Review
Gosh what an unexpected turn. Please make everything cool again Sara!! =D
updates!!Author's Response: Yeah I feel so sorry for her but I kind of love Drama xD.
I am glad that you like it and thanks for reviewing
I love how you put a lot of dialogue in the first chapter. Very informing :)
update soon dear!
p.s. I already love Nathalie =D haha.Author's Response: Thank you :) I am glad I am not the only one that loves her xD
Thanks for reviewing!
Wow! This is good! The grammar was a bit iffy but whos isn't?
xAuthor's Response: My first review!
I am glad you like it and yes the grammar isn't perfect but anyway I like to write so :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Next chapter is already in the queue
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