I almost thought the pairing was tom riddle/Merope.
I got confused.
too much love potion = disaster
I hope you continue the story!Author's Response: oh wow, thank you so much for the review. i haven't updated this story in forever so it is definitely magnificent to hear some comment on it now. hopefully i will pick this story up again in the future but for now i am extremely busy and haven't the time. either way, thank you beyond anything. Report Review
Hello! Glad you asked, and it's a pleasure...
Very interesting the things that were there between the lines. How Tom didn't show much emotion losing his horse like that, and how Merope wondered about how a love potion really worked. The beginning of her doubts seem to be there, and the effects of the potion, well, there seems to be some possible secondary effects Merope didn't quite count on. Very beautifully done.
The chapter flowed nicely, and as I stated before, brought many things for the reader to ponder. I always wondered what Merope had been thinking to do such a thing, and I think you are definitely answering that. I really can't wait to see where you take this, please do let me know when you get the next chapter up!Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am glad that you think that i am taking this on realistically. i will definitely let you know when i get the next chapter up. thanks again. Report Review
Hello there! It's DarkRose from the forums, reviewing for your win in the Raffle Challenge.
I seem to have reviewed the first two chapters of this story before but I reread them anyway.
You've written quite well here, I really like it.
Merope's nasty though... I just can't get into her character, though you've written it really well.
I like your plot, it's original and interesting.
Great descriptions, characterization, and pretty much everything else. :]
--DracoFerret11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: thank you for rereading the first two chapters so that you understood exactly what was going on. i understand that Merope's character is difficult to get into but i am doing that for a reason. it was not a barrier for you as you mentioned, but i am sure that it can get annoying after awhile and thank you for sticking with it. i am glad to here that you thought everything was in place. thanks again for the wonderful review. Report Review
Hmmm...I'm starting to see where this is going here. Merope's potion made him love her, but it also had the effect of making him love ONLY her. Even affection such as that he had for his beloved horse seems to fade compared to his newfound obsession with her. Then again, I could be totally off the mark with that one ;)
Even in these shorter chapters, you still make it so that it's an enjoyable read, and that's just lovely. Again, absolutely AMAZING descriptions. I particularly liked the one about Ellard, when you were describing him.
Poor Tom. I would like to see some more of Merope's emotions at some point, unless of course, she doesn't really have any because they've been dulled over the years. Either way, her seeming absence of emotions keeps tugging at me; as I reader, I want to know what she's feeling.
Overall, great chapter!
(by the way, this is Sarah (dracosgurlx) from the forums)
10/10 :)Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am glad to see that you are picking up a variety of aspects from the chapter. Merope's character is a bit dull at the moment but i am hoping to add a bit of excitement to her character in the future. thanks again. Report Review
Another great chapter! I'm glad to see some dialogue in this chapter, as well as some action between Tom and Merope.
Tom's long speech to Merope made me smile, as he professed his love for her after knowing her for just a few moments.
You use words wonderfully in this story at description, and while there is a large amount of description in this chapter and in the last, it doesn't get boring. You have an uncanny way of doing that; it's brilliant!!
Excellent chapter, and I look forward to reading the next!Author's Response: thank you so much. your positive thoughts mean the world to me. Report Review
This entire chapter was amazing. I didn't see one grammar/spelling mistake at all. I was spellbound while reading this. You packed so much information and discription into this chapter, yet it wasn't too much.
I could really feel for Merope. I could identify with her feelings of infatuation (of course she thinks it's love) and thought the last sentence perfectly described how she felt. She says that love "finds her," and I think that's just perfect to describe how depraved she really is (whether or not you agree that she's depraved).
The only thing that seemed to be missing (to me) was emotions. Merope spoke of her father and brother's imprisonment as if she didn't care. While I didn't expect her to show sadness, relief probably would have been an expected emotion. But this could very well be how you've characterized her: as an abused girl who has learned to block out all emotions except this love for Tom Riddle.
Excellent chapter. If there was a rating higher than ten, you'd get it :)Author's Response: thank you so much for the absolutely wonderful review! the deal with Merope is the fact that Tom is her only focus. it seems a bit blocky at the moment, but as this story moves on, the infatuation that is labeled love will begin to make sense. thanks again for such an amazing review. Report Review
Another great chapter. I think your plot is advancing nicely, I think you are doing a great job.
I can't wait until the chapters are filled with a little bit more action and a few more things happen. Overall again, this was a great chapter and I think you did a really good job. Great, again.Author's Response: thank you so much. hopefully the chapters will pick up soon. Report Review
Well if she sees it as right, then I guess you can't do anything to change that. I wonder if she really knows what she is doing though, and all the changes from that. I really don't think she will be able to handle it when the time comes.
You are right, this chapter was a little bit short, but it was good. It needed to be that short. You did it exactly right, good job.Author's Response: thank you so much. i am glad to hear that the length was reasonable and accurate in this situation. that was a main worry of mine. thanks. Report Review
Well this is interesting. I've never really read anything about her and I love how you are playing out the story. A very great job I must say. You make her seem like a real person and is not just a character. There is another great mark of how really good you are. Great job.
This chapter is a great leaping off point into getting into the story, and I think you are doing very well.Author's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. it means so much to be complimented entirely with no negative points sticking out anywhere. i cannot thank you enough for your thoughts and your time. Report Review
Despite the shortness, it was a good chapter. I like the horse, I kind of see it as a symbol of their love. Eventually, Merope's heart will give and she'll have to stop from giving Tom the potion. Keep up the good work! 10/10
--ron.weasleyxo from the forumsAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the review! as soon as i realized the horse would come into play, i immediately thought that it would be a nice little touch to kill it off. i like your point- it does a little foreshadowing, i guess. Report Review
Good writing, but I'm not really sure what the purpose here is. It kind of read like a snippet of something else. The bit with the horse was just... off, I guess. Um... I'm not sure how to say what I'm thinking. But yes, it just didn't read as complete. It needs something else. It doesn't really seem to have a point, I guess.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the review. i sort of get what you are saying. it really is not easy to tell someone that their story seems a bit off, but i understand what you are getting off. i might work with that a little. your thoughts are very much appreciated. Report Review
Great job. Once again, wonderful characterization. Merope's line of thinking is very well played out. I like how he says that his heart and his head are telling him two different things but he won't listen to his heart. Great foreshadowing. :) I like how she justifies it in her mind because he calls her beautiful. Good job.
One thing though is the length. It's a good chapter, but it's very short. It would be nice to see longer chapters. Maybe one more scene like this one, or something in between his first taste of tea and his proposing to her. Great chapter!
~ShilohAuthor's Response: thank you so much. i am glad that you liked this. Report Review
Intriguing beginning. :) I've never read a Merope/Tom Sr. before. I think you've captured Merope's character perfectly though. She knows she's disgusting and dirty, but she loves him anyway. I can totally understand someone who's never known love getting it any way she can. Not that that makes it right, but I understand. I think you communicated her pathetic state very well. Well written, great descriptions, and excellent characterization. I can't find anything wrong with it. It's a wonderful introductory chapter.
~ShilohAuthor's Response: thank you so much. the intro is usually important and therefore to hear that it is wonderful, i cannot ask for anything more. thank you for the wonderful review! Report Review
Reviewing again here!
This chapter was good, but I felt like it was sort of a placeholder, and not really necessary. The very end, though, TOm's last line, was sweet.
And even though this story is not finished I will still review the rest of it, as the prize for winning the contest stated.Author's Response: thank you so much for another wonderful review. Report Review
Okay! Time for reviewing again!
This one caught interest in me. Wasn't the love potion supposed to effect the person immediately? As I imagined, this chapter was seductive. It was romantic and is definately a jewel to any Merope/Tom fan.Author's Response: thank you so much. your impute is much appreciated. Report Review
Here is the first of your promised reviews:
I thought that this chapter wan an interesting start to a most likely to be seductive story. You expressed your ideas clearly and you show how even a filthy girl in rags can fall in love. I would have read this even if I hated those characters and had many other stories to read. Great job!
10/10Author's Response: thank you so much for your thoughts and opinions. Report Review
i like this plot bunny alot! can't wait to read more :DAuthor's Response: thank you for the wonderful review. your thoughts mean the world to me. Report Review
This is good! I enjoyed this chapter and the slow realisation that what Merope is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong! :)
I thought it was sad that the horse died but Tom didn't really care, because he's so consumed by the love potion.
This is a really great fic! I'll probably be calling on you soon for a review!Author's Response: thank you so much for the amazing review. feel free to stop by any time- my slots are full at the moment, but they should be cleaned out soon. anyways, thank you. your thoughts mean the world to me. Report Review
Another great and intriguing chapter. I really like how you have allowed us to stalk around a bit in Merope's mind, and see things from her perspective. The details and descriptions are fantastic. It's strange, but I get a sense that her mind is covered in shadows, but there are a few bright points of light. At least, that's what your characterization does for me, as well as the tone througout.
I have mixed emotions about her character. I understand how much she wants Tom, but, then again, he was the only other thing she saw in her little world. Perhaps anything would have been wonderful compared to her father and brother, and the dismal life she led. That the poor girl doesn't even give herself a chance is truly heartbreaking, and I think you have captured that perfectly.
I was a bit confused by the action in this paragraph though. "Slipping Tom the love potion was almost too easy, just as I had expected it to be. He had a few comfortable sips, noting on its heavenly flavor, and then departed with haste, in no consideration of sparing me hurtful and unnecessary feelings. He was uncomfortable when around me and my unnatural belongings and he did not make a hard effort to hide those certain dislikes. All of that would change when he would visit me today..." maybe it's just me, but perhaps the verbs need to be in different tenses, or the words? I was able to follow it, but it seemed a bit awkward, not a huge thing though.
I did love how you wrote your dialogue though. Especially for Tom and his proposal. Wonderfully captured what it must feel like to be under such a potion, when your heart and mind are screaming different things. Just absolutely brilliant there!
Overall, I really like the adventure you are taking these characters on. There is a lovely depth, and please do let me know when you update!
Smiles~LeentAuthor's Response: thank you so much. i know what you mean when you noted on how the words and tenses seemed a bit awkward. i have a slight tendency to do that. thank you anyways for such a lovely review. it means a bunch to know that you are really enjoying this story. i will definitely let you know when the next update is up. Report Review
Hello ~ glad that you requested. I believe this is the first time I have read a story with Tom Riddle and Merope Gaunt, so I was very excited to start. I think that you have captured her motivations wonderfully, blooming with full comprehension. I always felt for the character, and always wanted to know why she did it. I think that you certainly have answered that.
The flow was very good, and it most definitely was interesting. I am now on to the next chapter.
Smiles~LeentAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. i am glad to know that everything was fairly intact and that no individual aspects seemed to be lacking. thank you so much for the wonderful review. Report Review
Again, your descriptions are lovely! You've picked the perfect words for all situations: setting, emotions, the squeak of the door! Just marvelous! Not to mention that I hardly see any repetition of them... which only makes writing stronger!
I'm interested in the story and would really like to see where you're taking this... it's a fantastic plot that you've set up and can only get better!
Again, the only thing I would change about it is include more dialogue; while I was interested while reading it, and there was more... I feel that more speaking would've resonated more with me, personally. However, I also see how difficult it would be to work this into a chapter like this... hopefully soon though! I'd love to see how these characters actually start to talk with one another!
Keep up the good work!
-alanaAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the lovely review. yes, i agree, there should be a bit more dialogue, but i can guarantee that there is some to come. i am just beginning to open things up at the moment and adding too much speaking and all would amount to major distraction and displacement. thank you so much for the review. Report Review
I really like how you've branched out to something so... well, something that's not seen around as much. You seem to really have delved into her mind and what her life must've been like under the eye of her father and brother, and I really get a sense of how she felt about Tom of course, but also about her life; this fear she had of her father and the hate for the life she had to live.
Your descriptions are fantastic! 'Toffee horse', 'brunette curls of sunshine' were my favorites, but you keep up the pace throughout the chapter, and I just loved them all!
I'm a person who really connect with dialogue more than anything, and I feel that this chapter could've had some to move it along, but the way you depicted her thoughts was great! so it was still pleasing. I just hope to see some eventually! ;]
On to chapter 2!
-alanaAuthor's Response: thank you so much! i am glad to hear that you liked this so. dialogue is to come; no worries about that. thanks! Report Review
Even though I hate short chapters, I think it's suitable here. A too long chapter would have been boring and maybe have moved the focus from where it needed to be - the very important question. Besides, to me it didn't even seem short. Merope is such a complex character, I can truly get lost in her mind and the way she's thinking.
I like his little speech, how his brain and heart told him two different things, and that must be exactly what it feels like to have a love potions flushing through your veins, being in two minds, but always going with the heart.
I had expected him to be a little more like Ron in HBP, but of course, Ron never met Romilda, like Tom met Merope. It actually seemed like true love here, but it's just not. I guess it's just another potion, since it's got immediate effect.
This chapter is just a good as the first, and your writing so. I'm very impressed with this piece of work.Author's Response: thank you so much. yes, Merope is a character who i am working with. she is very complex and decisive and that makes her somewhat difficult. but overall, Tom is who i am struggling with. it is hard to explore what he should act like and at what moments he should do what when he is under a love potion. the fact is that none of it is real, and therefore, what is real and what is pretend can easily clash and having two clashing points in a story can be very distracting for a reader. i am glad that you liked this second chapter and think that my writing is not lacking anything as of now. thank you. Report Review
I think this was very good. Catching so to say. It's really gotten me interested.
And your written is good too. Normally when writers make such a chapters (kind of a prologue), I tend to find them boring, but you made it interesting.
In the beginning I had absolutely no idea who you were writing about, but I think that's a good thing, keeping me, the readers, in dark for a little time, then to reveal who we are talking about and what exactly is going on.
I like that she knows the reality - that she knows she's not pretty, that she knows Tom will never marry. That she's not oblivious to herself, the house and her family. And she's not stupid either, which we might have thought after what we saw of her in HBP, she's actually smart, knowing she doesn't have a lot of time with Tom, but also knowing he won't say no to tea.
This was a very well written first chapter, and I enjoyed every single bit of it!Author's Response: thank you so much. it is nice to know that you liked this chapter and its flow and writing. about a month ago i got the idea for this story and i just had to write and post it as soon as time allowed. i am glad to know that i kept you interested as a reader and that nothing was blaring or inaccurate. thank you so much for this wonderful review. Report Review
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