i love Leena. don't like Charlotte but i'm pretty sure that's because i want Remus to like Leena. brilliant story. i so want to know what she does about the decision. keep writing and update soon!
Dilys :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The positive feedback is much appreciated. Report Review
i absolutely adore this! (and i have never used the word adore in a review before. it always sounded odd). i love Sirius so much in this. and Leena's narration is really well written. well done! tot he next chapter!
Dilys :)Author's Response: Cool! This is pretty sweet. I'm updating this story ASAP. Report Review
Wow, Leena's personality is amazing and I love how she is trying to avoid thinking about what she will (or won't) have to do so that she doesn't have to do (or not do) later. There's just so much suspense that I am having trouble leaving a review because I just want to read the next chapter! Your flow (which is something I'm obsessed with in every story I read, I need a good flow) is like, perfect. Not ot hey, where, what why? Great job again!!Author's Response: Woo hoo! :) Report Review
Oh my gosh!! Such a dramatic chapter!! I completly love it!! These type of stories are my favoirte and the huge plot line that comes with it.wow!! I think once I've finished reading all the chapters you have posted I'm going to favoirte this. Truly amazing, I loved Leena's intake on the whole situation and thinking she still had a few years before anything like this happend. Great grea GREAT job!!! 10/10Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm excited you like this story so much. It gives incentive to keep it going. Report Review
I noticed the bend and snap!! Haha great job with it. :) I have only read...one Remus/OC story before this and it was a one shot many many months ago...so I'm most deffenitly looking forward to reading more of this!! Leena is great, I love her personailty and her desire not to be a Death Eater even though shes a pureblood. Great job!! Can't wait for chapter two.Author's Response: Thank you for the positive feedback, it's much appreciated! :) Report Review
Letter = epic.
This chapter is SUCH an improvement. I like seeing more of Leena. She's starting to breakaway from cliche Marauder girl area.
DEFINITELY a great chapter. Your flow is fantastic, as is your pace.
ONLY cc: HOW COULD YOU MAKE REMUS ASK CHARLOTTE TO HOGSMEADE!
This breaks my heart.
Good chapter anyway :)
Keep up the good work.Author's Response: I'm glad you think so!
I'm currently in the process of revising what I already have up, so there may be some small changes, and I will certainly take what you've said into consideration.
Thank you so much for the feedback! Report Review
I really like where your plot is going! It's interesting and intriguing.
Your pacing is just fine as well.
There are a few grammar mistakes that I've noticed, but it wasn't a big deal.
Have I mentioned that I love Remus?
Well then, Remus is my favourite character, and I love what you've done with him.
CC: Though the plot is straying away from Marauders cliche, I'm still a LITTLE worried about Leena. She's kind of falling into the cliche Marauders girl. BUT she's improving and growing on me. It's just something to be aware of in the future ;)Author's Response: Cool. Watch out for cliches, got it.
:) Thank you, once again! Report Review
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get over here to review! I was bombarded with essays. Evil, evil essays.
My legs turned to jelly at the sight of him, where my eyes caught and held. -- I LOVE ME SOME REMUS! :) I love it when characters pay attention to my Remmy! werewolves need lovin' too!
Your pacing is just fine. Don't worry about it.
I really like your descriptions. They're very nice and give me a good clear picture in my head :D
The beginning of your story left me intrigued and curious.
The only cc I really have;; I'm afraid that you might be falling into some typical Marauders cliches. To be honest, womanizer Sirius isn't my favourite thing :(
I did, however, like that tidbit at the end where he yelled "stop distracting me"
It was cute :)
Onto chapter twoAuthor's Response: Allrighty! Thank you for the review, and my apologies for taking so long to get back. It's much appreciated. Report Review
I really like that opening scene. Her letter seemed very genuine. For such a heavy topic, you handled it very maturely. Something about Leena's voice in that opening scene is much better than the previous chapters. I suppose she kind of 'grew up' when she was confronted with that decision, which is good. It's a good way to show your character developing. Good job.
However, as I read on, I saw more of that old Leena that I didn't quite care for. Her voice was back, which I didn't appreciate. When she was forced with the riddle about the letter D, she just seemed so... ugh. Read this, and tell me what you think of it when it's taken out of context. I knew. Of course I knew. It was such a simple riddle, and I was in Ravenclaw. I knew everything! She sounds like someone I would want to punch in the face if she were in real life. But maybe that's just me.
I really like the plot in this so far, but I think you need to work on the voice of your character. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Once again, thank you!
I'm revising her voice anyway. I'm glad that you saw her growing, however, that's reassuring. It's exactly what I was going for. Report Review
I really like the plot in this so far. It's interesting and unique; I don't think I've ever seen anything like this. So good job on that. But the only thing that makes it a little less enjoyable for me is the way it's written. Something about Leena's voice bothers me. I feel like the way she's speaking and thinking about everything that's going on is too light. She makes this piece feel like a parody, which is a shame to do for this gem of a story.
As far as pacing goes, I could have done with a little less of the narration at the beginning, before they came to her from the Dark Lord. I just felt like most of it was filler and it would have gotten the job done if you'd let up just a little. Now, it's quite possible that I'm wrong and that all of what you said is necessary to the story, but I'm just telling you what I felt.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Good to hear about the narration; I actually thought that a little myself. That's another on the list of To Do's.
Thank you for your time, and the well-thought review is greatly appreciated. Report Review
Sorry for taking so long to get here. There are so many things going on in my life right now I barely have time to breathe. But I'm here!
I was kind of confused about the opening scene. I understand that you wanted to keep it mysterious enough so that we didn't know what exactly what was going on, but I think if you had given us just a teeny bit more in that scene, we would have been more glued to the words. It just wasn't quite enough for me to feel like I want to keep going.
I don't think pacing is an issue here. I feel like you did a good job of keeping us interested in a particular scene for long enough before you move on (with the exception of the opening, as I mentioned.) You did a good job of moving the story along.
It's the plot I'm worried about. I feel like you've fallen into a few of the cliches that plague Harry Potter fanfiction. The fact that she is friends with the M'rauds, the fact that she is pretty and the guys love it. I also didn't particularly care for the fact that you 'took' the "bend and snap". The bend and snap is clearly a Legally Blonde thing, and it should stay there. I feel that aspects of other things like movies and other books, have no place in the fanfiction world.
I'm kind of concerned about this because yes, she does seem a little too ditzy for her role. But from your summary, I trust that you have something deeper that's going to be happening, and I can't wait to read that. It'll be fun to see when the 'good stuff' starts happening.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Sorry it's taken so long!
Thank you for the review. I'm definitely going back and rereading, and I'll probably begin fixing up my characters and the plot. Report Review
Ahh, finally! We see that Leena is real and not a total Mary-Sue! I like how you've shown her here, as a person who, although they seem to be perfect, has their faults and breaking points.
I think this chapter was my favorite, if only for that reason. I feel like I got to know her when she was just stripped down to her basics and discouraged.
And, on top of that, I found no grammar errors here. Great job!
~HoneyAuthor's Response: Awesome! :D Thank you for the encouragement. I planned on keeping her mostly about this far from Mary-Sue for the rest of the story, so it's good to know that I got it right. Report Review
Alright, I can't offer much CC on this chapter, you've still got the grammar errors but, once again, it's not like it's anything distracting. Your pace is still perfect.
Although Leena still has those traits of a Mary-Sue I talked about in the last review, she is starting to become the taddest bit more believable. Good job on this chapter, I enjoyed reading it!
~HoneyAuthor's Response: Once again, thank you. I'll look into the errors for this chapter as well as soon as I can. Report Review
Hey it's honeybabycakes1013 from the HPFF forums with your requested reviews!
I actually think your timing is good, it doesn't seem to be too fast nor too slow, it's a good pace and easy to read.
You asked about grammatical errors, and, being honest, there were a few towards the beginning of the story. Nothing too major, but there was a couple. There were also one or two sentances that didn't make all that much sence in the chapter. I suggest reading over it, trying to look at it objectivly, and pick those out.
Alright, I don't think you made Leena too ditzy, she's really not that ditzy at all, she's got a healthy helping of it, but it's not obnoxioius. I do hope that something's going to be happening with her though, because she's really quite the Mary-Sue with her amazing looks, insane smarts, and boys staring after her a lot.
~HoneyAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review- I'll be sure to check out those errors and get it fixed up. Report Review
Wow. Um Okay. All I can say is AH MAZING. I loved your writing style and opening! You wrote it so well. Your descriptions and everything. I only have time to review this chapter. Come back and request again if you want in three days or moreAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! :)
The positive feedback is great to hear. Report Review
Awesome. I loved the intensness of the chapter. Brilliant. Although, if I might suggest? When you flashback to what her grandmother and her were talking about, people usually use italics when they go to flashbacks and it kinda got me confused between the present and the past. Nothing to worry about, though. Your story is still a 10/10! :)
You'll have to update me when your next chapter is validated! I've got to find out how she solves the loop hole and tries to protect her sister! :p
Well done dear! ^_^
TinkAuthor's Response: Allrighty, good catch. I'll fix that ASAP.
Oh my. What has Leesha gotten herself into? And poor Aisha. Dragged into this whole mess. I hope everything turns out okay . . .
I have no criticism at all m'dear! Once again, your writing is amazing! :)
TinkAuthor's Response: Once again, thanks! Report Review
Oh my. Your writing style is . . . um, AH-MAZING!!! I love your descriptions. They are absolutely brilliant. I love how you describe Leena so perfectly. And little Aisha. She is adorable! :) You have to give me some tips on how you write! ;)
Flow, characterization, plot, etc was perfect. 52332093/10!
TinkAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you! :) I definitely appreciate you taking the time to review. Report Review
Oh my gosh!!! What an amazing chapter!!
Haha, I loved the title. It fit perfectly. :p She really did have a lot of arguments.
This was a bloody brilliant chapter! You must update soon!
50/10Author's Response: Hahaha, thanks for the rating too. :D
I won't be able to write the next chapter for a while, but the positive reviews are inspiring me to kick back into gear and get started. Thank you! Report Review
Another great chapter, my dear!
Wow! I'm so worried for them! And you ended it with a minor cliffie! No CC about this chapter. I only have the wonderful compliments from last chapter to give you.
Thank god I have the next chapter at the click of a button! xD
9/10Author's Response: Once again, thank you. (: Report Review
Hello, my dear! I'm here with your review!
Wow! So this is a wonderful story you have coming here. I really love Leena. You have managed to make her very OC and unique. Not Mary-Sue at all. YAY!
I thought everything was spaced just right. You had wonderful descriptions, emotions, actions, and dialogue. It all just flew together so perfectly. And I loved being in her head. That made it all the more hilarious and exciting and new. Well done! Can't wait for the next!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review! (:
And also, thank you for paying attention to the details I have been troubled about. The positive feedback is really good to read! Report Review
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