Read first 3 chapters, can't take anymore...your story isn't very good. Better luck next time.Author's Response: I'm sorry that you were so disappointed, but I would have appreciated a more elaborated critique... Report Review
WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? You ended very abruptly...I hope there is a sequel.Author's Response: there won't be, Im sorry Report Review
Finally. It's apity Callum felt it neccessary to push Harry away, but maybe it was what pushed Harry.Author's Response: true, but as long as it's in the right direction in the end, right?... Report Review
You may have pushed through it, but it's pretty good.Author's Response: o thank you, i really appreciate it! Report Review
Otheer than a few tping errors I can find no fault with your work. Keep it up.Author's Response: it's hard for my beta and me to catch them all, sorry Report Review
Several other author's have displayed Ron with the same sence of intellagence when it came to Harry and Hermione. Strange since Hermione often described as have the romanticly illiterate.Author's Response: i think that things change after a long time. it's not so much that he's emotionally literate now, but he knows HERMIONE and HARRY Report Review
At first I didn't think the idea of a therapist was a good idea, someone taking Hermione's role, but it works amazeingly well. Good work.Author's Response: i'm so glad to hear it, thank you Report Review
I like the honesty between Harry and his therapist, but I'm not so sure about the understanding between Harry and Christy. No woman I know of would be that blaise^.Author's Response: i actually know many who would be... Report Review
The details make me wonder about Harry's girlfriend. Is the woman out to get celebraties? and if so is Harry a target?Author's Response: well... you clearly learened the reply to this on your own, lol... Report Review
Therapy seems to be leading Harry to realize his relation with Hermione. Is the therapy happenig whle te case is on going or before? It seems like before.Author's Response: before, everything in italics is a flashback Report Review
Your chapters are too short and do seem a little slow. The subtle hints of lost but not forgotten romance are there. Will they lead any where?Author's Response: this was somethign that i initially struggled with and i hope i ameliorated it. Report Review
This is starting to sound like Bones the tv series. Don't get me wrong, I love that series.Author's Response: must admit i was hopin it wouldnt later when i found out about bones. when i initially wrote this, however, i didnt know of the show Report Review
Excellent tale -- thanks for posting!Author's Response: thanks for reviewing! Report Review
What can I say. this is a bit of a milestone for both of us, I assume. First, finishing a work like this is NEVER easy. You should feel exceptionally proud because it is a fine piece of writing. And so few tales out here, no matter how creative or well written, ever get finished.
For me, well, I started reading this last september; one of the very first novels I read when I found the site, as a matter of fact. Of everything I've read in that time (and I've read a lot), this was by far the most dark, the most adult and took the most "radical" approach to post-Hogwarts fics.
Your first chapters, outlining Harry's hitting bottom so hard after the Battle were simply stunning. You managed, with some difficulty I know, to hang on to that angst and emotion throughout.
You handled a very complicated reveal of the backstory, deftly and told an exceedingly intricate mystery along the way.
It had a brilliant ending as well. Totally in character for your version of Harry to turn down the head auror job. Almost an anti-hero, the recovering alcoholic cop, struggling to set his life right, this take on Harry was brilliant.
The resolution with Ron was great to see. He'd never be Harry's best mate again, that ship sailed years before, obviously, but there's no hard feelings, no wedge between them. And to see Hermione so desperate to make sure Cal likes her? Excellent flourish.
But the best of all has to be the "wrap around" with the first session with Anderson.
Cosmo, you get a standing ovation from me for the sheer grit and determination it must have taken to mould the raw material JKR left us with into an adult, mature novel that gives us a look at how the horrible aftermath of the Battle of Hogwarts would have realistically and darkly manifested in Harry's personality, with no punches pulled and still managed to salvage a happy ending. Well, as happy as Harry and Hermione could be after the depths Harry plumetted too after the Battle. Realistic and Brilliant are really the two best words to describe this tale.
theelderwandAuthor's Response: you... you... i just don't know what to say right now. there's so much i want to say, but I'm simply so flummoxed... shocked... surprised.
you honestly put me to tears and the last time i cried was when i watched mystic river last year. honestly.
i just... i don't know what to say, thank you so much!
I'm sorry my reply isn't longer. but i hope to be back with more to say, I'm just. I'm so incapacitated now after that.
thank you, truly. Report Review
"I'm the Scully to your Mulder." I loved that.! (:Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Very nice conclusion. I have to admit though, i was a tiiiny bit dissapointed at how easy it all seemed. i was waiting for the classic twist, during harry and hermiones conversation, for harry to say something and trigger hermiones memory about something. particularly about the detail with how the girl was released from the asylum. i was expecting some sort of revelation that would indeed prove it was not natalie who did it, but it was someone else, and the the evidence pointed out just who it was.
dont know, just was expecting a little twist, or someone to die, or something drastic :P
definately a very good story though, im not sure if this is your first attempt at a mystery type deal, but its absouletly brilliant.
truly hope you keep writing stories, i dont usually read short stories, but now im seriously debating reading some of your short stories. its 4 am here now, and i can honestly say im quite satisfied with a night well spent. :)Author's Response: i thought of a twist, even had a few in mind as i was writing the story. i had always intended to include one, but after a law and order svu marathon i realized something. sometimes the twist is redundant, sometimes it's forced... sometimes it simply doesn't mesh.
so in the end i wrote a chapter with a reveal with a twist and then this one and this simply had more quality so i had to go with it.
I HOPE YOU LIKE THE EPILOGUE AND CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT EXCERPT! thank you.
p.s. i officially dedicate that chapter to you, thank you! Report Review
Definatley a good chapter :) it finnally seems like everything is starting to sum up and i have to say, im rather excitedAuthor's Response: thank you very much! Report Review
The thing that strikes me most about this story is Callum to be honest. Hes truly a brilliant character. The only thing i seem to keep noticing is how youve put him in the story sort of like you would with a normal HP character. Like theres no backstory to him. Im sure you have a reason for this, but i was just curious if you ever intended to adding a slight backstory to the other (what i would consider to be the other two main characters.) Callum and Anderson. obviously you wouldnt want to go in depth about it, as it would distract from the main story, but i think maybe just a slight inkling of their past would make them even better as characters :)
to be honest, anderson and callum are quite easily my favourite characters. they seem so much more real. especially callum, who seems to have his own layer of problems.Author's Response: I considered having more information on callum, but when i tried to put it in it either detracted from the chapter since it didn't flow with the rest of the work or it was unnecessary information. in the end, i think i ust decided to focus on the impact he has on harry. i think that that importance in his life can be more important than his role in the wizarding world.
i could very easily be wrong though.
but i am glad you like him, i wanted to explore a hogwarts student having fried OUTSIDE of the school (given how few students there were i think it's nonsensical to assume everyone's best friend would be from there since there's simply not enough of a selection in people) Report Review
I have to admit, im going to be sad to see this one end. Definately one of the best stories ive read.
Usually when a good portion of a story is made up from flashbacks, i tend to steer clear of it. However you've somehow managed to make the flashbacks just as relevant as the actual story. Which actually makes this quite interesting. To be honest, i havent been on HPFF for a few years, and it was by complete accident that i came by your story. But after the first chapter or so i could already tell i would be reading this one through to the end :) a very good story. I can see why your nervous about the ending, the story has been simply excellent so far so naturally you would expect the ending to be just as good. I'm confident however that you will find a way to make the ending just as smooth as you have with the rest of the story :) ive yet to see a corny moment, so i doubt you'll start now :)
overall, one of my favourite storiesAuthor's Response: Oh wow, this meant so much tome. you have no idea what this did to me, how much it motivated me to write... to want to be a better writer. thank you very much.
thank you very much.
p.s. i must admit, it was really hard for me to come to terms with the end of this story after working on it for a year. Report Review
definately a good story. i think ill be reading this one through to the end :)Author's Response: thank you very much! hope you enjoy it... Report Review
I must say the machinations building up to the seizure of her wand, interwoven with legal restrictions and the like I thought was extremely well thought out. I know you had to cut this down throughout the tale because of ToS concerns, but on the whole the mystery itself, the difficulties they had to overcome and the romance in the background was just an excellent bit of storytelling.
Can't wait for the epilogue.
TEWAuthor's Response: thank you!
that means a lot to hear, especially because i must admit that i'm rather self-conscious concerning the case details since it's something so completely out of my comfort zone.
thanks, again! Report Review
Not to be redundant here, but, FINALLY!
The love scene was not overdone, nor was it underdone. However, I have a sneaking suspicion there was much more to it that the ToS forbade. Unfortunate.
Great touch with the crepes. A man who won't make breakfast for his gal the night after...
The slides between past and present were, again, smooth as silk. I did spot some grammar issues and minor word repetition, nothing to get in a row about. On the whole, the writing is superb.
What a nasty way to end; I do hope the updates are coming soon because you've got me exceedingly curious as to what Hr has just read! Which, of course, means that you've accomplished your goal. Great Chapter!
As to your considering leaving HPFF, I sent you a pm. But, allow me to say that HPFF would be the poorer for your departure. Yours was one of the first stories I began reading when I became addicted to this site last summer. I'd hate to see you go.
TEWAuthor's Response: 1. HAHA, well they haven't even been together THAT long...
2. as for the love scene, yeah you're right... there was half a scene missing there. a lot of details in the story have to be omitted for ToS, but i place a warning in chap summaries every time.
3. darn, i thought my beta got them all :- oh well, it happens, i hate it.. but it happens. i apologize.
4. the cliffie was... not my favorite element but necessary to me in that moment.
5. *blush* wow, you hav no idea how much it warms my heart to read that, thank you!!! Report Review
I started reading this story two days ago and i absolutely LOVE it! Some of it is a bit hard to follow, but overall it is an amazing story =]. I actually came home from work eager to read more of it, so I hope you do continue this story and update frequently. you're a great writerAuthor's Response: oh thank you very much, that;s incredibly kind of you to say! this story has been a long work in progress and i will miss it after the next 2-3 chapters, no doubt about that.
i hope to be able to continue posting here, but as of now i'm juts not too sure about my fate as a writer here. but i'll keep you updated on my status here... Report Review
Please tell me that your still going to post on portkey. I've been following this story for ages and it's some of the best writing I've seen on the site and I want to see how it endsAuthor's Response: I will, i promise, things here are just a bit unsure at the moment. we'll see... Report Review
That was really good. Can't wait for the next chappy so hurry up plz.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
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