This was the best story EVER! I laughed so hard that I was in tears!! The paintings just made the story so awesome!! If I could give you more than a 10 I would!!!
Awesome Awesome Awesome!!! Report Review
Okay read up to here and found I simply HAD to review, especially after reading other reviews.
Alright, get ready for quite a critique here! I have ready many, many! Dramione fanfictions and a vast array of other fanfictions. And it always upsets me when I see a good idea so poorly executed! This one for example.
First, Bellatrix giving the baby to Hermione. Although it seems like sound reasoning to give it Hermione because she would take such good care of the baby, the idea is simply ridiculous and completely OOC for Bellatrix, Iím sure if you put your mind to it you could have found a way to get Hermione to look after it. Perhaps leaving the baby to Draco, (who is uncharacteristically chummy with the Order even if he did switch sides), and then Hermione helps look after the baby since they share a common room as heads? Sounds far more believable, especially if Bella didnít know Draco switched sides.
Secondly, basically everyone in the story is OOC. Iím sorry but it is so unbelievable. I think you have great ideas and can develop multiple characters well, but it is just not the way these characters act, which makes me sad. Ginny, Ron, Draco, Harry, basically all the Weasleys, McGonagall, Hermioneís parents, HERMIONE. They are all terribly OOC.
I do like the twist with Pansy and Blaise though, I think that the war is over so potentially they could have matured and humbled a bit, but I donít think it would have changed that suddenly. You really need to slow down and flesh out the story next time.
Lastly, the babyís progression. The baby is one or two months old now? The way Hermione was holding her on her hip? Not possible. The baby would be in a pram or being cradled. You should really research these things before reading. Next, the first words. No baby can say that many things right off of the bat. ESPECIALLY at two months old. I could see seven or eight months for an early progressing baby, but even then itís a bit far-fetched.
You have a lot of improving to do, but keep writing and working on your skills and I think you can do well.Author's Response: Your comments are well appreciated lol but oocness is my specialty ;) the whole reason why I write fanfiction is because it allows me to do that. When I write actual stories, I do make things make sense- well, usually I do. Thanks for the review! Report Review
This chapter is so sad because draco really does love her!Author's Response: The other chapters are happier, some at least. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Im sorry to be so rough, but i got to this chapter and couldnt read anymore. The story premise is excellent, but you took it down such a terrible path. Why are you portraying as stupid screechy airheads? You characters are wildly OOC. Think about how your portraying your characters...your making the main characters look awful, when Harry Potter is full of strong and independent women.Author's Response: Thank you for your opinions. I have never personally liked Ron or Ginny and I never liked how they ended up with Hermione and Harry which explains why they are portrayed the way they are. I believe I portrayed a few female characters as strong, including Hermione.
As for the OOC, that's what fanfictions are for :) to do what you wish with the stories! Report Review
That was quite epically amazing im sorta waiting to find out if theres a sequel,or to see what else youve written. loved it! have a good day
-*Liz*Author's Response: There is a sequel! Thanks for the review! Report Review
I loved the end (though I can't figure out to pronounce the little boy's name). it was so sweet. and I love what the Weaselette got what was coming to her. I like Bella a lot. She, was if you will, a feisty, not-so-little, warrior, who could be nice but still snappy and rather terrifying at the same time. I really liked your story! I've read a lot of your stories and there all really good! Bye!
-malfoydracoAuthor's Response: Umm, I think you write it pronounced like Ga-Bree-ell. Thanks for reading a lot of my stories and I really appreciate all the reviews you've given! Report Review
Here's what i think if the characters
Bella= Favorite Character
Sirius= Other Favorite Character
Andy= She's ish
Cissy= She's ish
I think I covered all the main characters. I really like your story so far.Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you do! I'm glad you like my portrayal of Bella! Thanks for the review! Report Review
nice ending, I HATE RON :) xxxAuthor's Response: lol, so do I most of the time ;) Thanks for the review! Report Review
I like how this story is going so far. I read your 'Why Me?' story awhile back and I loved it and thought it was really cute. Ginny annoys me in this story but hey theres gotta be a sorta bad guy but it gives me the 'oh no she didnt!' feeling hahaha but I really like how this story is going.Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you like it! Ginny is easy to hate in this story but she'll get what's coming to her in the sequel ;) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
hahahaha now i know why i love sirius xD
10/10Author's Response: thanks, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh now that is not right of them! They should have expected no less from Hermione! I hope they all come to there senses and not be complete jerks about it all.Author's Response: lol, read on and see ;) And yes, they really should've supported her. But you never know just what might happen...
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hmmm... Interesting start. I wonder how this will play out?? I have to keep reading, you have caught my attention lol...Author's Response: lol, I'm glad you like the start. Hopefully you'll like the rest as well. Thanks for the review! Report Review
wow that was brilliant!!! i will surely read the sequel...Author's Response: lol, thanks! I hope you like the sequel as well! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
very funny!!! i like the way you included young sirius, james, remus, narcissa, bellatrix, and andromeda in the story..Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you liked it and found it funny! I'm really glad you liked the portraits. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
aww cant wait to read the sequelAuthor's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you liked it! Please check out the sequel and let me know what you think of it! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
amazing..i applaud you, in this story Ginny's feisty side is shown that we all knew she had..an amazing turn of events with Hermione befriending the slytherins and the portraits!! I almost died laughing!..though the end came a lttle quickly though..oh well..great job..can't wait to read the sequel!10 out of 10!Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you liked the story! Yes, Ginny was a bit on the angry side. I'm glad you liked the portraits! Thanks for the review! Report Review
Haha, you gotta love Bella's commanding and bossy nature. :))
This is a really great story, with humour and a well-thought-out plot. Definitely one of my favourites. m/
And as for the sequel, I will get to reading it as soon as I finish reading this.Author's Response: lol, I'm glad you liked it and as for the plot comment I am very grateful as I had issues working it out. Thanks for the review! Report Review
HAHA, Bella's right hilarious. For a death eater.
Gatta love it.
I adore thisss!Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
A beautifully written story, full of intrigue. I can't wait for you to finish the sequel.Author's Response: wow, thanks, I'm glad you thought so ;) The sequel will not be finished for a while, lol, as I still have plotlines and romances to work out still. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
it was so sweet. i love draco *sigh* he's such a cute doosh. now, onto the sequel. oh, and congratualtions on a fabulous story. i beleive you have overdone yourself.
tootles!Author's Response: aw, thanks! I'm really glad you liked it! Please check out the sequel! Thanks for all the reviews! Report Review
go blaise! now, how about he fixes things with pansy?Author's Response: Pansy likes to hold a grudge, however, the sequel may allow Blaise to get back into her good graces... Report Review
gotta fly, but i left this so it shows up in overall review stats. cya soon!Author's Response: lol, alrighty, I take it that you like the chapter ;) and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
i would read the sequel! oh, god, you don't know how hard i laughed. that is freaking hilarious. i love bellatrix, she's such a colourful character. even when she's evil, or completely crazy, she's awesome.
keep writing! i feel so out of date, because it's been so long since i atually went on hpff, so...yeah.Author's Response: lol, I'm glad you like it and the sequel is out, titled Black Rose. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
omg, omg, omg, i laughed so hard... ass jack...Author's Response: lol, thanks, I'm glad you found it funny! Thanks for reviewing! There's a sequel out too now! Report Review
cuteness... i wonder what the babies name is?... im having trouble with the friendliness between draco and the trio, and i see you kept some deaths (lupin,tonks) and changed others (fred, lucius, narcissa), that was kinda confusing too! good job!Author's Response: Draco and the trio will even out more in the later chapters and as for the baby's name, it is extremely long ;) I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
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