You know, I don't think I've ever read a purely Nevile-centred story in all my time since picking up my first Harry Potter book. A lot of stories often incorporate him into the plot and he often does play a big part, but no story has ever centred around him. And, I don't know why, but I find that very odd. I absolutely adore his character. Huh. To think it has taken me this long to read something like this.
But enough about me! It is your story I have been requested to review, after all!
This is really nice. It really is. I think that if I had to come up with a word to describe it, I would use: simple. And it is. Simple. And really pretty. Often, the more simple something is, the nicer it is. And this is an example of that.
I love how you have explored Nevile's character. I always imagined that, when he did fall in love, he would be affectioniate, considerate, gentle and loving. And that is what he is in this story. He's just... it brought a smile to my face. He's just so caring.
I am such a sucker for these types of the stories. You know, the one where the girl falls and the guy picks her up. I don't care if it is cliche. There is nothing that anyone can say that will ever deter me from them. I absolutely adore them. And this is no exception. Nevile and Hannah's relationship is just... pretty. Really lovely.
Perhaps my only criticism is your setting and pace. In terms of setting, it can be a little bit confusing as to where each chapter is set. It is made clear soon enough, but perhaps give the reader some clues a little bit earlier? For example, in chapter 1, it took a while for me to realise at what point in time the chapter was set. I don't know if that makes sense. But it is just a small suggestion.
And, with regard to pace, I think that you could possible slow things down a little bit? Particularly, the five-year gap. It just seemd a bit... sudden? I think you could expand on some things.
But, really? The story is really lovely. Please don't take anything I have said harshly! It was still a joy to read. And the... the simplicity and innocence of the story - it really is the main appeal of the story. And I absolutely adore it.
This is such a cute, fluffy story that I just melt at. Admittedly, I absolutely adore romance stories but this just... it has something else. It just has this... delicateness to it. I don't know how to describe it. It's just... simple. Gaah. I know that I have used that word many times, but it really is the best way I can describe it. It's almost as if you've put a thin veil over the story, bathing it in softness and purity.
And I adored it. I really did.
-Ju :]Author's Response: thank you so much for your review! you have no idea how grateful i am for it. it's one of the most helpful i've had in awhile, so thanks again! i really appreciate the help and the kind words. Report Review
what a beautiful chapter, definitely my favourite. this makes me very happy for these two. can't wait to read more. :)Author's Response: that's very good to hear! Report Review
this chapter was fantastic. what is going to happen now between Neville and Hannah? will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: thank you! you'll just have to wait and see! i'll try my hardest to update soon. i've got some work done on the next chapter, so hopefully it won't be too long. Report Review
can't wait for the next chapter!!!
It's getting so good!Author's Response: aww, thank you very much! i'm hoping to have it done/up by the end of the week. i'm glad you're enjoying! Report Review
what? five WHOLE years?Author's Response: five whole years! Report Review
ah, another bloody brilliant chappie *claps and hands you a milkshake* wow, so amazing...neville isn't her Boyfriend yet, right? awww, they are sooo cute together!!! love it!Author's Response: right. it would be too easy if he was! Report Review
OMG!!! *screams and bites fist* i love!!! this story!!! *hands you a million brownies* it's ssooo goodd! adding to favs.*mumbles on and on about the awesomeness*Author's Response: i'm glad you liked it so well! Report Review
wow! this story is being very interesting. i think i like this pairing now. will u update soon please?^_^
10/10 all chapters
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: i'll try my hardest! my muse has been coming and going, so i'll get it up as soon as i possible can. Report Review
Wow...Okay, so Nevil and Hannah fic's are a rare gem to find in the Harry Potter fanfic world, so I'm so glad I found this one. It is very well written with a great use a vocabulary. The only thing that I could possibly say negative about this story is that it is a little choppy in some places in terms of flow. But other than that, I will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Good job!Author's Response: i'm glad you enjoyed! Report Review
YAY, BE A TERRIBLE PERSON NEVILLE :D
brb talking to you on msn : PAuthor's Response: he doesn't have a problem with that. ;D Report Review
"Quickly, Neville clutched the box to his chest like he did with the Christmas gifts he used to bring his mum and dad when he was little with the hope they'd remember exactly who he was."
brb killing myself. D:Author's Response: don't do that, you emo thing. D: Report Review
"aww" said sarah.
"stfu" said hannah.
(and omg what's wrong with horses whinnying?)
AND OMG NEVILLE. SPEAK LOUDER, GODDAMMIT D:Author's Response: hannah finds it annoying, that's what. D: Report Review
"[...]offering one of the candies out of his little brown bag. Ron reached in and grabbed a few, shoving them in his mouth and nodding in thanks."
and OMG WHAT'S IN THE ENVELOPE.
suspense = killing me.
or it may be the fact i need some lunch.Author's Response: needing lunch, ftw! i could go for some right about now. Report Review
i did not cry D@ my eyes are just... leaking.
and i did not just click on the story because i saw heathus on the banner. that would just be ridiculous.Author's Response: why yes it would. i would be completely shocked if that's why. Report Review
it reminds me of this saying 'if you truly love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be.'
neville came back. of course it was meant to be. can't wait to read more.Author's Response: aww, that's a good saying. thanks for the review! Report Review
Very good. I liked this one a lot! I'm really looking forward to the birthday party and see what happens between Neville and Hannah. The plot is going on really well. I wish the chapters were a bit longer, but you're doing a great job! Well done!
Clair ;DAuthor's Response: i'll try to lengthen them! thanks for your reviews! they were truly helpful. ^.^ Report Review
Ok, this was by far my favorite chapter of this story! I really, really, REALLY enjoyed this one. It was clean cut and the flow was excellent! Things really made sense and the plot just thickened so much! The ending was very suspensful with the whole 'barrier woul last five years'. That was really good! I love the way you portray Ernie. He seems like a fun and funny guy. Also the character Sara is really good too. I mean, yeh, she's annoying but the way she acts and the way Hannah feels abotu her is very believable and I really just enjoyed this chapter so much (as you can see I can't stop saying that). Great, great job!
Clair :DAuthor's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Hey! I thought it pretty good. Yeah, a bit short but oh well. I was a bit confused as to what was going on, but anyhow I liked the part with Ron. I wonder what the letter is. I'm looking forward to your next chapter!
Clair :D Report Review
Aw, Neville and Hannah. I love them, almost as much as I love Neville/Luna.. ;) Baha. Anyways, moving onto an actual review.
I've never seen a Neville/Hannah story before, to tell you the truth, and I quite like what you've done with it. The beginning, I thought, was a bit rushed but you stated in your A/N that you thought it was dragging on - I had to disagree, but it wasn't extremely rushed. I still understood what was going on and felt all of Hannah's emotion.
I think that you're doing an excellent job with writing in third-person. Though, you could expand on Hannah's thoughts a little more. I say this, because the only downside of writing in first-person is that the reader is limited to knowing only what the first-person character knows; which, could be an advantage and a disadvantage, depending on how one uses it.
Besides that, I think this is going to be an amazing story. I'm really looking forward to reading more! :DAuthor's Response: thank you so much for the input. you have no idea how much i appreciate it! Report Review
It was a good start, if not a bit short. To tell the truth, I was a bit lost in the middle of it when Neville came in. I had questions like, "Since when were they friends?" and, "Why do they mean so much to each other?". Stuff like that, but besides that, it was good.
Your writing was near flawless, and you really attempted some darn good diologue (though I felt Neville's was a bit too strong). Kudos to you!
-Mentality-Author's Response: thanks for taking the time to review! i'll definitely go back and beef it up once i get the chance to. Report Review
Again, description was amazing! It make things real and it's really fun to read! Something I see in some HPFF author's and myself is that maybe the first chapter is really descriptive, but after that it just isn't as good. I knwo I have a problem with that, and I admire you for keeping your descriptive writing in place within each chapter.
One thing I'd like to put out, the timeline is a wee bit confusing. Like in the first chapter weren't they in the Great Hall or something? And then in the next Hannah's hugging Neville just as she had in the Great Hall only it's two years later? It confused me a bit. One more thing, I feel as though the plot is just a bit too rushed. As I said before in the firsr chapter's review, Yes, things are still bad for Hannah but I feel as though Neville has jumped in to quickly to make things better.
But you're doing a GREAT job! I haven't ever read a Neville story on here and yours is really good! Well done!
Clair :DAuthor's Response: thanks again for your feedback! i appreciate it. Report Review
Wow. You've really got descriptions in the bag! Your writing is so clean and it flows really well! I Really enjoyed reading this first chapter! I'm so glad you requested I review for you!
You're summary really drew me in as well. I was hooked in an instant. Though I must say this first chapter was a bit short, I think it was really good! The way you described Hannah's emotion's, it really draws the reader in and makes them feel what the character does.
Now, since this is only the first chapter, I don't really know what's going to happen (duh), but to me, it seems Hannahs jumped into the Neville thing a bit too soon. I'll ahve to read more to really understand it, but perhaps rather than Hannah just breaking down here and there so soon on Neville (whom I'm quite sure she likes...) she could just watch him and sort of long for him awhile. Have her lonliness biuld up a bit, before she feels comforted by Neville.
But all in all I REALLY enjoyed it! You're a great writer, and I'll definitly be leaving a review for more chapters!
Clair :DAuthor's Response: thank you so much for your feedback! Report Review
I adore this story, mainly because it's about Neville and Hannah! There are virtually no stories about him and Hannah. I love how you wrote them, their characterizations. The moment I got to the end of this chapter I was thinking "why couldn't there be more?" I really wanted there to be.
I liked the fact that they hadn't spoken in over five years over a petty argument, and even Hannah felt bad about it, but her pride got in the way. That was great.
The only mistake I think I might have found was:
"You make me breakfast on your birthday? What a girl I've raised!"
I think you meant "-MADE me breakfast on your birthday" if it's past tense.
Aside from that brilliant story, can't wait for the next chapter. :)Author's Response: the more is waiting! i try to get a chapter written before i put another up to keep it going, so i should have it up in a week or two or just whenever i finish chapter seven. thank you for pointing out that typo! i'll go fix that while i have it in my brain to do so. thanks so much for the review! i'm glad you liked it. Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I got a bit confused between the first and second paragraph about what exactly was going on so I had to go back and reread. I think this was a great start to a story. I've never read anything about Hannah before so its really weird yet cool at the same time to read something about her. And of course, I love Neville, no issues there. Your details and even dialogue are wonderful to read. I also like the way you've written Neville and Hannah. You've portrayed them as real people. I see alot of stories where people write Neville as just this scared little boy who can't do anything right, so its like a breath of fresh air to see him as someone strong. I think I'm going to add this story to my favorites, but as I'm not sure when I'll actually get a chance to read further, feel free to come back to my review thread any time. ^_^Author's Response: thank you so much! ^.^ Report Review
Poor Hannah. This is my favorite chapter so far. Lots of real emotion in it. Overall so far it's a job well done.Author's Response: thank you very much. :] i appreciated all your reviews! Report Review
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