Hello there! I really liked this chapter of your story, it was different from most things we read on here and also very close to real life atmosphere. I just wanted to point something out, but please, don't think that I'm being mean or jumpy about it. I'm just saying it.
We, Bulgarians can be quite delicate looking actually. :) /at least I am :D/
Victor Krum was based on a football player, so you can imagine what kind of person he's supposed to look like. But the truth is very different from the image Rowling gives us. And Bulgarian women are actually known to be very beautiful. :)
But it's OK, I mean, it's not that it wasn't a nice thing to say or that it was insulting, actually you managed to say it in a very soft manner, I just wanted to point it out, as I said. :)
Good luck with your story, it sounds interesting and I would have read it, if I was into the George/OC pairing.
Peace. lolAuthor's Response: I apologize for that and any offense I may have caused! I'll try to figure out a different way to word that. Thank you for pointing that out to me! I'm glad you enjoyed, though, that aside. :] Report Review
Wow. I really love this chapter. First of all, when I read your chapter summary I was basically freaking out because George smoking had never crossed my mind. It's a great insert, though. I love the way you wrote it - you mentioned the Weasley family being upset if they found out, but he was still very nonchalant. That was cool. And I also like Cate's response, though I would have liked to see more of what she thought of his smoking. But as it stands, it's a great insert.
I also really like the interaction between them. I can see their relationship growing and it's taking the stages that real-life relationships take, which is great. You write them very... real. They seem to be regular people, like you and me. And believe it or not that's something really special in writing.
My only concern is that Cate is Mary-Sueish. I know that you're using her insecurities as a 'flaw' to make her not-Suey, but that's not enough anymore. In fact, in my opinion, the OC that is nice and funny and cute and smart but is insecure about herself is the worst kind of Mary-Sue. And this story is too great to suffer from a stupid Sue. I think you've got George down pat. I love his characterization here. But Cate is struggling a little bit. It just takes a lot of practice to get a good OC right. So just keep working at it and you'll be fine.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: I really wish I had more to say to your lovely review, but I just have thank you to say! Your reviews are always so helpful. :] Report Review
"I am one of a kind, you know." This line had me thinking more than any other. I thought it was very impressive that you wrote that because he is a twin. And while we all know that twins are of course two different people, they can also be described as 'two of a kind'. I just thought that was a really interesting line. Good job.
I'm wondering why Cate would agree to dating him even though she blatantly and without hesitation told him that it could get messy. 'Very messy' in fact. It doesn't really make sense to me that someone who is aware of this fact - and she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders - would just ignore that and dive head first into something like it. I don't know. It just seems odd to me.
Be that as it may, I do like the way this story is progressing. The pace is lovely and it's moving along well. I'm interested. As far as your indecision to continue it or not. The choice is ultimately up to you. If you're not into what you're writing, I don't think you should continue just because other people like it. I don't really know your situation but all I will say is that you should always write what you like to write, and write until it satisfies YOU.
If you would like me to continue reviewing, please post in my review thread upon update.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^Author's Response: I just want to thank you first and foremost for all your reviews. As lovely as they were, I want to just say thank you for the help you've given me with them! It means a lot to me when I get not just a 'good job' but some advice as well. It helps me see what the reader thinks of it and would like to see figured out and such. So just thanks so much for that!
I'm really glad you've liked the way the story is progressing; that's always a worry of mine when I write stories, so I'm thrilled to hear it's going at a good rate. I'll definitely continue writing - your reviews really gave me the confidence to continue. I suppose it was more of an issue personally with my indecision, and that last bit of advice you gave me was tremendously helpful.
Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Cate just had to sit there with her charisma and her cute little laugh and her agreeable nature and her wit and sarcasm. Of course, he didn't exactly factor in the fact that she was, well, a nice, charming woman when he asked her to go with him to the Leaky Cauldron When you describe her like that, she sounds SO Mary-Sue. And I know the story is primarily told in George's point of view, but this is third person and you can't completely get away with that. Just keep Cate in check. =)
Wow. The exchange between Katie and George does WONDERS for his characterization. Seriously. In that little banter, I understood so much about how you wanted him to be perceived. Particularly when she said something about stealing his spotlight, I thought that was great. However, I will go back to my Mary-Sue-Cate concern. Just make sure she's not /too/ much like George in that she could replace him. If she's perfectly nice and funny and pretty, that could do bad things for this story. But going back to the good, I lol'd during that conversation. Thank you for not ruining it with dialogue tags.
In the end, I actually like that Lee was present during that scene. It would have been cliche and lame to read the goodnight scene between Cate and George had they been alone. But because they weren't, it made it feel kind of awkward and more real. Like we know he wasn't really supposed to be there, but there was no reason why he shouldn't be there because 'it's not a date.' Good job.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: I'll have to go back and edit that; I suppose I was trying to pick out some of her good qualities since George was slightly jealous of her at the time, but thank you for pointing it out that I didn't succeed in what my attempt was.
I definitely plan on developing her further - particularly with her flaws (I am quite fond of character flaws, to be completely honest) - as the story progresses, but I'll work on getting it done more quickly. That conversation was one of my favorite things to write, though, so I'm so happy you enjoyed it!
Thanks so much! Report Review
Oh, damn. I forgot about Angelina. Which is really a compliment for you. You had me so entranced with the Cate/George action that I forgot about Fred and Angelina. Hm, that does complicate things, doesn't it? Or it will seem like it will not complicate things but in the end it will ultimately complicate them further. Hm. You've presented a lot of options here, and that's good. Keep the reader thinking.
This is quickly turning into something like a romantic comedy. What really made it so for me was the line, "It's not a date." I don't know why, but that really just solidified that this story was going to take on the qualities of a romantic comedy. It's a little bit lame to have him say that and then have them go through the cute little flirty things, but I'm sure you can make a very enjoyable story out of it. I'm liking it already. =)
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you're enjoying, and your feedback is very helpful! Report Review
I apologize for the delay in getting this review to you. Real life has been pwning me as of late.
This, of anything I've read, is the absolute best display of flirting. This is the kind of flirting that really happens in real life. I like that you didn't fall to that cliche fanfiction flirting. I'd explain it to you but I don't think I could without hurting someone's feelings. But really, this shows excellent chemistry between the two of them right away. And normally I might say that it was happening too fast, but the pace in this chapter was good and I don't really know that I'd care to read what you'd have to say about what was going on before this.
The idea is very good, but it could turn into something... I don't want to say cliche because I don't think it's fanfiction cliche. But if Cate is hired and George falls in love with her, that will turn into the classic story of forbidden love in the office, you know? The kind that you see in movies all the time. And then of course Fred will be smitten with her and/or resent George for liking her. I don't want to get ahead of myself. Just doing some thinking aloud. Just know that upon reading this first chapter, a first impression could go either way.
Overall, I really liked this as an opening chapter. Great job. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Oh, not a problem at all! Life has been a bit hectic for me lately, so I haven't been checking for reviews like I usually do. Thanks so much for leaving one! Report Review
Hehe. So I really liked this.
It was adorable and you write very great. You keep it so lighthearted and not in a boring way. You keep it moving at a very nice pace and fill it in with just the right words.
This was excellent. Keep up the great work.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
I loved the conversation between George and Katie, it very much reminded me of a talk between people who had been friends for a very long time, and knew each other inside-out. In this case it is true, and thus very good. :)
10/10, and I can't wait for the next update.Author's Response: Thank you so much! The next update should be soon; I have chapter four done, but I want to wait to put it up for when I have five ready so that there's hopefully always one waiting to be put up. ^.^ Report Review
I love your description, and I'm interested in seeing how their hanging out would go. They seem comfortable enough with each, poking rib and all. That was cute, by the way. ^_^ The scene with George and the little kid was sweet, and Cate's mention of her mother made me laugh. It's how mothers are sometimes. =D Good job!Author's Response: Aww, thank you! Mothers will be mothers, I suppose. :P Thanks again! Report Review
Great start! The interview was fun to follow, and Cate sounds like an interesting girl. The story flows nicely, and I'm curious to see their relationship grows. ^_^ Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
So are you not exactly following canon in this story, or does it come into play later on?
Either way, it was still good.
10/10.Author's Response: As far as some pairings go, no, but as far as Deathly Hallows events and such? Yes. I'm keeping it canon to the book, not necessarily what JKR put in the family tree that she put on her website after the book. :] I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Just a picky question, what year is this set in?
10/10.Author's Response: It's set late autumn of Harry's sixth year. I'm not sure the exact year, but I hope that helps set you up with that! Report Review
Cate is a wonderful character! Phenominally funny, I laughed out loud!
I loved it!
-Lily 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
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