I thought it was cuteee. =) Report Review
I came across your story in the preview thread in the forums and the thing that really hooked me up was the:
“... when youre all the way down there - ”
It had me laughing out loud. (mind you its quite late!:) )
Alexia has a unique voice and even thought Draco seemed to me as slightly off character (I really cant see him confessing his feelings like that, but thats just me...) the story was a good read and I really liked it!
It lightned my mood, had me laughing at so many places, it was funny and not overdone, truly easy to enjoy.Author's Response: Hello (:
Ooh! So glad to hear that the preview thread is actually working for me :D (I always had trouble picking the right sections to preview.)
Yeah, I guess Draco was OOC, but hey, love does strange things to people, doesn't it? xD
I decided to experiement with voices. (So far I've covered random, exaggerated [our dear Alexia], and... well, solemn (:) It's pretty fun to see the effects. :D
I'm really glad you enjoyed the humour and the story! Thanks a lot for the review and for favouriting this story! :D Report Review
i really liked it, i thought it was adorableAuthor's Response: Hello! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :D Thanks for the review, it means a lot! :) Report Review
Ahh! It's the Crazy Writer Lady *runs away* :P I'm sorry that it has taken me ages to get here, Kim!
I love that you alternated between past and present and that you ended each scene at just the right moment. The love/hate thing was just perfect; you didn't overdo it with tons of dramatic instances and the hate really cooled down. Whatever significance that lilacs have in this relationship is quite cute, I must say.
Overall, I thought this was great! I did notice something, however. When Draco was injured, I figured he would start moaning and complaining. I just assumed this because in PoA when Buckbeak attacks him, he does a lot of whining, such as, "It's killed me, it's killed me. I'm going to die," etc.
^That's just a thought and it didn't take away from the story in the least, it was just something I noticed :]
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Hahaha xD Nah, it's no problem :)
Oh yeah, haha, I'll make him more whiny :D Thanks for pointing that out! :) I'm glad you liked the love-hate relationship. :D
Thanks for the review :) Report Review
I like the way you alternate between the couple's present and past tense. From the title I imagined that we were going to see tragedy in store for them, so I'm glad that things turned out good for them in the end.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked that part :D. I had a lot of fun writing it as well, although I did get confused at times... Ah well.
After seeing the title for the challenge, that was my initial idea as well - that the story would end up sad, but I wanted to change the way I saw it, and so it became a fluffy story. :D
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review :) Report Review
This was a very nice story!
The beginning was a bit confusing as to what was a flashback and what was the present. It cleared up as the story went along, though. Maybe you could italicize the flashbacks, but you might not want to do that because they are such a large part of the story.
Also, right when the bludger was coming at Alexia, you accidentally called it a Quaffle. Just wanted to point that out! :-)
Other than that, I loved it! It was a bit sudden how they got together, but it was very cute. I loved how Draco had such a hard time admitting that he threw himself in front of the bludger for her!!! The reenactment was great as well. This was a very unique fic, and it will be interesting to see what comes next, since from what I read I thought that this chapter could have stood alone as a story.
Nice job!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad you liked it. :)
I was considering italicising too, but the flashbacks are really big. I'll try to find a way to clear it up somehow...
Oh! I must've gotten confused. Thanks for pointing that out :D
Erm, actually, this chapter would be the only one about Draco/Alexia's relationship. I had an idea initially, whereby I tell several relationships that took place in the church, but now I'm getting a bit confused myself, and I can't seem to develop my idea very well... D:
I'm glad you liked it though, and thanks a lot for the review :D Report Review
I really like your opening scene. The first sentence was simple and therefore perfect for starting a new story. And because you had it stand on its own as its own paragraph, it stood out more and made more of an impact. Good job.
I think you may have gone overboard with the word 'flipping'. It's okay to throw around here and there, every once in a while, but you used it quite often and after a while, I thought I was talking to my thirteen-year-old cousin, who thinks she is totally cool.
As far as flow is concerned, you did jump around a lot and it was a little hard to follow, but I understand why you stopped scenes where you did. It wasn't that bad, I guess. The scene changes, I could follow them. A lot happened in this chapter and I sort of feel like maybe you should have combined some scenes into one or left some for the next chapter or something. It was just a lot. But again, it wasn't /that/ bad.
I had to keep down my breakfast when I read the part where they said, "So it's sealed then." But that's because I'm heartless. Fluff isn't my thing, I guess. Putting my bias aside, I do know that they say 'fancy' instead of 'like' across the pond. So if you're going for the whole British thing, you might want to change that?
This is pretty interesting. I hope you do great things with it ^_^
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Hi, thanks for coming by. :)
I'm glad the starting line was good. I was wracking my brain for the right line that would attract the reader. :)
Haha, sorry. I wanted substitute other profanities with something milder, and 'flipping' was the only thing that came into my head. xD I'll change that, though.
Oh, er, sorry 'bout the flow. I know it was jumpy and all, so I'll try to split up the chapter, perhaps. Thanks for pointing that out. xD
o_O Okay, I'll try to substitute it to something... less fluffy xD Well, I think I read the 'sealed' thing in a British book, and... yeah, but I'll change that too. :) I kind of grappled for the right words then.
Thanks for the review and the helpful comments :)
PS. What's 'across the pond'? Report Review
It was very sweet...I like the voice that you had given to Alexia, uniquq and quirky. I did want to mention that Alexia couldn't have been the seeker as Cho would have during this time period if Roger Davies is still also there at school, not that it's a big deal, but thought I would mention it anyway.
There were a few typo's that I caught, a quick read through would probably catch them (but it was maybe two a the most).
This could be a great one shot, I guess the angst is yet to come... :)
I hope that this helped, I am sorry that it was so short. It's been a long day.Author's Response: Hi!
I'm glad you like the tone and perspective in which the story was told :D. Yup, I made it slightly AU so that the story was fit, since Draco married Astoria and Cho isn't the seeker and all.
Oops, okay, I'll read through it again, and edit it when the queue reopens!
Well, it's a short story collection, so the angst won't be for this ship, but for another... :D Thanks for the review. It's okay, it helped a lot! :) Report Review
Hey there! :D Really sweet and funny story you have there, had an enjoyable time reading it ;D Hope to read more from you! ((:Author's Response: HI!!! :D Hahhaa, thanks for the review :) :) xD Report Review
that was so good, when she pretended to be DRaco in the end I almost fell out of my chair, it was hilarious :P Keep writing!!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for the first review! I'm really glad you liked it, and that I could make you laugh. :P Thanks! xD Report Review
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