I'm not AS keen on OC fics, but this one is sooo cool! It's an interesting novel, to write about the fans instead of the characters. Hmm.
1 too many zeros to count/10
~FloraAuthor's Response: Thank you!!! I figured, as this is fanfiction, why not give credit where credit is due? We write these stories to become a part of the experience...I guess I took that literally! It's been a while since I wrote this, and embarrassingly long while with no updates, but I'm actually currently interning with the publishers of HP and it's inspired me to go back to some of my old fics and continues my new ones. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Do you know how long it would be? And I haven't finished reading what you have yet, so I don't know if you have one of these, but I'd like a Harry-Potter-SuperFan. That would be fun to read. So far, so great :)
1000/10Author's Response: Thanks so much for all of your reviews! This story was planned to be a full-length novel. Complications arose because I can't use JKR as a character, and I had trouble working that out. It's been a while since I worked on this story, but it's something I'd love to pick up again in the future. There was a planned uber-fan who runs a site and everything. I think my plan for now is to work on the current novel I'm doing, Serpentine, and get a big head start there. Then maybe return to this. It was always my baby, and the reason I joined HPFF, so I love to hear that new readers are still finding their way to it. Thanks for the reviews. Report Review
You are spelling JOANNE ROWLING downwards, which is J.K. Rowling's name. Since Rowling is longer than Joanne, I assume your going to put Kathleen in as well?
Love this story
~FloraAuthor's Response: Ding ding ding! Correctomundo! :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
I'm really enjoying your fic so far! I love OCs and each of yours is extremely intriguing in their own way! Nathan is probably my favorite so far :)
I've also always been in love with the idea of our world and a fantasy world mixing. I've just started a fic about someone going into the world of Hogwarts, actually...
Anyways, I hope that you choose to finish this because it's off to a great start!Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
I tried hard to make sure they were all unique and different. I sort of used people I know I jumping-off points and then changed them all slightly. Nathan is a popular favorite, for some reason! I like him a lot. His volunteer job was actually inspired by mine, too. (:
Isn't it fascinating? I want to read your story, now! Comment on my profile or PM me the link. I think that after we read and fall in love with the books, it's impossible not to wonder "what if...?" and to secretly hope that some day your letter will come.
Thanks again for your review! It's definitely appreciated, and I will of course finish this! It's only a matter of when... (:
All the best,
V Report Review
They spell out Joanne Rowling don't they?
hahah that's good!
(sorry if someone already figured it out!)
Great chapter, though, I'm really intrigued to see where this goes. :DAuthor's Response: Yes! Absolutely! I'm such a nerd for it, too. Hope you keep reading and enjoy it. I keep meaning to update...Eek! :/ Thanks for the review. Report Review
Nathan is a very likable character, and he seems like a nice, normal guy.
My constructive criticism in this chapter really only has to do with a couple of visual things: first, the paragraphs are pretty big, and I kept getting lost in them; and second, I thought the list of books was maybe a little too thorough. I realized that you had a purpose, though, including lots of classic titles, and it definitely had the effect of highlighting how he had read all of these wonderful books to the kids but neglected to read them the most important book of all. :-) But I don't know...even if you just cut the list in half, I think it would be a little easier on the eyes and still achieve that effect.
But anyhow...I really like how you used the kids in this chapter to clue in Nathan as to the magic going on around him. It's cool how you're finding different ways to send signals to each character, and this chapter was much different than the preceding three. Personally, I think kids are really perceptive and have good intuition, so that made me like it even more.
Great job!Author's Response: Ouch. Why haven't I responded to this yet? *Guilt bubbles up inside.*
Thanks for the reminder on the paragraph size. Someone has said that to me before for something else, and I know it made a huge difference when I fixed it. I'll try to break things up a bit when I have time to edit. Same with the list, which looks beyond ridiculous as I read it now! (Of course, it's been about a year since I wrote this, so my writing itself has changed so much!) Anyway, thanks for the constructive crit. It'll be put to good use in the future.
I absolutely adore kids, and I sort of based his work at the preschool with some work I used to do at one. My favorite part was always reading to them-they have the cutest responses when you ask them questions about a book you're reading to them! I totally agree with you. Children can be so underrated. They have pure intuition that hasn't been messed with by school and logic, which leads to them realizing some things adults just can never see.
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it. Report Review
I definitely like Annie's character, and how she's not a hardcore HP fan because she's only seen the movies. Although I did feel like it worked against you a little bit in this chapter, because I had trouble buying into the idea that she thought of the Weasleys so instantaneously when she saw the family, and then thought that the family "had more to do with the Weasleys than she could have dreamed imaginable." I had trouble believing that she would have such a reaction if she weren't a huge fan of the books and really immersed in the HP world like the really dedicated fans.
But that was just my first impression, and it really depends on how you intended her character to come across. I think maybe if that chapter had been a little longer, and there had been more build-up, I wouldn't have had as much trouble with it. But it could be that Annie is just a very optimistic person who believes easily and isn't cynical? I wasn't sure what vibe to get from her.
Anyway, I forgot to mention this in the last chapter, but I saw the pattern in your characters' names, and it is clever indeed! :-)Author's Response: When I started mapping out this story, I always knew I wanted 7 main characters. (The reasons being because it is a magical number and also so I could incorporate the initials JOANNE K ROWLING into their names.) Then I realized that it was going to be hell if I couldn't figure out a way to avoid little old Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu. So it hit me that while many people consider themselves to be Harry Potter fans, there are many shades of gray. So I made a list of the kinds I would have, just to make sure it wouldn't get repetitive. "Annie" is my brother's type of Harry Potter fan. He's watched every movie with me, and more than once. And while he gets confused and has to ask me questions, he refuses to read the books. And yet, he LOVES the movies. I definitely consider him a Harry Potter fan, and he knows the characters and the stories very well. But, he only knows the movie world. It would be like someone who is a Pirates of the Caribbean fan seeing a crazy man on the street and thinking of Captain Jack. So, you can still be instantly reminded of movie characters, can you not? Especially ones who you've see in five (now six) consecutive movies. My brother actually spotted a "Snape" the other day. ;)
So I get what you're saying by it maybe being a stretch. I think what I need to do is while I'm establishing that she's only watched the movies, also make a note of her sharp memory and her love for what she's seen. There are some people who just don't have the interest to read. So they love what is presented to them, even if it is a movie that only represents half of what the readers know. They can still identify with it. If there were no books, and HP was only a movie, I think it would still develop a huge fan-base and be a crazy hit. (Another example, I'm like Annie with Lord of the Rings. I plan to read it, but I haven't gotten around to it yet...)
Yeah, I think I like your suggestion of more build-up. Plus, you mentioning that made me realize I left out an important set-up, which is that she has a ridiculously amazing memory. So thank you for leading me to that realization! You're saving me some confused readers in a future chapter.
:D I think you're only the second or third person to notice the name thing! Kudos and cookies!! Report Review
What an excellent character! I like how Owen is neither a typical jock nor a typical Potterhead. He is a pleasant mass of contradictions and secrets and complexities.
The duality of the Snitch tattoo and the Dark Mark tattoo is also great. The Dark Mark tattoo is the one he hates, but it adds to part of his facade. I do wonder, though, wouldn't having that tattoo so prominently on his forearm give him away a little bit? I would imagine other people are able to see it, unless he's wearing long sleeves all the time. And I would expect some people in high school to recognize it. How does he feel about that and deal with it?
I am somewhat pleased and embarrassed to say I can identify with Owen in one capacity -- his desire to be a part of the "fictional" world he reads about. I'm 24 years old, and I sometimes wish I went to Hogwarts. Can you say "nerd"? But really, I thought you described his feelings powerfully. I especially liked the part about how he wished he could feel the Snitch instead of a football. Wonderful!
I also liked the part with the Snitch tattoo moving at the end. A nice way to inject some magic into the "real world" and leave the reader wanting more!Author's Response: "He is a pleasant mass of contradictions and secrets and complexities."-I've never before pointed out a favorite quote from a review before. (At least, I don't think I have.) But this one is a keeper! Right on the money! Thank you!
XD Observant! Well, see, people noticing the tattoo is a big deal when he gets to Hogwarts. (And even before then!) But in the muggle world, he goes to a large school and doesn't really mix with the known Potterheads. And he does have a few closet fans on the team with him, but they don't dare to say anything, lest they reveal themselves as well. ;) To his other friends, though, it's sort of just a menacing badass tattoo.
I ALWAYS wish I went to Hogwarts. That's how this story started! I kept trying to find "legitimate" reasons why I hadn't gotten my letter. When I finally found one, I decided it was amusing enough for me to start writing fanfiction.
Writing a jock, on the other hand, was hard. I'm a klutz. Lucky for me, my best friend is the star of every team she's a part of. So I can capture that passion for the sports by picking her to pieces. ;)
I'm happy that everyone liked the tattoo bit. It's hard to think of different creative ways to add magic in every chapter. I don't want to get repetitive on my readers! Report Review
This is such a cool idea for a story! Good introduction to the story and to Jessica in this chapter, although it would be nice if it were a little longer (I know you acknowledged the length in your author's note, so I won't dwell on it!) But on the other hand, I'm a fan of teaser chapters, so short chapters like this can be a nice effect. :-)Author's Response: Thanks!!! Unfortunately, for now I'm sort of forced to set it aside because I joined so many challenges and refuse to back down on them. Now I just have too many plot bunnies fighting each other for time, and until I get TA, I guess this (my one true baby) is going to have to get set aside. But I'm definitely not abandoning it. It's the only story I haven't had to beg people to review. (: Hahaha
But, I think when I finally have the time, I am going to go back to Jessica's chapter and make it longer. (I can have as many edits in the queue as I'd like, so no problem there!!) There is so much more I want to show in that first glimpse of her that I didn't know yet about her when I posted it. I plan to actually add a separate short teaser chapter in the beginning that shows the magical world. (As a sort of glimmer of hope for those who shy away from OC-based fics.)
Thanks for the input. Glad you like the start! Report Review
I can honestly say that this is the best reality HP fic I ever read it was soo captavating! Like i was starting one paragraph and wanting to read the next! truelly amazing, 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you!!! I love getting reviews like this, especially since this sort of genre (is it even a genre?) is definitely not in high demand. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen it before! But, how wonderful to sign in and not see a big fat zero when I check for unanswered reviews! :) I'm so glad you really connected with it. I'll be sure to let you know when I update! (Also, I'm currently working on the fic for your challenge! I already put a banner on hold at TDA that is to die for! Can't wait!)
Thanks again for your review, hon!
v Report Review
This is a great chapter. I like the way you make the family like the Weasley's. It's really great stuffAuthor's Response: Thank you!! I hope you read on and enjoy more. ;) Report Review
Sorry to hear about your friend, it must be tough.
So am I right in saying that this is an introduction of two characters? or is it just Nicole?
This is my favourite chapter yet :)
I love this story, will be waiting for your next update!!! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for your condolences. It's been tough, but I've been much better lately. Just last month, though, another friend was in a teen drunk driving accident. Thankfully, he survived. :)
Yes! In fact, before I edited this chapter, I had accidentally put in Sully/Seamus's thoughts! (Those are for later, silly me!) But yes, they're both important characters. Good catch!
I think it's my favorite chapter, too, especially with the updates I put in recently. It's the flirty banter between them, I think. ;)
I've loved your reviews, so hopefully it won't be long before I post the prologue about the wizarding world (so people who shy away from OCs know that there are in fact canon characters in this story!). And then the only character you haven't been introduced to should come soon after. That's when the fun starts!! Report Review
So Nathan is the one who is realising that he is a wizard, more so than the other characters anyway.
Why is it that they are all American and they are going to Hogwarts? Hogwarts is a bit more European, or more so English? Just curious. Or do you find it easier to write what you know? I find it easier to write something I have experienced.
May I ask who is that in the chapter picture? Like the actual person not Nathan? Sorry looks exactly like someone I know. ha ha.
Anyway another brilliant chapter, you are a talented writer. :)Author's Response: Yep! I think it has to do a lot with his booksmarts.
In part, it's because I've always been told to write what I know. But also, I began thinking about the American wizards, and where they go to school, and I came up with this... The Salem Witch trials meant that the US wasn't a safe place to be a witch or wizard. So, most of them moved out or kept a low profile. Since Americans are more spooked by witchcraft, they have a school they send kids to in Europe. It might just be merging with Hogwarts on the same year that they decide to test letting muggleborns back in, so they decided to kill two birds with one stone... (More to come in the future chapters) ;)
Hahah, it's Shia Lebouf, but I think from his pre-Transformers era. You must know a pretty attractive guy! (I'm a little partial to Shia. He's a cutie!)
Thank you for such sweet comments and good questions! You're asking all the right ones. (Even though every teacher says there is no such thing as a bad question, there are DEFINITELY such things as smart ones!) Report Review
Another great chapter, I am really liking this story!!
I really like Annie Whitler, it seems she has so much more to learn than the avid harry potter fans.
I just want to read the next chapter... :)Author's Response: :D All I can do is smile when I read these reviews! I already feel bad knowing how suspenseful the last chapter is... muahaha! Thanks for taking the time to drop a little comment before moving on. (: Report Review
He seems like an interesting character also.
Very mysterious due to the fact he obviously hides alot of himself from others, you sort of wonder what else is he hiding?
I do like the idea of a chapter that tells us a bit more about what is happening in the magical world, can't wait to read it (:
moving on to next chapter... (:Author's Response: No flies on you! Owen is definitely very solitary sometimes, very secluded...
The prologue chapter is the one I'm working on right now, so I can hopefully have it up some time next week or so.
Thanks for your reviews!!! Report Review
Ohhh, this story is so interesting and you can easily relate .
I like this character you can sort of identify her to yourself in a way.
Moving on to the next chapter (:Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you feel a connection to her. I figured she was a warm one to bring everyone in with. ;) Enjoy the rest of your reading! Report Review
Hahaha...this is such a creative idea. I love especially the beginning of this chapter, talking about all of the ways that Annie does not truly understand Harry Potter...you have a gift for using sarcasm properly. :)Author's Response: Thank you!! I feel tempted to edit it with "Annie will never know that the scene at the Burrow does not exist." :P Hahah and thanks for appreciating my sarcasm. It just happens to be my middle name! Glad you enjoyed the read. I'll hopefully update with another chapter soon! Report Review
I love the start in this chapter. It's so hillarious and light, it's so easy to read. And boy, do I love Nicole. ANd I love Seamus' ramble. It's so funny, how he tries to explain himself. and cute.
I love the interaction between the two of them, and that they somehow seem to have found a common thing they both know about. - And how they bring this thing into the flirting... And somehow, they both seem a bit nerdy. haha.
One thing annoys me though. You write both Nicole and Seamus' thoughts and I don't find that very fitting. In the other chapters you've had your focus on one character, but here, it's hard, I think because you're not with Nicole the entire time, but also with Seamus in the kitchen. I wish you'd have kept close to Nicole instead.
Really good chapter. Once again, I love the start. And you manage through the whole chapter to keep my attention. Really goodAuthor's Response: Yay! Starting out the chapters is always the hardest part for me. Once I get the ball rolling, it's not so bad.
The most surprising thing with the reviews for this chapter is that Nicole and Seamus are both names I had intended to use, but I completely re-wrote their personalities. I'm glad they have good chemistry, because before I just wasn't feeling it. I was worried it would feel a bit forced, but you've reassured me. Thanks!
Oops! You pointed out a big mistake of mine. Seamus is going to have his own chapter, so I eventually will write his thoughts, but this one was supposed to be just her. Hmmm, I'll definitely have to go back and fix that one. My OCD compels me!
Thanks again for your thorough and thoughtful reviews! :) Report Review
You have written yet another great chapter here.
I love those little hints you come with through the chapters, signing for them to have some magic about them.
There's something about this character which I love very much. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I guess it's got something to do with the children... Hmm.
I think your start and maybe first half of this chapter was a little heavy. It's hard to get through and I think you could have written it a little lighter with less important details left out.
I'm a bit sad you end the chapter already. I really wanted to know a little more of him and where his thoughts are heading :P
Good chapter yet again.
(as for the snitch tatoo. I just think it's kind of.. I don't know. A bit girlish. Or it might be because I think the Dark Mark is cooler)Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review, and I apologize for taking so long to get back to you! I hate it when people don't respond to reviews, and I don't want you to think it's a habit of mine. I actually haven't been on HPFF in 3 months due to illness and schoolwork. Thankfully, now that I'm back from some travels, I can return to the site I love.
I love children so much, so I'm glad that they added to the feel for this chapter. Someone else mentioned that the chapter seems a bit cluttered. After I get the next chapter in the queue, I'll be working on editing this one to clean it up a bit and break up paragraphs.
Don't worry! Once we get back to him, I'll pick up where I left off! Although, *maybe* I'll try to add a little something when I return to it for edits. Still, it's always good to leave them begging for more. Muahaha!
(And agreed. I secretly want a Dark Mark because it looks so cool!) Report Review
Oh man! First off, condolences on your friend, dear! *huggles* I too lost a friend because of a car accident. She was on her way to her first day of work and she swerved to miss an animal and the car threw her from it, killing her instantly! :'( *huggles*
For the story, I think you did brilliantly! I like the connection that Nicole and Seamus have already. Your characterizations and everything seem to be flowing pretty nicely. :)
Two more characters? Geesh girl! :p Anywho, you know the routine! ;)
TinkAuthor's Response: Thanks for your support. I've come to better terms with the loss of August, but sadly, even after speaking to the students at my school, we had a drunk driving accident recently. He thankfully survived with no long-term injuries, although he broke a vertebrae and was 2 cm from paralysis and 3 from death. Scary stuff, considering how young he is. Your friend seems like she had a big heart, and I'm sure she was a great loss.
Thank you very much, as to the story review! I'm glad you like their connection, because they'll both become major players. My goal is to have the next chappie in the queue tonight or tomorrow morning. Ambitious, but I need to get the ball rolling after a 3 month absence! That's 1/4 of a year! It all came down to needing to get healthy, catch up at school, and pass all of my finals and APs. Now I'm working on college apps already so that when school comes, I won't be so bogged down that I'll have no time for HPFF. Let me tell you, something was missing these last three months, and it's good to be home. :D
V Report Review
Hey hun! *squish*
This chapter seems to be running smoothly too. The only thing that bothers me is the lengths of your paragraphs. There were quite a few, especially at the beginning that seemed a bit lengthy. You might want to try spacing them out a bit. ;)
Other than that, I didn't really seem to find anything wrong. Although, I do love Peckly's answer to Nathan's comment at the end: "If only it were that easy." Ain't that the truth!? Wouldn't it be nice to have magic in the real world? It would make our lives a whole lot easier! :) The poor kids though; finding out that Harry isn't real!
I'm starting to like Nathan's character, especially since he's a Lowry! ;)
TinkAuthor's Response: Hey! *squash*
Thanks again for the review! Now that I discovered that you can have as many edits in the queue as you'd like, I'll get to fixing up chapters as soon as I put a new one in the queue. I agree with spacing them out. It's visually nicer.
Glad you love your Lowry! And Plecky was a fun ne to write!
xxx, v Report Review
Hey there deary!
Sorry it's taken me a while to get to reviewing your request. It's been so beautiful the last few days that I couldn't help but enjoy it! :)
Anywho, I think you did a brilliant job in this chapter. The length seems just perfect. It's just right for me in fact. I'm not one for these 5,000 word or more chapters! Eck. Although I will read them, but it just takes me awhile! Aha.
Everything seems to be okay deary! ^_^
TinkAuthor's Response: Hello!
The apologies are all mine! I've practically disappeared, but I'm back, now. Yay! In between college apps I'll be updating and reading and reviewing, so I hope I can catch up on your work. ;)
Thanks for the review! Hugs, v Report Review
Awesome! So good! I do have construct criticism (gasp), just because I'm a pompous Tipster who loves editing :)
"crystal blue"-a bit stephanie meyer for my taste. I think more abstract descriptions are more compelling because it allows the reader to come to a more original interpretation. wow i just used "more" a lot there, but I'm lazy so I'm not going to reformat. sorry.
"lamplight...playfully putting itself out"-genius. Like really. That's so original. Imaginative! Ah. It made me want to keep reading this for the wordplay alone :)
Super duper good! You're my hero. I've always wanted to write fanfic.Author's Response: I love you, Elliott!!! And I eat constructive criticism for breakfast ;)
Hahahha, the fact that you made a Steph reference is kindof my life right now! We're going to have to do some Steph-bashing some time. (Like, when you visit moi?) I'm thinking about adding a lot of references about how all my characters are cold and hard like marble and unbelievably gorgeous Mary-Sues with superpowers...but then I would just be writing a Twilight sequel...
The playful lamplight is based off of the one outside my house. It seriously creeps the shtuff out of me every night when I'm reading. (Especially HP! Gah, it was doing it when I was reading about the deluminator who-ha.) I wish I was that genius. ;)
Thank you!! And thanks for taking the time to respond. Get an account. Now. Screw blogging. Do fanfic!! Report Review
Ohh. It's one of those HP fans. And I really think you did well with her thoughts about the movies. It's all those questions people who haven't read the books must have to ask when seeing them. I know I would at least about the map and how Harry got it back (and how Remus knew how to use it?). There's just so much, and I'm glad you put this character into it.
I like Annie. One can see she likes the HP series, just that she's comparing the family to the Weasleys (something I believe most HP fans do about different characters), and I love the line you draw from her looks to Lily Evans crossed with a veela.
Something I have to congratulate you for, is somehow, without even doing too much, creating the sense of summer in this chapter. It wasn't much, but perfectly fine so I could see and feel it. I think it was the ice :P haha.
Another great chapter. I really enjoyed it!
(feel free to rerequest for another three chapters!)Author's Response: Sadly, many of my friends are "one of those HP fans." I've always wondered how they can sit through a whole movie (especially recent ones) and not feel deprived of a deeper level of understanding. It makes me want to write a list of the things they're missing out on to give to them! Still, they're considered HP fans and definitely deserved some representation in this fic, I figured, as I'm trying to capture them all.
You really picked up on some important details! (Like the Lily/Veela thing) ;) I'm happy that sort of stood out, because it's important later on.
I'm glad the summer sensation came through in this chapter, and I really appreciate that you let me know. One thing I've been worrying about is making sure the reader knows that this is all happening right before a new school year, rather than during one. (I've even gone back to Owen's chapter to further clarify that he is playing in a sumer football league!)
Thank you, thank you for these reviews! They've been very balanced, and included some much-needed criticism! (I'm one of those people that thrives off of it to make my writing better, so when I read in your thread description that you were "honest but fair," I knew I'd be getting what I needed.) I really appreciate your time, and I've already been a review hog and rerequested. ;) I can't wait to see what you make of the next two. Report Review
I really like Owen. He seems so deep with all the prejudices of who he is etc. And some people actually have gotten the dark mark tattooed. The snitch... well, I find it a bit... I don't know. I just don't like it.
I loved the scene with the girls in the cafeteria. It made me laugh, because it truly show how stupid some girls are really. I really like it.
The end was very good. I like how he wasn't sure what he saw and just needed a week of two nights' sleep.
In some way he remind me of some people I know. Not doing anything in school, but somehow managing to go through it all without any problems.
Really good second chapter. I really like it!Author's Response: Owen seems to be a big favorite! Glad I put his chapter up as one of the first few! Wow! Thanks for that tattoo tidbit. Kind of scary that somebody would go that far to get the dark mark. At a glance, it seems like they're just really big fans, but, to me, it symbolizes a gross prejudice. I wonder what JKR would think! Hmm...What was it about the snitch that bothered you? The tattoo itself or the way it came to life? If you could PM me or let me know in a future review, that would be extremely helpful! For some reason, the tattoo has been causing a little confusion/frustration, so I'd like to iron that one out. ;)
I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you liked the cafeteria scene! I literally added it to this new version of the chapter less than a week ago. It sort of just came to me after witnessing a similar situation (I'm a people watcher) and I figured that it would definitely apply to Owen's character and give more insight.
I'm always jealous of the type who can glide through school! I know my fair share. I'm so thrilled you enjoyed this one, and even more thrilled with your review. Thanks!! Report Review
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