your story could be good its well writen and has a good start. i look forward to new chapters to see how it goes. good luck Report Review
poor romilda. i think this is a great start, but i was wondering if you could give more info of what exactly this will be about. i know that you can't give away the story, but this chapter and the summary only tell me that it's going to be about romilda and she' going to do something extreme.unless i'm wrong. Report Review
I liked the beginning of your story. I was intrigued by the summary, and, after reading the first chapter, I am curious where you will take this story from here. You use good desciption and are able to make the reader feel sympathy for a character like Romilda.
Good luck with the next chapter! Report Review
Go ahead, definitely interesting. Not so many Romilda stories are around, so letīs pepper up the HP universe!Author's Response: you're right...i agree! i'm going to write it! Report Review
Here I am as requsted. :)
I really loved the dialog in this chapter, you really have a way when two characters are talking to enteract them together if you know what I mean. You also had great description but their is always room for improvment.
I didn't see any small details that tells me about the main character. You need small details as much as you need descriptions, they are just as important. I suggest talking about Romida's personality in the next chapter, put more of her character into it.
Hope I helped. 8/10Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!
I appreciate your comment about my dialogue. That's something I work hard on. :)
Yeah, I plan on continuing showing her character through more action. Right now I'm basically just introducing you to her. I'm showing, not telling, Romilda.
Thanks again! Report Review
Ooh! This is DarkRose from the forums, reviewing for you. :D
This is definitely a character that we don't hear from very often. Your characterization is amazing.
I recognized the abusive-father-cliche though... but sometimes it's necessary to the plot.
In this story, something that you'll want to watch out for (though I'm sure you already know this, I'll say it anyway) is Mary-Sue-ness.
You don't want Romilda to turn into a poor-pitiful-me Mary Sue. :p
However, this beginning chapter doesn't present that problem.
This was a chapter that is sure to capture reader's attention and hold them.
The suspense will have them coming back at least. :]
So overall, good job! Keep it up! :D
--DracoFerret11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: A thousand thank yous, Dark Rose!
Yeah, you don't hear from Romilda often, and that's mostly what drew me to her. A lot of room to work with. I'm working hard not to turn her into a woe-is-me Mary Sue. If she does turn into one, I'm praying that someone will tell me.
As for the abusive father thing, I know, it can become so cliche, but it is big for Romilda's characterization and her motivations for certain aspects in the future that I can't discuss right now lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I appreciate it so much! Report Review
I almost always frown upon stories that start off with description, with specific emphasis on those that describe the weather. But your opening was so amazing, I had to stop and review right away. I absolutely love the way you wrote that opening paragraph. Your word choice was amazing and everything just flowed perfectly. It was like reading poetry, really. And I think more stories need that. More authors need to open up their creative voice and let it out when they're writing. Good job ^_^
With that said, i will say that you took a lot of time to talk about... well, nothing, really. Yes, the note and such explained about her relationships with her family, but you could have explained that in a few sentences. We didn't need paragraphs upon paragraphs of explanation and narration of action that wasn't taking place. The car ride there, the shower in the morning... things like that don't have a place in stories, really. The things that we do every day are not usually mentioned in stories unless they hold importance to the plot.
Guess what. There was Harry/Ginny in this. Which I said I would not review. But your summary and intro were so awesome and it was minor enough that I'll let it slide this time. =P
You really did a great job with this opening, though I could have used a lot more spice throughout the story past the opening paragraph. Good job! Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Thanks for the magnificent review, Ilia!
And especially thank you for your honesty. It makes total sense, the comment about everyday actions not needed. It's something that I'm definitely going to have to work on in the future. I never even noticed that.
Yes, I know you hate Harry/Ginny - but there's very little in it, and I'd like to explain more about what happens with that little "thing", but I don't want to give any of my plot away. I'm glad you reviewed anyway.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Hey, just one side note I think you should put AU on the title as Harry didn't go back to Hogwarts for his seventh year (I am guessing that that is when this takes place correct?)
Now onto the story, that was a brilliantly done first chapter, you imagery was great, especially with her in the shower and coming out all red, very nicely done. You captured what I feel it would feel like to be in her shoes and you have given Ramilda chatacter, real character and not just sideline obnoxious flirty girl character, I would never have thought to turn her into something more. Bravo on that.
I thank you so much for asking me to review and hope that you come back again when the next chapter is up :) Now I am off to attempt to write myself, we shall see if that actually happens. :)Author's Response: SpringTime, thank you very much the review!
I'm pleased you liked the shower scene imagery - it's not something that I foresaw people taking notice of, so that's nice.
Romilda, to me, is the flirty girl on the outside, but on the inside I've always seen her as so much more. So this is my chance to tell what I see in her.
I will most certainly be requesting from you again in the future! :) Report Review
Hi, I'm from the forums to review. I'm Rachel. I hope that your day has been swell so far!
Wow, So i was instantly intruiged when I saw you requested a review with Romilda as the character. You learn so little about her in Harry potter other than the fact that she fancies Harry.
I loved how you took a completely different perspective, and you showed such a deep side of her. you really make your reader feel sorry for her. I was truly fearful of her father too. You really did a good job writing the emotions.
Your descriptions were beautiful, I loved how you described most of it until the end.
I really really liked this perspective. I liked the little interaction with Romilda and Harry. It's interesting how she view's Ginny as well.
I loved how we got to see a look into her family as well.
overall i think you did a great job. I would have loved this chapter to be a bit longer. I feel as if you could continue this story instead of being just a oneshot. I have a feeling it would make a great story. You basically have free range with Romilda's character too because we know so little about her. I'm not even sure if J.K. Rowling ever described her. She was such a minor character.
Great job! Feel free to come back and request a review anytime you want! Please remember to respond to my review. I love to know what you think of my reviews. Have a great day! :) Keep writing. i loved it
:)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review, Rachel! It's very much appreciated!
Don't worry, this isn't a one-shot. I have the outline already well planned out. I have a long way to go until I'm finished with her. I only wondered if I should bother with it, or if people hated Romilda that much that they wouldn't even care.
I'm wondering what you mean by you liked my descriptions up until the end. They were bad? I'll have to question you about that, see what's wrong.
Thanks again! I'll be requesting reviews from you again! :) :) Report Review
Wow, this is such a different look on Romilda! Keep writing, I really want to see where this story goes.Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, peach_snapple! Yes, this is a different Romilda than we're all used to seeing. There is MUCH more to her than meets the eye - in this story anyway. Stay tuned! :) Report Review
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