why?why do not you write anymore ?:(
please !Author's Response: Hey, I am sorry I lost inspiration for this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing anyway. I'll perhaps pick up the story again one day. Report Review
Please don't abandon this story!!!Author's Response: Thanks for reading. But unfortunately I have lost my inspiration for this story so I can't continue, not yet anyway. Report Review
I thought that this chapter was well done. I'm sad to see that this story will no longer be worked on but I do understand how that has to happen sometimes. So as such I wont really mention anything that could be done to improve this as you wont be coming back to it. I love the dramione stories that have the dancing element in them, I think they make for a rather interesting plot line and help show the two that they have something in common. I've never seen one with the salsa in it though so I do look forward to seeing what that will bring to the story. Very interesting chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked the dancing element and such. It's a pity that I have lost the inspiration to continue with the story. Thanks though! Report Review
Hello Aditi! I'm here from Review Tag :)
First off, you have got to write some new stories! I think I've read almost everything on your page, and I like your writing, so I'd love to see more from you!
Okay, I can't help but point out a few cliches in this chapter. One is the idea of having a transfer student; I think that can work, especially since you haven't made Hermione insanely jealous of her right after the bat, but I would recommend taking out the part where she gets special treatment for her sorting. I was also a little put off by her interaction with Ron; it seems really odd for her to say that they met only a few minutes ago and already Ron is doting upon her. Sometimes it helps, especially when writing romance, to think about what sort of things happen in real life. Usually relationships take time, you know? :)
I think Hermione's thoughts about Draco would have better flow if you threaded them throughout the chapter instead of clustering them together like a mental battle. I half expected someone to walk into her, what with her standing there lost in thought ;)
I like the idea of the two points of view. I haven't read many Dramiones, but usually they seem to be one side or the other or an omniscient perspective. I like getting both characters' reactions to things.
Okay, more cliches to point out. Let me start by saying that there isn't anything inherently wrong with a cliche if it's executed well. After all, people must like to read or use them if they remained around long enough to become cliche, right? The key to making a cliche interesting, as well as making your story unique, is to provide plausible reasons for why things are the way they are. For example, you should provide a rationale for why the Head Boy and Girl are sharing quarters, given that boys and girls have separate quarters elsewhere in the dormitories. Why would Draco be selected for Head Boy, based on his past behavior? If you can address these questions as you tell the story, it will sound like you've really put thought into it, and the cliches will go down much smoother.
Also, be sure to keep an eye on your language. If Draco never said "dude" in canon, it seems unlikely that he would start saying it now. "Mate," maybe.
Finally, I'd advise you to take things slow. The whole section with Pansy seemed a little rushed to me. I think it would make more sense to have Draco sort of avoid her and think about how things didn't work out between them, rather than confront her right away. Also, I think her characterization would be improved if you tried to make her more three-dimensional. She could be more than a whiny brat, if you focused on the pain she must be feeling.
This is probably one of the more critical reviews I've written, but I'm sure you can handle it :) I recognize, too, that you probably wrote this chapter ages ago and haven't looked at it in a while. Hopefully these comments will be helpful if you want to go back and edit it at some point.
Good to tag you again!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey Amanda!
Really, I love getting tagged by you, seeing as you're this amazingly brilliant writer and I love to know your thoughts.
I wrote this chapter ages and ages ago yeah, like when I was 13 years old, haha. I did edit it at some point (a few years back) but I guess it wasn't enough. This story does need a LOT of improvement. Sometimes, I shudder while reading my past chapters.
Thank you for pointing out all the cliches and points of improvement. I actually have a half a mind to delete this story (or abandon it maybe) but if I ever do think about going back and editing this, I'll surely check back on this review and use your helpful comments.
If I do delete this story though, I am afraid you'll run out of stories to review for me when/if you tag me, haha. Sadly, my muse doesn't appear very often, and thus I don't get to write a lot, but I'll try to write more stories, if just for your tagging benefit :P
And thank you so much for your critical review, I can definitely handle it, since I am quite critical myself of this novel as a whole anyway, especially the initial chapters. I value all your comments and I shall certainly take them into consideration if I ever do an edit (which is a little unlikely as I never have the time, and I will most likely end up abandoning this story).
But again, thanks a ton.
Cheers! Report Review
Hello I'm here from the review tag!
So I really like where you are taking this story with all these different characters but at times the writing seems a bit choppy which disrupts the flow a bit. For instance at the very start of the chapter when you say that Harry is calling out to her, you do it in three seperate sentences which are each pretty short and could easily be condensed into one if not two sentences which would help keep your flow at a great pace. But really other than that, this was a great chapter! I thought you did a wonderful job introducing all of your characters and I enjoyed getting into both Draco and Hermione's heads. The ending was particularly great as it really addressed my attention farther and makes me want to continue reading the story. A great chapter over all! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
This fic is sort of "forgotten" by me at the moment, my muse seems to be lost regarding it, so it was a surprise to see you review this. Admittedly, this is not one of my good writings, especially the initial chapters, which date back quite some years ago.
I am glad you liked it anyway. I appreciate your comments. Thanks! Report Review
Please update more often..It's a great storyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am sorry, real life keeps me extremely busy! I'll try to update soon! Report Review
Hello! I'm here from the review tag...I have to say, this story intrigued me from the summary because I love non-traditional and non-canon pairings! Sadly they are not taken advantage of enough in fanfiction, I think.
I like your description in the first scene, down to the lilac-colored bed and the framed photograph of the trio. I also like how the language and mood changed when she awoke and realized that she was late. Nice touch, there. I also liked that she caressed her Head Girl badge--how very Hermione, she probably slept with it under her pillow for most of the summer!
Some minor nitpicks: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry should all be capitalized, as I believe should be Head Girl every time you use it. Wouldn't hurt to the check hp-lexicon to figure that one out. :)
So Draco's certainly had a change of heart too, huh? This will be interesting to see! I think it was a bit odd though that Narcissa just smiled contentedly after Draco said he didn't care if her husband rotted in prison; sure she could be mostly over the idea by this time, but I think she'd still be a bit touchy about it all. :)
Good start to your story!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I started this fic quite a few years back and though I occasionally go back and edit the initial chapters, it is still not one of my great writings. Thank you for your kind review though :)
I am glad that you liked the first scene, the little details here and there, and Hermione :)
I haven't looked back at the chapters for quite a while, but I'll make sure I'll keep in mind your comments when I do!
Thanks again! Report Review
This is one hell of a great story.It is one of top favorites on this website. Keep up the outstanding work!Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'll try to update in a few months' time! Report Review
Hi! :D Tag!
I did review chapter one of this a while ago, and have meant to continue :) Sorry! Anyway, I still think this is a good idea going, and I like that you've created new characters to keep it fresh.
There were quite a few typos and other grammatical mistakes, be sure to look through those when you can :)
But good job!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I will look into the grammar when/if I get the time to edit this.
I really dont like how you made draco blow up at her like that. it was random. and hurry up and make him confess his true feelings!!Author's Response: hey thanks for reading and reviewing. Well whats a story without some drama lol. he'll confess his feelings soon dont worry! keep reading, thanks! Report Review
Omg this book is amazing plz plz finish it.Author's Response: aw thanks, i am glad you like it. i will update more asap. thanks for reading and reviewing. Report Review
This is great so far!!!;-) I read what you had last year and decided to come back to it, and it isas wonderful as it was before. One quick thing though... I believe that "frig" and "bloddy hell" is the british equivelent to Fuck, but Im not going to be picky about that:-) in my opinion it, it would sound weird with frig in there. Anyways, great job so far -OAuthor's Response: Hey thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I am glad you like it so far. Thanks for the pointers, I am not British so I didn't know, but thank you :) Report Review
please please keep writing this story!!! I just hope everything works out for Blaise, he really doesn't have a love interest now that Hermione is with Draco. Besides you have to write the final dance!!Author's Response: I will keep writing! I am trying to work on the next chapter. It should be up soon! Sorry to keep you waiting! Don't worry, the final dance will be there. As for Blaise, you'll have to wait and watch :) Report Review
KEEP GOING! I AM HOOKED ON THIS STORY!
WRITE MORE! =DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I will try and update more as soon as possible. Report Review
I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH DONT STOP WRITING OMG OMG OMG
Author's Response: Aw thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked it. I will update asap! Report Review
great story just watch the grammar!!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing, I will :) Report Review
'i wonder who would be head girl'
i really liked the intro..!your descriptions are beautiful:)
~marlitaAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading & reviewing. Glad you liked it :) Report Review
Wow thatvwas amazing cannot wait for the next part write soon pleeeaaaseAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks! I am glad you like it! I will try to update soon! Report Review
I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s)Author's Response: Thank you! I will try to update soon! Report Review
Looking forward to the next chapter! CAN'T WAIT!!!:)Author's Response: Glad you're enjoying the story! I will try to update asap. Report Review
Omg I freakin hate linda, zalia whatever! Dumbeldore's back!!! YAYAYAYAYA! Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Thanks for reading & reviewing! Glad you're enjoying the story! Report Review
Action packed chapter! You made it alot of fun. I wish Blaise a fast recovery.Author's Response: Thanks a lot for reading & reviewing! I am glad you liked it. As for Blaise, we'll see what happens! Report Review
Really love the story :D
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter
Please don't stopAuthor's Response: Hello! Thanks for reading & reviewing! I'm happy you like my story :) I'll try to update the next chapter as soon as possible! Report Review
Really great fight scene, and dumbledore arriving just in time was good!!! Nice way to bring everything to a close, cant wait for the last couple of chapters!!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading & reviewing. I am glad you think so :) I'll write more and update soon xD Report Review
I love this chapter. im really glad ginny knows now. Also great plot line, it is a nice twist to the usual draco/hermione story. I definately think it is believable for voldy to have some kind of assasin. Cool bananas really awesome fanfic. Keep writing!!!Author's Response: Hey! thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you're liking it so far. Do carry on until the end :) Report Review
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