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Reading Reviews for Opposites attract
  
324 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Ch 21: Confessions and Discussions

18th April 2017:
Here again for ctf..

and so so so sorry again :( I'll make it up. I promise.

This chapter makes me feel horrible, because Draco is possesive to a creepy degree, ignoring her opinion and consent and just going for it anyway. It all makes it seem like he truly, honestly, doesn't care about her and just sees her as a toy he can play with whenever he pleases to do so. It makes it seem like it isn't a genuine relationship at all and it honestly doesn't make me comfortable about this at all, especially with Blaise being unable to let go as well. It's just wrong on so many levels, and at the moment, honestly, the only healthy relationship seems to be the one between Harry and Parvati, and I'm not sure how good a sign that is, with everyone being so possesive and not listening to consent and just. I don't know.
The leading up to Linda and the way they figure stuff out is nice to see though. Typical trio fashion, thoguh this time with added people around, and playing on one another's strength to figure things out because yet again things aren't moving fast enough. It is a bit selfish of Blaise, though, that he cares more about his trip than preventing more harm, but then again, that might just be a Slytherin trait.

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

Now, having said that, I usually would not care about these reviews because, as you said, the story is abandoned, but I do feel bad that the story has been misunderstood. Hence I will attempt to explain myself - at least have my POV out there.

I understand that my characterisation of Draco is off here - he is being overly possessive - but that is a trait he needs to work through in this story. He may be possessive but he is not abusive or manipulative. All he did was tell the others about his relationship without asking Hermione about it first, and yes it was a bad decision, but in the end it worked out and it was not something that violated Hermione's privacy because they are Both in this relationship. He felt envious and threatened and hence he took this step, and it is one that is taken in anger, which is also clearly shown in the narrative. Of course readers don't always view things the way author portrays them so you are free to interpret it in any manner but going so far to say that this is against-consent or an abusive relationship that violates ToS - I think that is a little too harsh and an overreaction.

The way these characters are, they are making mistakes but they are not doing something crazy drastic, and taking small things like these - disagreements on an issue - and blowing them out of proportion to say they are non-consensual, unhealthy relationship, I don't think that is right. And the manner in which these opinions are expressed is not the most polite either. I don't want to be rude but really I have no choice but to put my point blatantly here and hope that it is understood, or at least considered.


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Review #2, by AbraxanUnicorn Ch 14: Rumors and Realities

18th April 2017:
Well, hello Angie! CTF #4 has brought me here :) A review in exchange for a flag?

I'm jumping right into the middle of this story, so forgive my bewilderment and expressions of astonishment where they aren't really justified(!) So, I gather from the evidence before me that this is a Draco-Hermione novel, and I've arrived at the end of a broomstick-flying session to smell Hermione's hair. I'm guessing it's Hermione's hair as I doubt Draco would wash his own barnet with strawberry, vanilla and rose-scented shampoo (or would he? Hmmm?). I'm not surprised that Hermione is irritated with Draco, because he is being kind of very irritating, isn't he? Is he going to be this annoying throughout this story because if so, I might have to get quite cross with him.

Draco seems to have abandoned his friends for Hermione, so I understand that they're a bit miffed. And, to be honest, I'm not surprised the rumours are flying - I cannot believe that this is just friendship either! It sounds like much, much more than that.

Just as I'm getting my head around the very, erm, steamy best-friendship of Draco and Hermione (WAIT! What about Harry? Why isn't Harry Hermione's best friend any more??), you then casually throw in Ginny and Theodore Nott. Blimey; this certainly is a bit of a post-war dating shake-up that's going on at Hogwarts! Are they learning to salsa?

I'm a bit confused at the next section. Hermione goes over to talk to Dean, who is frantically waving his arms about at her, but then she addresses Harry in conversation? Where did he appear from?

Harry and Parvati - interesting potential partnership there. Hermione was right; things certainly moved swiftly between those two. Gosh, these kids don't hang about in 7th year, do they??!

I wonder what will happen next...

Brax X

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing Brax. You have been very kind in your review even though this story is my worst piece of writing ever. I crack up every time I re-read this, it is really very horrible, and everything is all over the place, but your review made me smile. Thank you for keeping it light and expressing your opinion in a non-hurtful manner.

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Review #3, by Claire Evergreen Ch 21: Confessions and Discussions

18th April 2017:
*hides* I'm so so sorry, but back again for CTF

So this chapter kind of jumped around a lot. I feel like with as big a threat Linda has been so far, more of the chapter would be dedicated to her. I know that this was originally a romance and you wanted to focus on that, but it really felt out of place here. Blaise's confession really put a wrench in the flow of the chapter. I wish that it had waited or been in a different chapter. I feel like it was good in that it made Draco and Hermione come clean about their relationship, but it just didn't feel organic. I get the whole wrong place, wrong time thing, but it just didn't work here, at least for me. Like I said, I did like that you included it, but I just feel like it should have been elsewhere.

Okay, I'm going to say that Draco is starting to kind of creep me out a bit. He seems really possessive and I'm not really comfortable with it. Like, I get that Blaise was hitting on his girlfriend, but the way that he went about it (doing it without her consent) kind of seems controlling. He's had that trait throughout, but it really comes out here and I'm not too sure if I'm really okay with it.

Claire

Author's Response: Thanks for reading. As mentioned, this is a terrible story with a stupid plot and horrible writing so I am sorry you had to read all of this!

I get it that you are not comfortable with Draco's possessiveness, but that is his character trait here, and while you're not okay with it - and in usual circumstance i understand you would stop reading but here you are being forced to read - I think it is pretty evident that despite the possesive nature, nowhere is Draco manipulative or truly non-consensual. There are disagreements and stuff, things he does forcefully, but nothing that truly hurts Hermione. Your interpretation of this very harsh and perhaps it would have helped had you read all the chapters in order and in context.


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Review #4, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Ch 22: Staying Together and Staying Strong

18th April 2017:
Here for CTF

and I am so. so. so. sorry, Avi. Blame the Slytherins if you must, but we have to find the flag and... We'll make this up to you.


Because this chapter is wrong on so many levels. Not to mention the consent. Hermione said no on multiple occasions and Draco still didn't listen and just went for her and honestly, it makes me sick, even if Hermione didn't seem to mind afterwards. It's just not done at all. He should've listened to her. No means no after all and you'd think someone like him would at least understand that. But yet he goes for it anyway? It's breach of privacy, and it makes it seem like he has zero respect for Hermione as it is. I know you wrote this long ago but god... I couldn't not say anything.

And then we have the Ginny and Theo bit which also has been bothering me so much. They know what's at stake. Theo has been stringing her along. Ginny ought to know better, strong character as she should be. And yet, yet... She goes for it anyway and it makes her seem so out of character for me. I honestly don't get why she'd do such thing.

And then we have the breaking in the dorm, and then a fight starts there? Isn't that much of a safety hazard, so many people in a dormroom and then the fact that they all start fighting? It all seems to come a bit out of nowhere, btu I also expected her to have started the fight herself, instead of just waiting. The we fight line is typically Harry though, so there's that.

Author's Response: It's Angie, not Avi.

This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

Now, having said that, I usually would not care about these reviews because, as you said, the story is abandoned, but I do feel bad that the story has been misunderstood. Hence I will attempt to explain myself - at least have my POV out there.

I am sad by all your ignorance here. While this is all terrible writing, no way do I glorify non-consent or abusive relationships. Your tone is hurtful here as you're accusing me as a writer and defaming me and it honestly feels like a personal attack. Maybe you think I am overreacting, but here I feel you have also overreacted in terms of your misinterpretation of my story content.

"it makes me sick" - i feel there are better ways to say that the content is not likeable than using such rude language. For the sake of CTF, I had to read some horrible fic that I didnt like too, but I was never nothing but polite and decent in my treatment of the author and his/her sentiments.

No here is a playful no. She never really means it, she is only putting up a front and being modest, and she wants to do it too, and it is most definitely not a breach of privacy because they have done this before too. maybe if this was read in order and in context, it would not seem so horrible.

As for Theo, he has his reasons for behaving the way he did, and he is not happy about his situation, something that comes through pretty clearly in all the chapters they feature in - and despite his such actions, again he is never abusive or non-consensual or anything that is in violation of ToS or will be seen as illegal in RL.

I am upset at the way my writing was misinterpreted but more upset by the tone and manner in which the opinions of the reviewers were expressed, and I have done nothing but try to get my point across so I can only hope I succeeded a little bit. The way I view relationships and people - and what i have experienced - is different from yours - but i NEVER condone anything in my fic that is illegal or abusive or anything of that sort, as you have unfortunately implied repeatedly.


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Review #5, by Claire Evergreen Ch 22: Staying Together and Staying Strong

18th April 2017:
I'm really sorry, Avi, I really am. It's for CTF, so I gotta keep going until we find the flag chapter.

Ok, I'm so so sorry about this rant, but I can't let this slide. I know this was a long time ago for you, but when someone says no to anything, it means no. I know that it probably seems romantic, but it's really not. I cannot begin to explain how uncomfortable it was when Draco refused to listen to Hermione when she told him no. I know, I know, she ultimately agreed and she really wanted it the whole time, but her saying no first really makes it awful. A better way to do everything would just to have her be for it the entire time. It doesn't matter that she enjoys enjoys the sex, it's still technically illegal and I'm not a fan.

All that aside, I really did like your characterization of McGonagall in this. I think she was spot on and you really nailed her dialogue. I could really see McGonagall saying those things to the students, so great job there!

Ok, I get it, Linda aka Zalia is an incredibly powerful witch, but it kind of feels like you were just pulling things out of no where with her powers. She seems almost too unbelievable to be a good villain because there's nothing really human about her.

I really like a lot of the concepts you have here, and I look forwrd to exploring more.

Claire

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

Now, having said that, I usually would not care about these reviews because, as you said, the story is abandoned, but I do feel bad that the story has been misunderstood. Hence I will attempt to explain myself - at least have my POV out there.

So, I am Angie, not Avi. Also, while you are not in agreement with the content of this chapter, it makes you uncomfortable, that is your opinion or perspective. I do think there is a nicer way to say things, for one.

Besides that, consent does not always mean yes-yes. Sometimes, even in RL relationships, someone can say a playful no - a no that they do not really mean or are trying to be modest, it is all in playful romance. I am sorry you misinterpreted this but it was all in playful romance and she wanted it, she was only trying to present a modest front, and I think it became pretty clear that she was happy with the entire ordeal. It was supposed to be cute. In my relationship(s) and many other people I have talked to, sometimes you do say No playfully or you say it but then you get coaxed into saying yes, and that is how relationships and love is - you do things for the other person in love too - and here in fact she wanted it. there was no assault and no consent disregard, it was draco's possessive nature and hermione's giving one, and they ultimately both had sex because they wanted to. and this was not the first time they were having sex either. Your comments feel like a personal attack here - as if you are explaining to me that "no means no". I think saying a statement like that is ignorant because you have to look at the context and feelings. If I want to have sex and my boyfriend says no, I will try and coax him unless I know for sure that he doesnt really want to - which two people in love know. and all of this comes through the narrative. so i dont see it as abusive or assault or violation of consent. and it is definitely not illegal because both of them do it agreeably. she says no but then she changes her mind and it is an act of love. because how many times do we change our minds for love!


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Review #6, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Duelling the Devil

17th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

And what an actionpacked chapter this was! Reading this completely out of order, I wonder how long it took for Linda, or Zaila, to be revealed for what she was. Interesting that the dream seemed real then, and that the fact that she named Voldemort the dark lord was a really big hint as it was, while, especially the first, being so subtle as it was. I totally bought her argument there and then reading this? Absolutely well done and well worked out! Brilliantly done, not sure if I could pull it off myself.
It's also really nice to see how much you've grown between the first chapter and this, because you really made a lot of progress and even if it went a bit fast - it was a battle and I can totally understand that it might be hard to follow. Really well done there, especially with nobody really getting out unscatched, but fighting on regardless. It must've been the adrenaline. The chapter did end a bit abruptly and I am really curious about how it all ended now and if everyone was able to regain full health after this, so that's a bit of a shame if i got to be honest here. Nevertheless, great job on this chapter. It was a good one!

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to try and point out something good here. This is all bad writing but at least I was growing as a writer!

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Review #7, by Claire Evergreen Duelling the Devil

17th April 2017:
Blame the Snakes for this :P Here for CTF

While I do like the plot twists that you have put into this story, I have to say that I feel like nothing really happened in this chapter? I know that Zalia was taken out, but I feel kinda underwhelmed by the fight scene, especially with all the people that are involved in it. With fight scenes, I really want to feel pulled in and engaged. Here, it just seemed like spells were being said but they had no consequences. For me, I think that toning Zalia's power down a it would help a lot towards that. It wouldn't feel like there was really nothing to do. Especially with what these kids have been through, I would expect that they could really land a hit. But having to have numerous teachers be the ones that eventually slightly incapacitated Zalia made me enjoy the fight scene a little less.

That being said, I do like how this chapter kind of slowed everything down. It feels more realistic and I like that Hermione finally felt like a really relatable, human character. Not that she wasn't before, but it really struck me here how well she managed to come across. I enjoyed Hermione here and I think this was a really strong chapter.

Claire

Author's Response: Thank you for trying to find out something decent here. Really, this writing is all bad and this chapter pretty hopeless.

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Review #8, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Ch 17: Of Unexpected Events

17th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

I must say... I don't get the feeling that those relationships are exactly healthy. Not just Theo and Ginny - that's just wrong and downright disturbing with what he can and can't do and the way he seems to string her along. But also the way Draco and Hermione are and how they made up even though they still hadn't talked things through properly. It seems to me that there are a lot of underlying issues going on here which need serious resolving before they attempt to reconcile or go any further, especially since they only get hurt worse in the end if it goes on.
I also wonder why Draco keeps calling Dumbledore Dumbly. If he really matured that much and grew so much, then why name him like that? It makes it seem like he's undermining his authority and it doesn't sit well with me especially after what he's done to Dumbledore in the first place and the fact that he ahd apologised for it all.
I also wonder how long they will keep their relationship a secret, as they can't honestly expect to keep it a secret much longer considering how they all behave.
The Linda thing is interesting though. I wonder if that gets build upon further, especially considering she named Voldemort the Dark Lord in an earlier chapter. It would've been excellent forshadowing there without being too obvious...

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.


Now, having said that, I usually would not care about these reviews because, as you said, the story is abandoned, but I do feel bad that the story has been misunderstood. Hence I will attempt to explain myself - at least have my POV out there.

Yes, the relationships may not be the best or very healthy, but that is subjective. They are all working through some issues here and the reasons behind their actions and their behaviours are all explained at some point in some chapter(s) of the story. While the actions of Theo or Draco are not ideal, they are the way things sometimes happen in RL, and that does not mean that they are manipulative or abusive or forcing their partners into anything. Regardless of their manner of dealing with things, at no point are they unhappy in their relationships or are they abusive (emotionally or physcially) nor are they manipulative or overbearing. It is the way these characters deal with things here, but it is never out of line.

Totally agree on the whole dumbledore thing and all - that is my bad writing right there.


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Review #9, by Claire Evergreen Ch 17: Of Unexpected Events

17th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

Same deal as before, I know this is probably not the story you want reviews on, so feel free to pass on what's below :)

Ok, so I know in my last review, I said that I thought your characters could benefit from a few more characteristics and emotions but here it seems like it's a little too much. Hermione and Draco especially seemed to jump around between emotions without any explanation that I could tell. One minute they're blissfully happy and then the next they're at each others' throats and then they're kissing but they're still unhappy with each other. I just wish that there was more consistency because I think you've definitely crafted an interesting version of each of these characters that I do want to see more of.

The biggest turn off for me in this chapter was the relationships. I know that they're young and everything, but Theo and Ginny's relationship especially really threw me off. It in no way seemed like a relationship that could continue. Theo seems manipulative and Ginny doesn't seem emotionally mature enough to really handle a relationship. It just really rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like it would have made a lot more sense if Theo was more fleshed out beyond just angry or irritated.

I'm definitely intrigued about what is going to happen with Linda. You definitely have my interest!

Claire

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.


Now, having said that, I usually would not care about these reviews because, as you said, the story is abandoned, but I do feel bad that the story has been misunderstood. Hence I will attempt to explain myself - at least have my POV out there.

I agree with everything you said regarding characters and emotions - it is all badly written. However, regarding relationships, this is NOT a manipulative or abusive relationship. Perhaps, if read in context and wholly, you will understand that there was motivation behind Theo's actions - there is a reason why he was acting like this and that reason is clearly explained, and also that he was not happy about it. In the end he and ginny love each other and they need to work through a lot of issues but it is never implied that he is manipulating her into anything. The relationship may be unhealthy from your POV here but it is nothing that a young teenage couple cannot go through, and also in light of the characters' circumstances here, it is nothing abusive or manipulative to an extent that this violates any site guidelines.

I appreciate you taking the time and effort to give your comments, I wish it had been done in a better manner that is all.


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Review #10, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Chapter 2: The Shock

17th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

I actually quite like this chapter. You set up a great deal of introductions here, including a brand new character, and set the pace quite well with several people laying down the law here, such as Draco when it comes to Pansy. It's a comfort to read that several people don't like her as well, even though that doesn't really quite come as a surprise. Still, it's nice to read.
Great addendum too that McGonagall is on the train to help them out and set them up a bit, as I can expect that being Head Boy or Girl can be quite daunting, especially if you only saw them doing the entire speech in the compartment twice. It's really a good setup here.
The bickering was also very nice to read. In a way it reminds me a bit of James and Lily and all the stories I read about them, and even though I know where this is heading, it remains very nice to read.
I'm also very curious as what Ginny wants to talk to Harry about. I keep holding small hope that she and Harry will eventually get together even if that hope is futile. It's these little moments here that warm my heart regardless.
The ending is also a very nice setup and cliffhanger for what's to come. Really well done there with that last sentence!

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

Thank you for the comments and glad you could still find out some good points!


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Review #11, by BellaLestrange87 Chapter 2: The Shock

17th April 2017:
Hi there! I'm here for CTF!

I think this is a good start to your story. You've done a really good job at setting up the key elements of your story here: the central concept of head boy/head girl, Ron's love interest (as I assume the transfer student isn't simply going to be head over heels in love with him for one chapter and then ignore him competely).

You've also done a good job of setting up the tension between Draco and Hermione. By tension, I mean the physical attraction that they're both kind of confused and disgusted by. I look forward to seeing the gradual transformation from that to genuine romantic attraction - because at the moment it's very reluctant physical attraction and that's definitely not the basis for a healthy relationship.

The cliffhanger at the end was really well done. I wonder what would be such a shock to Hermione that it would change her life? After all she's been through with the war and everything, it would have to be pretty big to surprise her that much.

I think the interactions between Draco and Hermione are only going to get more entertaining as the chapters go on (that is, before they start to fall for each other, as I assume they are going to do, seeing as they are head boy/head girl sharing a dorm, which is a common trope). If they can't hold off on the bickering for that short amount of time they had spent in the train compartment, how are they going to share a dorm without constantly arguing about every little thing?

~Olivia

Author's Response: As i said before, This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

Thank you for your time and comments regardless. The story, if nothing, can definitely serve as a parody of dramione xP


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Review #12, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Ch-15: Of Cliché Romance and Meaningful Talks

17th April 2017:
here for CTF!

And... I honestly know this story is old, but I am continuously frowning at the use of Mi and even the odd Dumbly in between. Your writing has become tremendously better since you wrote this and I'm sure you wouldn't go doing this again, but it is honestly weird to read and even the Dumbledore bit.. it felt a bit flat. I also don't really understand why he'd pull them out of class for such a talk (note there: slow it down with the ... . Comma's and points will suffice, especially if you say that he was struggling with his words) and just a talk.
Same with Snape. I don't quite know why only Harry and Draco get to know and why it's so important. If draco is really that close and he goes around calling her his princess and the dragon's princess, she surely will find out about this anyway, I think/ Especially since the same happened with Dumbledore and she gets to know about that as well.
It's a good thing that you have them working on House unity, though. It's very important, especially when it comes to rebuilding the world and making sure there is less chance for predjudice against many people as well so I'm glad to see that incorporated in your story, and I wonder how they will all manage it. I hope thet won't use the spell, as that sounds kind of disturbing really...

Author's Response: As i said before, This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

You bring out excellent points and if i ever edit it i will definitely keep them in mind! (though i dont think i will).


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Review #13, by Claire Evergreen Ch-15: Of Cliché Romance and Meaningful Talks

17th April 2017:
Hello! Here for CTF!

So I know that this is abandoned and you've improved a lot on your writing, so feel free to completely ignore anything that follows :)

Ok, so the biggest thing for me in this story was the characterization. I don't mind how you've chosen to characterize them all, but it feels extremely one dimensional. Like, Theo is only irritated and Harry is only all proper and saviory. It detracts from the relatability of the characters and the flow of the story. If you combined just a few traits into one character, it would make them much more well rounded and allow the reader to really connect with at least one character. Even Draco and Hermione tend to fall into one category and they don't really step outside of it.

The whole thing with Dumbledore, while I understand where you were going with it, it kind of fell flat to me. It seemed like you were just spitting out words and there was no real emotion behind it. For me at least, it felt like it would have meant more if I could imagine that it was actually Dumbledore saying everything. It was more like someone like Slughorn was saying it than a person who is usually more aloof and calculating. I think it'd work more if Dumbledore felt more authentic.

It's a really great start and I can't wait to get to read more!

Claire

Author's Response: This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

I totally agree - the characters are horrible and i should have totally worked on that. They are a little bit more "Well rounded" if you read some of the other chapters I suppose. And well, yeah I do agree i couldnt write dumbledore. it's a good thing i have improved as a writer over the years!


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Review #14, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage The introductions

17th April 2017:
Here for CTF!

I must say, I am confused about a lot of things in this story. First of all: NO HINNY? IM NOT GETTING SOME REDEMPTION HERE FOR GOING THROUGH DRAMIONE? How rude.
Aside from that it had some points, actual chapterrelated points, which had me confused. Such as the fact that Hermione changed her cottage to a bungalow, but yet she still seems to live with her parents? Or am I mistaken here? It's a nice thing of her to help her parents a lot though, and the ferrari thing had me cracked up too. But then I'm also wondering about their characters because both their personalities have seem to undergone quite a big change here and it got me confused as well.
Nevertheless, I am very curious to as what this can be, cause Draco obviously sees something in Hermione and Hermione is going to try her best to best Draco, which could be very hilarious, if I might say so myself. The comment about the ferret and the fact that they drove a ferrari also made me laugh, even though I can't even tell you why the latter made me laugh.
However, I must point out that I do love the fact that Draco is still the posh kid he seems to be, for lack of better wording. He still talks to his mother like I expect him to do, adressing her as mother and father as father, like it's very distant and all that. Very well done at that, and I am curious as to how this is all going to work out.

Author's Response: Okay, this story is my worst piece of writing ever, and it's unfortunate you guys had to read it. Now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

The chapter is all over the place - lot of changes, I should have used an OC instead of Hermione, the characters are that changed xP

I do appreciate you reading this and trying to make sense of it though!


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Review #15, by Dirigible_Plums The introductions

17th April 2017:
Hello there!

I've come to see whether you've hidden the flag in this particular story of yours!

But first of all, I saw your author's note and 😮😮😮 NO HINNY? WHAT? But - but - they're so good together 😢

Reading on.

Sometimes, there's nothing better than a good ol' Dramione (I'm sure that Ineke is somewhere out there screaming in rage at this), and Head Boy and Girl fics have always been an interesting way to explore this. It's always intriguing to see how the author will factor in the War, have it influence everyone's behaviour and interactions with each other. I mean, it can't be easy going back to Hogwarts, can it? Of course, seeing as how this has diverged from canon, it's very probable that Hogwarts is more of an escape than a reminder.

I have to admit, however, that I've never been a fan of Hermione Grangers who have a makeover out of spite. I feel like one of the integral parts of her personality is that she doesn't care about something as unimportant as her appearance. What is that compared to her knowledge? Compared to her achievements? Her fight against Voldemort? I personally felt she just had bigger fish to fry.

Haha, I know this is an abandoned fic so you probably don't care but aren't Hermione's parents dentists? That earns you a pretty hefty amount each year already, doesn't it? Maybe not enough for a ferrari (although I have no idea what one costs so who knows?) but two dentists pretty much sets the Grangers up already. Add that to the inheritance and daaamn.

Plums xo
♡♡♡

Author's Response: Okay first off, of all the places, the flag had to be hidden here. This story is my worst piece of writing ever, and now when I go back to read it, it cracks me up. It is so, so bad. I wrote it when I was very young so I apologise for the bad writing you had to go through during the game.

I know, i know, the whole makeover thing is terrible. I cringe at it now. And um yeah I was not a very bright teenager haha. basically hermione got super rich xP


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Review #16, by NPE Chapter 2: The Shock

6th January 2016:
Wow. Blessed as you are with 28 reviews on this chapter, and deservedly so, all I will add is that this is excellently sharp and great to read in places. What is even more interesting is that I think your one-shots have really built on the skills you have in observing characters and in your word economy.

I take sixty words to call a fish a fish, so its so refreshing to read someone able to depict so much with just a few sprinklings of interesting words here and there.

Best,

NPE

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing this. This story has been abandoned but I'm glad you liked this chapter anyway. Thanks.

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Review #17, by Disko Duelling the Devil

14th June 2013:
why?why do not you write anymore ?:(

please !

Author's Response: Hey, I am sorry I lost inspiration for this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing anyway. I'll perhaps pick up the story again one day.

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Review #18, by Min Duelling the Devil

15th January 2013:
Please don't abandon this story!!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading. But unfortunately I have lost my inspiration for this story so I can't continue, not yet anyway.

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Review #19, by slytherinchica08 Chapter 3: Some more surprises

15th January 2013:
I thought that this chapter was well done. I'm sad to see that this story will no longer be worked on but I do understand how that has to happen sometimes. So as such I wont really mention anything that could be done to improve this as you wont be coming back to it. I love the dramione stories that have the dancing element in them, I think they make for a rather interesting plot line and help show the two that they have something in common. I've never seen one with the salsa in it though so I do look forward to seeing what that will bring to the story. Very interesting chapter and I look forward to reading more. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you liked the dancing element and such. It's a pity that I have lost the inspiration to continue with the story. Thanks though!

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Review #20, by academica Chapter 2: The Shock

13th January 2013:
Hello Aditi! I'm here from Review Tag :)

First off, you have got to write some new stories! I think I've read almost everything on your page, and I like your writing, so I'd love to see more from you!

Okay, I can't help but point out a few cliches in this chapter. One is the idea of having a transfer student; I think that can work, especially since you haven't made Hermione insanely jealous of her right after the bat, but I would recommend taking out the part where she gets special treatment for her sorting. I was also a little put off by her interaction with Ron; it seems really odd for her to say that they met only a few minutes ago and already Ron is doting upon her. Sometimes it helps, especially when writing romance, to think about what sort of things happen in real life. Usually relationships take time, you know? :)

I think Hermione's thoughts about Draco would have better flow if you threaded them throughout the chapter instead of clustering them together like a mental battle. I half expected someone to walk into her, what with her standing there lost in thought ;)

I like the idea of the two points of view. I haven't read many Dramiones, but usually they seem to be one side or the other or an omniscient perspective. I like getting both characters' reactions to things.

Okay, more cliches to point out. Let me start by saying that there isn't anything inherently wrong with a cliche if it's executed well. After all, people must like to read or use them if they remained around long enough to become cliche, right? The key to making a cliche interesting, as well as making your story unique, is to provide plausible reasons for why things are the way they are. For example, you should provide a rationale for why the Head Boy and Girl are sharing quarters, given that boys and girls have separate quarters elsewhere in the dormitories. Why would Draco be selected for Head Boy, based on his past behavior? If you can address these questions as you tell the story, it will sound like you've really put thought into it, and the cliches will go down much smoother.

Also, be sure to keep an eye on your language. If Draco never said "dude" in canon, it seems unlikely that he would start saying it now. "Mate," maybe.

Finally, I'd advise you to take things slow. The whole section with Pansy seemed a little rushed to me. I think it would make more sense to have Draco sort of avoid her and think about how things didn't work out between them, rather than confront her right away. Also, I think her characterization would be improved if you tried to make her more three-dimensional. She could be more than a whiny brat, if you focused on the pain she must be feeling.

This is probably one of the more critical reviews I've written, but I'm sure you can handle it :) I recognize, too, that you probably wrote this chapter ages ago and haven't looked at it in a while. Hopefully these comments will be helpful if you want to go back and edit it at some point.

Good to tag you again!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

Really, I love getting tagged by you, seeing as you're this amazingly brilliant writer and I love to know your thoughts.

I wrote this chapter ages and ages ago yeah, like when I was 13 years old, haha. I did edit it at some point (a few years back) but I guess it wasn't enough. This story does need a LOT of improvement. Sometimes, I shudder while reading my past chapters.

Thank you for pointing out all the cliches and points of improvement. I actually have a half a mind to delete this story (or abandon it maybe) but if I ever do think about going back and editing this, I'll surely check back on this review and use your helpful comments.

If I do delete this story though, I am afraid you'll run out of stories to review for me when/if you tag me, haha. Sadly, my muse doesn't appear very often, and thus I don't get to write a lot, but I'll try to write more stories, if just for your tagging benefit :P

And thank you so much for your critical review, I can definitely handle it, since I am quite critical myself of this novel as a whole anyway, especially the initial chapters. I value all your comments and I shall certainly take them into consideration if I ever do an edit (which is a little unlikely as I never have the time, and I will most likely end up abandoning this story).

But again, thanks a ton.

Cheers!


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Review #21, by slytherinchica08 Chapter 2: The Shock

7th January 2013:
Hello I'm here from the review tag!

So I really like where you are taking this story with all these different characters but at times the writing seems a bit choppy which disrupts the flow a bit. For instance at the very start of the chapter when you say that Harry is calling out to her, you do it in three seperate sentences which are each pretty short and could easily be condensed into one if not two sentences which would help keep your flow at a great pace. But really other than that, this was a great chapter! I thought you did a wonderful job introducing all of your characters and I enjoyed getting into both Draco and Hermione's heads. The ending was particularly great as it really addressed my attention farther and makes me want to continue reading the story. A great chapter over all! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

This fic is sort of "forgotten" by me at the moment, my muse seems to be lost regarding it, so it was a surprise to see you review this. Admittedly, this is not one of my good writings, especially the initial chapters, which date back quite some years ago.

I am glad you liked it anyway. I appreciate your comments. Thanks!


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Review #22, by Priya Duelling the Devil

12th December 2012:
Please update more often..It's a great story

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am sorry, real life keeps me extremely busy! I'll try to update soon!

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Review #23, by my_voice_rising The introductions

4th November 2012:
Hello! I'm here from the review tag...I have to say, this story intrigued me from the summary because I love non-traditional and non-canon pairings! Sadly they are not taken advantage of enough in fanfiction, I think.

I like your description in the first scene, down to the lilac-colored bed and the framed photograph of the trio. I also like how the language and mood changed when she awoke and realized that she was late. Nice touch, there. I also liked that she caressed her Head Girl badge--how very Hermione, she probably slept with it under her pillow for most of the summer!

Some minor nitpicks: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry should all be capitalized, as I believe should be Head Girl every time you use it. Wouldn't hurt to the check hp-lexicon to figure that one out. :)

So Draco's certainly had a change of heart too, huh? This will be interesting to see! I think it was a bit odd though that Narcissa just smiled contentedly after Draco said he didn't care if her husband rotted in prison; sure she could be mostly over the idea by this time, but I think she'd still be a bit touchy about it all. :)

Good start to your story!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing. I started this fic quite a few years back and though I occasionally go back and edit the initial chapters, it is still not one of my great writings. Thank you for your kind review though :)

I am glad that you liked the first scene, the little details here and there, and Hermione :)

I haven't looked back at the chapters for quite a while, but I'll make sure I'll keep in mind your comments when I do!

Thanks again!


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Review #24, by Tyler Duelling the Devil

5th October 2012:
This is one hell of a great story.It is one of top favorites on this website. Keep up the outstanding work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'll try to update in a few months' time!

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Review #25, by Illuminate Chapter 2: The Shock

28th August 2012:
Hi! :D Tag!

I did review chapter one of this a while ago, and have meant to continue :) Sorry! Anyway, I still think this is a good idea going, and I like that you've created new characters to keep it fresh.

There were quite a few typos and other grammatical mistakes, be sure to look through those when you can :)

But good job!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing! I will look into the grammar when/if I get the time to edit this.


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