That was magnificent! Beautifully written.Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I do hope you enjoyed it!
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
Aww poor Minerva. I feel so sorry for her at the moment. I loved the fact that that one little comment made her think of that nasty memory. I was also very surprised that Lockhart knew that word to be honest with you he always seemed a bit dumb to me, you know. Also I had the idea that the story was extremely vague but I believe you donít always have to know everything in a story so it didnít bother me much but there were questions left in my mind because off it for example why was her father drunk etc etc?
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: Thank you!
Oh goodness, I can't believe you decided on this piece! It's been years since I've even touched this story and it definitely needs a good re-write. Yes, you're completely right about Lockhart being dim. This was one of my first pieces and so I was no great shakes at writing. As to her father being drunk, I was trying to allude to the fact that he was a drunk, but stopped when she was born - however, it didn't ever truly fade from him. I hope that makes sense!
Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
Wow, good story. It's always hard to write about Minerva because she seems so uptight and measured in the book which leads you to think if that's just the way she naturally is if if there a reason she's so undemonstrative. I liked the way you explored how unpleasant memories can surface just by an off-hand remark said by someone as stupid as Lockhart. It really showed how the scars can stay with us our whole life and turn up to haunt us unexpectedly. Great emotional stuff and i totally got it. Good job!Author's Response: Oh my goodness, you have completely made my day, well the rest of it anyway! It is so hard to make some readers and reviewers understand the emotional turmoil that occurs within this one-shot. It also takes a good bit of intellect to understand the consequences that an off-handed remark can cause. And by goodness, you have understood what I was going for...perfectly! Thank you so, so much for the amazing review and your understanding of this one-shot ^_^ Report Review
Hmm..it was nice. The summary to ur story was really very intriguing and it actually drove me to read it. Umm frankly saying, i am lill bit disappointed here..it was nicely written with an enriching vocabulary but i felt it was into pieces. I couldn't really fare out a definite base out of it. Anyways, a charming effort at the off-beat one-shots and good job nonetheless!
-AashnaAuthor's Response: Hello Aashna :]
Well, I'm very glad that my summary did it's job and disappointed that you felt bereft after reading my story. You see, I understand where you are coming from, but I would like to explain myself. This is what I've told one of my reviewers in the past: Each person has a different interpretation into what my meaning was. There are several. There is the alcoholic aspect to this, which is the biggest part. There is the aspect where people like Lockhart say things that have no real meaning, yet they bring up unpleasant memories or issues within oneself. I'm sorry that you didn't quite understand, it really takes some analyzing :]
I'm very sorry that you were disappointed, but thank you for your honesty :]
Shelby Report Review
This offers a good explanation to McGonagall's constant reserve; I know I have a difficult time ever imagining her as younger than an adult, so there's some sense behind her wanting to seal off a part of her childhood from herself and ignore it completely. I'm left wondering how it is Gilderoy knows what he (seems to) know - he's good with Memory Charms, could it be that? Could he an Minerva have crossed paths before, some time when she was perhaps drunk and always telling the truth? Maybe some combination of the two? You've given me some further thinking to do on what exactly is the backstory not told in flashback here.Author's Response: I agree; I could never imagine Minerva as a teenager and I think that the introduction of the verbal abuse really eased her into the 'teenager' mode, so to speak. You know, Gilderoy was always a bit daft, but I found that he was smarter than we originally thought; this is my reasoning behind Lockhart's obvious knowledge of Minerva and the problems she has faced.
I'm glad I left you guessing, as was my intention. Thank you for the lovely review, Derek :] Report Review
Hey, LucyLovegood here from the forums. A thousand apologies for this taking so long, I've been on holiday. But here it is!
This is a really interesting one-shot - I don't think I've ever read anything like it. You handle the sensitive theme really well and Minerva's reaction is very believable. Your writing is sophisticated and the descriptions are great. My only criticism would be that you could go into more detail as to the reason behind her father's drinking on that one night. It's kind of skimmed over, and you would imagine it would have to quite significant for him to become that drunk and hateful.
Altogether, well done!Author's Response: Oh, don't worry about it! I'm just glad you took the time to review!
I'm glad that you liked it! My writing sophisticated? Wow, no one's ever told me that! Thank you! A few people have mentioned that about her father's drinking and I understand where you're coming from. I just wanted to keep it vague and focus on what one night of drinking can do to someone.
Thank you so, so much! Report Review
Wow. This is so different than anything I've ever read before. The emotion that you managed to portray was amazing, and we saw a totally different side to McGonagall.
The ending was very powerful, I loved it :)
No spelling or grammar errors I don't think.
xAuthor's Response: Hi!
Gosh, I don't even know what to say :P Thanks so much! Report Review
Hi! Happy New Year!!! I'm so so sorry that I took ages to get here - I procrastinate too much, really. So I apologize for that.
Wow, this is one of the saddest stories I've ever read on HPFF... you really brought it to life with your writing!
My only criticism is that it wasn't very clear why all that happened. I mean, maybe it's just because I don't understand the double-meaning of it, but to me, it didn't make sense that Lockhart would just yell at Minerva for interrupting him or that her father would call her a mistake for no apparent reason.
However, despite that complaint, the writing really improved the story and I always love seeing different authors' interpretations of Minerva's background; it's not something you see often.
I hope my criticism didn't seem to harsh; again, it may just be because I don't understand the double-meaning =]
Again, sorry for the delay! I'd be happy to help you out anytime you need a review - and I promise I'll be faster about it =]
~CBGAuthor's Response: Happy New Year to you! It's okay, I'm a procrastinator too :P
I totally understand why the story didn't make sense for you. Each person has a different interpretation into what my meaning was. There are several. There is the alcoholic aspect to this, which is the biggest part. There is the aspect where people like Lockhart say things that have no real meaning, yet they bring up unpleasant memories or issues within oneself. I'm sorry that you didn't quite understand, it really takes some analyzing :]
No, no, I'm happy for the criticism! Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
Hey, here I am to review as requested and sorry about the long wait. I've been busy and didn't have access to a computer all last week as I was out of town visiting family. Anyway, this one-shot is well written and flowed nicely, but I am having trouble seeing any parent allowing their child to see the other parent in a drunken state as parents tend to shield their children, even if it is from the other parent. But then again I've lived a happy and sheltered life and I'm sure there are families that are broken like that. Great job. 9/10Author's Response: That's okay, I can be quite patient. Besides, life gets in the way :]
I understand what you're saying, but I can tell you from experience that when a drunk says do something, you do it. Most drunks are very violent and denying them something makes them even more violent.
Thank you so, so much for your awesome review! Report Review
This is a very original idea. The feelings and emotion that you put off were amazing.
No spelling or grammar mistakes as far as I could tell!
I'm not usually one for one-shots, but this was very original and interesting.
Great job :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it and you thought it was original! Thank you! Report Review
Hello Twinsy! I'm here to review, just as you requested.
Wow... that was good. The emotions you portray here were amazing, and they felt so real! You really touched upon the effects of drinking, and Minerva, God, Minerva. It all felt so... real. Great job.
I couldn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes, which is fantastic! That drives me crazy in a fanfiction. Yay for Twinsy!
The descriptions were wonderful. The scene you illustrate is, well, perfect.
The only thing I found a little off was the characterization of Lockhart. You've got the skipping and spacey-ness of him down, but I don't think he would be calling Minerva those names. The only thing, though, I swear. The rest was absolutely brilliant.
Way to go Twinsy! 10/10
- RinAuthor's Response: Rin! *hugs*
Wow, thanks for the amazing review! I don't even know what to say!
Yes, many people have mentioned the characterization of Gilderoy. At the moment, I can't edit the chapter because of the queue closure, but I'm going back and fixing that :]
Thanks so, so much Rin! *hugtackle* Report Review
Heyy, I'm here to review ^_^
That was really sad, her dad telling her that she was a mistake. That's just an awful thing. But it was nicely written.
I think the characterisation of Lockhart was abit off, especially where he seems to be shy at the beginning, and I don't think he would shout or call anybody a bitch. I think he'd just be overly smug and smarmy, although I can imagine him standing up and telling them all about his past. Well, other peoples past, but you know what I mean.
I liked this for the most part though, it was good (:
8/10Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!
A few people have mentioned Gilderoy's characterization and I plan on going back and doing some redoing, so thank you for pointing that out!
Thank you so, so much! Report Review
hollla :D great story, i really enjoyed it. the only thing was that you seemed to have forced the whole 'mistake' thing in there a little much, rather than let it just fit itself in. but again, it was a great idea and i love how descriptive you were. great job!!!
WWWAuthor's Response: Hey! I'm glad you liked it! No one has said that before, I'm definitely going to go back and reread and really take your comment into consideration. Thank you so, so much for the review!
Shelby Report Review
Awe, Twinsy! I love it!
Having come from a family full of alcoholics, and knowing that quite often what is said in the heat of the moment is quite possibly the truth, I have to agree with how Minerva is feeling. I feel so sad for her. I love it though. You've done an excellent job with this quick one shot.Author's Response: Aww, thank you!
I come from a family of alcoholics as well and that's why I wrote this. I just hate the thought that drinking ruins so many lives. I felt sad for her too and I wrote it :P Thank you so, so much for reading and reviewing! It's greatly appreciated!
Lots of love,
Twinsy Report Review
Hi Twinsy, it's Blissbug from the forums, here to leave a review.
So I'm mostly interested in this strange tension on the page between Lockhart and McGonagall. It seems like there's almost more there to that beginning scene then you show us, but that could just be me.
I liked the small sensory details you scattered through out the work, I was impressed at how they kept me anchored and engaged, good job.
The one thing I noticed that could use some fixing was there at the beginning, very first paragraph, you use the word 'door' almost three times in a row, which makes the writing a little clumsy. Be careful not to get repetitive ;)
Over all this was an interesting read, glad you posted it!
7/10Author's Response: Hey Bliss! Thanks for dropping by!
You are the first one who has caught that! I actually wanted there to be quite a lot of tension between them. We know from JKR's books that they weren't exactly besties. I wanted readers to perceive that something major had happened to make Minerva and Gilderoy loathe each other.
I'm glad that you liked my little sensory details! I work hard to keep the reader interested.
I never noticed that! Thank you so much and I've already fixed it :]
Thank you so, so much!
Shelby Report Review
Hello, its SilverShadow04 from the forums (not online 'cause I'm at work).
The story was very well written and I especially like the dialogue between Gilderoy and Minerva. The flashback was also very well written and the way you described Minerva's emotions was very real and I could picture everything that happened in the room.
Only thing to work on would be your author note in the beggining. Its never good to tell your readers that you don't think the story is good because then they may agree with you before they read it and not bother with the story. It would be better to put it after the story because by then they have already formed their own opinion and they can agree or disagree with you.Author's Response: Hi SilverShadow04! Thanks for dropping by!
Thank you so much. I'm elated that you enjoyed it!
Oh my gosh, I totally forgot what I wrote in my Author's Note. But, thank you for pointing that out; I went back and fixed it :]
Thank you so, so much!
Shelby Report Review
Awww she thinks she's a mistake? That was so sad. I'm glad someone wrote about McGonagall as a girl because that doesn't happen too often. That was very well written and I enjoyed reading it.Author's Response: Yes, sadly, she thinks that she's a mistake *tears* I'm so glad that you liked it!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
-Shelby Report Review
That was really great, I loved it! The plot was astounding, it was such a great idea! I loved how shaken McGonagall was, we so rarely get to see that side of her.
I can clearly see the message against drinking; it was very good. I loved it!
A few tiny grammar errors:
"The stupid man was always blabbering about absolutely nothin " I think you forgot the g on nothing and a period.
"The large bed was neat; they had not gone to bed." This isn't actually an error, just a suggestion. Instead of saying 'bed' twice, you could say "The large bed was neat' they had not gone to sleep." Though it rhymes weirdly, it might sound a little better.
That was really excellent, I loved it!
~long_live_luna_bellatrixAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad that you liked it!
It makes me happy that you saw my message about drinking! Now I know I've done what I sought to do :]
Thanks for pointing those out! I never get a BETA and always do it myself, so there's bound to be mistakes.
Thank you so, so much!
-Shelby Report Review
My computer has been goiing hay wire with the spacing as well(though this seems to be spaced fine). I did enjoy this, though it was a bit confusing when Minerva was in her memory and you were describing her mother and fathers relationship, I was unsure if her mother was her mother or step mother for a second, (I did figure it out though) just a little more detail in that area would help.
There is also the part where you said that she had turned 17 a few days hence, which if I am correct would meant that she was not 17 yet and a few days back would probably convey better what you meant.
I also was unsure about the cursing that both lockhart and minerva did, the scathing remarks I get (and they were written very well), but the cursing, in my own personal oppinion seemd to detract from the ligitamacy of this story.
Okay now that the crit is out of the way, let me just say that your writing is beautiful and the detail is lovely. You really seemed to have captured Minerva's rigid demeanor in the beginining as well as told a very interesting story as an insight into her past ;) Good work.Author's Response: Hi! *waves*
Good, I'm glad that it was spaced fine :]
At the beginning of the flashback when Minerva's mother walks in, I mention something about Minerva taking her mother's hand, so I thought that that would have cleared that up :D
Thanks for pointing that out! There's no telling why I put 'hence', I'm just crazy.
Really, the cursing was a distraction? I used it because we know in the 2nd book that Minerva and Gilderoy don't like each other to begin with, so I figured that that anger and aggression could come out a little with the cursing.
Thank you so, so much! I really appreciate the review!
-Twinsy Report Review
Wow. That was simply amazing.
The choice of characters is fantastic. At first I was a bit confused as to why you chose the characters you did, but then it all made sense at the end. I applaud your choice for Gilderoy Lockhart to be the one to unhinge this memory, because he really is such a git. I was a little bit concerned about the dialogue between them at the beginning, though. I was a little disbelieving - it didn't seem quite real and in-character of them, but then again, what do we know about how Minerva and Gilderoy speak behind closed doors?
This was just so amazing. I love the concept behind it. People really do say things like this when they're drunk. One of my favorite sayings is, "Always pay attention to what people say when they're angry or drunk, because that's when the truth comes out." This story embodies that idea.
I don't understand how anyone can be confused by this. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Don't change a thing. It's gold.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Hi *hugs*
Oh my gosh, I'm relieved. Yes, I thought Lockhart would be a good choice. Hmm, I'm going to PM you on the forums about my dialogue. You think I should change it up a bit?
Thank you! I didn't want the drunkenness to come up in every paragraph, but I wanted to bring it across about how things like that happen :]
Thank you so, so, so much! You're just too awesome!
Shelby Report Review
Twinsy!! *huggles* hey! How are you doing?
Wow, this was a very different one shot than i have ever read. You really picked such interesting characters. I loved the characterization you had of both Minerva and Gildery. They were really really well done. It's such an interesting idea you have here with just a job well done with your piece of writing.
I was a little confused throughout the whole thing but i thought it was beautiful without a doubt.
I really liked seeing you use a flashback. You have a very good word choice through this. You seem to have a very mature writing style. I really liked this honestly. Although it was completely random and new for you i liked it tonsAuthor's Response: Rach! *hugs* Hey, hey, I'm good! Thanks :]
I'm glad that you liked my characterization! I was hoping that I got them right!
Yes, I'm sure that you were confused. Basically, I wanted to focus on Minerva's father's drinking and how it changed her life. Mayhap I should put a lot more emphasis on that.
Wow, thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it! I'm going to go back and hopefully make it much more..clearer.
Thanks so much, Rach! *hugs* Report Review
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