Hey again another review. :)
I am going by what you wrote at the top of this one-shot.
I think you did really well with not writing dialouge if you are normally a dialouge-fanatic as you said. The reader is really drawn into the story and the duel between the two characters. I love little short fics that seem to have no point but are amazing all the same.
I think in a story were there is no dialouge you really need to be confident with your descriptions and even if you don't think you are I think they are amazing. :)
Ginny45 xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you! This one was difficult because I wanted to capture that one moment of pause in a duel between two people, and I wanted to see if I could write an entire story based on that one moment.
Thank you so much! Report Review
Hey, this is LucyLovegood from the forums.
I tried, with all my might not to be confused when reading this, as you asked. I can see why some reviewers would find this confusing; there's nothing wrong with your syntax or flow, the main problem (at least for me) was the lack of names for Mr Left and Mr Right. It was hard to keep track of who was doing what, and hindered your characterisation a little in that I wasn't sure who you were talking about. Assuming this duel is between Harry and Ron (as your banner suggests), I was hoping you would divulge as to why they were dueling. This would have cleared up any confusion as well - especially as this is a one-shot.
You write really well and I like that your style is really descriptive.
I hope this review helps! xAuthor's Response: I'm sorry this was so confusing. I wanted to make it as clear as possible without actually spelling out every single aspect of the story. I thought I made it clear enough at the end where I called it a game, resumed. I'm sorry you didn't understand and I'll keep that in mind for my future writing. Thank you so much! Your review is appreciated ^_^ Report Review
I can see why some readers are confused. Billions of questions pop from this: Why are they fighting? Why is the man on the left (Ron) the lover of none? Why is the man on the right (Harry) married with children instead of Ron? But don't answer. These are questions that readers are supposed to have, and this was written amazingly.
The no dialogue thing was brilliant, you did VERY nicely. The tension was SO evident.
Overall, definite 10/10. I loved it. Amazing. Very, very powerfully written. Great job!
~long_live_luna_bellatrixAuthor's Response: Thank you! Okay, I won't answer =P Thank you so much. I'm really glad you liked it. ^_^ Report Review
Hey there, I'm here from the forums with your review!
I see what you mean by forcing the reader to read carefully. I like when characters remain unnamed or their identities are left to the reader's imagination. Maybe readers found it difficult because the two unnamed men were the only characters in the room, and the story swung back and forth very quickly between them. The only thing I can suggest that may help is to describe the men a little, though we have a pretty good idea of who they are in the end. Personally I don't think it was particularly difficult to follow.
However, I find that this leaves me wondering what exactly the motives behind this duel were. Have they become rivals, or is it just for sport? I don't know if that mystery was your intention, but it could be made clearer when the man on the right contradicts himself in these two sentences:
"Although there were no spectators watching and he was really only defending his own life..."
"This was the first duel in which he wasn’t seriously scared for his life."
First you say that he's fighting for his life, and then you say that he isn't scared for his life. If you stuck with one or the other, then their intentions would become much clearer.
But aside from that, I think you accomplished what you were aiming for. The idea of writing a moment of nothing within a scene of action is a unique approach. It shows the underlying feelings that push the characters' actions, which is a part in an action scene that a lot of writers miss, I think.
Good job and good luck!
~CSGAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you understand. I thought I made it clear by the end that they were not really enemies, but friends having a duel as a game. Sorry that wasn't clear enough for you. I understand how you can be confused by those two lines, but please allow me to explain.
By him saying that he was defending his own life, he was having fun, making a joke, getting into character. When he says he wasn't seriously scared for he life, that was the truth. It is just a game. He knows no one is going to die.
Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it ^_^ Report Review
Hi my wonderful adopted daughter! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to your little one-shot.
Hmm, how could anyone be confused by this? I'm psyched about it! Some of the best description I've ever read, seriously. I love that this has no dialogue! It makes it so much more striking and gives the story this edge to it that's just..indescribable.
You've done an excellent job, my dear and I believe this is Dobby Award worthy [if those were going on] I can't see one thing wrong; it was delicious.
I simply loved it and I can't tell you how awesome it is. I'm totally speechless.
TwinsAuthor's Response: You know, I told myself yesterday that if I got one review from one reader who understood it the way I did, I would be satisfied. You are that one. Thank you so much. I can send this one to bed now. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Your praise is too much; I'm blushing. Thank you so much, Mommy ^_^ Report Review
This is a really good story considering you didn't want to use dialouge and wanted it to be an action scene without it really being actiony. Took me a while to understand what was going on, but I finally figured it out. xD A lot of it is sorta told in the end.
"Matching the sick grin mirrored on his foe’s face, he gripped his want tighter, more prepared than ever before."
Shouldn't want be wand? If its not, I'm sorry. But wand just seemed to make more sense to me there.
Anyways, good job! 9/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you understood it. I'm sorry it took you a while but I wanted the reader to think more. Yes, that want should be wand. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll get it fixed soon. Thanks for reviewing ^_^ Report Review
wow! I loved your use of only description. This is a very good thing you tried because you will be able to work on your strength of your story without the dialogue. This was beautiful. I think you did a well done job! There were a couple of places where i wondered what was going on but i realized what happened when i reached the end. Very great job. I think you did a good job with this. Although being a fan of your use of dialogue i enjoyed this as well!
*Here i would put the words you say to me in Japanese but i forgot them!*
Great job and keep on writingAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. In response to what you said in your review thread, the reason why I didn't 'explain more' what was happening is because I wanted the reader to pay attention. The way I see it, people whisper not because they want their voices to be quiet, but because they want to make sure the other person is listening. That's the effect I was going for with the reader. I hope you understand. Thanks for the great review! ^_^ Report Review
Okay, this is clearly Harry and Ron (glasses and scar; always the sidekick) but is it a real duel or not? Are they just "playing" and the underlying crap between them is getting in the way? I don't understand. Please help.Author's Response: I'm sorry you don't understand it. But yes, it is a friendly duel. They are not trying to kill each other. It's kind of like when brothers wrestle with each other. They're just playing. Report Review
eeep...I was sooo confused, I was trying to piece everything together and to figure out which man was which. I still don't know.lol.
I don't get it!! If it was a friendly duel why would the use inforgivables? They would be locked up in prison for using them and they wouldn't use them on one another.
There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes- just re-read it. but it was a lovely read.Author's Response: I'm sorry you were confused. Well, like on my banner, Ron was the man on the left and Harry was the man on the right. It was a friendly duel and they did not use unforgivable curses. I merely mentioned that they were scared of the possibility of unforgivables. Thanks for the review! Report Review
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