interesting...to say the least. I'm still sort of confused about what Amy and...Lily are, but this chapter cleared it up a bit. I like this, its different, i've not read many HP fanfics like this before.Author's Response: I glad that you like it! Its going to be cleared out as the story moves, but its supposed to be a little confusing in the begining! :P
Thanks for the reviw and the compliment, and i hope you enjoy the rest. Report Review
i thought that this was a very nice addition to the previous chapter. you did a wonderful job of showing the true connections between the two and i thought that that was a nice little aspect for me to notice with ease.
your characterization and flow continued to work well with each other. the contrast between the two and the overall appeal of both really helps them to pass off and be as believable as they seem to be at the moment. that is a good thing for this story to possess.
continue to work a bit more with your flow and word choice. i think that this could pass off a bit more efficiently if you try and experiment a bit more with those two individual aspects. together, they make a story at its best and push you to work on improving things as a whole.
overall, i thought that you did a wonderful job on this. you have definite room for improvement but every author does. just keep working on things and everything should work out in the end. nice job on this second chapter as well.Author's Response: Again, thankyou. Im really glad that i asked you to review my story!
You noticed everything I wanted a reader to notice and poited out my weaknesess, for which Im very very grateful. Now that i know them, I will surely try to fix them.
You have no idea how much of an encouragmet this was for me, so thanks for that too! I am also very happy that there were things that you liked, like the flow of the story itself, since I was kinda worried about that more than the others.
Anyway, overall, I am now a very happy girl! Thankyou for everything. Report Review
i thought that you did a very nice job on this. things seemed to stay in unison throughout the entire chapter and i really noticed a nice connection between what was cannon and what you threw in there to spice things up.
i really liked the characterization. i think that characterization is a main worry for many of the writers and although many of them can pull it off, i thought that you did so in a unique and efficient way. the way that you started off your OC seemed realistic and believable and that is always a good sign when starting off an OC. you must have things planned out and well thought out and i think that you did a nice job of starting this off emitting a nature that you knew where this was going.
i also liked the flow of this story. in many ways, it did not seem rushed or pressured and that is another thing that i think that many writers struggle with at the present time. really, this was very nice.
so i think that you are doing good with your characterization and flow at the moment- but do feel that you need improvement in one other area in particular.
your dialogue seems a bit off. i do not know what it is about it- it is not the formality or lack of, nor is it the inner voice. something about the words that your characters speak do not flow with the story itself a much as it should. the dialogue is where a story begins and if that is lacking something that is needed than i am not sure that this story is at its best at the time being.
overall, i thought that you did an amazing job with this. everything really seems to be relatively in place and your characterization and flow seems to be well intact. just work a little bit with your word choice and dialogue and this story should be majorly improved and at its very best. wonderful job on this.
onto the second chapter.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the support and espetially for the wonderful advice.
You are defenitively 100% right about the dialogue thing of course. I always had difficulties with it and probably its off because its not that natural to me... Maybe my strain to make it work shows and that is what effect the story. :(
Well, I dont know how yet, but Im going to make it right somehow!... :)
I cant thankyou enought for the helpful review! Report Review
This is me trying to come up with some thing to say. And failing.
WOW. Way to start it off with a HUGE bang! I'm still a little confused about Amaya's power/sight/thing and I can't tell if James is dead (but I think that's more because I was rushing through to see how it ended since I REALLY wanted to know), but I really like this. I want to know about those little things that you dropped hints about, like what - exactly - happened to Lily and her family, and why Amaya's eyes are like that, and what will happen with Remus and his feeling of foreboding. It's just all so interesting!Author's Response: I am sooo glad you like it!!! =) =) =)*happy dancing around the place right now!!*
Amyay's power is going to be talked about a lot throught the story and its going to be more or less clear what she is by the next few chapters.
I know its a little confusing in the begining, but thats because its not said what she is, I wanted to let you guys wonder about it for a wile... ;)
Also, Im relieved that the description of Amaya's eyes was clear enough... I was slightly unsure about that bit.
As for the hints... AAAH, keep reading, they will be axplained, I promise!
SPOILE SPOILER: Amayas eyes are connected with her power ... and her inability to control it!
I have just one question: did you get what i was talking about in the part where Lily attacks the Death Eater? Was i clear enough? Do i need to change it to make it more understandable? (Sorry, those were a lot of questions! ;P )
Anyway, thanks for reviewing! It's very incorauging!
An interesting and amazing chapter. I love the way you charcterize!
By the way, a typo is a quick mistake made during typing. Taht instead of that, for instance. It is presumed that the author knows the correct word and simply didn't notice.Author's Response: Thank you so so much for reviewing! I really really apritiate!
And i couldnt be happier that you like the story and the way its written! AAAHH!!! Im a really happy girl right now!
Oh, about the typos. Im afraid i make a lot of those, :( like witing teh instead of the, but now i have a fantastic beta (Potterholic!), and she is helping me through, so the story should be much better!
the first chapter has been betaed and it is easier to read and has a few little changes too, if youre interested.
So thanks again and keep reading! Ill try not to dissapoint!
'The N or the O?" -Perfect! It made me laugh out loud (actually)
Oo, this just took a rather interesting twist...
Wait, are Lily and James going out, or just tolerating people?
I really want to find out what's going on, so, on to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thnakyou thankyou thankyou for taking the time to riview! It means a lot!
Im really pleased that i was able to make you laugh!
If you just read the first chapter, then Im afraid youll find the other chapters a little (or maybe a lot) confusing, since i havent used the quotation marks to for the characters speach. The second and third chapter arent betaed yet, so I hape you be a little patiend with them...
Dont stop reading and i really hope you like it!
An interesting start for what seems like a promising story so far. There were some small typos, Slitherings instead of Slytherins for instance, but otherwise it was a really good story.Author's Response: Hey thanks for reviewing, you are officially my first riviewer ever (This is my first story posted)
Dont mean to sound dumb, but when you say typos, do you mean grammar mistakes as well as mistakes in names?
if this is it, then i will be fixing that, as soon as i get a beta (Not really good with grammar editing...)
Anyway, thanks again for reviewing, hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Report Review
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