Aw, I love this one-shot and how it shows just how much Sirius misses James. Report Review
Yup... sitting here crying...
This story was an epic look into the mind of Sirius Black. Seeing how damaged he actually is, and that he actually acknowledging it is heart-wrenching. Even seeing Lupin's pain peripherally hurts.
When he walked into the room with the boggart and saw James, or what he saw as James, lying dead on the floor and relived the worse experience of his life, I lost it. Full on sobs.
We always knew that Sirius was a little off after his time in Azkaban, and that he often projected James where Harry was, but this story shows just how deep the crack runs.
Incredible job darling!
~Moon~ Report Review
I could never imagine how Sirius had come over his best friend's and at the same time his brother's death. Luckily I've never experienced something like this but I always felt sorry for his loss and now and then, when I'm having my harry potter time for some months, thinking about storylines in the series like this almost make me cry ... to me you're story could've happened just like this. I love it!! Report Review
I love all your stories and your portrayal of Sirius is as always beautiful, poignant and explanatory. You capture the relationships between the characters perfectly; especially the subtle love and understanding between Remus and Sirius in comparison to the open exuberance between Sirius and James. I really like the repetition in the closing sentence, suggesting that Sirius has played back the same set of memories for twelve years and will continue to until he and James are reunited. All in all I think you've written a perfect story. Report Review
absolutely amazing.. Report Review
Reading this on the anniversary of Lily and James' death. Made me cry. It's perfect. Report Review
I think you are truly one of my heros. Your writing is... breath-taking, mesmerizing, hypnotizing. I can not tell you how very much I admire you. Report Review
woah. this. is. amazing.
how do you manage to write like this, or come up with the ideas and stuff? i never even thought of it this way, but ts a really cool representation(if thats the word i need?)
xAuthor's Response: thank you! :D I don't really know how this idea came to me. As I told somebody else, I have been known to read the HP books and skip ahead to only the parts featuring Sirius. I've read OOTP more than any other, because that is the book that shows Sirius the most. And with everyone always saying Harry looked like James, and with JKR writing specifically that Sirius's eyes lingered on that spot, I guess it just clicked one day.
Thank you for the review, it's lovely to hear that people liked this :D Report Review
Okay, seriously? There are NO WORDS for this. I am in complete and total awe...I've read this like three times over, and I really don't even know what to say. It's amazing that you could look at a scene like this and take what you did from it, when all most of us saw was Mrs Weasley's Boggart. This really read almost like some beautiful and sad song, and it captured pretty much every thought I've ever had about Sirius before. How on earth do you do it?
Anyway, YOU'RE AMAZING. Enough said. :)Author's Response: :D LOL this story has been up for so long. You are only just NOW reading this? lol just kidding. It's been so long since anyone has looked at it, I missed the change in review count the first couple times I checked my page this morning (yes, I check like 3 times an hour... *blush*)
This is one of those stories where inspiration just comes out of nowhere and takes you away, and there's little you can do about it. Almost to the point where I hardly feel I can even take credit for it, because it just came out too quickly and too easily. Every once in a while, rarely, that happens.
Being the avid Sirius fan that I am, I've always paid extra attention to his scenes in JKR's books. I think that I've even gone through, once, and read his scenes only in GOF. OOTP is my favourite because it is the one where we see Sirius the most, and though he died, I still liked it best. I've read it more than any other, and every time, I've noted that JKR wrote specifically that Sirius's eyes lingered there. And at first I thought it was just frightening to see Harry dead, since Harry was all he had left. At some point, with everyone always saying Harry looked just like James, something clicked for me, and I became really sad for Sirius in my sudden epiphany, and then I wrote this.
Though this review isn't as long as your other awesome ones, I am ridiculously tickled by your words. Perhaps the fact that you have no words, when usually you do, has stunned me into this state :) Report Review
Hey, Bibbs! It's Kristen :). I was so happy you requested me; thanks! :D Anyway, onto the review, eh?
Bibbs, I really enjoyed this. Alot. You're an incredibly gifted author, and I'm not just saying that because I can - I mean what I say. This was GOOD. And to be perfectly honest, I was one of those Harry Potter readers that when Sirius died (albeit, I knew before I started reading the series because my sister was a fan before me) I didn't shed a tear. In fact, even though I loved Harry gaining a father figure, Sirius was no great loss at all, not like Remus and Tonks - for whom I sobbed like Myrtle on a Monday for and FELT for poor Teddy and Andromeda at their loss (which made me cry even harder.) With this story, Sirius' emotions were so potent, I could feel them, and my love for the character grew a little more :)
Normally, I would say a bit of dialogue would help a story come to life, make the characters breathe, but I'm not going to say it this time because the whole gamut of emotions Sirius felt and your exquisite descriptions spoke for themselves, which few stories could pull off. And this did!
One thing (out of many) I particularly LOVED and that actually made me laugh on my first reading was when James and Sirius "get drunk off of firewhisky in his old flat, still smoke gillyweed when Lily’s not looking, just to stop themselves from falling apart." Now I don't really condone drug use and I'd never do drugs in a million years, but I loved your use of gillyweed - it was so creative! And I could picture them doing everything you described too, very in character.
And there's something about the writing style of this that was so poetically powerful and beautiful, honest to God. Before I continue, there is something I want to ask: why did you make your story/chapter title all in lower case letters? Was it for creative license? Anyway, yes, very well done. I think your use of the present tense increased the way your words have an impact on the reader. If it was written in the past tense, I really don't think it would have had the same effect. On top of that, there was a perfect smoothness to the way your long sentences went to the short ones, a perfect measure of power. Like "And still they do." BAM! "Remus and James. Remus and Harry." BAM! I hope this is making sense to you xD. Your use of anaphora and overall repetition were also brilliant; I thought it was really touching that you repeated the bit in the first paragraph to finish the story - it made for a strong ending. Imagery so vivid; yes, I stand by my previous point that you have a mastery with words, to twist them into so meaningful and heart wrenching.
Any criticisms? Honestly, I can't find anything, it's so damn good! Except maybe the one thing I'd probably change would be the very first sentence when you start of with "Memories are a wonderful thing..." the "a" is weak; if you eliminate it and just leave it as "Memories are wonderful things," not only is it congruent with the following sentences but it gives it more oomf.
Have you ever heard the song "Bookends" by Simon and Garfunkel? It sort of reminds me of this story.
Really, EXCELLENT job with this story! I am so glad you asked me to read this! =D
KristenAuthor's Response: When I requested a review, I definitely wasn't expecting to get one so long and wonderful! Thank you sooo much! I read it last night, but didn't have time to properly respond until this morning. I'm really pleased that this has made you consider Sirius a bit more fondly.
I enjoy dialogue a lot, but as this story was more about Sirius's current inner demon, I thought his thoughts would suffice. I'm glad you agree, and it is funny you say "gamut of emotions" - I really did have him all over the place! It is no wonder it was implied he was touched in the head.
I would imagine James and Sirius would smoke a little gillyweed, but wouldn't want Lily to know! I don't do drugs either and definitely don't think it's okay. I feel guilty writing such things, but I try to be realistic, and these are teenage boys living a stressful life, and hey, this is the 70s. I have seen a few others use gillyweed as a drug as well. Personally, I chose it only because it had 'weed' in the name. Even though we both look down on the drug thing, its wonderful to hear that you found these things in character.
As much as I would like to say that there was some deep, hidden reason for making the title lowercase, there is not. It was originally uppercase. For stylistic reasons, I made it all lowercase when doing the banner, but I ended up liking what this did - it seemed to add something, somehow, that I still don't grasp. So I came back and changed the title to lowercase. As for present tense, I absolutely adore it. I wish I could write everything in present tense, but after trial and error, have come to learn that sometimes it just works better in the past... But for what it works for, you are right - it always seems to have more impact.
The long/short sentences is quite a compliment! I don't think I've ever had anyone mention that before! I don't really know how to respond, because I am not sure how it happens - I just write, and this is how it comes out. I don't make a conscious effort towards it. It's a heck of a compliment, so thank you! And I was trying to think of a way to end the story. How do you think of an ending to a story like this, where you know James will never be back, but you still want to leave it on a bit of a happy note? Eventually I started thinking that perhaps I should saved my beginning paragraph for the end... and that's when the idea came to end it where it started. It ended up being better than I imagined - I think it's the perfect ending now. I'm thrilled it turned out this way, and every time somebody mentions it, I walk on clouds!
I think I will take you up on that suggestion, because when I read it over, you are definitely right. That one extra little word sort of takes away from it. I have not heard that song! Regardless, it's lovely to hear people can associate music to this.
Thank you so much for this incredible review - it is rare to get reviews like this one anymore, and I'm sure I'll be coming back to reread it many times. Report Review
wow!... i'm crying! and i only cry at stories that are really good! your story was awesome! i really like the way you potrayed sirius, it was a change from the usual goofy guy that most people make him out to be. you should really write more sirius fics. i am sure they'll turn out to be just as great!
p.s: i am reading "in my time of dying" and because i am very lazy and hardly ever review ( you are one of the few lucky authors i have reveiwed!) i will do two reveiws in one ( i know i'm mean) but anyway that story of your's is great too! so keep it up!!Author's Response: I am always glad to hear that people have cried, though I feel sort of bad about it, too. But it's lovely to hear that people react to it at all! I never thought Sirius was protrayed very well in JKR's work, though I think it's just because of a lack of appearances by him... Most of what I've seen from in in OOTP shows him as slightly irritable (except when with Harry) and downright pouty about having to stay in the house... I don't think many people in fanfiction do him justice.
And don't worry, because I rarely, rarely review or even read other stories at all. So I can hardly complain if somebody else doesn't review for me!!! lol. Thank you for the compliments, its nice to know you're enjoying it! Report Review
This has to be the best Sirius fic I ever read. I mean that. He's a hard person to write. Usually, people just make him a goofy type of guy. This time, I could feel his pain. James' death, plus his time spent in Azkaban, definitely messed him up. You showed it perfectly.
Also, great take on what could have really happened in that scene in the book. It completely fits that the body lying there would be James instead of Harry. Just perfect.
Fantastic story, dude. Now, if only I can make the time to review all the chapters of In My Time of Dying.
-Reyes91Author's Response: Thank you! That's quite a compliment. I definitely think Sirius is a lot more complicated than how a lot of people portray him. I tried to show his state of mind (which was slightly insane after all he's been through). Anyway, I always loved that JKR wrote that Sirius's eyes lingered on the spot. At first I just assumed it bothered him to see Harry dead, but then it hit me that Harry looks just like James.
LOL it is quite a feat to read In My Time of Dying, much less manage to review all the chapters! Report Review
I'm pretty sure I've reviewed this story before, but I thought I would review it again, just to let you know that you have an amazing talent :)
Thank you for sharing this with all of us, I'd recommend this piece to every corner of the Earth- brilliant, brilliant job!Author's Response: Oh who knows, I can't tell by your name, but obviously you didn't use your real penname :)
Thanks for the review, and I'm thrilled to know it's earned your recommendations. It really was just a simple little thought about Sirius that morphed into something perhaps much deeper. Report Review
I wondered that, if Sirius saw Harry or James. That was a nice way to spin it, to change what was thought. I enjoyed this very, very much.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad it's something you've thought of before, it seems like a lot of people never thought twice about it. JKR wrote specifically that Sirius's eyes lingered on the spot, and I always thought, with Harry looking so much like James, that he was reliving an awful memory. Report Review
oh wow, this story moved me. Sirius is still mourning after all these years and even though he loves Harry it is still hard for him to see Harry because he see's James in him. Gee the whole prospect and thought of what Sirius lost is making me depressed and its not even real!
well done, you got to me! Great talent, that! Keep writing!
xoxoAuthor's Response: Sirius lost a LOT when he lost James. And sitting in Azkaban reliving his worst nightmare again and again because of Dementors probably didn't help him get over it properly, or at least that was my thinking. You're right on with him seeing James as Harry, and he knows they're two different people but they're so similar.
Thanks so much for the review, and I apologize that it took me a month to respond. Report Review
Well, I must be going insane, because I could have sworn I'd already reviewed this one-shot before - but when I realized I hadn't actually reviewed yet, I knew this was the fic I'd have to leave your HPFFSAD review for. I have read this several times before, and I adore it. It's a clever idea, and written in a heartbreaking but entirely realistic manner.
Your writing really gets at the heart of what I love about the Marauders - primarily, their brotherhood. The final paragraph of this fic, in my opinion, speaks to the relationship between Sirius and James much more clearly than many other fics that are written about them.
I think Sirius really sees what he wants to see when it comes to Harry. He's a very lonely sort of man, and I think he might have been a very lonely boy if James hadn't existed and they hadn't been friends as kids. Other characters imply that Sirius is living in a bit of a fantasy world when it comes to how he interacts with Harry...but he does that because he really doesn't have anything else left. His lot is a very sad one, and you've hit that nail right on the head.
Excellent work. Cheers!Author's Response: LOL I always think I reviewed something and then it turns out I didn't. I'm thrilled to know you've read it several times (how many HPFF authors are lucky enough to have somebody read the same material more than once?) and glad you reviewed :)
You and I love the exact same thing about the Marauders. I think a lot of people would give anything to have such close bonds with their friends. I don't understand why so many write about Marauder/OC when the dynamic between them is too incredible to ignore. I love Sirius and James both to death, and I don't really know what to say about that final sentence, just that I am quite tickled you think so.
I agree with you completely on Sirius. When Molly and Hermione seemed to imply he was "touched in the head", I think he was, a little. For exactly the reason you just said - if James hadn't existed, Sirius would have been a very lonely boy. I really do think James was everything to Sirius. So I don't see how Sirius could not be completely broken at this point, especially after living those terrible memories again and again in Azkaban.
Thanks for reviewing, it was an excellent one :) Report Review
omg! I love all of your stories, my favorite being In My Time of Dying, and I also love it's prequel (I forgot the name--sorry!) However, this has to be my favorite. I love your portrayal of Sirius, which is remarkably canon. This really goes into Sirius's mind, and it really helps tell WHY he didn't stay at home at the Department of Mysteries. Overall, I LOVE your work, keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you! LOL I'm glad you liked the prequel, it's only 3 sad chapters :( But so far it was fun to write. I must admit that out of both my one shots, this one is my favourite too. I have never, ever seen a story that showed this side of it, so I felt it was kind of original, or maybe just nobody ever thought about this.
Anyway, I'm really thrilled you found it to go into Sirius's mind. I don't write adult Sirius often simply because I have a hard time with it. I did try to show his mental state as being a little unstable and a bit of a whirlwind, but I'm glad you could understand. Report Review
Hey Stag Night, happy HPFFSAD!
How dreadfully (but beautifully) sad! I often wonder how it must feel for Sirius. Would it always truly be a good thing for your dead best friend to have an almost identical son? Would it be comforting or painful to look at him?
The fact that Sirius still sees James in his dreams is also bittersweet. He tries for Harry's sake, but his thoughts are still stuck on James. I can't blame him, either.
Great one-shot!Author's Response: Thank you! I didn't even realise there was a staff appreciation day going on until I got a few reviews from it!
I've been torn on whether or not it's good for Sirius to have somebody who looks so much like James or not. But in Sirius's case, I think it's good. I think it would be more comforting than painful, at least until Harry does or says something that makes Sirius realise that it is not, in fact, James. And then Sirius has shown that he pulls away, quite disappointed and almost surprised. But Sirius was so close with James, I still think he kind of needed to see Harry that way. He never really got to say goodbye.
Yes, he does try for Harry. I think Sirius has been walking a thin line between reality and dreaming regarding Harry and James. Thank you for reviewing :D Report Review
Hey there, I'm here to spread the love for HPFFSAD,
the summary to this fic was just so intruging that I had to read it. I'm more of a happy, fluffy person and therefore this had me bawling like a small child.
Just reading about the pain Sirius was in and how he was trying to cope with James's death was enough to set me off. It's just amazing how you manage to take this scene, which I thought I had understood perfectly well, while reaing OotP and turn it around and show it from a completly different angle. I mean, the way you describe it, it makes perfect sense and I'm going through different Harry/Sirius scenes in my head right now, checking whether it fits. Which by the way is a compliment to your writing. You actually got me rethinking my opinion that Sirius knows that Harry isn't James. An opinion that I've had for over seven years, wavers just because I read this...
So, this was very nicely written, very realisic too, as you can tell by my previous rambelings and I'm really impressed.
AntjeAuthor's Response: What is HPFFSAD? I should probably know this, but I don't...
Anyway, I'm sorry it had you bawling when you are normally so happy! I know a lot of people prefer fluff stories to angst, but I thought Sirius's view of the entire situation was really interesting and therefore warranted a one shot :)
A lot of people have said exactly what you did - that you never thought of it from any other POV. But JKR wrote specifically that Sirius's eyes lingered on the spot. It made me think, because I always loved Sirius, and at first I thought it just scared him to see Harry like that. But then I thought about how everyone said Harry looked just like James.
I've always thought that Molly and Hermione were right about Sirius thinking Harry is James. I hate saying so because I love Sirius, and I don't want to imply there's anything wrong with him mentally. And obviously he knows they're two different people, but I think he just gets lost in his own despair really easily sometimes. Being in Azkaban, he never really had a chance to get over James, what with his worst memories likely being hurled at him over and over with the Dementors.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading it, and I'm happy that it's made you think. perhaps there are other scenes warranting one shots similar to this one. Report Review
woah, that got me crying there.
it's beautiful (:Author's Response: thank you :) It was fun to write, and I'm happy it can affect people in such a way. Report Review
I love a great Marauder story (esp. the canon ones), though I've never been brave enough to tackle Sirius POV--so I applaud you on that. You're a superb writer with a great grasp on characterization for what is one of the most deeply complex characters in the whole series. Brought a tear to my eye, and I can't wait to check out your others at some point. Anyway, absolutely loved it.Author's Response: I don't know why I write so much in Sirius's POV. I've just always felt like there was so much more to him than what most people portray, than what even he himself showed the world. I'm glad you like him, and can understand his complexities as well. Thank you for this wonderful review. Report Review
Beautifully written! Wow, it was really amazing and breathtaking. You have a very amazing talent.Author's Response: Thank you! It was a fun one shot to write, and a different look at the scene that a lot of people may have possibly never given thought to before. Report Review
You're stories are some of my favorites when it comes to the marauders because I love that they are dark and not always Sirius/oc. So thank you for writing the stories you do.Author's Response: Thank you so much, cochran. Sometimes I feel like people don't really appreciate these stories. I don't want to call people shallow, but its like some people refuse to read anything but romance. I've even gotten reviews about that before, asking why I have no romance and instructing me to put some in if I want the story to be better.
Anyway, thank you for this review, and for appreciating the way I write. Report Review
this is so powerful.
i don't even know what to say, im pretty much speechless.
i love the last/first paragraph, so heartbreaking.
this is 100% brilliant.
absolutely beautiful and heart-wrenching.
10/10Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! I'm really touched that it has rendered you speechless and struck you so. I didn't know that it would turn out this way while writing it. I was quite proud of that first/last paragraph thing, for I felt that it did a decent enough job of showing how good it used to be for Sirius in a small amount of space. So I'm glad you loved it, a lot of thought went into that one tiny paragraph!
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! Report Review
Oh. My. God.
This is possibly the best fan-fiction ever written about Sirius, set during the Order of the Phoenix. I always did wonder, when I read the book ...
You did an amazing job with this- showing him as the young man he was before Azkaban and the older man he never got to grow into because of Azkaban. And of course, the shadows of the dementors on his life and memories.
It seems impossible to love a fiction as much as I love this one.Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I'm really glad you liked it so much, I always thought it was such an interesting POV. I wouldn't mind writing more 'adult' Sirius one shots.
Your wording is so perfect - the man he never got to grow into. It explains everything, and I am glad you can understand him.
Thank you for the wonderful review :) Report Review
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